A TANGLED WEB Part 3: WHEN IN GREECE…
By Charlie Nelson
(This is a rewrite – It was originally written almost 20 years ago. Mostly, I am correcting grammatical errors and tweaking some parts of the story.)
Disclaimer:I do not own any of the characters written in this story. All major characters are owned by rich corporations and I am just borrowing them for this story. Also, I am not making any money by writing this story. I write this for the fun of it as well as to better my creative instinct and grammatical skills.
Classification: Crossover
I think I should explain that part of what I am trying to do with this story is to mix as many storylines together as possible and still make it interesting and true to the characters. The challenge to myself is to effectively blend some old sci-fi with some new sci-fi shows. At least some of those that I am familiar with.
This story will include many crossovers starting with Doctor Who, Sliders and Star Trek. Star Trek will always be the main contributor in these stories. This part of my story will also star SeaQuest, the A-Team and a sort of cameo appearance from Mystery Science Theater 3000. If anyone is unfamiliar with any of these shows I recommend that they look them up on the Internet. It will help, and the information is out there on them. Think of it as a learning experience.
The recipient of this Borg invasion will be Ancient Greece, home setting for the show Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess. There will be mythological creatures like centaurs and Greek gods involved, etc etc. I will try to explain each one as I go. Hercules is a half-god who goes around helping people in ancient Greece. Iolaus is Herc's sidekick, best friend and a good fighter. Xena was once one of the most terrible warlords around, but is now trying to amend for her bad years by helping others. Gabrielle is Xena's best friend who started as a runaway village girl, became a bard and later a part-time Amazon queen. Joxer lives in visions of grandeur of his heroic feats. In reality he is a klutz and the comic relief who often tags along with Zena and Hercules. As for the rest, I'll fill you in as I go. This timeline is before Dahok entered the picture so Solan is still alive, Ephiny is still regent for the Amazons and you should be able to figure out the rest of it.
A-Team: Not exactly a sci-fi related material, but then again, consider all the bullets that they shoot every episode and never hit anyone. And there is also the fact that they always put together these devices from whatever is lying around with more creativity than MacGyver. The history of how the team came to be is mentioned in the story so you will have to read about it there. Colonel Hannibal Smith, a brilliant strategist and master of disguise, is the leader of the team. Sergeant B.A. Baracus, (played by Mr. T) a muscle-bound fighting machine with a mohawk haircut and mean attitude but a soft heart for kids. Lieutenant Templeton 'The Face-Man' Peck, said to be able to scrounge for anything needed almost anywhere and a pursuer of the ladies. 'Howlin' Mad' Murdock, the pilot, escapes from the VA hospital where he is incarcerated for reasons of insanity (viewers of the show believe he is actually faking being insane just to get the attention - which actually sounds kind of insane) and he breaks out continually to help the team whenever needed. The premise of the show is that even though they are wanted by the military, they hire themselves out to help those that can't get any help.
SeaQuest: The SeaQuest was a top of the line experimental ocean vehicle created in 2018 originally intended as a military and scientific research vessel. Years later after its return from a space expedition (don't ask) the ship took on new crewmates and a new captain. The years had changed Earth so the SeaQuest was now just a military vessel. The main characters I am using are Lt. Tim O'Neill, Tony Piccolo, and Dagwood. You can learn more about them in the story.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: I describe the show in the story, so I won't explain it here. It was painful enough the first time. Tom Servo and Crow are the only characters that I use for any length of time, so I will mention them. Servo and Crow are two insane robot puppets who have spent too much time watching bad horror and science fiction movies.
I will try to make everything clear and interesting as possible. Please send e-mail with advice on how to better my writing style and story. I do not claim to be a great writer, but with good critiquing I can become a better one.
Sidenote: Love the reviews. Keep them coming.
Warning: There will be some character deaths.
A TANGLED WEB Part 3: WHEN IN GREECE…
By Charlie Nelson
DEEP SPACE NINE ORBITING OVER EARTH
QUARK'S BAR
The bar had filled with people as almost everyone on the station came to see and greet the five people who had returned from stopping an advancement of the Borg into another parallel universe. Only three of the five were currently there and of those three only one was showing signs of enjoying himself.
"Dad, you were great!"
Rom stared at the six glowing shimmering panels on the wall. "I had no idea you were watching us." After a moment's contemplation he leaned over to his wife and whispered, "I didn't do anything embarrassing, did I?"
Leeta hugged him closer. She hadn't let go of him since he had returned. "Honey, you were wonderful. I got holos of everything. You should be proud." She kissed his ear. "I am."
Rom grinned until a slap on the back almost knocked him over. Morn handed him a glass of root beer then returned to attending the bar. Morn planned to drink all the Romulan Ale he could before Quark returned from Sickbay.
Another nearby group gathered around Tuvok. The stoic Vulcan calmly greeted his exuberant friends from Voyager until one, the most excited of the group, spoke up. "Mr. Vulcan, I have wonderful news!"
Tuvok almost grimaced. In truth, Tuvok liked Neelix, however, whenever Neelix got really excited about something, it was a sure sign that his inner calm was going to be put to the test. "What is it, Neelix?"
Neelix leaned in close to the Starfleet officer as if to confide in him something personal. "When you got dragged off on that mission, I thought that it was such a sad state of affairs. I mean, here you are, brought all the way from the Delta quadrant in the blink of an eye to a place we have been trying to get to for the past couple of years. Then as soon as you get here, you get dragged off on that mission." He paused. And hiccupped. "I said that part already, didn't I? You know that Romulan Ale stuff is really good. You should try some. Let me go get you a glass."
Tuvok sighed. "Neelix, what is it you wanted to tell me."
"Oh yes, while you were on that mission. Um, let me think, oh yes, I called up your family on Vulcan and told them you were back. They were very nice. I even told them about a few of your more heroic feats." Neelix grinned from ear to ear. "I look forward to meeting them."
Tuvok stood still as he imagined how Neelix's conversation with his family had gone. Shaking his head of the image he inquired, "Meeting them?"
"Oh, your wife said that any friend of her husband is welcome at their home at any time. Well, something like that. Anyway, I figure Vulcan would be a good place to begin my tour of the Federation that I am planning. Besides, I'm betting that good old uncle Neelix could tell your kids some interesting stories about your time on Voyager that they would never hear from their father."
"Indeed," was all Tuvok could manage to say.
Elsewhere, Data was receiving his own praise. While he was glad to see his friends, he kept looking around for two people. Spotting one of those he was looking for, he pardoned himself and hurried over. "Captain."
"Data."
"There seems to be a problem. Dr. Pulaski does not appear to have returned with the rest us."
Picard's face became grim. "That is because she is no longer with us. She died, Data."
"My apologies, captain." After pausing for a moment, he asked "Captain, how do you know this?"
He doesn't know about the visual aids that Q provided for us, Picard realized. "I'll explain that later. But for now…" Picard stepped up on a table with a glass of wine in his hand. The room of people quickly became quiet as they took notice. The three admirals sat at their table looking on. Having waited while everyone gathered together, they were willing to wait a little longer. "Today we have a victory in this war we fight. But it comes with a cost. A cost of a fine officer. A great doctor. A good friend. We remember you, Kate Pulaski. You did not die in vain." Tilting his head back he drained the glass of wine, and then stepped down.
"Well said, Captain Picard." The little shell of a man that was Admiral McCoy nodded his approval. "We should never forget those who led the way or who had fallen in the ranks."
"Jean-Luc, that was so wonderful," commented Ambassador Lwaxana Troi cheerfully. Pulling Picard closer she whispered in his ear, "I can see you are really hurting now. You put up a brave front, but it hides nothing from me. If you need to talk to someone after this-"
It was her tone that really touched him. The kindness in her voice was too much for the dam he had put up to block his personal feelings so that he could work on other matters. "Thank you. But I have to notify her family right after this meeting. I-"
"Jean-Luc." Beverly Crusher stepped next to him and squeezed his hand. Words escaped her. But sometimes words aren't needed.
"Captain." Worf's gruff greeting provided the distraction Picard was hoping for. "I do not mean to disturb you, sir. I just wanted to say Dr. Pulaski was a strong individual with a warrior's heart. She will be missed."
Picard nodded and shook Worf's hand. "It is good to see you, Worf. We should get the crew together and have a night of remembrance and reacquaintance when this is all over and before everyone is spread to the far corners of the Federation again. By the way, where is Alexander now?"
"He is well. He is on this station. As a part of the Klingon defense stationed at Bajor." Worf kept his face neutral. He had been around Humans long enough to know that a majority of them choose to distract themselves when someone important to them dies so as if not to face it instead of honoring and contemplating the life the deceased had lived.
After a little small talk Picard dismissed himself to go over to Admiral Paris, who had summoned him.
"Worf?"
"Deanna?"
Waves of grief and torment were flowing over her. "You are troubled by something. What is it?" She reached out and took his hand. "Please tell me."
"Dr. Pulaski had died at the hands of a supposed ally. In a manner in which she was unable to defend herself. Where is the honor in dying in that manner?"
"Worf, what is the matter? You didn't know Dr. Pulaski very well. Why does it matter to you how she died?"
Worf had his head down and was looking into his drink. "My wife, Jadzia, died in a similar fashion."
"Worf, death does not necessarily always come in a manner that is considered honorable. Even for those that deserve it." Deanna looked at the people nearby. This was not a place to get into a therapy session. Plus, they were no longer members of the same crew. "Have you talked to the counselor on the station about this?"
Worf shook his head. "I cannot."
"Why?"
He sighed. "Because the counselor currently on this station is my dead wife."
Deanna had not been ready for that answer. Then she remembered that Jadzi Dax, Worf's wife, had been a Trill. And that meant that the current counselor on the station was carrying the parasitic host with all of Jadzi Dax's memories and emotions with her. A complex problem, indeed. "Then come talk about it with me." She held her finger up to his lip to still any objections he might make. "I won't take no for an answer.
Worf just nodded.
Across the room, Riker fumed as he watched the two.
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ANCIENT GREECE OF AN ALTERNATE REALITY
Borg drones milled around the once busy town of Brokious, a young town built along trade routes that recent local treaties had just made possible. Due to the lack of technology to incorporate, the Borg drones searched for useful minerals that could be used for processing. Before that, the drones had harvested the residents of the trade town. Those that escaped told tales of what they had seen to all they came upon. Warnings had even been posted along all paths and roads. No rational being would venture near.
Of course, there are always those that are irrational.
"Hello? Hello?" Salmoneus banged loudly on the side of a city's fortified doors. It was open but Salmoneus was trying to draw some attention. He also knew better than to startle some half-awake guard just by walking it. It was a good way to get an arrow through their middle. Salmoneus was short, in his fifties and somewhat plump. But what he lacked in muscles, he made up in determination. Salmoneus had the belief that if he could just find the right item to sell, he would become rich and then all his troubles would be solved, and he would bask in his wealth in retirement. However, his only problem seemed to be finding that one item that would make him rich. Everything he had come across so far that had looked promising had crumbled before him, leaving him as poor as he was before. Sometimes poorer.
"Is this a place to trade in or what?" Salmoneus grinned as one of the drones walked by. "I love your fashion sense. It's very, oh, shall we say, 'dark and dangerous'. Especially with those things sticking out of your skin on your face. It's probably all the craze around here. Hey, there goes another guy wearing the same thing. Am I perceptive or what?" Salmoneus rambled on for a minute before cutting down to business. He liked to wear out a potential client before doing any serious money talk.
The drone did a sweep of the general area before putting a large vase of cooking oil on a wagon. Salmoneus was beginning to think he was talking to a slave when he saw the drone handling the cooking oil. However, then he saw some of the precious items on board. "I see that you are into precious commodities. Silver, gold, iron, gold, bronze, cooking oil and gold. Well, lucky you ran into me. You see, I have the lead on tons of goods to sell. A caravan of my wears is coming right this way and will be here in a couple of days. I decided to come ahead and see if I can find some good contacts- mostly for the ore I'm willing to sell. And there would be no middleman involved. Just me."
The Borg turned to Salmoneus. "We are Borg."
Salmoneus held out his hand and increased his grin. "Nice to meet you. What say you and I go to a tavern and have a drink while we discuss things, eh? The road here has been long and dry."
Instead of answering the drone lashed out with the tubules that had jetted out of his arm, right above his hand. Salmoneus leapt to the side receiving only a scratch from the tubules. "Hey, I have powerful friends! Xena and Hercules! Good friends of mine! They wouldn't like it if you hurt me!" He began hurrying away from the slow-moving drone. Taking a moment, he looked down at his aching arm. Little metallic veins had begun to slowly spreading around the small wound. Salmoneus abruptly fell to his knees screaming in pain and shook. The drone walked up behind him to finish the inoculation of nano-probes.
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Q looked at the glowing image of the world before him. His near-omnipotent senses scanned the world to what he was able to. "At least it's not very technologically advanced this time. That should slow the Borg up some. Plus, minor deities, they could be interesting if they choose to take part." On closer inspection he noted, "I'm surprised at all the tropical plants in the region they landed in. Oh well, alternate worlds and all that."
Q2 sat filled with glee on top of the bar, which had the effect of vacating all those nearby except for Morn. "Well, make your choices already. We may have all of eternity, but that doesn't mean I want to spend them with you while you decide."
Q grimaced at the thought of an eternity stuck in close quarters with Q2. "Well, there needs to be a leader. I'll go with Riker as my first choice."
Riker grunted in acknowledgement from where he stood leaning against the far wall, but otherwise made no move to show he cared whether or not that Q had chosen him.
"A leader, huh." Q2 smiled. "With a leader like that I better supply the diplomat. Yes, I choose Lwaxana Troi." This time there was a great deal of comment. Picard and Deanna momentarily lost their fear of this new Q and instantly tore into him verbally. Until Q2 snapped his fingers and their voices could no longer be heard. "Need I remind you that I can choose anyone I want that is on this station or the two vessels outside. Actually, that is just the perimeters for Q. I can choice whoever I want anywhere or anywhen in the universe." He gave them a minute to let them settle and let what he had said sink in. Standing on top of the bar, he began to walk back and forth. "Besides, a good diplomat should be able to work things out with the locals so that the problems that had befallen the previous group with the Stormtroopers does not happen again."
"I agree." Lwaxana Troi stepped forward followed by her ever faithful, Mr. Homn.
Mother, Deanna thought telepathically to her mother, what are you doing?
Hush, dear, Lwaxana thought to her daughter, I'm making myself useful. Just as you would do if that being had called your name.
But mother,-
No buts. I don't interfere with your business, don't start interfering with mine.
Deanna almost laughed, but she was so scared she couldn't. Besides, it was unlike her mother to act so docile. Mother, you always interfere! Deanna commented to lighten the mood.
Lwaxana smiled. That's beside the point. I'm your mother. "It's not that I agree with how you are all doing this. Personally, I think you could have come up a much more imaginative and fundamental approach to solving this Borg infestation. But, seeing as how you've already set all the boundaries, I guess I have no choice but to make the most of it."
"Next?" prodded Q2, rolling his eyes in exasperation.
Q was feeling rather nervous. The one person other than Guinan that could make him feel terrified or at least very, very concerned was Lwaxana. It didn't help matters that Picard was currently eyeing daggers at him. "Hmm, oh, I don't know." He began scrolling down the list of names that had been compiled for him in a tricorder he held. "Isn't this interesting. Little Naomi signed up." Q looked up at Captain Janeway with a smile. "Isn't there some kind of child-labor law against this sort of thing, not to mention reckless endangerment of a minor?"
"Fine, let's get on with it," snapped Q2. He was getting bored with all these humans. In a flash, the sleeping figure of Naomi Wildman appeared on the floor in front of Q.
"Q!" Janeway leaped from her chair, as did several other members of the Voyager crew.
"I didn't do it!" he claimed. Turning to Q2 he added, "She's not my choice! I didn't choose her! I was just making humorous conversation!"
Q2 just waved at the air in annoyance. "Fine. I choose her. Make your choice already."
Q was about to argue some more, but the look he was given told him he had better not.
The commotion around her woke up a sleepy Naomi. Neelix and Tom Paris were the first at her side, followed by Seven of Nine. In hushed words, Neelix began to sort of explain things until Seven just told her in her blunt manner.
"Really?" was all Naomi could say. She had wanted so hard to prove herself to Captain Janeway and the crew. When they had suddenly arrived at Earth, she thought she would never have that chance.
"Q!" Janeway hissed. "Fix it. Somehow you have to fix it!"
"How?" Q asked almost pleadingly.
Seven of Nine stepped forward. "I will go in her place."
"Unacceptable," commented Q2 as he barely acknowledged her.
Seven addressed Q directly. "Then you must choose me. I will assure the safety of Naomi Wildman."
Q knew better than to argue. "Agreed."
Seven turned and walked to a now fully awake Naomi. "We must prepare ourselves and find you more suitable attire."
"Wow! I get to go on a real mission with you! This is better than anything!"
"I doubt you will hold that opinion after we return."
Naomi just grinned as she and the former drone left the bar hand in little hand.
"Next," snapped Q2, bored of the little melodrama.
"Cheerful fellow, isn't he?" Q mumbled.
"What was that?" demanded Q2.
"Um, Constable Odo," Q changed the subject. "Yes, he should do fine."
Odo stood up from where he was sitting with Kira. Kira pulled him down for a quick kiss before he could protest. Public displays of affection was something new for him. As was his relationship with Kira. Standing up finally, he squared his shoulders, quite aware that all eyes were on him and walked over to where Lwaxana was waiting.
Q looked at Q2. "Your turn."
"Hmm. I was going to choose him. Oh well, I guess I just pick…" Q2 casually pointed his finger out into the audience of people watching. "…him."
In a flash of light Alexander was brought right in front of Q2. The young Klingon warrior swallowed down his fear as best he could. Without a word, he moved over to Odo and Lwaxana. Across the room he could see his father, Worf, trembling in quiet rage. Even as angry as he was, Alexander knew his father would not do anything. Alexander was a warrior now. This would give him a chance to prove himself. In combat. With the Borg. Alexander found he had to swallow again.
"Well, at least that's over," commented Q2 nonchalantly.
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ANCIENT GREECE
"It doesn't make sense," complained Iolaus. "Why would he go to all that trouble just to do something like this?"
Hercules shrugged his shoulders, wearing a casual grin. "Why don't we just find him and then ask him."
The two friends had been walking down the same path along the stream for five days now. "Well, of course we will do that. But until then, can you just tell me why he would do something like that?"
Hercules stopped in his tracks and his head drooped. "Iolaus, we've been over and over this for the past five days. Let it rest. Tell me a hunting story or something."
As the two continued their trek Iolaus complained, "You already know all my hunting stories."
"True, but they keep changing each time I hear them," Hercules smirked.
"Oh, hardy har har. Very funny. Say, are we nearing Amazon territory?"
"What happened to those hunting skills of yours?" Hercules scanned some of the more suspicious clouds coming overhead.
"Well, I am at least good enough to know that Amazons of this region live near the Centaurs."
"So," commented Hercules. "That's common knowledge. Do you think it's going to rain?" he said, looking at some clouds moving in on the horizon.
"Yes, but a good hunter knows the difference between the droppings of a centaur and that of a horse. It's the texture. Horses eat more grains and vegetable matter." Iolaus paused for effect and timing. "We also know better than to step in their droppings."
"What!? Arrrgh." Hercules went to the side of the path to wipe his boot off. "You could have warned me."
"Sorry. I thought it was common knowledge. Especially with all those flies buzzing all over it."
"Very funny," said Hercules as he finished wiping his boot clean. Suddenly, he stopped and scanned the surrounding woods. "Hey, do you hear something?"
Three arrows landed beside them at their feet. Standing still the two warriors scanned the tall trees around them. A woman stepped from behind a broad tree with a drawn sword.
She didn't fire those three arrows, thought Hercules as he continued to search the trees. "We mean you no harm. We did not realize we were trespassing on Amazon territory."
The black-haired woman with the sword took a step toward the men. "You are not trespassing. Our territory begins at the other side of that far hill. We are searching for a small group of young Amazons who are overdue to return. Have you seen them?"
"No, we haven't." Hercules took a step forward. "However, we are friends of your queen. We can help you if you like. I'm Hercules and this is Iolaus."
The woman took a moment to think about it. "I am Eponin. And I know who you are. No, we will find them ourselves."
"Very well." Hercules thought for a moment and quickly added. "I don't know if you can help me or not, but my friend and I are currently on the trail of a very dangerous individual. Perhaps you or your friends may have seen him and his group while looking for these missing Amazons."
"What is his name?" A sharp birdcall came from the woods interrupting. The dark-haired Amazon quickly addressed the two warriors. "Someone is coming. Hide or stay. We will watch." As quickly as she came, Eponin disappeared up a tree.
"Well?" asked Hercules.
"Umm, I say we stay and see who it is," decided Iolaus as he pulled the arrows out of the ground and put them in some weeds where they would be out of sight.
"Thought so."
In a few minutes the two friends could see three individuals making their way up the path. When they came closer Hercules could make out an old woman, a young boy and a baby centaur. From their appearance Hercules could tell that they had been traveling for a while and had had to leave wherever they started from in a hurry. "Hello."
The woman moved her body in front of the two children, but Hercules could see that the boy had managed to draw a sword almost as long as himself. "Who are you?" asked the woman with a little fear and suspicion.
"My name is Hercules."
"And I'm Iolaus," Iolaus added with a nod. "You've heard of us?"
"Hercules?" The woman's eyes went wide with wonder and hope.
"Fer real? Hercules?" The boy let the tip of the heavy sword fall to the ground with a thud.
"And Iolaus," added Iolaus. Noticing that the strangers weren't paying him any attention he muttered, "How did he get top billing anyway? I've been around as long as him." Truthfully, he liked to go around helping people, but a little recognition now and then would have been nice.
"Have you come to save us and our village?" asked the woman.
"I… wasn't aware there was a village around here that needed saving." At the crestfallen look on the woman's face he added, "But I will look into it now that I know."
"I'm Solan. Can I fight at your side? I have a sword." The young boy of about twelve years lifted his sword into the air for dramatic effect.
"Sorry, but I think you should probably stay behind. Besides, Iolaus has more experience fighting at my side."
"I've got experience," protested the boy. "I've fought beside Xena before."
"You know Xena?" piped Iolaus.
"Yeh, she's a good friend of mine. Let me ride her horse an' everything."
"And you are?" Hercules addressed the woman.
"She is Alphene. A sister to one who joined our ranks long ago." Eponin stepped out from behind a tree. Alphene bowed in greeting to the Amazon. "And the child centaur is Xenan. A child of both the centaurs and the Amazons. The son of Ephiny, Regent of the Amazons. And a living treaty between our two nations."
The treaty in question was currently trying to pick up a frog that wasn't keen to the idea of being grabbed.
Iolaus leaned over and whispered into Hercules ear. "It's going to be one of those kind of weeks, isn't it?"
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2034
RIO DE JANEIRO
The three men hurried down the dock ready to use their passes to explore the exotic city of Rio de Janeiro. Leading the way was Tony Piccolo, a former convict and former lab experiment - the latter of which gained him his freedom and a pair of gills for breathing underwater. Following him was the most faithful and simple man Piccolo had ever met, Dagwood. Dagwood was large by any standards and even stronger than he looked. He was also the prototype for a genetically created new life form called Daggers which were made to do dangerous tasks in inhospitable environments. While the geneticists had been able to make their prototype able to meet their physical designs, Dagwood's mental capacity was that of a small child with a tender heart. Bringing up the rear of the group was Lt. Tim O'Neill, a language and communications expert, and the longest of the three to have served on the SeaQuest.
"Hey, who put that relic on the pier?" Piccolo pointed out. "I didn't know the city decorated the military docks, too."
"Looks nice," commented Dagwood with child-like interest as he moved closer to inspect it.
"I don't think that old British phone booths placed on a pier can be construed as a decoration." O'Neill paused to look up and down the pier. "Especially when there doesn't appear to be any other decorations around."
Tony waved his hands to get his friends attention. "I think you guys have forgotten our mission."
"We're on a mission?" asked Dagwood, looking genuinely puzzled.
"Yep." He turned to point to the city before them. "To go and meet the most beautiful women we can find in the short time we have off the SeaQuest."
Just then the door to the telephone booth opened.
"Is this woman one of the most beautiful?" Dagwood asked innocently.
Piccolo turned to see what Dagwood was talking about and when he saw his jaw almost dropped. Leather clad Leela stood there in the doorway of the TARDIS appraising the three men. "Are you men warriors with a heart for battle?"
"Um-" was all O'Neill was able to get out.
"Yes!" cried Piccolo. Tony stared in wonder at the beautiful brown-haired woman and the leather hunting apparel she was wearing.
"I am Leela. We come seeking brave warriors to stop an invasion of a horrible evil called the Borg. The Doctor tells me that the place we are to go is far away near the tribes of the Amazons. Would you help us in this great and perilous battle?"
"Yes!" exclaimed Piccolo.
"What a minute," interrupted O'Neill. "I don't want to go out in the jungle to meet Amazon tribes."
Piccolo grabbed O'Neill by the shirt and pulled him a few feet away. "Tim, this obviously has to be one of those secret entrances to one of those exotic clubs we always hear tales about."
"What clubs?" demanded Tim.
"Follow me and you'll find out." Letting go of O'Neill's shirt, he went back to address Leela. "So, where we are going there will be more women like you?"
Leela was a little confused. "That is what you wish?" She had already explained about the Amazons. "Yes, there will be many warrior women."
Piccolo broke out into a grin. "Then lead the way!"
Leela turned and entered the TARDIS. "Follow me." She just knew the Doctor was going to be so happy with her taking the initiative to enlist the aid of these warriors she had spotted on the viewer.
O'Neill watched Leela disappear into the TARDIS followed by Tony and Dagwood. He couldn't imagine the three of them fitting inside, let alone him entering as well.
Dagwood stuck his head out. "Are you coming, Tim?"
"Isn't it crowded in there?"
Dagwood looked back inside, then reported to his friend, "No, there's lots of room inside."
"What?" O'Neill entered the TARDIS in disbelief. "I bet Captain Hudson isn't going to like this."
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1992
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA
A black van with a red stripe down the side whizzed in and out of traffic on 494 northbound. At first the reason for the speeding van was not apparent, but moments after being passed the other drivers were able to see red flashing lights in their rearview mirrors already in pursuit.
The man in the passenger seat consulted a Twins Cities map while chewing a cigar that had not been lit. "Go east when you come to 694. That will take us in the direction of the small airport Murdock scoped out."
The driver, a burly black man with a mohawk haircut and a multitude of gold chains, was not in agreement. "I'm not getting on any plane, Hannibal!"
"Of course not, B.A.." Hannibal took a moment to check his mirror for the cars following them. "The plane is for Murdock and Face-Man. We hide the van, Murdock takes off in a plane, and suddenly you and I no longer have anyone chasing us because Decker and his goons have given up and gone home." Hannibal smiled at the simplicity of the plan. "Besides, did you really think I would make you leave your van in Minnesota?"
B.A. just scowled and gave Hannibal a suspicious look. "They put salt on the roads. It'll rust up my van."
"That's in the winter. That's months away. Besides we can hit a car wash on the way out of town," Hannibal said smoothly.
"What about us?" came a cry from the back of the van.
"Help! Help! Kidnappers! Abductors! Guy with a bad haircut! Ahhhhh!"
Templeton "The Face-Man" Peck stuck his head forward to consult with Hannibal. "Okay, this is your fault, colonel. You deal with him. He's driving me crazy. And trust me - you don't want two crazy people in here. There's too many already."
Hannibal chuckled. It had all started out routinely. A poor Korean family trying to make it in the United States by starting a local grocery. Then one of the local gangs had made them pay protection money. The family could bear that, but not when their oldest son was forced to become a member of the gang. Unable to get help from local police, the family had heard from a family friend about the A-Team. A group of soldiers framed for a crime that they didn't commit who go from place to place like mercenary Robin Hoods. All in all, everything turned out okay for the family. The entire gang, except for the family's son, ended up tied up in a warehouse full of merchandise they had stolen where the police and firefighters soon found them when answering a fire alarm.
Somehow Decker, a colonel of the military police, who had been tracking the team for years, had found out they were in Minnesota and laid a trap for them. A somewhat silly sci-fi show called Mystery Science Theater 3000 just happened to be based near Minneapolis in the suburb of Eden Prairie. The show consisted of a man named Mike Nelson being trapped on a space station all alone except for some robot companions. A mad, egotistic woman would send Mike old, badly made horror and science fiction films and force him to watch them in order to test his psyche. Mike's only help, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo, both robotic puppets made from ordinary junk such as a gumball machine and a bowling pin, would try to counter the effect of the movies by making witty insulting comments about the movie as they watched it. As a theme for a television show it is rather silly, however, it became very popular much to the horror of many actors.
When it came to vanity, Hannibal had three main strikes against him. He loved it when his plans came together, he loved his cigars, and he loved 'Aquamaniac'. The 'Aquamaniac' had been his first real part in any movie as an actor. The rubber mask of the sea creature offered a true sense of anonymity to Hannibal. Since the 'Aquamaniac' began, it became a cult classic and Hannibal managed to always play the creature in every sequel. When he woke up on Saturday morning still enjoying the feeling of taking down that gang of punks, he was quite unprepared to find Murdock watching his favorite show. Actually, he was used to put up with Murdock's shows but this time it was a travesty. A tragedy. A horror. The Mystery Science Theater squad had their shadow outlines on the lower right side of the screen as they made mockery of the 'Aquamaniac' in a never been done before live production of the show.
Immediately, Hannibal had assembled the team after a few quick phone calls. They had gained entry to the small studio with no troubles and put a stop to the insults being thrown at the 'Aquamaniac'. It wasn't until they tried to leave that the military raised their ugly little heads. The end result was the same as always. The team got away and the military police were chasing them. But to Hannibal the risk had been worth it. And for Murdock, Christmas had come early.
The back of the van had an impromptu curtain drawn covering the bottom half of the van. In his right hand 'Howlin' Mad' Murdock had the Tom Servo puppet dancing a jig of fear as he tried to escape the confines of the van. In his left hand the Crow puppet was trying to sooth his panicked friend by threatening to hit him over the head with a crowbar.
The van cut to the left as avoided a slower vehicle.
"You big ape, don't damage the goods back here!" snapped Crow.
The van cut to the right with a vengeance.
"Um, Crow," the Tom Servo puppet audibly whispered, "those gold chains around that creature's neck aren't attached to anything so don't antagonize it!"
"I'm not afraid of him!" Murdock turned the puppet of Crow to the front of the van. "Ya hear that, you mutant monstrosity! I'm not afraid of you!"
B.A. was starting to fume. "Hannibal."
"Ignore them. Just get us to that airport so Murdock and Face can fly away," Hannibal replied.
"C'mon, bring it on, big guy!" the Crow puppet goaded. "What? Are you afraid? Huh? Are you chicken? Is that why you hide under all those necklaces, girly man!"
B.A.'s fury was starting to become uncontrollable, and his driving more reckless. "Hannibal!"
"It is a little annoying, isn't it?" Col. Smith checked the mirrors again and noted that the military goons had gotten up to just six car lengths away.
"Hannibal!" Templeton 'The Face-Man' Peck was picking himself off the floor again.
Hannibal rubbed his eyes. B.A.'s driving had become more erratic than usual the more Murdock enraged him. "Murdock."
"Um, yes, colonel?"
"Keep those 'prisoners' back there quiet or 'Face' will have to go back there to tie and gag them. Got that, Murdock?"
"Yes, sir, colonel, sir."
A flash of light appeared next to Templeton. "Oh, let him be. I rather like his banter."
Peck and Smith had their weapons drawn on Q immediately as he flashed into existence. B.A. almost drove off the road. Murdock was the only one who didn't seem surprised at Q's appearance. He was merely surprised that the others could also see him. "You're new here, aren't you?"
"You could say that." Q smiled. "I have a proposition for you."
It only took a few miles for Q to lay out the details. The incentive was a copy of a videotape that would clear their names and make them all free men. All that remained for them was to agree.
"I don't know about this mumbo jumbo stuff, Hannibal." B.A. took a good look at Q through his rearview mirror. "I don't like it," he said with a snarl. "My mama wouldn't like it either."
"But we'd be in the clear again, B.A., and we could live normal lives again." Templeton leaned back with a smile on his face. "Besides, one of the military cars is pulling up alongside us."
"Not my fault!" snapped B.A. gruffly. "The Volvo in front of me doesn't know how to drive or get out of the way! And on the other side is a bus full of nuns! I ain't gonna have risk an accident with a bus full of nuns!"
"Colonel Smith?" Q asked with a smile.
Hannibal put of his own answer. "Murdock? What do you think?"
"Sounds good to me," he paused for a moment then looked up with a sly innocent look. "But then I am certifiably insane." As a side note to Q, he added, "I even have the papers to prove it. I'd show them to you, but I accidently left them back in my other straightjacket."
"We're back here with a cracked nut! We're doomed! We're doomed!" the Tom Servo puppet flailed his tiny hands in the air.
"Will you shut up!" snapped Crow. "Hey, you, colonel guy. Where do I sign up to join the A-Team?"
Colonel Smith ignored the puppet antics. "B.A.?"
"I still don't like it," he growled. Baracus swerved the van away from the car trying to shoot out the tires. Looking ahead, B.A. could see that the off ramp they had wanted had been blocked and the traffic was slowing down considerably. "But I like this even less. Okay, I'll go along if it will somehow get us out of this."
"Colonel?" asked Q.
Hannibal lit the cigar he had been chomping and inhaled deeply. The very fact of how Q appeared didn't do anything to verify his story, but it did suggest that he might have the ability to get them out of this jam. A lot of people say it is better to go with the devil you know rather than the devil you don't know. Hannibal wasn't one of those people. "Okay, we're in."
In a flash of light, the people in the van suddenly found themselves driving on a narrow bumpy old dirt path. B.A. quickly slammed on his brakes. "Oh man, my shocks are going to be ruined!"
Hannibal was laughing. "I'd love to have seen the look on Decker's face when we just disappeared like that!"
Murdock took a look out the rear window with his two puppets as the van came to a stop. "Nice scenery."
"Hey, Crow. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," commented Tom Servo.
Crow wasn't having any of it. "We were in Minnesota, you idiot. 'I don't think we're in Minnesota anymore.' That would have been the correct thing to say. Sheesh!"
"No, that's 'The Wizard of Oz', you moron," argued Servo.
"Hey, fool! Put away the dolls before I put you away!" B.A. was taking in the view with wild eyes. What kind of thing did they agree to! Some guy appears in their moving van during a car chase, offers to get them to safety, and then they are somewhere else all together. He gripped hard on the steering wheel. We had better not have made a deal with the devil, he thought to himself, or my momma is going to really come down hard on me.
"Colonel! Look over there! People!" pointed out Templeton.
"Yes, very observant of you," interjected Q. "They will be working with you on your task. Well, got to go now. Ta!" There was a flash where Q was, and then he was gone.
"Great. Our contact man fled before he even introduced us. Colonel, you got to find us better work," joked Peck, trying to sound lighthearted when he was really scared out of his mind.
Hannibal bit his cigar. "Well, 'Face-Man', let's go mingle. B.A.. Murdock. Cover us."
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As the doors to the TARDIS opened, it was a grumpy Doctor that chased out his passengers. "Annoying trespassers."
"Hey! We were invited!" corrected Tony Piccolo.
"Ah, but I didn't invite you!" The Doctor had been less than pleased when he had found out that Leela had taken it upon herself to find the recruits for the next attack against the Borg when he had been making some adjustments to the console of the TARDIS. But that having been done there was nothing to do about it now but to make the best of it. "I think next time - if there is a next time - you will find out more about what is going on before you agree to a tour of duty in the trenches."
Leela came out last - almost meekly. "But I did explain it to them. And they agreed."
"Yes," snapped the Doctor, "but you didn't tell me!"
"Whataminute!" yelled Piccolo. "What exactly did we agree to do?"
That got the Doctor's attention. "You don't know?"
"There was something about fighting evil Borgs near some Amazon villages, if I remember right," remarked O'Neill to which Leela nodded. The next part he added with a lot of emphasis. "Tony had us joining so fast I really didn't get a chance to get an understanding of hardly anything. Such as who the Borg are."
"I agree," commented the Doctor.
"Tim?" Dagwood asked his friend.
"Not now, Dagwood, I think our host is about to give us a better understanding of what Tony has gotten us into."
"But I just wanted to know who those pretty girls are? Are they the ones you wanted to meet?"
That had his attention. "What?"
Off to the far side of the TARDIS just beyond a few trees was a small clearing with a campfire slowly smoldering. The owners of the campfire were two women standing just on the other side of the TARDIS. One was tall with dark hair and wearing a leather outfit similar to Leela but made to be sturdier. In her hand she held a sword and on her face was determination and fierceness. The other woman was blond wearing a green halter top and a short skirt. In her hands was a staff and on her face was kindness and compassion.
It was the blond who first broke the ice. "Are you magicians… or gods?"
"Forget that," snarled the dark-haired woman, "Back up to that part where Joxer mentions some evil 'borgs' near the Amazon villages."
"Joxer?" asked Tim in confusion, surprised at the look she had been giving him.
As the Doctor was about to try regaining some form of order, a sound came out of the woods. Everyone became silent for a minute to watch as a man staggered out of the woods trying to carry more dry branches than he should. "Xena. Gabby. I got enough wood for all night long. You can thank Joxer the Thorough for that." Just then, the figure stumbled, sending the branches flying everywhere.
Being the closest, Tim moved to help the man. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the beautiful blond move to come to help but the dark-haired one had stopped her. Reaching down he helped pull the man before him up only to be surprised when he saw…
"Hey, you're me!" yelped Joxer. "No, wait! I'm me." Swallowing, Joxer leaned in a little closer look at Tim's stunned face. "You're not Jett or Jace, are you?" Joxer referred to his look-alike brothers, one of whom, Jett, considered himself the King of the Assassins.
"Who?" asked Tim as he continued to stare in disbelief at a face he had never seen out of a mirror or picture before.
"Forget him for a moment," interjected Xena. "You mentioned something evil going on near the Amazons. I want some answers and I want them now."
AUTHOR's NoTeS
Characters in order of appearance or mentioned:
Rom (Max Grodenchik) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999)
Nog, Ensign (Aron Eisenberg) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999)
Leeta (Chase Masterson) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1995-1999)
Morn (Mark Allen Shepherd) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999)
Quark (Armin Shimerman) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999)
Tuvok (Tim Russ) – from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001)
Neelix (Ethan Phillips) – from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001)
Data, Lt. Cdr. (Brent Spiner) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994)
Pulaski, Dr. Kate (Diana Muldaur) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1988-1989) (mentioned only)
Picard, Capt. Jean-Luc (Patrick Stewart) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994)
McCoy, Adm. Leonard 'Bones' (DeForest Kelley) – from the TV series Star Trek (1966-1969)
Troi, Ambassador Lwaxana (Majel Barrett) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994)
Worf, Lt. Cdr. (Michael Dorn) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1995-1999)
Rozhenko, Alexander (Marc Worden) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1990-1994), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1997)
Paris, Adm. Owen (Richard Herd) – from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager (1999-2001)
Troi, Councilor Deanna (Mirina Sirtis) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994)
Dax, Jadzia (Terry Farrell) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1998) (mentioned only)
Dax, Lt. Ezri (Nicole de Boer) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1998-1999)
Riker, Cdr. William (Jonathan Frakes) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994)
Salmoneus (Robert Trebor) – from the TV series Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995-1999), Xena: Warrior Princess (1996-1999)
Xena (Lucy Lawless) – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (1995-2001), Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995-1998)
Hercules (Kevin Sorbo) – from the TV series Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995-1999), Xena: Warrior Princess (1995)
Q (John de Lancie) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-?), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager
Stormtroopers – from the movie Star Wars (1977) (mentioned only)
Homn, Mr. (Carel Struycken) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1992)
Guinan (Whoopi Goldberg) – from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation (1988-1993)
Wildman, Naomi (Scarlett Pomers) – from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager (1998-2001)
Janeway, Capt. Kathryn (Kate Mulgrew) – from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001)
Paris, Lt. Tom (Robert Duncan McNeill) – from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001)
Seven of Nine / Hansen, Annika (Jeri Ryan) – Star Trek: Voyager (1997-2001)
Odo, Constable (Rene Auberjonois) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999)
Nerys, Col. Kira (Nana Visitor) – from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999)
Iolaus (Michael Hurst) – from the TV series Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995-1999), Xena: Warrior Princess (1995, 1997)
Eponin – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (1995-2001)
Solan (David Taylor) – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (1996-1998)
Xenan – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (1996-2001)
Ephiny (Danielle Cormack) – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (1995-2001) (mentioned only)
Piccolo, Tony (Michael DeLuise) – from the TV series SeaQuest DSV (1994-1996)
Dagwood (Peter DeLuise) – from the TV series SeaQuest DSV (1994-1996)
O'Neill, Lt. Tim (Ted Raimi) – from the TV series SeaQuest DSV (1993-1996)
Leela (Louise Jameson) – from the TV series Doctor Who (1977-1978)
Doctor, The 4th (Tom Baker) – from the TV series Doctor Who (1974-1981) (mentioned only)
Hudson, Capt. Oliver (Michael Ironside) – from the TV series SeaQuest DSV (1995-1996) (mentioned only)
Smith, Col. John 'Hannibal' (George Peppard) – from the TV series The A-Team (1983-1987)
Murdock, Capt. H.M. 'Howling Mad' (Dwight Schultz) – from the TV series The A-Team (1983-1987)
Baracus, Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' (Mr. T) – from the TV series The A-Team (1983-1987)
Decker, Col. Roderick (Lance LeGault) – from the TV series The A-Team (1983-1986) (mentioned only)
Peck, Lt. Templeton 'The Face-Man' (Dirk Benedict) – from the TV series The A-Team (1983-1987)
Nelson, Mike (Michael J. Nelson) – from the TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1990-1999) (mentioned only)
Robot, Crow T. (voiced by Trace Beaulieu) – from the TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988-1999)
Servo, Tom (voiced by Kevin Murphy) – from the TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988-1999)
Gabrielle (Renee O'Connor) – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (1995-2001)
Joxer (Ted Raimi) – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (1996-2001), Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1997)
Jett (Ted Raimi) – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (mentioned only)
Jace (Ted Raimi) – from the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (mentioned only)