Part 1:

Blaine Anderson had only ever loved two women in his lifetime. Before he had finally thrown open the closet door, he had taken a particular liking to Sporty Spice as a kid because she could do awesome backflips was the only Spice Girl who could truly sing. The other was Jennifer Hall in 6th Grade because she always wore the cutest tartan skirt and vest ensemble and 'Red Velvet' hued lipstick. Too bad the last he ever heard of her was when she got expelled from school in 10th Grade for supposedly trying to blow the substitute Woodwork teacher. That always gave him a giggle. Got wood, Jennifer?

Once he got to Dalton Academy, however, Blaine seemed well and truly comfortable with his being gay. Of course, it had resulted in quite a volatile road to follow over the years, especially the particular bout of bullying he suffered not long after he came out in the 8th Grade and the beating he copped from a couple of the guys on the football team. Ever since, his dad had taught him how to keep his thumb in his hand when going to punch somebody and, if all else failed, just how to precisely shove a knee to the crotch. It was a pretty special moment of bonding for them since his father had taken his coming out the hardest.

Besides, Blaine had now found the perfect boyfriend in Kurt and despite he going back to William McKinley High after his own stint at Dalton they were still going strong it made you sick. Seriously, they're like one of those couples that always tune out the rest of the world when they stare into one another's eyes and end each other's sentences and their texts with 3's and :P's

Anyway, it was just at the end of recess on a beautiful early summer's morning after Blaine had replied to yet another of Kurt's adorable texts. Apparently, he just told Blaine the recent news going down with the New Directions, that Rachel was once again threatening to leave the group after losing the solo to Mercedes who was ready to bitch slap her, while Quinn and Finn were on yet another break from each other before reuniting in a future episode and to the swell of a beautiful orchestra in the background, as well as the fact that everyone was apparently going to see a lot less of Sam from now on because the producers said so… God, Blaine forgot that guy even existed!

As everyone walked into the choir room ready to practice, they instead found Headmaster Flynn standing before them, a man in his 50s with a receding hairline and, according to Dalton legend, the only man Sarah Palin ever really loved. But that's a different story…

"Gentleman, may I have some quiet for a moment," he called to his students.

The chatter began to calm down as all the boys took their seats, still rather confused by their headmaster's presence in Choir class. Headmaster Flynn was known to hate show choir in all its forms after a rather traumatic memory from his reform school years where he was beaten during a show choir performance of 'Wake Me Up Before you Go Go.'

"What's going on?" one guy up the front asked, "Where's Mr. Johnson?"

"Mr. Johnson," Headmaster Flynn began, "has been forced to take a sabbatical from show choir and from education altogether. Apparently, it was recently discovered that he was indulging in an addiction to show choir, partaking in about 15 different groups to satisfy his habit as well as coke and hookers. Mr. Johnson was found early this morning in a daze stupor walking around town humming 'Macho Man' while dressed in nothing but lime green lycra pants. Well, that's the usual hedonistic lifestyle of a show choir teacher for you."

"So what happens now?" another student towards the back asked.

"Another teacher will be replacing Mr. Johnson for the time being."

All the students suddenly raised their ire, complaints aplenty rising forth as they let their anger be known.

"But, we can't lose Mr. Johnson now!" argued Blaine. "We have regionals in just a few weeks, it's too late to learn anything new!"

"All right, everyone, settle down," commanded Headmaster Flynn. "Mr. Anderson, I can assure you that we have been able to find a more-than remarkable replacement for Mr. Johnson. I'm sure she will fit in well with the rest of the Dalton Academy family…"

"She?"

Standing up in outrage at the front of the class was infamous class snot and snivelling little bastard Skip Fulton, Dalton's answer to Rachel Berry, only much, much more melodramatic. With his pompous blonde quiff and usual childish sneer in place, Skip was the only kid in school to actually wear a three-piece suit under his Dalton blazer no matter how warm the weather was. He was a constant source of pain-in-the-arsery in show choir, with members trying to vote him out of the Warblers many times in the past, but to no avail. He was the kid who boasted to being the heir to a cat food factory fortune when in fact his mother worked at Hooters and his father working the local karaoke bar every Thursday night.

Skip was apparently also the one responsible for suggesting the Warblers sing 'I'll Make Love To You' by Boyz II Men at the local retirement home to the senior citizens during Dalton Charity Week. It did not go down well.

"This is truly an outrage!" he cried, strutting around the room like it was his own personal stage. "For shame, Headmaster Flynn! Dalton Academy has had a long and grand tradition of male-only choirmasters which has taken us to regional, state and national championships since the Dalton Warblers began! Whatever shall we do with a female at the helm? It will destroy the very foundations of the Dalton Warblers as we know it and infect it with all her female problems!"

"Oh, shut up, Skip, and sit down!" Headmaster Flynn droned, rolling his eyes. "You try paying for Mr. Johnson rehab and legal costs and see then if you're bitching about having a chick for your show choir. Besides, it's the best we can do under such short notice."

While Skip slumped back in his seat pouting like Kanye West whenever someone dare call him out for being a douchebag, Headmaster Flynn prepared for the grand reveal of the replacement choirmaster, or in this case choirmistress.

"So, without further ado, I introduce to you your new choirmaster for the next few weeks, Miss Melanie Kingsley…"

At that moment it was like you could hear 'Slow Down Baby' by Christina Aguilera playing in the background, or maybe that's just how I imagine it. Slinking into class with her dark red lips in a knowing smile and wearing a tight pencil skirt and blazer that left little to the imagination was a woman in her mid-20s. She brushed her long, tumbling curls of brown hair over her shoulder and stood proudly in front of the class, her hands clasped together.

"Hello, boys…" she purred.

Suddenly every male student's pants got a whole lot tighter…

…and for some reason, so did Blaine's.