So new story! Too long it has been. Review if you feel like.
xxx
She smiles in the face of heartbreak and it's almost sad though it isn't because she would really have it no other way.
The first time she meets him she barely gives him a look. He is lounging in a classroom with a few of his friends surrounding him and she walks in all prettyprettyimmaculate, her laughter ringing in the room. Her eyes are sparkling with amusement and he decides that they express everything but feel nothing at all. He tries to engage her in a normal conversation but she sees right through him and she doesn't even do it maliciously. It's just that she is sitting and he is sitting but he has drowned in the 'sea' of people. Anyway she has eyes for someone very different and he is a voice in the background. He is barely noticeable, there is nothing that stands out about him and she never claimed to be anything but shallowshallowdeep.
There next meeting is a few months after this, again it's inside a dainty classroom, again he is surrounded by a sea of people and again he has drowned for her. It's an audition of sorts and he knows he should be very visible; he is the only freaking voice of opinion in that room but again her attention is on someone else and so again she looks at him but doesn't really see him at all.
It's in front of the college gate that she finally sees him. He is standing with his friend and she is walking towards them and off course her attention is on the friend, (why oh! Why not him?). She is smiling and fuck this shit, he is adamant on being noticed. Anyway, the odds are in his side, this is no classroom. They are all talking and his ears are chiming with her laughter. His chest heaves up in pride, she is laughing at something he said, his sarcastic anecdote.
She sees him and she wonders why she hasn't seen this guy around. He is certainly funny and he has a way with his words that not many do. She doesn't quite measure him up or anything, that's not the kind of person she is. All she thinks about is eh! He is interesting, they might become friends.
Over the span of a few weeks, they seem to bump into eachother plenty of times, friendly smiles and small talk slowly turns into more. They become friends, almost but not really. They know eachother and occasionally hangout in a group but she is generally there because of something (someone) else.
One day finally he gathers some courage and decides to end the stagnancy; he texts her. She anyway looks just a little sad and that's all the opening he needs.
'I am worried about you'
She is kind of confused with the sudden text but hell she is bored, he's a friend and she never denies herself a good conversation. They text that night, a few personal things are revealed but mostly a connection is built. Naturally, they start talking nearly every night and she honestly does it in a complete friend's capacity. She recently went through another one of her breakups and she really cannot even imagine him like that.
Friends intervened, off course. People have a way of destroying things, however innocently but they tend to fuck little things up. One of his best friend's and her good friend decides to play a harmless prank. It unsurprisingly isn't harmless. Nothing ever really is. He tells her that he likes her but is too afraid to tell her. She naturally doesn't believe him. But then his other friend tells her the same thing and he is starting to act it. She is confused and doesn't quite understand what's happening but he is there and if she thinks about it, they connect very well. They can talk for hours, they are mentally at the same plank and he has too many things about him that can be liked. He is easily one of the most talented person she knows with his skill set ranging from music, photography and cookery. Also he has a way with his words and he can charm the pants off any chick, if he so tried. She starts liking him, really liking him and then she finds out that all of it was a prank and it breaks her heart. Not because she is really hurt or anything, but she laments her gullibility and she realizes that trusting people is so so very stupid, (she has far too many past references to keep on falling for the same old shit).
She can't stay angry at him not because he became really special as a person, though he kind of did but because intrinsically she wasn't an angry person. Anyway she is already too emotionally damaged to feel angry properly and completely. Also, she justified, it wasn't a malicious prank atleast the intention wasn't and he did actually like her now.
He had no intention of hurting her ever, not even a bit, not even at all. He only let his friend play the prank because miraculously it helped them grow closer and he kindofreally wanted that. He also told her as soon as he thought the prank was going out of hand. He liked her and he didn't want them to start under any false pretence though he later realized that maybe keeping quiet wasn't that bad an idea.
She struggled to trust him again; it was less of a struggle and more of a decision. For her it was all or nothing with the trust and she decided to go all in. He liked her, she knew. She liked him, she knew he knew and even though she had warning bells, her intuition is kind of always on the money and she kind of always goes against it. So off course she decided to go against her intuition, caution has anyway never been her thing. They decide to be something but nothing really because he just got out of a longlongshort relationship and needs time and she anyway has always been a commitment phobic person and this something but nothing is kind of her thing.
It's perfectperfectflawed, they are cute and sweet and there are sparks of some kind. They always wanted something like this, though not really because he doesn't truly love her (she knows it) and she hasn't ever truly loved anyone (he doesn't quite realize). She overthinks herself into being a rebound to him because her ego won't allow it. He knows she isn't one to him but she can be quite blind in the face of things and she is kind of pushing him, not exactly away but more towards a wall. And he hates being backed up. She is prettyweetperfect but she is fucked up in her own measure and he loves her as a person but his love for her as an 'entity' is fading away.
He meets someone else. He doesn't mean to, dear god he doesn't mean to at all, but he does. And 'she' is also prettyprettyperfect but 'she' is a little more to him. He has kind of liked her for a really long time and he had disregarded it for 'she' was taken. But now 'she' is not and 'she' is beautifulbeautifulvivacious and interested. And he knows he may be a rebound and he knows that it might never even work out. He also realizes that he has someone he really likesrespectsadmires but not loves. And this is sparks and everything rolled into one but he doesn't want to hurt her and fuck he thinks he doesn't even deserve either of them. His stance has shaken though it really hasn't because he knows even before he wants to know, he knows who he would pick.
She realizes that he is starting to push away. She can read him like a fucking book and she knows before he knows what he is thinking. That slight nag of intuition is also back. He isn't the same to her anymore. To any outsider there is no change in his behaviour, he is still sweetcutewarm but she feels the coldness. She notices that he talks to her a little less, a little cold, a little melancholy and her intuition is screaming now, even she can't drown it. She knows before he does that he likes someone else.
Hope is a cruel thing and it yields itself when everything is lost. She tries to talk to him, tries to console herself that maybe it's just his nervousness over commitment, maybe he is just scared, a whole bunch of maybe's trying to cover up an obvious truth. He is confused and he is confusing her and she hates that, though not really. She is getting angry and hurt and annoyed but she isn't. All she wants is his honesty and everything wold be okoknot. But he isn't giving that to her and her emotions (what emotions?) are swinging like a freaking pendulum.
He finally brings himself to tell her, he writes her a letter and prays for her to understand. He tells her about his confusion and there are tears because he realizes that he might lose someone he lovesloveslikes. He doesn't want to pick between them because they are both important and his in a different way. He tells her because he owes her honesty and he realizes and she deserves to be treated much better than this. He cries because he loves (likes) her and he never ever ever wanted to hurt her. She was too precious and too bloody sweet to get hurt by him at least not by him.
She reads the letter with a strange sense of calm. She reads the words, she reads the feelings, she reads the confusion, she reads about the 'other' girl and then she smiles. She messages him and she is genuinely not sad. She is elated and that is so bloody fucked up but she was right and for some reason that made her happy. She also knows before he does that he has picked her. By telling her and not 'her', she knows his decision. She realizes that she should be angryangryheartbroken, but she is smilingsmilingcrying. This has happened before way too many times and she really is emotionally so messed up that she doesn't even care, so she smiles. But her ego cries. She has the most fragile ego which has already taken so much beating that it hurts, oh god it hurts. She relishes the hurt. It's the only part of her that feels so much. Her ego is alive.
She forgives him quickly and quietly. She gets over him faster; she is aptly skilled at getting over people, maybe because there is nothing (no one) to get over. Her ego does take time to rebuild itself but she does like always. She mulls over remaining friends with him, he is toxic, they tell her. But then he isn't. He made mistakes, yes, so did she. And anyway she knew they could would be very close friends. It was what she initially sought out to be. It may take them a long time and a lot of efforts to become as close as friends as they could have been, but she decided he was worth it. Dear god let neither of them fuck up again.
It was time to dust that fate and start with a clean slate.
The end