TWEETY PIE: A REAL PRIMA DONNA
Tweety Pie is the sweet innocent canary that we all know and love. Audiences love him because he's cute and adorable. But that's only a character that we see on-screen. When the cameras aren't rolling, he shows the cast and crew who he really is: A Prima Donna. He's self-centered, egotistical, and very difficult to get along with.
Most of the time, he never shows up on set because he usually goes out partying all night and wakes up in a place miles away from where the filming location is at.
And when Tweety does arrive on set, he either on drugs or drunk. He only wants to do one take, which drives directors insane. Normally a director would do 10 or so takes to get a gag right. But Tweety won't have any of it. The filmmakers only have ONE take of him and that's it. Normally 4 or 5 scenes would be shot in a day, but Tweety only wants 1 scene shot a day.
Not only that, but he only wants ONE SHOT of him a day. After he does a take, Tweety walks off set and no-one hears him for the rest of the day. So the filmmakers would have to find a double for him. And it is not easy to find one that looks like Tweety.
Oh, how it drove the cast and crew mad as time was running out. At least his co-stars Sylvester and Granny are real troopers. They're both a pleasure to work with. But they didn't like working with Tweety.
Tweety always wants a bigger salary than his co-stars. Infact, he always wants have the budget of his cartoons.
So what is Tweety like when he's not working? Well, he's always partying all night, gambling, drug taking and womanizing, despite the fact that he's married to a bluebird. Him and wife don't get on, unsurprisingly.
Tweety's cartoons haven't been doing well recently, because they beaten by Bugs Bunny's cartoons. Audiences are going to see his cartoons instead of Tweety's. The box office results for Tweety's cartoons were no match for Bugs' cartoons.
"I won't have that stupid rabbit overshadow me and make me look like I'm old news!" Tweety said to his agent in his office one day.
Then he had an evil thought. He looked at his agent with an unsettling grin.
"Let's set him up. Make some scandal about him being a paedophile or him cheating on his wife, Lola."
"No." said his agent. "How about you show up to work on time and lay off the booze, the drugs and the birds."
"Those people on set don't appreciate me." said Tweety. "And most of the scripts I get are terrible. Being a big star like me is not much fun hanging around on set whilst you wait for hours and hours and hours to film your scenes."
"Well, you should've thought about those things before becoming an actor, Tweety." said the agent.
"Oh screw you!" snapped Tweety as he lit a cigarette.
The agent couldn't take it anymore.
"You're hopeless. I quit." he said as he put all of his things in a box.
"You can't leave!" cried Tweety. "What am I supposed to do?"
"How about changing your ways." said the agent. "And good luck finding another agent!"
He left the room with his box of things and slammed the door. Tweety sat there in a despair.
"What to do? What to do? What to do?" he thought. "Who will represent me?"
So Tweety went home. He entered the house and noticed his wife was not in the kitchen. At this time, his wife would be making dinner now. He could hear giggling coming from upstairs. He went upstairs to the master bedroom and got the shock of his life. His wife was in bed with Daffy Duck!
"Wife, how could you?" asked a devastated Tweety.
"You've had this coming!" said his wife. "You're always cheating on me and I thought 'Two can play that game.' So I found Daffy Duck. Unlike you, he's kind, gentle and we have so much in common."
"Yeah. You're despicable!" said Daffy to Tweety.
"I want you out of my house!" said Tweety's wife.
"But where will I live?" asked Tweety.
"Oh go and flirt with some bird and live with her!" said his wife.
Tweety packed his suitcase and left the house in tears.
"My career and my life is over!" said Tweety.
He went to a pub and sat there drinking his sorrows away. He drunk his weight in booze. Which is only a pint considering the size of Tweety.
A while later, Bugs Bunny came into the pub. He ordered his usual carrot juice and vodka. Tweety looked at him with glaring eyes and walked over to him.
"My career is failing because of you!" said Tweety to Bugs. "Your cartoons do better than mine, and because of you, I lost my agent and my wife!"
"Okay, Tweety. I think you had enough booze for one night." said the bartender.
Tweety picked up a beer bottle and shouted at the bartender "SHUT UP OR I WILL STICK THIS BOTTLE DOWN YOUR THROAT!"
Bugs decided to reason with Tweety and said "Look, I have an idea. Something that will get your career back on track. Why don't you and I star in a cartoon together?"
Tweety just looked at him.
"I'd rather be plucked alive and be served at as Sunday dinner than star with you!" he shouted as he smashed his bottle in half and pointed it at Bugs.
"I'm gonna skin you alive, rabbit!" he snarled as he tried to stab Bugs.
People in the pub held Tweety trying to stop him.
"Listen Tweety, if you don't stop this carry on, I'm gonna call the police about your behaviour." said the bartender.
Tweety managed to break free and ran out of the pub in a drunken state.
As Tweety made it outside, he knelt on the pavement and vomited. Passers by just looked at him in disgust.
"I might as well kill myself now." said Tweety as the vomit dripped from his beak. "But first, I like to have a little fun."
He staggered over to someone's car. He picked up a rock and smashed it through a car window. Then he got in and hot wired the car. He started the car up and drove down the road almost knocking over innocent people.
He was having a fun time. But then he saw the police following him. The police weren't in their police car to chase after Tweety. Why? Because the police were none other than the Road Runner and Speedy Gonzales. They were going to star in a cop movie and decided to research their roles by joining the police force for a couple of weeks.
Being drunk, Tweety had double vision and failed to miss a wall. He crashed straight into it. He was then arrested by the Road Runner and Speedy.
Tweety was in court a couple of days later. The prosecutor was Yosemite Sam. When he's not acting in cartoon, he's an attorney. And he was very good. Tweety's attorney was Foghorn Leghorn. He was rubbish and because of him, Tweety lost. The jury had reached a verdict. Porky Pig was in the jury.
He stood up and said "We F- f- f- f- f- f- f- f- er, find the er, de- de- de- de- de- de- de- fendent er, er, er, ,er, guil- guil- guil- guil- guil...".
The judge, who was Elmer Fudd, banged his gravel before Porky could finish his sentence.
By the way, Elmer loved wearing that judge's wig very much.
Elmer gave Tweety two choices; either go to prison or go to rehab. Tweety chose rehab.
Over the next month at Rehab, Tweety managed to get over his drink and drug problem. He also learned to behave himself thanks to the strict staff at the Rehabilitation centre.
He was liking this behaved version of himself. Very much. He made a lot of friends there who didn't like him at first because of his reputation, but got along with him when he started to behave.
When his month was over, Tweety was sad to miss his new friends, but he was ready to face the world again being the new and improved Tweety Pie.
Someone picked him up at Rehab. It was none other than Sylvester, his co-star. He drove Tweety to his house and Tweety's friends and family were there giving him a "Welcome Back" barbecue.
During the barbecue, Tweety announced that from this day forth, he will no longer party, drink, do drugs or womanise. He will show up to work on time and do as many takes the filmmakers want. Everyone applauded him.
Tweety then accepted Bugs' offer to star in a cartoon with him. But what agent was going to represent Tweety? Bugs suggested his agent could represent both him and Tweety. The cartoon was greenlit and Tweety behaved himself on set. He also did as many takes and scenes as the director wanted.
The cartoon was a massive hit and Tweety's career was back on track.
Tweety's wife married Daffy Duck. Tweety was at their wedding. He felt happy for the both of them.
Tweety himself met a thrush called Gloria. She was pretty, funny and interesting. She also had a cool "Don't mess with me" attitude that Tweety loved. They have a strong relationship.
Life was sweeter for Tweety Pie.
THE END