A/N: This is going to be HORRIBLE! Or what I would consider crack. My friend thought this up one night while pretending her fingers were Naruto characters. And I just happened to be sitting right next to her when she was playing it out. Although, my version is a little different than hers. She had some really weird things that would probably cause you to fall out of your chair (or whatever you're sitting on/in). But I didn't feel like adding those parts.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.
Warning: yaoi, language, violence, crack, whatever.
Pairing: KakaGaaraIta . . .
First and Last chapters: Alone in the Woods?
It was sprinkling out. The sky was a dark gray. Two ninja of different status were running through the woods, throwing random projectiles at each other for no reason but pure boredness. Kakashi was only out because his team was being stupid little girls and didn't want to play in the 'rain'. Gaara was out since his team was being the same way.
They ran for a few more miles, then came to their favorite clearing in the middle of the woods. It was where they always went in their spare time. It was where they screwed each other senselessly.
Gaara jumped down then Kakashi jumped/fell on top of him. "Damn, baka, watch where you're going next time."
"Hey, chill out there." Gaara took out the Come Come Paradise book from Kakashi's pocket. "Okay, what should we try from here today?"
You see, Gaara and Kakashi like to have sex using examples from Come Come Paradise. "Oh, how about we use that one." Kakashi pointed to a picture of a girl having her fingers up a guy's butt. "But that looks boring . . ."
"Well, you'll never know until you try." Kakashi grinned. He loved in when the little thing whined. "Oh . . . fine. I guess we can try it. But if it gets boring, I want to stop. Okay?"
"Okay." Kakashi pulled down his pants. Gaara went behind Kakashi and stuck one finger up his butt. 'Well, this isn't so bad . . .'
'Damn! This fucking hurts!' That's what Kakashi was thinking, but instead of getting angry or saying something, he moaned. Gaara took this as a signal that he wanted more. So Gaara decided to put in a second finger. "SHIT! GAARA, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?"
"Well, you moaned. I thought you wanted me to put in a second finger."
"NO! Take your fingers out of my ass." Gaara attempted to pull out his fingers out, but then he stopped. "What is it? What are you doing?"
"Umm . . . my fingers are . . . stuck." Gaara turned purple. Kakashi twisted himself so he could somewhat see Gaara. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'STUCK'?"
"Well, it's just like I said. My fingers are stuck in your ass. Do you need me to explain it even slower?" Kakashi sighed and rubbed his temples. "You need to relax. Your butt muscles are crushing my fingers." Gaara stated in a rather dry voice. Kakashi took a deep breath, but tensed up when he heard voices. And they were calling his name. "Kakashi-sensei, where are you?" All three of the little brats were out there, searching for their sensei. Then from another direction, Gaara could hear Temari and Kankuro calling him. "Damn it Gaara, get your fingers out now!"
"I can't! Your butt muscles are too tight and aren't allowing me to take out my fingers!" Then, out of nowhere, Itachi came and took them away.
When they opened their eyes, they realized they were in what looked like a bedroom. There was a red light causing everything to look red, and making Gaara nauseous. Kakashi realized that Gaara's fingers were out of his butt, but now they were both completely naked. Itachi came back in the room, with a tube of lube in his hands. "Why are we here? And why are we naked?"
"Oh, Kakashi, why are you so quick to ask questions? Anyway, you two looked like you were in quite a fix there, so I decided to help."
"At what cost?" Itachi smirked. "Oh, nothing much. I just want to make your two-sum a three-sum." Gaara looked up, then looked back down at the floor. He couldn't believe it. He was in a room with two naked guys, both of them older than him by quite a few years. He trusted Kakashi, but he didn't even know Itachi. And now he was going to get screwed by both of them. 'God, I wish I had stayed home today like Temari told me to.' Itachi kneeled down next to Gaara and put his arms around him, letting his cold hands drop down to Gaara's cock. Gaara jumped up the second Itachi's hand touched it. "FUCK! Your hands are cold." Itachi just smiled at him and motioned for Gaara to come sit on his lap.
Gaara, unaware of what Itachi was up to, willing sat on his lap. Kakashi snickered, since he had used the same thing on Gaara the first time. He was surprised Gaara didn't notice this. The second Gaara sat down, Itachi shoved his cock up Gaara's ass. Gaara tried to jump up, but Itachi held him down by the shoulders. "Damn it, let go of me!" Itachi just smiled and pushed Gaara to the floor, but made sure he was on his hands and knees. Itachi kept his cock in Gaara's ass. Then Kakashi went behind Itachi and entered his ass. But Itachi had no reaction except for a long moan. Itachi was used to this, being the sex-whore he is.
They were like that for about ten minutes. Then Kakashi let himself cum inside of Itachi, Itachi let himself cum inside of Gaara, and Gaara, who never stopped screaming for them to stop, cummed on Itachi's hand. Itachi, seemingly pleased with himself, managed to stand up and lay down on the bed. Kakashi got up and laid next to him. Gaara stayed on the floor and curled himself up in a fetal position. They all fell asleep like that.
-back in Konoha-
"Hey Naruto?"
"Yeah?"
"Where do you think Kakashi-sensei went?"
"I have no clue. But he had better be back by tomorrow, otherwise I'm going to kick him hard in the ass."
"Oh, shut up baka."
"You're all losers."
"Baka."
"Sasuke-kun?"
"What?"
"Do you have a clue as to where Kakashi-sensei went?"
"No."
"Oh."
-back in Temari/Kankuro/Gaara's hotel room-
"I wonder where Gaara went."
"He's probably off screwing someone." Temari slapped Kankuro over the head. "You don't seriously think he'd, do that do you?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
"I don't know."
Whoosh. Three-sums are BAD! And I want reviews. They can be flames, if you wish, but I'd rather have compliments. I worked really hard to remake this from a two-month old file in my mind. Review please. Kyari