Death Of The Tolkien Purist

by worcester sauce

I apologise sincerly to all LOTR authors if this story refers to that of their own in any way ... I assure you it is not intended. yes it is and that it is merely a comical stereotype um no of LOTR fanfiction. Go on... read it, you know you want too..heeh

1. Default Chapter

This story does not belong to any genre in particular. It is, as the title suggests, a rip off of all the fanfics that cause pain to the 'purist' readers. For example: no serious plot, multiple fictional characters added in here and there, mythical creatures of every kind imaginable (whether they are in the book or a different one) no perception of distance or time and the many many more. In this story I shall endeavour to included all of the above, the many many more,and worst of all ...Caitlin and Kaitin!

A/N: If anyone has read any stories that they have found so annoying that they would rather die a slow and painful death eating excess shards of metal 5 inches long then to read them again, please let me know. New ideas would be appreciated.

Enjoy

Disclaimer: Don't own anything!

The intro scene setter thing

Imagine, a world soon to be at war, a world suffering evil that needs to be extinguish with more then just a bucket of sand or water. Imagine, the evils 2 year old girl child toddling around a dark room within the safe gaze of her warm caring nanny, Nazgul number 1, or as you and I know him, the witch king. Stop imagining, it's real, and this little girl is the only child of Souron.

The screen zooms in on the small round face of Kaitlin, knocks into her hard on the forehead, and zooms out a little. Kaitlin lifts her pudgy hand to her head and screws up her eyes. The eyes water, and she lets out a squeaky howl and runs over to her nanny for a cuddle. The nanny looks around the room with confusion.

500 miles away, the 12th and youngest daughter of the good, is burning ants with a small shard of glass, although only a toddler. She is Caitlin, the daughter of the elven lord Elroond, and is already taller then him.

Screen zooms in on Caitlin, Elroond walks into the frame tutting at his large daughter. He prizes the shard out of his daughter's hand, Caitlin screams with annoyance, then thumps her father back out of the frame, there is a pained groan in the background.

This is the story of those two children switched at birth by a careless hoddit nurse.