You Got Jacked!
Disclaimer: I do not own Xiaolin Showdown…
(Intro): Jack's Plan
"Again!" A cracking voice thunders, the shrill shriek bouncing around the walls of the very evil lair of Jack Spicer. "Again! Again! Again! Again!" The voice thunders once more, this time being followed by a loud crash and a few small, frustrated yelps from the stubbing of a toe. "Again those Xiaolin losers defeat me and take the wu!"
Jack runs a frustrated, gloved hand through his red hair. He paces back and forth as the defeat rings in his ears. "They defeated me…and took a wu that was rightfully mine! How can I Jack Spicer, evil boy genius, take over the world with only two of hundreds of shen ghon wu?" Whining to himself, Jack drums his fingers lightly against his planning desk, then his chin. "Cheer bots!" He shrieks, gathering a few papers from his desk and shuffling them to appear busy.
On queue, five 'cheer bots' spring to his side chanting "Go evil! Go!" Jack turns to them with open arms, his eyes tearing as he enlarges his eyes to look pitiful 'I need a hug…' Instantly they all simultaneously hug Jack. Wiping the blush from his pale face, Jack then dismisses them and turns back to his desk with false confidence. "I feel better now…Good enough to rule the world even! Ha! HAHAHAHAHAWAHAHA!…HA…Heh…" He slumps into his floating desk chair, ceasing his pointless and undeserved evil gloating laugh. "There has got to be a way to get more wu without anymore of those showdowns…there has to be a way to do this on my own…I am an evil boy genius…I am Jack Spicer evil boy genius!" In an attempt to raise his esteem, Jack throws his hands in the air making two peace signs.
Wuya had left long ago, he would soon run out of wu, on his own he could never hope to defeat the four dragons and frankly he would continue to fail despite his superior knowledge of robotics. Jack is left alone, in his lair with his robots and not standing a chance to get along any further. On top of all that, Jack really wasn't really a boy genius anymore…since his last birthday he grew only a year away from being able to be kicked out of his parent's basement.
These facts at last dawned upon him once more and Jack fell face first into a pool of his own self pity "I'm too depressed to come up with anything good…I need a pick me up…Jack-Bots!" Four Jack-Bots instantly appear at his side. He points to the one farthest on his left and moves on to the one on the far right with a slow and mournful motion. "You go get me a soda, you go get my lap-top, you go get me a pudding cup and you go fetch my chameleon bot from the broom closet." They all chant in unison 'yes sir' and zoom off in all directions.
An instant later, the Jack-Bots return with their commanded items. Jack thanks them as if they were living servants, with a false smile to keep their spirits up. "This is just a rough patch…I'll get through it…right?" The Jack-Bot farthest to Jack's right bows as he replies, 'of course sir. You are a genius after all.' Jack smiles…oh what a simple emotion chip could do for one's self esteem. "Thank you Jack-Bot…chameleon bot, program eighty-four B." He commands, as he tears the top from his chocolate and vanilla pudding cup with his teeth.
Instantly, the chameleon bot begins to change…shrinking its form then blending its metal to match just the right skin tone. The hair grows out and the eyes roll into focus as the transformation ends completion. Jack sighs in relief, tossing his pudding cup aside and watching peripherally as a sweeping bot picks it up.
Eyes half-open, Jack admires his work…standing before him in a dazzling blue kimono, long dark hair half down and half held up with an imitation crystal comb, is Kimiko. "Oh Kimiko…I'm feeling so awfully down today…" Jack simpers in his chair. "Tell me I'm not a failure and tell me I'm not weird and hopeless…Compare my incredible genius to the dumb luck of those loser friends of yours…" Jack orders wiping his face. On cue, the robot currently appearing to be Kimiko begins to perkily attempt to up Jack's esteem…but the effects were less than what Jack wanted as she began to state observations he would rather be left out.
'I am sure…hunky Jack Spicer that it is not your fault you lose the showdowns due to too much gloating and not enough action.'
'You are super keen just they way you are…what woman wants a tan, muscles and a guy who's going somewhere?'
The newly updated program notices Jack's expression not changing a bit in the right direction. 'Do you need a hug?'
Jack half-heartedly shoves the robot away. "Forget the pep talk…just go make me a hamburger or something, Kimiko…" Nodding and blowing him a kiss, Jack's chameleon bot heads upstairs. Rocking back and forth, Jack shakes his head as his mind wanders...
Why does this not help? It's because I live in denial…that is not Kimiko…she would never be here…no one would ever be here with me…because I am a failure…
"Jack Spicer…evil boy genius and failure!" Jack jumps from his chair. "No! I won't have it! So what if I only have two wu…the monkey staff and the changing chopsticks! So what if I have to steal wu to stay in the game! So what if I have no friends…who needs companions to rule the world? I need nobody!" Just as he screams this, Jack notices his robot returning with his food. Instantly, Jack falls to his knees, his hands embedding themselves in his hair as he bangs his head against the cold tiled floor. "I will get more wu! Jack Spicer is no man's fool! I will own the world…hold the future of billions of beings, creature and human alike in my…pale…little hands!" Jack snatches the burger from the china plate held by his robot and rips greedily into it. Through a stuffed mouth, crumbs and chunks of meat flying out Jack yells in the direction of his robot.
"I swear on you, chameleon bot program eighty-four B that I Jack Spicer, evil boy genius will come up with the perfect plan to rule the world and have everything and anything I have ever wanted…from that rocket shaped nightlight I asked dad for when I was six to something I've wanted since before I hit puberty two years ago…a real sidekick…not a ghost, not a robot…a living breathing…good looking sidekick! I Jack Spicer will have it all served to me on a silver platter!" Laughing maniacally, Jack pulls his robot to his side and begins to dance with it, singing all the while. "I will rule the world! I will destroy those monks! I will have all the shen ghon wu! I will finally be able to move out of this ridiculous basement!HA!HA!HA!"
8:)…8:)…8:)…8:)……..In the morning
The lights flicker, after all they had been running all night. Tools are slid off of the worktable and into a metal container. Spare robot parts are shoved into an already stuffed crate. Jack holds his weary head up with shaking hands, weak and battered from more than one unintended electrical shock, a few small cuts and more than one deep slash.
"Finally…I have compiled the perfect plan to rule the world…or more specifically the perfect way to plan a plan to take over the world!" Jack eagerly drums his hands on a passing Jack-Bot. "This is great! Jack-Bots…prepare my jet and make sure you refill the built in fridge, it's out of pudding cups." Yawning, Jack crawls up his basement stairs and heads to his room for a nap.
8:l…8:c…8).z.z.z…Meanwhile at the Xiaolin Temple
"Hmmm? I am most curious."
"About what Omi?" Kimiko places a hand on his shoulder as she texts with her free hand. Omi looks up at her, a light blush from the contact. "Kimiko…it is the fact that two wu were activated and retrieved as of last night and there was no Jack Spicer present. This is most strange and unusual." As if in deep thought, Omi sits where he stands and begins scratching his large yellow head.
Kimiko makes a gagging sign with her free hand as she rolls her eyes. "That's a good thing if you ask me. Less trouble for us, and more time for me to update my PDA if Spicer never shows up. Besides that, Omi it's probably better for Jack if he doesn't show…I mean all he ever manages to do is make a bigger and bigger fool of himself."
"Are you saying that slippery snake in the grass doesn't disserve a good wallop?" Clay comments as he approaches. Rai follows close in Clay's shadow, one of Kimiko's games in hand. "I'm with cowboy…boy on dat one, Kimi. Jack's actions in the past are plenty of reason for us to wail on 'im night and day for the rest of his life."
Kimiko shakes her head. Her hair is held back in a high ponytail, the length still reaching her mid back. Kimiko glares toward the two boys shoving her hands into the pockets of her navy sweater as she sits down next to the still pondering Omi. Rai in a gray sweatshirt and sweatpants and Clay wearing his training clothes both sit down with their teammates. "Are you trying to defend dat creep?" Raimundo questions with a raised eyebrow. "Of course not…I'm just saying that if Jack wants to keep the little dignity he has remaining…as well as his teeth…then he should just quit the world domination thing and get a job building useless inventions for rich people who like to waste their money. I'm sure even my dad would pay him for some of his invention pattons."
"That…or a job at Mac's…I can just see the doofus asking someone…would you like to super evil size that?" Raimundo chuckles to himself.
8 O…8:(…8:)…Back with Jack
"Now that those bags are gone, restoring my beautiful face…and I'm rested enough to drive I can venture out to execute my very evil plan. Jack-Bots! Theme music please…"
Hopping into his jet, Jack slams a black helmet on his head and flips the engine warm up controls on. Releasing the brake and hitting the take off button, Jack shoots off towards the only person who could possibly help him get to the next stage of his plan.
"…" Jack silently creeps down the street on foot. Taking out a small portable light, Jack squints as he looks down at a tattered piece of paper. "It should be this one…" Activating his monkey staff, Jack enters the front yard and scales the side of the house. "Here's the window…hope she's home."
As soon as he steps inside, Jack is pinned against the wall with cat shaped throwing blades. Jack lets out a monkey shriek as he struggles against the sharp blades, but is instantly shushed. "Do you want to wake everybody up monkey boy? Slow down and let that cat catch your tongue before I do and cut it off." Jack gulps. "Look…I've come to ask for a favor…" He quips before she says anything else.
Katnappe leans against her wall, the dim moonlight letting Jack see her gray-blue nightgown. His face begins to flush as he stammers. "L-Look…I-I need a favor Ashley…" Katnappe(Ashley) leans closer to him and pokes a prodding finger into his cheek. "What type of favor is this that you have to disturb me at home? I am a very busy kitty and need my rest…cats require a minimal of ten hours of sleep a day you know."
Jack adverts his eyes, shifting their view to the dark ground. "I need some shen ghon wu…b-but I can't get them on my own…I want to strike a deal with you." Katnappe shifts back into the darkness of her room. Jack begins to shake as he hears her chuckling. "Okay, weirdo…I'll get these wu for you…but tell me one thing, how are you going to pay me?"
"Very well…In exchange for the ying-yang yoyo, reversing mirror and the ring of the nine dragons I will…" suddenly a hand is placed before his face, and it is bearing large claws. Somehow she had quickly gotten dressed into her costume while he was talking. "Fine…I'll get the wu and you just owe me one…a big one…kay Jackie?" Jack slowly nods his head, hoping that she really is planning on retrieving the wu for him and he isn't dreaming. Suddenly she leaps to her windowsill. "H-Hey! Whereareyougoing?" Jack whines. Katnappe meows as she gives him a devilish grin. "I'll go get the wu now, Jackie…you just hang out here till I get back, quick as a cat." She turns to leap out, but remembers a very important fact and walks back to Jack. She knocks the monkey staff from his hands and then quickly disappears from sight with the help of the golden tiger claws.
This is great! All I have to do is wait for Ashley to return…then I get my wu and I double cross! I can't believe she just went to get them without asking for anything! She's slipping in her old age!
After hanging out in Ashley's room for almost five hours, Jack had long ago fallen asleep when Ashley re-entered her room. As his eyes open, Jack is instantly shooken awake as his eyes spy her starring at him, sheng ghon wu in hand. "Here is your wu. But before I let you down I'm going to need collateral…that way you can't double-cross me when it comes times to perform my one promised favor."
Katnappe devilishly grins once more as she sets down the wu and retrieves a few items necessary for her blackmail. She walks up to Jack and places a pair of white kitty ears on his head. Katnappe then slowly places a sign around his neck that reads: My biggest fear is being flushed down the toilet. Jack's face scrunches up as he reads the sign upside down. "That's not funny!"
And as he is about to continue to complain, Katnappe's hands set themselves upon him. Jack's face turns completely red as she undoes his belt and slowly pulls down his pants to his ankles.
"What's that for?" Jack begins to frantically sweat and thrash about.
"Just to make it puuuurrrfeect, Jackie" she giggles, looking down at his heart boxers.
After snapping the photo, Katnappe lets Jack down and hands him the wu. "Don't forget that I have my collateral…double-cross me and I'll send this to chase…I'll send it to that Japanese girl's PDA, let the monks have a never ending laugh on your part." Jack nods…looks down at his wu and then weakly smiles. "Soon I will have the perfect plan to rule the world!"
"How is that? Why is that pile of useless wu so valuable to you ruling the world?" Jack looks over his wu before looking up at Katnappe. "This pile of useless wu is going to make me, Jack Spicer pure evil once more! Once I am pure evil… (Jack enthusiastically places both of his middle and index fingers on his temples and begins to make fast circles) the ideas will pour into my head on how to conquer the earth! I will be invincible!" Jack proceeds to laugh to himself as Katnappe rolls her eyes.
Jack climbs into his jet, safely parked and camouflaged as a bush as he begins dreaming about the transformation to Jack Spicer, Pure evil boy genius! Without his good half to distract him…he could really rule the world…couldn't he?
(chapter Talk): Okay…Jack has his plan…guess what it is? I would really like people to comment on this fic, since it's my first one in quite awhile and my first Xiaolin showdown fanfiction. My favorite characters will be in the next chapter together and I wrote this fic for that soul purpose so enjoy the ying-yang goodness! Oh…and enjoy Jack taking over the world…I guess…
By the way who likes my interlude Jack faces…aren't they adorable? 8:))
And please tell me I'm getting the characters right!