Wort
Warning: The following story is rated T for some coarse language and may not be suitable to young children. Viewer discretion is advised.
The sun rises in the horizon and the silhouette of an Elite appears walking in the distance. He continuously stares at the ground, as if scanning it. He spots a shiny object, picks it up, and places it in his rucksack he has slung over his back. He continues searching.
This is the story of two Elite brothers named Lyti and Ferc 'Mantakar. They are Sangheili minors that are part of a squad that guards Covenant controlled Earth colonies until they are glassed. Since their job is so boring, they often get into hijinks which lead them into to trouble.
And now, their story begins…
Chapter 1: Souvenirs
Lyti returns to base and opens the door to his and Ferc's private quarters. It was private due to them playing pranks on the rest of the squad during their sleep in the regular barracks. "Hey Ferc," Lyti said. "I am back, and I have brought some stuff with me too." Ferc looks up from the comic book he is reading, stands up, then walks over to Lyti's bag of things. He reaches his hand into the bag and pulls out a black rectangle box with two dials, a meter, and area of small holes. "What is this?" Ferc asked. "I believe that is what the humans call a "radio". You receive electromagnetic waves called radio waves which contain media including music, news, or even talk shows." Ferc turns the dial slightly to the right and with a click, the radio sparks to life.
At first, there was nothing but static, but as he turned the other dial to the left, he heard something. He adjusted it until he could hear it clearly. He heard a male human saying wort constantly but in different tones and pitches. "What is this "wort" that the human is talking about?" he asked. "Oh don't worry, I can fix that." Lyti said. He went back to the bag and pulled out a human translator, but modified for Covenant use. He connected it to the back of the radio and finally they could understand what the human was saying. The human was singing, "Carry on My Wayward Son" along with the band playing in the background. "Hey, this sounds nice, almost like a song." Ferc said. "It is a song idiot." Lyti replied. "Oh." Lyti and Ferc continued fiddling with the stuff from the bag and found a bigger black box but instead with a glass screen and buttons below. "What is this?" Ferc asked. "That is called a "TV", in which humans can actually watch media and that if you watch too much you become what the humans call a "couch potato". The media streams through this black tube that connects to the back. Now where does the other end go?" Lyti and Ferc searched until they found the correct outlet from the wall and connect the tube to it. Once Lyti connected another translator to the TV, they were watching human TV shows in no time.
After about a few hours, the squad leader knocked on the door. "Open up!" he demaned. Lyti walked over to the door and opened it, only to be staring face to face with the extremely angry major. "You two were supposed to be on patrol hours ago! What have you been doing?!" he yelled in Lyti's face. "Woah, calm down dog. Are you trying to fizzle with my dizzle yo?" Lyti replied. "What?! What are you saying?!" "Oh, sorry, Ferc and I have just been watching some human television and there is this one guy on this channel called Comedy Central who talks in this weird way so I figured…." "What you figured, is that you and minor Ferc are going to clean the latrines for the rest of the day!" "But.." "NO BUTS!!!" Lyti and Ferc laughed hysterically at what the major had just said. "What is so funny?!" the major asked. "You said butt!" Ferc replied. They continued laughing. The major stormed out of the room, furious. Yeah sure, they still had to clean the bathrooms, but the major forgot, was that Lyti and Ferc are the ultimate pranksters.