Note from me: I must say the traditional opening to a first ever fan fic: "This is my first one! Please R&R!" coughs no really, please do. …This is my first ever published work! hyper! hyper! hyper! jumps around WHEE! I'd appreciate any criticism and even more I like praise. :-D. Also please tell me if you think I should try some lighter-hearted stuff, or if I should use more plot, or what! Thanks!

Note: Italics indicate either thoughts, or, if in large chunks, the 'present day' feudal era setting. And when there is normal text in 'present day' stuff, that means thoughts, too. Or to stress certain words. You'll get it.

Chapter One: Hanyou

The boy sat, his back against the rough tree bark, arms crossed behind his head. His eyelids were half closed over honey-brown, slitted dog pupils. Those eyes were fixed on the stars, which lay twinkling brightly over the mountains, the grassy terrain, and the heads of his sleeping companions around the campfire.

Inuyasha was not often given to moments of remembrance. In fact, he preferred to block off memory as much as possible. Think of now, he told himself. The fire's light flickered over his face. Now is a much brighter time… A little of his gloominess lifted. It was so peaceful, lying under the stars on a clear night with four steadfast companions– no, friends! His head spun at the thought– and a softly crackling fire. He had never been better off in his life.

The thought astonished him. Yet it also drew unwanted memories…

Slowly, the half-closed eyes shut completely, and he fell into waking dreams: fragments of his past.

He was seven years old, and so small, forever seeing the underside of people's faces and having to strain his neck to see even that. Rarely would those faces in question lower themselves to him. Inuyasha was lower status-wise than a horse, and less useful. Even his young innocence grasped this…But not why it was so.

Why then, would no one around him stoop to his level?

It made for lonely hours, sitting on the porch of his mother's house, feet swinging. Never did any visitor pay him kind attention, not once that he could remember. But today, his mother had sent him out the back door as a few dignified guests made their way toward her residence. "Go and play," she whispered, "and come back when they leave. It's all right, my little one." She had seemed worried…but then, she so often did, that he paid it little mind.

He was running down the dirt path between the village headman's house and the storage shed, mind solely on his tree by the riverside not far from there. There he would play with his ball, as he had done every day since his oka-san had handed it to him. It was his sole toy.

In slow motion, Inuyasha watched his younger self's bare feet pound the dusty ground. The half-demon twitched in his sleep; this was one of his most clear memories from the time before his 'modern' life, and one of the worst; but in dreams, what can one do?

"Hey, hanyou!"

Inuyasha, clutching his toy, turned around with a small feeling of dread. It was a reasonable fear.

The headmaster's son Buru stood there, holding a bright glass bottle in his hand that he was idly tossing up and down. He was wearing a demon exterminator's mask, and had his hair tied like their came-of-age-boys had. Around him were four others, with pretend masks of cloth tied about their noses. Their eyes were bright, but not angry…Inuyasha felt a sliver of fear poke his belly. It was a game, and their games were the worst.

"Hanyou," said Buru, in a swaggeringly adult voice, "prepare to die. We are the bravest warriors of the Demon exterminator kind, and we are here to free the people of your evil presence." He dropped the falsely mature tone. "You're going down!"

He uncorked the bottle and waved it menacingly at Inuyasha, who stared. "Better run, hanyou. This stuff'll make sure you go to hell where you belong!" Someone behind the boy laughed. Inuyasha was torn. Run, and play along with their game? Stay, and get sick like the last time?

He ran, and with gleeful shouts the older boys started to chase him.

Inuyasha began to run with leaps and bounds, springing into the air and gliding for a few feet or so before springing up again. They wouldn't catch up with him!...he hoped.

But their game was well prepared, for with joyful yells of "Die, hanyou, die!" they took out children's bows and arrows, and shot them as they ran. The arrows fell pitifully short– Inuyasha quivered in his sleep. He had especially little love of arrows shot at him, not after Kikyo…– but all the same, little Inuyasha ran faster, his haori flapping madly behind him. All the while he kept a good hold on that ball; his long fingernails dug into its resilient sides.

Run. All he had ever done was run…

Suddenly, the half-demon's knees were weak. His head swam, and his nose ran as a powerful odor assailed it. "Ha!" shouted a boy– Karasu, the eldest boy, Inuyasha thought with despair– "that got him! Ota-san told me it would!" Instantly, the words brought a sharp understanding to Inuyasha. This was more than a game for fun. It was a game for life and death. It had adults behind it.

He turned slowly around, eyes watering. The shimmery figures of five boys, advancing on him with triumph, appeared before him. They were near the river, and no one was around. Oka-san, thought Inuyasha desperately. The last time– and the time before, the time before that, and so on– his mother had come. But now he saw no familiar, sad face, smelled no pink kimono with gentle sandalwood scent. Nothing but his own fear, and the boys facing him.

"Now!" shouted Buru, and with delighted cries of "Demon! Begone!" and "Kill the hanyou!" they set upon him with kicks and fists.

Someone's nails dug into his cheek, and a sandaled foot connected with his gut. He balled up in pain. Should've run! Should've run far and fast away where I'd be safe–

"Thought you could run, neh?" said Karasu, laughing. "You can't outrun us, we know all your silly tricks."

Buru lifted the bottle he'd shown Inuyasha before high into the air. "Now, we end this," he said with the same pomp as before. Inuyasha's ear, pressed to the ground, could feel someone approaching. "Mama!" he tried to say. "Oka-san!" The kicking and punching stopped as soon as the boys noticed the approaching person. But a grown voice, a real adult's voice who was only vaguely familiar to Inuyasha, said, "Buru, be good now. And you boys, too."

"Hai, Ondori-sama," said the boys innocently. Inuyasha lay there for a moment, but he soon realized that no help was forthcoming. All he could think of was flight; and the moment he felt the footfalls retreat into the distance, he was up on his feet and sprinting with an unknown terror nipping his heels.

"Oh no you don't!" came a furious shout, and a ball full of powder whacked him between the shoulder blades. At once he dropped. It was like a lightning bolt spreading across his back, jolting and shocking him, numbing him. It spread through his body, and he lay still, gasping for breath and fighting the tears that always rose but had never been shed.

"Ha! The powder worked too. Anti-demon, you know. Hanyou, your days are over. Go back to hell from whence you came!" proclaimed Buru dramatically. He held the bright bottle– full of the same powder, Inuyasha could tell by the smell– over the prostrate half-boy.

"Any last words for the hanyou?" said Buru.

"Yeah. That's for putting a curse on my family's crops," said a boy, and kicked into Inuyasha's ribs. The half-demon bit back the groan that would have escaped him.

"Stupid hanyou. My brother is death-sick, and he did it!" Someone spat on him.

"Hanyou, you're a freak of nature. Hell! Send him to hell!"

They were in a frenzy now, and some other children's footsteps pounded into the ground– Inuyasha could hear them running over to look and mutter.

Someone said, "Hey! He's the one who killed our sister, onee-sama!" and a girl started to cry.

Another girl bossily said, "Why don't you just kill it now? Stop dragging it out."

"…freaky, isn't it…"

"…half of a demon…"

Their voices drifted in and out of his ears.

Neither one nor the other…

"…kill it! So it gets what it deserves!" screamed the crying girl.

Never to fit in…

"Goodbye, hanyou!" pronounced Buru, holding aloft the bottle of white powder.

"…Unless I make a place!" Inuyasha shouted.

He was on his feet. The toy ball lay in the dust of the ground.

"Ho, wanna fight, hanyou?" said Buru. But he looked rather surprised.

Inuyasha bared his teeth, letting the morning light glint off his fangs.

"It's Inuyasha, human!"

Buru pulled back a fist, an angry look replacing the fun-and-games one he'd had before. He glanced around him, and, seeing that he had support, launched himself at Inuyasha, who was totally unprepared.

The fist found his cheek and drove the flesh right onto his own fang. Blood flooded his mouth as the second punch found his eye. He did notice one thing, through the pain: Buru was fighting him as he might fight an equal. As he might fight another competitor in a fighting contest. Real punches. Real moves. And though it meant actually getting hurt, Inuyasha found the knowledge almost pleasing.

Then Buru's closest friend, Karasu, leapt in. He grabbed Inuyasha's arm and twisted it savagely. The half-demon could feel the bruises rising under his skin. He spat out blood into Buru's face, and the boy screamed and wiped it off. "It got its blood on me!"

"Dirty blood!" shouted another boy, who looked disgusted– and frightened. The whole group of children, about ten of them in all, suddenly blanched and cast horrified looks at one another. Karasu released Inuyasha and stepped away, repulsed, and even Buru looked blank.

The half-demon sank to his knees. He was shaking. The boys were mostly older then him, their pudgy youth given way to hardened muscle from working rice fields. One hand found his upper shoulder tendon and massaged it. It hurt. They had never hurt him like this.

A silence fell. A bird twittered loudly into the silence.

Blood from his split lip dripped onto the dusty ground, making no sound. Everybody saw it; everybody shuddered.

Half of Inuyasha's mind was suddenly whirring, as he slowly started to realize why his existence had so far been so miserable. The other half was filled with pain and confusion ­–and anger.

Karasu took a hesitant step forward. In one hand he held a blade, the mark of a new young adult– he was the oldest boy-not-yet-a-man in the village, after all. It was used for cutting weeds from the ground– but there were other uses, too.

He jumped forward, slashing downward. Inuyasha jumped a spilt second too late, wits lulled by the sudden stillness of only moments before. But no sooner did a spurt of blood fly from his arm where the knife had clipped it, did a pack of boys rush forward, shouting. Girls squealed and littler boys yelled, both in fear and excitement.

Inuyasha crouched on the ground. B-bmp b-bmp b-bmp his heart sang. Blood pounded in his ears, dripped from his lip, snaked down his homemade haori of red-dyed cotton, seeping in. His mind was full of tormented emotions, twisting like knives. Buru sprang to the front of his thoughts. The boy was charging at him…a look of intentness on his features, fist flying forward–

But Inuyasha was in the air before he could release the punch. Instinctively his hand went out, fingers cocked so that his nails gleamed and shone dangerously. But of course, Buru had no time to admire. The nails were sunk deep in the skin of his arm before he could.

Buru stared into Inuyasha's amber eyes, inches from his own.

"Ah!" he screamed. But Inuyasha's eyes were narrowed, teeth still gritted. His hand dug in deeper, and rivulets of blood splatted from the wounds in Buru's arms.

"Ah!" Buru again shouted, and all those around the two came out of their shocked, frozen state.

"Kill it!" they shouted, and there was no playful gleam to their eyes now. Now, they were the self-righteous, and in desperation to protect Buru's life­– since they believed it needed saving– they rushed forward. But there was just as much fury in Inuyasha's eyes.

"Watch it!" the half-demon shouted. "Leave me ALONE! Or I'll do this–!" He wrenched his claws free of his former tormentor, and raked the face of the nearest boy. Blood ran down his hand. His mouth was neither smiling nor frowning, but clenched tightly. He felt no happiness, only a gut-wrenching spiral of sorrow and confusion and fear and anger.

He leapt like a cat for the cluster of boys, still moving toward him. They had ignored his ultimatum, rising to defend their fallen. He felt flesh meet claws, skin punctured by nails. His arm tensed and swept about him, casting the boys in all directions but touching none. He saw Karasu rise up, hatred flaring in his face. Inuyasha sprang away from him, but the older boy fell on him, striking with the knife.

Inuyasha was starting to panic now. I have to end this! I have to make sure I get away! I can't let them hurt me. I have to hurt them!

Inuyasha punched the boy, letting his fist remain open, and the nails caught the boy's chest and tore it.

Karasu screamed, staring down at the tatters of his shirt, stained with his own blood. Inuyasha snarled. "There's more where that came from!" He raised a clawed, clenched hand in warning. In truth, he was shaking so much and his stomach was so reviled by all the blood he had caused that he wanted to pass out and never wake up. He didn't think he could stand a second longer, but he made his knees stay straight. The dog-demon's eyes never wavered from Karasu's, and he forced himself to be conscious. Don't look away. Scare him. Then this can all be over! Kami, how he wanted it to be over… Finally Karasu broke. He stumbled backwards, clutching his chest. The other children followed, horror and sadness written on their features. A few glared back at the lone, bloody hanyou; most stumbled away, toward the village, in tense yet humbled silence. For a brief second Inuyasha felt triumph. It faded, leaving him with the ache of relief that washed over him like a blessed wind.

His ears caught the sounds of villagers, approaching from the other direction. The group of subdued children, supporting the injured, had met a group of adults, their figures blurred by the weak afternoon sun.

"AUGH! Look what it's done!"

"I told you the demon was dangerous!"

"Buru! Honto! Karasu!" Inuyasha watched passively as a group of women and men hustled the children toward the huts below.

"Get it out of here!" They had seen him! His mind was numb. He couldn't move–

Adults were swarming around him. Some grabbed him with hands like iron bands. "Take it away!"

"My child!"

"Kill it!"

Inuyasha's relief became fear. Whatever the boys had meant to do to him, the grown-ups would do, without bluffing or posturing. Without hesitation or play. He could feel it in the way they gripped his sore arms that there would be no mercy.

"No!"

The half-demon twisted his head about, looking. "Mother!"

Then she was there, trying to snatch him from the arms of his captors. But they were farmers, and their arms were strong.

"Miss, best ye keep back!"

"No!" she cried again. Her sandalwood smell calmed him, but there was terror in her eyes. "You can't hurt him! You must have seen what those boys were doing!"

"Eh, they had the right idea!" someone spat, but Inuyasha was released. He fled into her safety. "Look what he's done!"

Inuyasha looked. Buru was bloody, blood streaked over his arm and chest. Karasu was no better, and his shirt was ragged and blood-soaked. The other boys had a mass of scratches on their face and shoulders. They looked stunned as women hurried them toward the village.

He buried his face in the soft silk kimono and squinched his eyes shut tight. Thoughts of what had just happened flicked past on the insides of his eyes. He gritted his teeth to keep from crying. He was lost, he was confused, he was hurt and angry and frightened– He forced trembling lips apart in a smile. At least they won't be back to hurt you, neh? At least I got the message through their stupid heads.

"Look at it," shouted a rough-faced farmer. "It's laughing! The hanyou beast is laughing!"

"My name is Inuyasha," snarled Inuyasha, tearing himself from his mother's arms to face the speaker. Hanyou? Hanyou! Why always the "hanyou"?

The man made the sign against evil, fear stark on his face. His eyes were fixed on Inuyasha's hands…bloodied and clenched. "K-Keep away, demon!"

Heh. Scared now, are we? No more "hanyou". The farmer called him a Youkai. A demon. I will be a demon someday, won't I? I won't be a hanyou forever, will I? Tai-youkai, great lord-demons– they commanded respect. A hazy image came to mind of a father, a dog-demon, a tai-youkai, a commanding presence. It faded, leaving the boy only with a sense of destiny that sparked in his eye. I will be a demon. And no one can lay a hand on a tai-youkai and live to say so.

"Inuyasha…!" pleaded his mother, trembling, arms outstretched. "Stop making trouble, come back home."

"No more." An old woman pushed her way through the throng of people. "No more home for you here, youkai-wench!"

"Hai!" came shouts from the crowd. "Send her and her brood away! Let them die in the forest! Get her out of here! Demon-whore! Spawn of evil!"

"…and never come back!" said the old woman, her firmness etched in every line of her face.

Inuyasha's fiery look slid off his face like water off a leaf.

His mother shook even harder, and tears spilled from her eyes.

"Oka-san, don't cry!" whimpered Inuyasha, suddenly terrified.

"Stay," continued the old woman in a sudden dead silence, "and we'll kill your offspring…and yourself."

Inuyasha's mother seemed on the verge of bursting into tears. She picked herself up, and, sobbing slightly, grabbed Inuyasha's bloody hand and walked stiffly down the dirt path towards the village. He could feel how tense and trembling her body was, how the inheld cries wracked her, and he felt a mighty nameless fear.

They strode past the river and over a small bridge, and into the courtyard of the great-house. There she tucked him into her arms, and rocked back and forth, sobbing, as in the distance, the group of angry villagers followed in their path.

Key to some Japanese terms:

Arigato: thank you…Buru: rooster…Karasu: I think it means chicken?…youkai: demon…tai-youkai: great/chief demon…onee-sama: older sister…Kami: god…

Sorry! Long chapter. Fgur.

Inuyasha's theme song for the beginning of this chapter: "No day but today" from Rent.

A/N: life in feudal times, I imagine, was super-tough, making kids have to act older than they are. That's my explanation for those kids' actions.

By the way, this entire fanfic is based on the premise introduced (oh, don't that sound FORMAL? .) in manga volume 12. I think the episode is in the 30s. It's right after the Jinenji scene, where Inuyasha says "I thought the only way was to carve out a place of my own. By force. And by the time I knew what was happening, I was all alone." (that's from memory not a real quote) I dedicate this fic to Kagome's response: "But you have friends now. You're not alone anymore." (again, not a real quote)

Luvs! Thanks for reading!