A/N: I am going straight to hell for this. Numisma-sama is going to beat me with a logging chain, and in a non-kinky way. Damn all the luck. Straight to hell, I tell you. Please don't take any of this seriously. It will never happen. I know it won't. But wow, I wish it would. Yet again, straight to hell, sent there by Numisma-sama...

But wow, what fun I've had.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, I do not own Umezu-san (feel my overwhelming sorrow! just one day, that's all I'm asking for, ONE DAY AND HIS RIDING CROP). I do not own Movie House Hanyou (I would be happy just having THOSE mentals in my head). I do, vaguely, own this little piece of crap. And I'm going to hell for it.

It was a gray day, cold and dreary. Dark clouds covered the sky, swollen and threatening to spill over with rain. Inuyasha tilted his head up, glowering at the sky for a moment as he walked, his booted feet clopping on the nearly empty sidewalk.

He tugged irritably at his bandana, a scowl firmly in place. He had been on edge all day (not helped within the least by Kagome), and it seemed he was getting paranoid in his old age. He could swear he was being followed.

He snorted out a "Keh", walking faster, his eyes narrowing. Had there been a person in front of him, said person probably would have gone straight into flames from that look alone.

A swift roll of his neck cracked it, and he curled his fingers, feeling the knuckles crack and pop.

Then he heard it: a faint giggle, feet skittering on the concrete behind him. Not even his hanyou reflexes were enough to save him when a small body came hurling at him, arms locking around his neck as he tumbled to the ground.

"GODDAMNIT!" he snarled, shoving viciously at the girl that had him in a death grip. Insane giggling that sounded almost like cackling followed his words, and he bared his fangs.

"I'm touching Umezu-san!" the girl squealed, long curls of hair falling about her face as a pair of glasses slipped down her nose. Inuyasha stared at her for a moment before trying to push her off again.

"Get the fuck off me, you crazy bitch!" The girl just clung to him tighter and began to twitter.

"Bitch! He called me bitch! Life is so, so sweet" One hand curled firmly into his shirt, the other yanking frantically at his bandana. He growled and tried to kick her off him, to avail. The bandana came off, and that was when all hell broke loose.

The girl shrieked, causing his ears to flatten against his head, before her hands locked onto his ears, her eyes rolling back in her head.

"Touching…the ears…"

"GODDAMNIT, CAT, GET THE FUCK OFF UMEZU!"

The girl, apparently Cat, let out a soft whimper, her lower lip poking out. "B-But Numisma-sama…"

"NOW!" A woman came striding up, barking her order out at Cat, grabbing her by the back of her collar and hauling her off.

"I'm sorry! But…but the ears…and…and the piercings. It was too much for me…" Cat muttered as she stood, scuffing the toe of her shoe into the ground.

Inuyasha jumped to his feet, growling threateningly. "The fuck is going on here!?"

"I told you, you can only have him on Wednesdays at 2:47 in the morning!" Numisma snapped, one hand flashing out and thumping Cat on the back of the head. "Baka, it's only 12:47 in the afternoon! Just wait!"

"Fine, but only if there is a riding crop involved."

Numisma sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "At this point, I don't fucking care. Just please leave me out of whatever you do to him." She paused before eyeing Cat. "You know, you're going to end up scarring him worse than Kikyou did."

"Yeah, I know. Great, huh?" Cat leered before turning and scampering away, cackling to herself.

"The fuck is she!?" Inuyasha snarled out, hands clinching at his sides. Numisma sighed, shaking her head.

"I found her on the side of the road." she muttered before walking off, leaving Inuyasha to scowl at the air in front of him.

Goddamnit. This was just not his day.

A/N2: Hell. Straight to hell.