The Price For Fame

Setting: Several months after the events of The Unifying Force.

Inside the newly renovated apartment complex that had once been a Yuuzhan Vong temple, Mara, Luke, Han, and Leia collapsed on the Skywalker's sofa. All were extremely exhausted.

Into the room came Jacen Solo with a box in hand. He set it down unceremoniously on the floor. "There! That's the last of it. All of your stuff is in here now, Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara."

"Thank you, Jacen," muttered Luke.

Jacen replied, "Just don't ask me to figure out where it all goes in here. My job is done. And I'm beat."

Luke shot back, "I said thanks already. What do you want, a medal?"

Jacen answered, "Yes, actually. A nice shiny silver one."

Han grumbled, "I'll give you a nice shiny silver thump on the head if you don't shut up now, son."

Jacen didn't reply.

Leia looked at all the boxes and furniture scattered in no order inside the living room. She moaned, "This all doesn't have to be straightened tonight, does it?"

Mara replied, "No. That can wait until morning. Although, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'd be just as happy if this stayed nice and simple."

Leia agreed with a nod. "Though I see that Wedge had the sense to leave this moving party early."

Luke said, "You noticed that too?"

Han said, "Now that everything is here, what can go wrong?"

As if on cue, the newest Skywalker, Ben, started crying from the other room.

Leia turned to her husband. "I'm holding you responsible for that remark."

Mara barked, "No, I will." Mara started to get up while her husband stayed still on the sofa. "No, Luke, don't get up. I'll tend to our son. I only went through the pain of giving birth to him while I was suffering through a Vong disease."

"What? Oh, thanks, Mara."

Mara rolled her eyes. "Don't mention it, Farmboy."

Han cried, "Hey, why does that baby get all the attention? I didn't see him helping with the move."

Mara said emphatically, "Leave Ben out of it! If you so much as breathe on him, I'll skin you alive, and that's not a euphemism."

"Wonderful imagery, Aunt Mara," Jacen remarked..

Before Mara reached the hallway, out came Jaina. "Mara, were you on the Leti Rediman Show?"

Mara sighed, "Yeah, it's true. Now tell me who blabbed so I can go cut his head off."

"No one told me. Look what I found." She was holding up a holovid.

Mara wearily stared at her niece and said, "Yes, Jaina, it's a holovid. It's a new technology that's going to sweep the galaxy."

"Oh, Jedi sarcasm. I'm wounded. No, seriously, this disc has the name Leti Rediman labeled on it."

Both Luke and Mara groaned at the same time. Mara cried out, "I'm going to kill you, Skywalker."

"Not the first time I've heard that from you."

"And it won't be the last."

Leia asked, surprised, "You kept that recording?"

Luke answered, "I thought I lost it on purpose."

Han recalled, "I remember when you two were on that show. It was shortly after your wedding. Funny stuff. I remember some of the Top Ten List."

Mara said, "Our price for fame." Ben wailed louder. "Excuse me, but my son is crying." She disappeared around the corner of the hallway.

Jaina said, "Jacen and I were too young then to watch it."

Jacen said, "Yeah, it was on too late."

Luke tried to change the subject when he asked the twins, "You two aren't serious about fixing diner, are you?"

Han cut in, "I don't know whether to mark that down as 'exceptionally daring' or 'unusually stupid'."

"Sure," Jacen answered. "What's the comlink code for that Corellian take out place?"

Han said dreamily, "Oh, I could so eat a double ronto burger right now."

Jacen offered, "Get your orders to me and I'll call them in."

Jaina warned her brother, "They charge extra for delivery."

Jacen uttered, "Let me count the ways how I don't care."

Han said proudly, "Spoken like a true Solo."

Jaina beamed. "We can watch the show while we eat!"

Luke groaned, "You sure? It's kind of corny. Plus, that recording isn't the whole show. It just has Mara and I on it."

Leia said, "So what? I think it's a great idea. We need some fun and laughter after what we've been through the last five years."

Knowing her unspoken words hinted toward her deceased son, Han put an arm around his wife. "Yeah, we need to laugh. Let's call in the food first, Jacen."

Mara came in carrying baby Ben while he was downing a bottle. She sat down near Luke. She asked, "We're watching this?"

Luke shrugged and said, "Apparently."

Jacen had ordered their food and it was received in no time. As they wolfed down their food, Jaina brought out the holo-projector and popped in the holovid. She pressed play.

The Leti Rediman Show - Dated 11 ABY

Applause

Leti Rediman: Welcome back, kiddies! Did you have fun during the commercial break? I know I did. Didn't you, Keeli?

Keeli Tej: Yes, fun times.

Leti: I'm sorry. I forgot. Over there is our bandleader and favorite Sullustian, Keeli Tej.

Keeli plays an improvised tune on keypedals.

Leti: Hey, I wonder if the Skywalkers know how to cook a fhatia.

Keeli: I don't know.

Leti: I'm going to ask them when they come out. You know, they could cook in between missions.

Keeli: They probably have all types of food.

Leti: You think? Hope they don't try the fried Jawa! Yeeeee.

Audience laughs.

Leti (in deep voice): Uh, can I have the fried Jawa? Hold the tomo spice. That can't be good.

Keeli: No, it doesn't sound good.

Leti: No sireee! (Holds up piece of flimsi) Ok, folks, I have right here in my hand the Top Ten List.

Audience cheers.

Leti: Tonight, we have Top Ten Things Overheard At the Skywalker's Wedding Reception. Ohhh, boy. Talk about staying on the latest topic. Our guests on the show tonight, in case you haven't heard...if you've been covered in a snow drift on Hoth, is the hero of the Rebellion and the right hand woman of the ex-Emperor himself. Seems they got themselves hitched. You may have seen it. It was, when, last week I believe.

Keeli: Newlyweds, they are.

Leti: That's right. The two figures from opposing sides get themselves married. How...how...how does this happen?

Keeli: No clue.

Leti: I'm going to ask that, too, when they come out.

Keeli: That and how to cook fhatia.

Leti: I'm betting she does. I'm willing to bet that she can cook better than some farm boy on Tatooine. Our hero of the Rebellion can't cook worth a damn, folks! That's right. I said it right here. Ok, the Top Ten Things Overheard At the Skywalker's Wedding Reception. Here we go.

Keeli plays a drum roll.

10. Did Luke know he was actually kissing his sister like that?

9. Hide the thermal detonators–Mara's cracked a nail!

8. I guess we won't need those Emperor's Hand Reunion invitations now.

7. Don't give that one-armed Wampa anymore Correlian ale!

6. Hey, Luke, when are you going to pick up these power converters?

5. BEEP DEEP DOOP BEEP BEEP BOP -Translated, R2 D2 said to watch out for the spiked lube oil!

4. Smuggle this, Talon Karrde!

3. Was that your lightsaber going off, or were you just glad to see me?

2. Hey, get that Tuskin Raider out of here–he's a wedding crasher!

And the number one Thing Overheard At the Skywalker's Wedding Reception

1. I do....promise not to kill you!

Audience cheers

Leti: Ok, folks, you know 'em, you love 'em. The metaphoric union of the Rebellion and the Empire. Here are Luke and Mara Jade Skywalker!

Audience cheers as Luke and Mara come on stage and sit beside Leti's desk. The audience stays standing for an ovation and screams.

Leti: (after the crowd dies down) Wow, how about that?

Luke: Thank you.

Leti: So, first off, congratulations on your nuptials.

Luke: Thank you. It's great to be here.

Mara: Before you ask, I have no clue how to fix fhatia.

Leti: Ah, no clue.

Mara: I know it's a fish from Tepasi.

Leti: Knowing is half the battle.

Luke: And I can't cook either.

Leti: So, neither of you can cook?

Mara: Not very well.

Leti: You know what this means?

Luke: What?

Leti: I lost the bet. What do you do for meals, then.

Mara: There's this thing called take out.

Leti (to the camera): You heard it here, folks. The most famous couple gets take out! (Back to Luke and Mara) I guess you don't have time to cook, then, with all your missions.

Mara: No time to cook, nor any time to learn how.

Leti: All right, then. Now, we all know the story of your backgrounds. How in the world did you two meet?

Mara: It was definitely a kill or be killed situation.

Leti: Don't tell me you were the victim.

Mara: Victims run off and hide. Prey runs off and hides. But I'm not a victim. And I'm not prey.

Luke: The first time I ever laid eyes on her she had her blaster pointed at me.

Leti: So you have a typical man and woman relationship.

Audience laughs.

Luke: I don't know about that.

Leti: Well, you got over her pointing the blaster at you, right?

Mara: Actually, I was the one who got over pointing it at him. See, I had been trained up till then to not allow emotional ties. I had no family to speak of, so I closed myself off to everything except my work. And Luke broke through those barriers and I eventually fell in love with him.

Luke: And it only took a decade.

Leti: Took long enough. Well, as you may know, there is a holo-drama about your lives premiering next week.

Mara (groans): Don't remind me.

Luke: We know of it. I don't know how realistic it will portray us.

Leti: We'll see for ourselves. We have a clip. You know what we'll be seeing?

Luke: I think this is the scene where Mara comes to visit my Jedi Academy and she has some concerns.

Leti: Let's see. Here we go. Scenes from The Farmboy and the Hand, coming next week.

Shows clip

Actor playing Luke: You can learn a lot here, Mara.

Actor playing Mara: I'm not sure you can teach me anything I don't already know, Skywalker. I have been trained in the Force.

Luke: By a Sith Lord.

Mara: I know, but...

Luke: What, Mara?

Mara: The other reason I came in person, is that occasionally–for some unknown reason–I almost look forward to seeing you, Skywalker. Not often...but there are times.

Luke: I enjoy those times.

Clip ends

Audience cheers.

Mara: We're not that dramatic.

Leti: Yes, but you have to acknowledge your fans. They eat this mush up.

The audience screams and cheers.

Leti: Let me ask you, then, what do you see your relationship as? Do you see yourselves as the ultimate Jedi couple, or just a normal one?

Mara: I think we have a normal relationship, more than anyone realizes. We're not special just because we're Jedi. I don't want that kind of special treatment.

Luke: Well, what happens if you need a diplomat who can also practice philosophy, fight with a lightsaber, and levitate small objects? Who else are you going to call but us?

Leti: That's true. Speaking of levitating objects, I've got this old Sinear landspeeder in my back yard that I can't move. You think you can help?

Luke: We're not exactly for rent, Leti.

Leti: Well, that's not fair.

Mara: Nonsense. I always play fair. Exactly as fair as my opponents.

Leti: Fair enough. Well, I wish you good luck in your marriage, and in those missions to save the galaxy. My stars, where would we be without you?

Mara: Probably rotting away with the Empire.

Leti: Excuse me. (Waves to the camera) Good night, Remnant Empire! (Back to Luke and Mara) Ok, next time, we'll cook some fhatia.

Mara (thumbs to Luke): Getting this one to cook should be easy.

Luke: Oh, come now. When have I ever made anything easy for you?

Mara: That's my line, dear.

Leti: Aren't they a cute couple? Luke and Mara Jade Skywalker, ladies and gentlemen!

Audience cheers.

Leti: We'll be right back with Stupid Alien Tricks!

End of holovid

They all stretched out after the holovid ended.

"That was funny," cried Jacen. "'Can I get some fried Jawa?'"

Jaina remarked, "That Top Ten list was hilarious."

Luke said, "Yeah, that wasn't that bad. What do you think, Mara?"

Mara simply turned to her husband directly and stated, "Darling, I love you, you are my life and my light. If you ever do this to me again, I will vape you where you stand."

The end