Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Truth to tell, I started smoking like 3months back, at first it was one stick, then 2 stick… I told myself, its just stress.. training stress… however I realized its wasn't because I was stressed with training nor was I stressed about my result, it was because some person. I swear he is like a drug to me. I needed him to survive, when it really didn't work out, I smoked to get his attention. I smoked to get over him; I smoked when I'm thinking about him. But just recently, I realized that I really had gotten over him. I quit smoking and never had a thought that I want to smoke or anything. I quit smoking because I refuse to be tied down by him.
It was one afternoon, after training, I saw Asuma-sensei taking a long drag out of his cigarette and he would suck it in and slowly exhales it out, the satisfaction was all over his face. It must be one hell of a satisfaction, I thought, to be addicted to something that is bad of the health. It slows us down, taking our lung cells with every suck of the cancer stick. To sacrifice the speed for that pleasure, must be damn great. Right. Maybe. Not that I want to try it. It's just curiosity.
Then I met him, well he's really a nobody, not super handsome, nor is he skillful, but he just had a way of making me laugh, listening to him blabber on about whatever happened in his life makes me feel like I belong. He is not like Sasuke, dark, brooding and downright handsome, nor is he like Shikamaru, the genius. He's loud yet thoughtful. When I got injured in one of the joint training with Kakashi-sensei, he brought me to the hospital even when I insisted that I am fine. He's quite a worrycat. We started spending time together.
It changed one evening, when I saw him with another girl, laughing and joking. I was green with jealousy. But nothing prepared me afterwards. He kissed her. She kissed him. My heart broke. It was so much more painful than the chuunin fight with Neji-niisan. So much more painful when I thought Naruto died when he tried to bring back Sasuke. No kunoichi training had ever prepared me for this pain.
It never occurred to me that he was just in it for the fun. It was never finding the one. He was always about having fun and 'nothing serious'. How can he think that way, when I had let him into my life when I never allowed anyone else? How can this heart heal again? Then I thought about Asuma-sensei. Cigarette. That satisfaction. Maybe it will heal me… I took a puff. And immediately coughed. A second puff. And the third… by the time I noticed, I was 1 stick down.
The pain disappeared as a light giddiness filled my head. I was high. It was numbing. I like. I was hooked. I ran abit slower. I couldn't breathe one hour into training. Kurenai-sensei suspected something. Yet I never stopped.
Until 3 weeks ago… the cigarette felt staled. The giddiness was gone. The pain too. I realized he was nobody to me. It was pathetic even for me. He once broke my heart. But it seems that it healed. I took the pack of cigarettes, and I threw it. Into the bin. Out of my life. Forever. Along with that bastard. And I know, Kurenai-sensei will be pleased.