What's this? A FIRE EMBLEM OneShot from the Mistress of ZELDA parodies?
Chibi Link: Would you just hurry up and- (-Franz shoves him out of the way-)
Franz: MY STORY! DOWN MIDGET! FOR I HAVE AN AXE! And a sword…and a lance…and another sword…Oh! And a horse!
WE GET IT!
"Alas!" cried Seth. "We are all doomed, as fair Eirika has fallen to the enemy's blade!" he lamented, standing over the fallen Princess.
Franz galloped over and dismounted. "Looks pretty bad," he admitted as he bent down to poke her. Upon being prodded, Eirika opened one eye and glared up at Franz, who quickly stood up and whistled innocently.
Seth turned on him. "How DARE you whistle cheerfully at such a moment of woe! Can you not see that this land's hope is lost!"
"Seth…" Eirika whispered. "Get a healer you dweeb!"
Seth sighed and stared into the distance. "Ah…I can even now hear her voice whisper my name on the wind…."
"Yeah," Franz said, "she said to get her a healer."
"Would a healer do any good, though?"
"I'm still alive!" Eirika hissed.
Seth looked hopefully skyward. "Listen…her soul lives on, though the body may perish! Perhaps all is not lost!"
Eirika groaned. "No, I mean I really am alive!"
"She's glaring at me," said Franz, nodding.
Seth glanced down at the Princess only momentarily. "Don't delude yourself, Franz. The muscles of a corpse normally contract, and the eyelids are no exception."
"But she blinked."
"Don't be stupid, Franz."
"Noooo!" Eirika moaned. "Listen to Franz!"
Seth turned to the young knight. "You say something, Franz?"
"She's still alive," Franz reasoned.
"Ah, yes…" Seth once again turned to the sky hopefully. "Her soul lives on!"
"No, I mean her body. She's not dead."
"Don't blind yourself with those lies," Seth scolded.
"My body IS alive!" Eirika screeched.
Seth turned on her then, raised his finger, and screamed, "DEMON! A demon has possessed the lifeless body of our poor Eirika!"
Franz blinked. "…I'm gonna go get Natasha."
"Can she drive out demons?"
"No."
"Ah, then perhaps we must combat the demon. Good idea, get Natasha."
Franz left as Seth angsted to himself.
Five minutes later….
"What the hell are you mumbling to yourself!" asked a befuddled Ephiram, stepping out of the bushes.
"Alas!" Seth ranted. "Ephiram, your sister has perished in combat, and her ghost still guides us, but a demon has possessed her body! Can you not hear her voice on the wind?"
Eirika groaned. "Dimwit, I'm not possessed by any demon! Now, come on, I'm dying here! Heal me!"
"Aaaaaaahhhh! Her soul calls for healing!" Seth cried. "Her spirit is wounded! She cannot rest! Alas! Woe! ANGST!"
Ephiram simply glanced down at Eirika. "Oh, hi sis."
"…Healing…" mumbled Eirika.
Ephiram faced Seth. "She's still alive."
"Ah, yes, though her soul is wounded, it still lives! There is hope!" cried Seth. "Thank you, Prince! You have given me new hope in the face of…angsty stuff! Now, I must warn the camp!" With that, Seth galumphed off, foolishly leaving his horse behind, just as Franz returned with Natasha.
"Did I miss anything?" asked Franz.
"No," replied Ephiram, "except Seth's brain leaving the continent."
"Oh, I saw part of that," Franz said. "But now I'll have to wait for reruns."
Ephiram groaned. "You don't want reruns of that."
Eirika groaned in a similar manner. "Just heal me already!"
"Our beloved Princess has fallen! We must band together!" ranted Seth in front of the whole army.
Vanessa raised a finger. "Then who's that behind you?" she asked as she pointed to a female figure behind him.
Seth turned around…and dropped onto his knees. "Aaaaaaahhhh! Have mercy, tormented soul! Mercy!"
Eirika (aka The Figure) scowled down at the Paladin. "I was dying. You could clearly hear me asking for help, but you did nothing except rant! There can be…NO MERCY!"
Well, to put a quite bloody revenge simply and PG, Eirika pwned Seth. And Seth recovered his sanity after that.
So, whaddya think?
Franz: I got the healer for her, so do I get a promotion?
Keep dreamin', Cavalier.
Franz: But you made me a Great Knight! That's why I have an axe!
Oh yeah….
REVIEW!