Acceptance

What am I?

This is a question I ask myself every day. In my short time of living on this planet I have yet to know what I am. At birth I was given a name under the breath of a dying woman:

Ruby.

It was a title that a mother passed down to their offspring as a communication device for others of their kind, be they human or another animal with social capabilities. This was something I have learned as I lived my life and for a while I was made to believe that I was also a human. It made logical sense at the time for I looked like them, breathed like them, thought like them and lived among them.

However as I grew older the differences between others and me started to grow. At the age of two months I was able to have full cognition of my body and mind while all other humans my age were still being held by their mothers, only able to cry for attention. It was then that others bestowed new titles upon me:

Genius. Freak. Miracle. Demon.

Some titles held meanings of awe and inspiration, others were dipped in animosity, hatred and even jealousy. My father had tried to shield me from all their meanings, an attempt at preserving my youth, to stem my growth. In hindsight I now understand why he did it. He wanted me to live a life that was normal, to be able to live among the rest as part of the community. He meant well. It was just unfortunate that at the time, my young, rapidly developing mind did not see it that way.

By the time I had reached a year of age I understood the concept of imprisonment and thought myself as prisoner in a society that I did not belong in. I didn't hate my father, but I couldn't bring myself to fully trust him either. It was also by this time of year that I was starting to question my own humanity and with the constant judgments of those around me, it only festered.

"You are so grown-up!" said some.

"You are unnatural," sneered others.

I tried to ignore them all. I told myself that they had no idea what they were talking about. I put myself under the delusion that I was "a normal girl with normal knees", a lie I chose to believe in to make me feel sane. That on top my father continuing to semi-successfully shield me did little to stop the inevitable, only slow it. The inevitable being that I would understand the truth of what I was… or rather what I wasn't. It was the eve of my fifth birthday that the inevitable truth made itself known… violently.

It all happened so fast during a moonlit night. It was a night full of screams and drenched in blood. It was a night filled with terror, pain and anger. It was the night that my father died.

By my hand.

The next morning was one of hell. I awoke with the scent of blood heavily assaulting the air. I opened my eyes to a bloody household and my father's mangled corpse. All around me I saw red and I was terrified. It was soon after that the mob came. A crowd of angry humans looking to "kill the monster". At first I had wondered what they were talking about… until I figure out that it was yet another title, one pointed to me. A monster, a fiend hated by others, one that wasn't human. Such a revelation was soul crushing for the part of me that still clung to humanity, but I now know that somewhere deep inside I knew all along that I wasn't human. My father was the only thing that kept me rooted in the society that saw me as some sort of alien and he was also my only shield. With him gone, society thought it could sink its hateful claws in my flesh, but I did not give them the chance.

I fled. I fled and hid in the deepest, darkest part of the wilderness. It was here I spent years learning to survive on my own all while dealing with my own identity crisis. The question that constantly weighs heavily on my mind even to this day was a constant companion during those torturous days. Those were days when I thought myself to be fighting a monster within me, still stubbornly clinging onto the fantasy that I was a human with a demon inside of me. I created a double personality, a tangible foe to defeat, to conquer in my dead father's name. I made it a quest to master myself, to kill of the beast within in the name of justice like the in the tales my late father always read to me.

It wasn't until I reached the human age of ten where I finally started to accept what I wasn't. Years of living like an animal… living like the perfect predator showed me just how inhuman I was both mentally… and physically. I had finally managed to muster the courage to look upon myself in the reflection and saw a creature of the likes that I have never seen. In human terms I was hideous and this served as the final nail in the coffin of a fantasy doomed to fail.

Now here I am. Fifteen years of age without purpose or identity only knowing the best ways to survive. At least for identity I have a name, but my purpose in this life continues to elude me. I have complete shed my human skin, choosing to live the rest of my life as what I truly am… whatever that may be.

I hunt, I evolve, I survive.

I continue this mantra every time I start to question my own existence. A hunter cannot have doubts, for doubt leads to hesitation and hesitation means death. Death would be the greatest insult to those who conceived me, something that I will not stand for. My mother, whom I didn't know much about gave me my name and my father, who taught me compassion and sheltered me through the initial storm. They kept me from being a mindless beast and for this I will always keep them in my heart and mind. Still, this also means that I must find my purpose. As far as I know there aren't any others like me out there so reproduction isn't really something I can pursue like most others in the wild.

What is my purpose then?

I have too much compassion to become one with the wild… yet I am too much of a beast to become one with humanity.

So where to I belong?

What am I?

Why am I here?

What am I doing?

"Watch your step milady."

A sudden sound. A voice. It is human. I feel every muscle in my body tense, my senses on high alert. How deep was I in thought that I didn't sense this human… no, group of humans? They are close and are at the mouth of the cavern I chose to make my temporary place of rest. I cannot let them see me. Death would surely follow and I cannot allow this, but how?

"You don't have to baby me you know, I'm not made of glass."

Those were two different voices I had heard so far, the first was male, the second was female. The female's voice… it sounded pleasant. No. No. I cannot think of such things, why am I thinking such things? Survival is my being, I must survive, but how do I do so without causing bloodshed?

"We know this, milady, but the fact that you are willing to venture into a dark cavern makes me question your thoughts on self-preservation."

A third voice. Male. Irrelevant. I can burrow my way through the back. No, too much noise. Perhaps sneak my way around the mouth? No, it is daylight, they will see me. Is there not an answer for this crisis?

"Aw don't a sour sport Renny! We'll protect our fair maiden with righteous fury!"

Another female. Loud and brash. Again irrelevant. But what options do I have? The only option left is…

"While adventure is fine I would advice caution before trying to explore a dark cave, at least allow us to create torches to light the way."

Another female voice… Torches? Did she just say torches? Fire. Light. Any chance of stealth is gone. So this is my only option… do I dare? I hear footsteps. They are moving… and not away from the cavern, but in. Mother. Father. Do I dare allow this to transpire? I have just accepted myself as the monster I am, do I dare go back to a lie for my own survival? That flickering light… it's getting closer… I'm in a ditch so perhaps they won't see me? No, my scaly hide is reflective the fire will hit it differently than my rocky surroundings… It seems I do not have a choice… I suppose it has been a long time coming… I wonder how different I'll look… in my other form.

"Who's there?"

Blink. Oh my… it seems they are already here… I feel so odd being in this form again, this… hair… has it always been there? I recall having shorter hair when I was younger.

"Milady!"

Why are they alarmed? I did nothing to cause them-.

"Are you alright?"

One of the humans are in front of me… my vision is full of the color white. Her clothing is white. Her hair is white. Even her skin seems paler than most humans I have seen. All this causes her pale blue eyes to almost glow full of concern. It was something that was somehow… familiar.

"Um… naked lady? Can you talk?"

Ah yes the other humans, I can see them now. The… distracting one in front of me seems unarmed… but the other four are armed for battle. A noble and her entourage… I've seen plenty of them as they made their way through the wilderness with my eyes watching them from the distance. They all looked like seasoned warriors especially the female with crimson red hair. The male with golden hair and blue eyes seems to be the leader… he seems to have a certain… aura to him… and he reminds me of my father. They are tense, ready to protect their charge. Protect her from me I'm sure and I don't blame them. I'm an unknown, I may look harmless, but their instincts are most likely screaming that I'm not what I seem. Perhaps this was a mistake. I should simply change back and use the momentary effect of fear to make my escape I should-. What is this warm feeling?

"You should wear this, you must be freezing."

This… I remember this feeling… the feeling of clothes on my back. Like the ones my father used to have me wear when I was younger. It feels… nice just like the sound of the white one's voice.

"Do you have a name?"

Her voice coos like a mother talking to a child. I understand it completely, for the knowledge I accumulated while living among humanity still lingered… but speaking is another matter entirely. The last time I spoke was to my father… and that was a long time ago.

"I don't know… I don't think she can even hear you Weiss," said the loud one.

Weiss. That was the name of the white one… it was… nice. But should I speak? Do I even remember how to formulate words? In theory it should be easy, but it has been a while since I have been in this form the way I have been living thus far had little need for communication. Still… perhaps I should still try… humans like communication after all…

"Ruby."

Oh my, that almost sounded like a soft growl that somehow formed into a word.

"What was that?" asked the gentle soul who held the name Weiss.

"Ruby. My… name. Ruby."

Hello Reader!

Just wanted to let you know my plans for this particular... "story". I suppose this was more of something that I just wrote for the sake of writing in a vulnerable state of mind. I don't know if I'm going to continue this story, mostly due to the fact that... well unlike the other stories I've written, this is the only one I don't really have a real plan for. Where the story will go, what the story is even mainly about, important stuff like that. Still, like those of you who have expressed your enjoyment of this story, I too find myself intrigued with this type of writing style and I may try to continue this story, but more as a chance to experiment with this type of writing style more than anything else. That aside, thank you for reading this chapter and please be sure to leave a comment if you have an opinion to share!

Sincerely yours,

BloodAvenger42