Censored by the Roman Coalition for the Sanctity of Fanfic

by Caepio

Buckle yourself in for a wild ride through the most unlikely tale ever to hit the JC fandom since the last piece of Brassius smut went public. If there are any real Romans reading this... All I have to say is, I'm so sorry.

1. Prologue

Dearest Reader,

Imagine if you please, a Rome unlike any Rome you've ever heard of - where somehow our favorite, suicidal, overly honourable, frequently immoral characters can coexist with delightful things like "Cars" and "Living Rooms", "Vegas" and "Pinup Calendars." Also no one's dead.

Then imagine they've all gone completely crazy.

Forgive me. None of this is my fault. The heart wants what the heart wants. And Fanfic writers write whatever they find amusing at 2 am. (No offense to the many fine, upstanding writers who write at other hours of the day as well. You're all lovely people. Simply lovely).

This will be your scheduled break from the usual agenda of "blood, heartbreak, and the OTP that no one else appreciates". Ladies and Gentleman, (there are a few of you gents out there reading this, aren't there? Please?) it is with great pleasure that I present:

Mr. Marcus Censorinus and the War of the Naked Romans

or: How a Pinup Calendar Saved the Marriage of Marcus Junius Brutus (last of his name) and His Gorgeous Wife the Immensely Stoic, Portia Catonis.

*the sound of canned applause and cheers fades into the distance*