1 A white-hot flame had fanned into a blaze behind my eyes, reducing any
rationality that I had managed to retain into ashes.
So violent was my anger that I had become both strong and weak, a predator, tense and poised to attack, yet trembling with rage; gripping a carved scroll on the headboard of the bed to stop myself falling.
"Zoisaito."
His voice, deep and smooth, only adds fuel to the fire. My only reply is a low hiss from between clenched teeth. I am prepared to be hurt, to be killed for not eliciting the desired meek attitude. Kunzaito-sama is not as even-tempered with me as he is with others.
"Zoisaito---,"
His hands are around my waist, pulling me closer to rest against him. My Lord's voice is warm, unctuous, cajoling; filled with deception. Filled with lies.
"You know there is no one more important to me than you are. No one."
Lies. His words are filled with them. I pull away, startling him. As usual, he regains his composure quickly, leaving me to wonder if the astonishment that had been registered on his face only moments ago had been naught but a trick of the shadows.
The weakness of my anger has left; only the strength remains. This is a good thing. I know I am going to get hurt.
"Liar! You lie to me, to me, your sakura, your little rat. Tell me, Kunzaito-sama, can you truly say that I, I, Zoisaito, am the most important to you? Can you truly say that it is I whom you love?" I have seen the way you look at the human female, Reika; the way you look at that senshi, Sailorvenus.
He places a hand on my shoulder, and I sense the unleashed strength, the coiled power. It is in the tension of his muscles, that sensation that lets me know that he can injure me, should he choose to do so.
"Yes, little rat. I admire the beauty of these humans. But it is not they whom I am truly in awe of. Your beauty far surpasses their own; the way you flirt with danger, bring beautiful, terrible death to those who oppose you; the way you seem as an angel but act as shinma. Those weak humans are none of this; they are not of your blood."
I am aware of what my lover is trying to pull, simply trying to pacify my anger. Oh, he is thinking that I am weak, weak, weak, the foolish little sakura. He is thinking that my jealousy and petty anger reduce my value as the tiger, as the beautiful killer he has come to know.
Through all of it, my rage tastes of blood and night. I am not so weak as he might think; not so weak as Nephrite had once thought. This last thought scares me; I am putting my beloved on the same plane as that backslider. Will I be forced to kill Kunzaito-sama, too, to prove how great my love, how passionate my anger? I had loved Nephrite once.but everything I love is lost, turned to dust.
"I am so far above these humans, yet they manage to turn your head? What is it you really want?"
Please, please, Kami-sama, let him be angry. Anything is better than Kunzaito-sama's familiar deception. As I had hoped, he is angry with me. But in an obnoxiously cold way.
"Do not forget where you stand, Zoisaito. You may have gotten rid of Nephrite, but I am not so easily vanquished. I could have you placed at the bottom of the hierarchy, lower to the dirt than the most wretched youma. Your beauty would be of no use to you then."
Gods! He is playing upon my pride, as I expected. And he would go so far as to severely lower my position; I have seen it happen before. To my displeasure, the trembling anger returns, along with one or two stray tears. With anyone else, Kunzaito-sama would fight a clean fight. With me, he is ruthlessly cruel, threatening me until I am forced to submit to his dominance, to admit I am wrong.
This time, I do not care what happens.
"Threaten me as you like, Kunzaito. This time, I will not yield. Every word you tell me is a lie; you threaten me and then expect me to be quieted? Even the human females are worth more to you than I!"
Before I can think, I act, my hand flashing forward and striking him across the face in a stinging slap of surprisingly great force. He staggers backward, a hand to his perfectly smooth face, where an angry red mark now burns like a fiery brand, his eyes slightly dilated.
This is enough for me. I have finally succeeded in hurting him as he has hurt me with his wandering eyes and frequent deceptions.
I have succeeded in hurting him down to his very soul. This was a rejection from his koibito, the one person he had thought would always be meek, submissive, and, above all, forgiving.
Suddenly, it is as if he has just struck me back, though he hasn't moved. I have hurt the man I love. All satisfaction is gone now, replaced by a gnawing pain in my heart, a persistent ache that drives me to bite my own soft lips to keep me from crying out. I run forward and bury my face in his chest, my hands running through his hair as I stain his pristine uniform jacket with endless, salty tears.
"G-gomen nasai, Kunzaito-sama," I whisper, head lowered, eyes on the ground, "Onegai, forgive me. I was out of line.I know it is I whom you love, I forgive you."
"You were out of line, Zoisaito. I will speak with you later."
He speaks with finality in his every word. Bowing, he moves to take his leave of me.
Somehow, I am left feeling worse than before, and I catch at his arm as he turns to exit the chamber.
"Don't leave me.you know I can't stand to be without you."
Kunzaito just turns and gives me a long look.
"I have tried to teach you to stand on your own, little rat."
Then he is gone.
Until he comes to me later, I will just sit here in my chamber and berate myself for being such a baka, feeding off my own anguish.
At least I have that duel with Tuxedo Kamen in a couple of hours. It should take my mind off of things.
So violent was my anger that I had become both strong and weak, a predator, tense and poised to attack, yet trembling with rage; gripping a carved scroll on the headboard of the bed to stop myself falling.
"Zoisaito."
His voice, deep and smooth, only adds fuel to the fire. My only reply is a low hiss from between clenched teeth. I am prepared to be hurt, to be killed for not eliciting the desired meek attitude. Kunzaito-sama is not as even-tempered with me as he is with others.
"Zoisaito---,"
His hands are around my waist, pulling me closer to rest against him. My Lord's voice is warm, unctuous, cajoling; filled with deception. Filled with lies.
"You know there is no one more important to me than you are. No one."
Lies. His words are filled with them. I pull away, startling him. As usual, he regains his composure quickly, leaving me to wonder if the astonishment that had been registered on his face only moments ago had been naught but a trick of the shadows.
The weakness of my anger has left; only the strength remains. This is a good thing. I know I am going to get hurt.
"Liar! You lie to me, to me, your sakura, your little rat. Tell me, Kunzaito-sama, can you truly say that I, I, Zoisaito, am the most important to you? Can you truly say that it is I whom you love?" I have seen the way you look at the human female, Reika; the way you look at that senshi, Sailorvenus.
He places a hand on my shoulder, and I sense the unleashed strength, the coiled power. It is in the tension of his muscles, that sensation that lets me know that he can injure me, should he choose to do so.
"Yes, little rat. I admire the beauty of these humans. But it is not they whom I am truly in awe of. Your beauty far surpasses their own; the way you flirt with danger, bring beautiful, terrible death to those who oppose you; the way you seem as an angel but act as shinma. Those weak humans are none of this; they are not of your blood."
I am aware of what my lover is trying to pull, simply trying to pacify my anger. Oh, he is thinking that I am weak, weak, weak, the foolish little sakura. He is thinking that my jealousy and petty anger reduce my value as the tiger, as the beautiful killer he has come to know.
Through all of it, my rage tastes of blood and night. I am not so weak as he might think; not so weak as Nephrite had once thought. This last thought scares me; I am putting my beloved on the same plane as that backslider. Will I be forced to kill Kunzaito-sama, too, to prove how great my love, how passionate my anger? I had loved Nephrite once.but everything I love is lost, turned to dust.
"I am so far above these humans, yet they manage to turn your head? What is it you really want?"
Please, please, Kami-sama, let him be angry. Anything is better than Kunzaito-sama's familiar deception. As I had hoped, he is angry with me. But in an obnoxiously cold way.
"Do not forget where you stand, Zoisaito. You may have gotten rid of Nephrite, but I am not so easily vanquished. I could have you placed at the bottom of the hierarchy, lower to the dirt than the most wretched youma. Your beauty would be of no use to you then."
Gods! He is playing upon my pride, as I expected. And he would go so far as to severely lower my position; I have seen it happen before. To my displeasure, the trembling anger returns, along with one or two stray tears. With anyone else, Kunzaito-sama would fight a clean fight. With me, he is ruthlessly cruel, threatening me until I am forced to submit to his dominance, to admit I am wrong.
This time, I do not care what happens.
"Threaten me as you like, Kunzaito. This time, I will not yield. Every word you tell me is a lie; you threaten me and then expect me to be quieted? Even the human females are worth more to you than I!"
Before I can think, I act, my hand flashing forward and striking him across the face in a stinging slap of surprisingly great force. He staggers backward, a hand to his perfectly smooth face, where an angry red mark now burns like a fiery brand, his eyes slightly dilated.
This is enough for me. I have finally succeeded in hurting him as he has hurt me with his wandering eyes and frequent deceptions.
I have succeeded in hurting him down to his very soul. This was a rejection from his koibito, the one person he had thought would always be meek, submissive, and, above all, forgiving.
Suddenly, it is as if he has just struck me back, though he hasn't moved. I have hurt the man I love. All satisfaction is gone now, replaced by a gnawing pain in my heart, a persistent ache that drives me to bite my own soft lips to keep me from crying out. I run forward and bury my face in his chest, my hands running through his hair as I stain his pristine uniform jacket with endless, salty tears.
"G-gomen nasai, Kunzaito-sama," I whisper, head lowered, eyes on the ground, "Onegai, forgive me. I was out of line.I know it is I whom you love, I forgive you."
"You were out of line, Zoisaito. I will speak with you later."
He speaks with finality in his every word. Bowing, he moves to take his leave of me.
Somehow, I am left feeling worse than before, and I catch at his arm as he turns to exit the chamber.
"Don't leave me.you know I can't stand to be without you."
Kunzaito just turns and gives me a long look.
"I have tried to teach you to stand on your own, little rat."
Then he is gone.
Until he comes to me later, I will just sit here in my chamber and berate myself for being such a baka, feeding off my own anguish.
At least I have that duel with Tuxedo Kamen in a couple of hours. It should take my mind off of things.