Chapter 1: Snapes Worst Memory
"It may have escaped your notice, but life isnt fair" Severus Snape heard himself state coldly to a young boy with a curious lightning shaped scar on his forehead.
Harry Potter glared furiously at his pale skinned, ebony haired professor, rubbing his head painfully. Snape, on command from Dumbledore, was to be teaching Harry to protect himself from the Dark Lord's powerful legilimency skills, but even after many months of sessions Snape was still breaking into his most private thoughts without much effort. Snapes last attempt had given him access to thoughts he was sure neither Harry nor himself wished they had experienced, and Harry had lashed out.
"Weve been at it for hours!" He yelled, his voice dangerously close to a whine. "If I could only rest... Your not showing me how to defend myself properly... its not fair". At this Snape had enough of the childs complaints, and responded in kind.
Just then the door to the classroom opened and Draco Malfoy stepped into the room, almost immediately sneering at Harry.
"Professor Snape sir" he began eagerly, his eyes flicking quickly between Harry and Snape, "Come quickly sir, Montagues been found upstairs stuffed into a vanishing cabinet, Madam Pomfrey said to run and get you... He trailed off.
"Potter stay put, I will be back shortly to continue your, er, remedial potions, lesson" he commanded with a smirk. Malfoy looked positively elated to be privy to the small piece of gossip and left the room quickly, no doubt to spread this information as quickly as possible to his fellow Slytherins.
Snape turned and left the room with a snap of his long black robes. Heading towards the hospital wing, he heard Potter sigh dramatically as he left. He knew he shouldn't be so childish in his torment of the boy, he knew truly that Harry was not his father, but he could not help but see James when he looked there and the hatred that rose blocked out the truth like the moon did the sun in an eclipse, and all that remained was the blood deep loathing Snape held for James.
He pushed through the heavy oak doors to get into the hospital wing and pulled his long shoulder length black hair behind his ears impatiently, so it would be out of his face and he could focus on the task before him without distraction. He could hear a commotion behind a far bed hidden by thick drapings drawn around to hide whatever was happening within. He strode up impatiently, throwing the hangings back so he could enter.
"Ah, Professor Snape...yes well im relieved you were available to stop by, see Montague has somehow become quite stuck in this cabinet" Madam Pomfrey declared matter of factly. "I have attempted all the charms I am aware of to free him but Ive had no luck... therefore I can only assume he is held by Dark Magic..."
Snapes mouth became a thin line, indicating his impatience with the situation. How he truly felt was a different matter, would there ever be an instance where dark magic was involved and he wouldnt be the first individual on everyone's mind to procure a solution? He sighed inwardly, somehow he doubted it.
Severus left the hospital wing after only 15 minutes, after performing a complex bit of magic to counter act the dark curse preventing Montague from leaving the cabinet. Being removed from the cabinet was the least of Montagues troubles, Severus thought darkly, and he swept down a staircase that twisted down to his office and classroom. Montague had been in quite a state when Snape left the wing, raving about voices and other nonsense. Probably splintered his brain trying to apparate out of the damned cabinet...
As he rounded the corner and re entered the classroom where he had been instructing Harry he was confused to find the room empty, surely the impertinent child had not left before he returned... though that would allow him to leave early and enjoy the rest of the evening away from the presence of any students. The thought heartened him for a moment before he heard a scraping through the door that connected his office to the classroom. Severus felt his insides freeze as though filled with ice, surely not he thought, as he approached the door and let his eyes sweep his office. His fears were immediately confirmed, the scraping noise was Potters hand moving over the corner of his stone Pensieve, the basin where Severus emptied his most private thoughts before each session so even in the remote accidental chance his thoughts became exposed Potter could never see the truth.
But now here he was, gripping Severus' pensieve, immersing himself in his most private moments. Snape had never felt such a rage inside himself, and it rose so quickly he felt like unsheathing his wand and slashing Potter from throat to navel with Sectumsempra. Who knows what he has seen of me now, Severus blanked, icy panic filling his every vein. He grabbed the boys collar, pulling his head from the pensieve and forcing him back to reality.
When Harry saw he was once again facing the real Snape he became frightened, he knew how wrong he was for what he had just done, invading Snapes privacy, and he was still in shock from the scenes of his much younger father interacting with his mother and Snape.
"Im s-s-sorry Professor, I was j-j-just looking around, and the l-l-light from the... Harry started in a petrified stutter. But Severus would not hear any more.
"Just thought you'd poke around did you" Severus was apoplectic. "See what you were looking for, your dear old dad everything you thought he would be?"
The words hit Harry like the Cruciatous curse and he flinched as though slapped.
"I-i-im sorry sir, i didnt k-k-know..."Harry looked at him almost apologetically. He had always assumed Snape was a liar of the worst kind, but the scene he had just witnessed told a much different story.
"Get out of my sight!" Severus raged "These lessons are at an end, I cant even stand to look at you". He watched Harry stumble out of his office and heard the echoes of his footfalls as he ran up the staircase and out of the dungeons.
Severus continued to breathe heavily for some time, as he stared at the pensieve. He did not need to ponder which scene upon which Potter had been gazing, he had only removed one memory tonight to the protection of his pensieve, Snapes worst memory. He approached the bin when he had calmed, and held his wand just above the silvery liquid. A long thin, string like strand siphoned out of the bin, broke, and disappeared as Severus held it to his temple. The memory was returned to the safety of his own memory, he should have trusted his occlumency skills, he cursed his lack of confidence. He fumed at the thought of Potter examining his memory of the day he ruined his most coveted relationship. He felt the need to speak with Albus about it and set off at once to the Headmasters office. He swept through the halls silently and with purpose, encountering very few others at the late hour. He soon reached the great griffin that protected the headmaster.
"Skiving Snackbox" Severus said, his deep baritone voice betraying his distaste for the silly password.
He climbed the tall twisting stairs easily, his thick black robes disguising his powerful body. He was heavier than in his youth, but still possessed an athletic form, he took pride in his physical presence as much as his magical abilities. He ran his fingers through his long pitch black hair and thought that perhaps it could stand to be washed more, he heard what his students, and even some teachers, said about him. He simply could not be bothered most of the time to make more of an effort, its not as though there was anyone in the castle worth making an effort for... and he was immediately reminded why he was ascending to Dumbledore's office.
It had been a long time since he had really stopped and thought about Lily, he had specially removed the memory earlier in the evening so he would not have to dwell on his perfect recollection of her beautiful red hair, and her stunning green eyes that had shown only hatred after their fated exchange on that day so many years ago when his pride has overruled his good sense and he had called the girl he loved a mudblood. He shook his head with the pain of recalling his words, hoping to dislodge them from his head, but he knew he would never forget. He felt his rage fading and being replaced with self loathing as he approached the door to Dumbledore's chambers, he was ready to turn around and retire to his own chambers, he simply did not feel the desire to get into a row with Albus tonight over Potters arrogance and incompetence. He had no sooner turned to leave when he heard Dumbledore's voice address him through the large wooden door.
"Severus please don't skulk about in the hallway, come in and have some tea, I do believe I have made to much to drink all on my own" His voice was cheery as usual, tinged with the amusement of one who always seemed to know.
Severus sighed aloud this time. How did he always know? He opened the door and entered the well lit chambers inside.