Hi I'm Wolfie, friend of most people. So you say you heard tales about me. I guess they were about Little Red Riding Hood and me. You might have heard the rubbish put out by Little Red Riding Hood.
Some long long time ago I was walking across a big long road. I was walking along. The first little pig was afraid of me. I also get terrible hay fever when near straw. I walked and sneezed every few seconds and I blew his house down. I walked along and I heard Humpty Dumpty wailing on the ground with a crack on his head. I asked him "Who hurt you"?. He wailed back "Someone with a basket which was going to her grandmothers. I don't know her name". I knew who it was. It was Little Red Riding Hood. I sprinted to the nearest phone and called the hospital. Humpty wailed as the hospital pigs took him away. I kept on going and I saw a cow which was stuck in a tree and a cat and dog trying to get her down. I asked the cat "How did the cow get up there"? "Little Red Riding Hood came" she shrieked "and made me screech my fiddle so hard that the cow jumped over the Planet Mars and landed onto this tree". "Then she said she needed the spoon and the dish for her grandmother to eat some soup!" exclaimed the dog. I kept on walking to see Little Red Riding hood going to her grandmother's house. I ran to tap her on the back and ask, "What do you have in that basket"? "None of your business" she retorted angrily. I decided to run there before her and check what was inside the basket so I went into grandma's bed wearing her clothes. Little Red Riding Hood came and knocked on the door. "Come in" I said in my fake voice. When she came inside Granny just had to come into the house's back door after her daily walk.
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You can't know the rest because there is too much violence inside it. After I reincarnated into a shepherd called Little Bo Peep and also Little Red Riding Hood changed her name and lived with seven dwarfs who worked in a gold mine. So there you have it. The true story of Little Red Riding Hood. If you see someone who wears a red hood don't forget to check who it is.