"Why do today what we do if it'll only lead to regret & sorrow for tomorrow? What an awful thought!" She thought as she looked at him and he looked at her.

"Go carve something sick and twisted for me baby doll" But

'doll' was hiding from that enemy inside. -An awful cough was nothing but soft. She glanced at the/her scatte3red knife, the wood shavings and her unfinished block of art.

Their eyes then lingered longer, his fingertips traced from her neck to her left thigh, he breathed out a small breath.

They went in towards each other. They kissed a slow smoky kiss, his scruffy stubble rubbed against her chine and cheeks. She didn't mind it, thought. Occasionally she'd light up a cancer stick herself.

"Why mush we as living things throw darts at our lovers heart?"

The thought crawled into her rambled jumbled mind. She smiled so keen at what she had just seen. The whole scene actually. It made her curiosity drown for once in the longest such time she felt alive, better.

Now she was an advocate for more than herself. She wondered at how she got here in the start. She knows it was not with or for her art, but her heart. The hot burning passion passing through her now. Yes that's it, that's what it was, that's what it is.

And then she took that to translate, for no debate-she would and she did no longer hate herself. This would be the end, the last of those hateful 'love' notes she'd sent to her soul, to her brain. So many that if not for now she'd probably go insane. This was the last stop for that train of pain. She tot up, bored. Suddenly another song lyric floated into her head…"…Take a look, at me now!". She put her hand to her face. 'Oh My God!" She thought, yea right she said to herself. "No, there, not yet"

She figured that she really did love him. She did. ReallyIt's just that she didn't want to stay here.

She looked at him, oh how she hated his arrogance!

She wanted to cry, she really did. She thought so much of not crying that the tears just came to her, they flooded her dirty face. She sat there, and cried, looked at him, he was asleep. 'Of course!!' She just cried harder. She coughed. She put on her jacket and braced the rusty iron balcony/fire escape looking out at the wrong side of the Big Apple. Just below them was an almost deserted ally. Almost because there were the three junkies that just laid there daily. Occasionally the police came, she wished they would come this evening. She wept a few minutes more before going back inside. She had to just had to get out of this dreadful place. She woke him up.

"Honey, I'm leaving. "

No Answer.

"Did you hear me, I'm leaving! I'm leaving, I hate it here! I'm sorry, I think what you've gotten yourself into isn't right. I should have left a long time ago. Look" She said as she lifted his head up to meet hers. "I love you, I'll write you, here"-she slipped him a rehab center business card.

" What's this?""It's for you, for you to get help. Okay, now I know you're not crazy about these things but you need to try okay.""Okay, I'll give you a ring if I decide to go. Hey, where are you going to stay at?"

"I have some money still from witnessing, and from selling my paintings and drawings. I can stay at a hotel with that, and I'll try to find me a job. After I make enough money I'll send some to you, but I will leave New York. I'm sorry- I just don't want to be here anymore. Okay" The tears that were wetting the rims of her eyes at the beginning of their conversation had now revealed themselves and slowly they trickled down her face.

He stared at her, his eyes looked empty, but really they were crying out 'help me'. He was so desperate and in need of it, it showed-bad. She smiled a shy smile and then turned on the radio and light. She packed her things into her two suitcases. He stood up to help her. When she had packed all of her things she stood in the doorway and overlooked the small apartment, it really did look dead after all of her things had gone, and she didn't have that much either. She felt bad for him.

She hugged him.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He replied, she was honestly kind of shocked at his answer, but wasnot complaining.

He then kissed her, she did not let up. He backed her up against the right side of the doorway and she put her left hand on the back of his head while her right grabbed his side. They continued 'making out' and moving their hands throughout each others small yet healthy bodies.

Her 'urges' had started up and were almost screaming but she wasn't going to give in, instead she just kept kissing him, it wasn't the smartest thing to do but she did not care.

They stopped kissing each other for a minute and just held one another. A small 'oh, yes' came from her lips, then they kissed five more times. Finally after pulling away she smiled! He smiled at her smile although his was more of a smirk.

" I wasn't expecting that." she said looking into his brown eyes. "Yea, well, I wanted to give you something to remember me by." He said so chuckling.

He hugged her once more.

"I love you, be careful okay, and I'll get help-I swear." That last part was mentioned with change.

That she had realized.

"I love you too, and I will be careful, I promise. I'll call you on every success, my 'house'"-she said with actual quotations of her fingers because she knew she was not going to rent or buy a real house/apartment. "my job, and when I'm leaving-so you'll know when to visit me.

She wrapped her arms around his back and put her head on his chest where she kissed him softly.

"Good-bye"

"Bye"

She grabbed her luggage. He figured it was useless to follow her down to the street corner to hail a cab, so he didn't, he just watched her walk down the hall to the elevator. She never looked back, he was glad of that-there was no need in making this harder than it already was.