Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story, and I don't make any money borrowing them. Please don't sue me. I'm can't afford it.

A/N: I know these 'Splinter's dead' stories have been done a lot of times before. But this isn't really a story. It's more of a glimpse inside the head of each turtle, with a tale to be told on the side. I've always wanted to write something we're I could explore each character. Where I got the chance to portay them all. I don't wanna be able to write just one of them good, or two at the most. I wanna learn how to master all four of them. I wanna get inside all of their heads. And just like everything else in life - only practice makes perfect. Anyway, Mikey's the first one up, and I'll promise to add the rest of 'em as soon as possible. Please read and review. Tell me what you think, because your oppinion matters to me. Okay, I think I'm done now. Enjoy!

Left Behind

by

Mickis

Genre: Tragedy/Angst

Language: English

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Four sons are left to tell the story of their father's death. In their own words they describe the tragedy bit for bit, and how it has affected each of them in different ways.

Chapter 1 - The Death

I never thought it would be so sudden. One morning he was just gone. I mean, sure he wasn't really gone, but.. he just wasn't there anymore, y'know?

He never showed for practice, so I offered to go and get 'im. It wasn't really like him to sleep in, y'know? But it wasn't like I thought about it much, either. I just knocked on his door and listened for that raspy voice to answer.

But it didn't.

I pulled the sub-car doors open and went inside to see what was going on. I thought that maybe he was in the bathroom or something, but as I stepped inside the room I saw that he was still in his bed. And like I said, he wasn't one to sleep in, not even in the end when he was so old. On the other hand, I had always thought of Splinter as old, but at least when we were younger he could still kick our asses. In the end he wasn't really that flexible anymore, if you know what I mean. His lessons were more of the mind and we did a lot of meditating during the last few years with 'im. Anyway, I didn't really consider any of these things as I walked up to 'im. I mean, hey, even the bestest rat can oversleep, right? And it's not like he was sick or anything, so I didn't really walk around thinking about death all day long.

However, it did seem weird that he didn't wake up when I called his name. He was like a cat, he always slept with one eye open. I guess that was part of him being ninja. I mean, I'm ninja too, but when I fall asleep I really fall asleep. I just push all ninja stuff aside so I can have a good night.

But he never did.

So when I bent down to his mattress to wake 'im up, these thoughts started to fill my head, and I got worried. Because like I said; he was old and it wasn't any secret that old folks die. I don't think I've ever been so afraid to touch anything before. I mean, sure he looked like he was just sleeping. He was lying on his back and facing the ceiling; leaning the tiniest to the right, away from me, and he had his covers drawn up to just beneath his shoulders. His mouth was just a little bit open and he had his left arm on his blue covers, resting on top of his chest. I guess it never really occured to me to check his chest if he was breathing or not, I was so focused on touching him. I held my breath and everything. Man, it was so quiet in that room. I don't think I've ever been that quiet before. Anyway, when I touched his furry shoulder with my finger tips, I really felt my heart stop in my chest.

He was so cold.

It's not like he was a snowman or anything like that, I guess you just know when someone's cold enough to be dead. I felt a lump build up in my throat and my voice sounded sorta dry when I tried to call for him to wake up. I nudged 'im a little, hoping that maybe I was wrong and that he would still open his eyes.

But he didn't.

The thing is, his body wasn't stiff or anything like that, so I thought that maybe he was still alive. And that, y'know, maybe he'd stopped breathing or something and that there was still a chance to save 'im. So I ran out of there and hurried back to the others. Because if he'd stopped breathing then that was something Donnie or Leo could handle. I don't know much about CPR. Wish I did, though. Could really come in handy at times like that.

The first thing I told 'em when I got back was that Splinter wasn't breathing. They'd been doing some katas and dropped their weapons the second they heard me. We hurried back down the tunnel that led to the lair and Don tried to ask me some questions when we were running. Like if he had a pulse and that kinda stuff. I don't really remember much. To tell ya the truth, it's kinda blurry. At least that part. There was just so much panic.

Raph was the first one inside Splinter's room and he bent down next to him. I guess he felt how cold he was when he touched him, cuz the next thing he did was check his pulse. He sat there for a dead silent moment, with his finger pressed to Master Splinter's throat, I don't think any of us were breathing during those seconds. The next thing Raph said... Man, it's as clear as my own voice. I'll never forget it.

"I'm not gettin' any pulse."

I asked him if he was sure and he just totally blew up on me. He started yelling at me, asking me if I thought he was stupid or something. Of course I didn't think that, it's just.. well Splinter was kinda hairy, so maybe there was too much hair to feel any pulse.

Leo hurried over and knelt down next to Raph. He grabbed Splinter's left hand and checked for a pulse on his wrist. It wasn't as hairy, so if there was anything there he'd be able to feel it. The four of us held our breaths again as we waited for Leo to give us the news. He brought down Splinter's hand to the bed and lowered his eyes from him. And that's when he said it.

"He's dead."

Raph got up from the floor and started pacing back and forth in the room. I could tell he was devastated, but he didn't cry. Unlike me. The tears that'd been stinging in my eyes finally came, and I didn't think there was any reason to hold 'em back. Donnie, who'd been standing next to me, a few feet away from the bed, sat down next to Leo to confirm what they'd said, I guess. He pressed his fingertips to the throat to look for a pulse, maybe for his own peace of mind, I don't know. Beacuse I guess you already know that he didn't find any.

They all kinda settled for the thought that he was dead, but I wasn't ready to. I remember I cried for Don to do CPR on 'im, to revive him. He told me there was no use, that he was already cold. I said that his body was still soft and that maybe there was still time to save him. Don explained to me how the body got stiff when someone died, but like an hour after that it became soft again. It was pretty clear that Splinter had been dead for a while. Donnie told us he must've passed away during the night.

That's when the tears just washed down my face. I couldn't believe it. My father was dead. Even as I looked at 'im I couldn't believe it. Cuz he looked so peaceful, like he was just sleeping. Donnie said that judging by the relaxed look on his face, he hadn't really been in any pain when it happened - so that's good, I guess.

It's just, it's so hard to be thankful for something like that when you're looking at your dead father. It's like when someone gets run over by a car and become paralysed, and people try to cheer them up by saying; 'Well, at least you didn't die. That's something to be thankful for.' It doesn't really do much for ya in a time like that.

I remember that Leo asked for some time alone with him. His voice didn't sound anything like him. I don't think he was crying, it's just... It was as if he wasn't talking to us at all. I'm not sure he even knew he said it. He was dazed, I guess. We all were. But Leo seemed the most shocked.

Anyway, the rest of us went inside the living room. Raph continued his pacing out there, walking back and forth across the platform, while Donnie and I sat down on the couch. I remember looking at Splinter's chair, thinking that he'd never sit in again. There was a lot of those thoughts. Most of 'em came later. Like if we were drinking tea, then he'd come to mind. And if any of those silly talkshows he used to watch came on, I realized he wouldn't be able to watch them anymore. There's a lot of these thoughts when someone dies. For months they show up. Every time you do something they would've liked, or even not liked, you think about 'em.

I started thinking about the night before - the last time I saw him. I tried to remember the last thing I said to him.. my exact words, because now afterwards, with all the cards on my hand, those last few words suddenly mean everything. Mine were; "Night, Sensei."

Never in a million years as he went to bed that night would I've thought it was the last time I'd ever see him... alive, at least. I guess that's life.

After Leo came out, and don't ask me how long he was in there, cuz I have no idea. Could've been an hour. Could've been ten minutes. It was like time didn't exist anymore. It didn't matter. But the second Leo came out of the room I got up to go in there after him.

During the time Leo was in there, I'd been trying to calm down and not cry so much. There's nothing as exhausting like crying. It feels like your head is on fire and after a while you just lose control and start choking on your breath. It's awful. But the moment I stepped inside that room, all the tears came back. Just like that. I guess that when grieving, there is no control. If your body wants to cry - you cry. There's no stopping it.

I walked up to his mattress and sat down next to 'im. He looked just like before we left 'im with Leo. Not even his whiskers were different. He looked so frail. Anyway, I took his hand in mine, it took me a while to convince myself to do it, because even if it was my father, it was still a corpse, and touching 'im was kinda creepy. And the cold hand didn't exactly make it any better. But he was my father, even if he was dead, and I needed to feel his hand in mine.

Then I just sat there for a while, looking at him. I wasn't sure on what to do, or what not to do. I'd never been in a situation like that before, and hopefully I'll never have to ever again. After a few moments the sobs started to ease and I was able to breathe normally again. Not long after that, I told 'im that I loved 'im and how much I missed 'im. I felt weird talking to 'im, cuz I knew he wasn't listening. I guess I said it more for myself than for him. Still, I had to say it. If hadn't, then I'd regret it today.

After all four of us had said our goodbyes we sat down in the kitchen. Don was thoughtful enough to put on some coffee, and we sorta just gathered around the table and waited for the coffee to be done. The sound of the coffee machine was so clear, and not just because the four of us were quiet, but because finding Splinter in his room like that changed everything. It was like death hung in the air. Your every sense was filled with it. It's hard to explain it to someone who hasn't lived it, but there's a different kind of silence. Every sound becames extra clear. Had someone walked inside the kitchen that morning, it would've been one of those times where they'd ask something like 'Who died?' You could just feel it in the air.

Leo was the first one to speak. I don't know for how long we'd been sitting and staring down our coffee cups when he reminded us that someone had to call April. He said we had to bury him. Just like Leo to think of responsibilities in a moment like that, huh? Although it was good that he did, because I wasn't thinking in any of those directions. I was still stuck on 'how' and 'why'. I guess that's why Splinter made him our leader. He knew he'd be there to look after us after he died. And he has.

Although it wasn't he who called April that day.

Donnie was the one to pick up the phone and tell her about what happened. He's always had a way with words, so him breaking the news to her only seemed natural. Man, I don't think I'd be able to call someone up and tell them someone died. Besides, Don and April's always been close. He knows how to talk to her.

We agreed to drive out to the farm the next day and bury him there. Raph and I wanted to leave right away, but Leo said that we needed some time to plan the funeral. And like always, the dude was right. After all, it would be our final goodbyes to Master Splinter, and I think all of us wanted them to be perfect. I actually wrote him a poem that day. I think he would've liked it. Sure, it didn't exactly rhyme or anything, but the poems Splinter used to read to us never did. He always preferred poems that had powerful messages, instead of just empty words lined up only so they could rhyme.

Yeah, he would've liked it.