"Darren stop" i said to him, he was rushing around.
"It didn't mean anything, i love you!" I said to him.
"Well if you loved me you wouldn't have kissed him..." Darren rushed into his room and started shoving clothes into his bag. I followed him.
"I swear Darren, i love you with everything i have" he came close to me. Tears where dripping from his cheek bones.
"No... No you don't. If you did you wouldn't of hurt me like this..." He stared into my eyes. I could see his pain in his eyes.
"But Darren i..." My eyes where welling up.
"But what chris... But what. I tell you what there is no but... This is over." Darren grabbed his bag from his bed and started walking towards the door. I ran after him.
"No Darren you cant... I didn't mean to hurt you, i don't like him, it was just a kiss!" I was bawling my eyes out.
"Yeah..." Darren walked up close to me. "Just a kiss to you... But it was more than JUST a kiss too me... Bye Chris." Darren turned away. I grabbed his hand. He turned back round to look at me. Then yanked his hand away from mine, grabbed his car keys and bag, then slammed the door behind him. I stood there looking at the door. Wanting him too walk back in.
What i done. I had hurt the man i loved. The only man i will ever love. When i kissed Oliver it didn't mean anything, i was drunk and Darren see it. Darren means everything to me, he was my teenage dream...
I cried myself to sleep that night. I had rang Darren several times but he had turned his phone off. I looked across the bed as i laid down. I could see Darren laying there next to me, sleeping. But he wasn't. I was just imagining in. I was hating the feeling of having to not wake up next to him. Him not being there to kiss me on the forehead every morning. Him not looking at me in that dreamy way. Him just being Darren...
I woke up the next morning, and it was horrible. I woke up and turned over to look at Darren. Obviously he wasn't there. I turned back round and faced the wall. *buzz buzz* my phone was ringing.
Me: hello?
Darren: just stop leaving me voice mails, and just stop Chris. You broke my heart, i cant ever trust you again Chris.
Me: but...
He put the phone down. My eyes started to well up, and a tear dropped onto my pillow. That little bit of hope inside me was now gone. I put my phone back on the side and lay there for a while just crying. Crying.
I had to get up to go to work. I work at Vogue. The only reason i work there is because of Darren. He told me i should fill in the application and go for an interview. Which i did, and I'm now assistant manager. None of that would of happened if it wasn't for Darren. I got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. I walked over to the cupboard and then froze. I couldn't eat anything i didn't have an appetite for anything. I walked back up to my room, slouching the whole way. I got undressed and had a shower, then got ready for work. Darren was the only thing on my mind.
I walked into work. My boss come over to me, her names Abbie, shes lovely. I was so emotional, i couldn't really talk.
"Morning Chris, have you got that paper work for me?"
Ohh shit, last night because of Darren i didn't even consider the work...
"umm... I haven't got it" i replied.
"Why?"
I was going red, and started to bite my lip because i was holding back the tears.
"Chris are you okay?"
I shook my head, and a tear rolled down my cheek.
"Come on, lets go into my office."
She put her arm around me. We walked to her office.
I sat down in the chair, and she sat opposite me. She held my hand.
"Chris... Whats happened?"
"i... Did something horrible..."
"What was it? It couldn't of been that bad...?"
"Yeah it is..."
"Well what is it Chris, you can tell me."
"i kissed... Kissed another man last night and Darren see... And... He stormed out last night. What am i going to do... I love him so much Abbie...?"
"Well I'm sure he will forgive you..."
" ... I could see the pain in his eyes, i hurt the one man i will ever love! And i cant do anything about it."
"Well try and forget him for a while, then you could find out whether you truly love him or not."
" What if i do? He's never going to love me again."
Abbie calmed me down a bit and then i got on the the paper work, that i should of done yesterday. I was trying to forget about Darren. But it was just to hard. I finished the work and then went for a drink in the coffee shop. Its a lovely little place. I walked in and he was sat at the window seat in the corner.
I froze in the doorway. He had seen me.
"Hey Chris, come sit over here."
It was Oliver. He shouted that across the coffee shop and now everyone was looking at us. I couldn't say no because of everyone, so i walked over and sat down.
"Whats the matter Chris, you look a bit glum...?"
"Do you have any idea, what me and you done."
I was getting angry and i know i couldn't lash out at him.
"Why, what did we do?"
"Don't be so stupid Oliver. We where both drunk and you kissed me."
"Oh yeah. That was fun."
I was about to get up and walk out.
"Darren see it"
Oliver's face went bright read.
"He stormed out on my last night, i tried to explain it to him but he left. Now you have ruined my only chances with the man i loved."
"Thats fine because that now means me and you can get together..."
My face dropped. Then Darren walked past the window.
I completely forgot that he come past here every lunch time. Darren kept walking, i didn't think he had seen me until he turned around and laughed to himself. Then he carried on walking. I quickly got up. And ran out the door.
"Darren, Darren wait! Its not what it looks like." I ran up to him. He stopped and turn around to face me.
"I don't care anymore Chris. Im fed up of the crying and heart breaks. Even though this is so hard for me to say, because i do love you..."
I cut in.
"See you do love me Darren and i love you. Oliver doesn't mean anything to me Darren!"
"I cant carry on like this Chris. I cant keep getting hurt, I'm not going to let that happen to myself." Darren started welling up again. He turned around and walked away.
"Darren..." I shouted but i knew that was it. I had hurt him. Bad.
I couldn't go back to work. I just couldn't. So i went back to my apartment. I walked in and it felt so empty. Darren was normally there making Dinner or cleaning. He's so adorable. But there was no Darren. Because once again i had hurt him. I chucked my bag on the floor. I really couldn't be asked to put it in my room. I walked into the kitchen and froze. There was a rose on the table. The first thing that came to mind was Darren. What if it was him, what if he had forgiven me? I walked over to it and picked it up. There was a note beside it and it read:
Dear Chris.
This is the last thing i want you to have. Remember the first time we met.
Darren.
The first time we met he gave me a rose and told me i was gorgeous. I had to text him, i needed too. I picked up my phone and i already had a message. It read:
I no that I'm not going to forgive you, but i no for sure that I'm always going to love you. I have been offered a job in California. And I'm taking it. I left you this rose to tell you that i will always love you and I'm never going to forget you. Sorry i couldn't tell you this in person because i would just break down. You are still my teenage dream Chris. Sorry. Darren x
I couldn't text him back. I couldn't believe this was happening. He's moving. Going. Im never going to see him again. Tears where pouring out of my eyes. I was froze to the spot. My hands where so sweating, my phone slipped and it dropped. Then smashed on the tiled floor. I still held my hands out, just staring at them... The door bell rang. My head turned towards the door. I shook my head and legs and they regained feeling. I whipped my eyes. I walked to to door. Then opened it.
"Are you okay Chris" it was Oliver.
"What... What do you want Oliver" i was still crying. Every time i see Oliver i just thought more of Darren.
"You left me in the coffee shop, i wondered if you was okay?"
"Oliver i really don't want to talk to anyone right now" i tried to sort myself out.
"Well you can talk too me about it!?"
"Oliver i don't want to talk to anyone!" I slammed the door in bis face. After i did that, i thought it was mean, but i was angry and upset.
I needed to go see Darren. I thought that he would be going to the airport by now. The closet airport was 40 miles away. But i would do anything to see him one more time. I grabbed my coat and keys and ran out the apartment, thinking i locked the door but i don't think i did. I got in my car and lowered the seat. Darren was in here last so he has to higher the seat so he can see over the steering wheel. Every thing i did reminded me of Darren. I reversed out of the parking space and put my foot down.
I sped down the highway. I didn't care about anything else at this moment. I wanted to see Darren if it was the last thing i would do. I finally got to the airport. Planes where taking off. I looked at my watch it was 3:22pm. I had no idea what time his departure was. I parked the car. Then got out and ran to the entrance.
I ran in through the massive glass doors into the massive open space. I stopped and looked for a board for all of the departure times on. I see one in the corner. I ran across and stopped in front of it. I looked down the list for California. It was the 3rd one down, and the only one on there. It said the gate opens at 3:20 and the departure time was 3:40. I looked at my watch it was 3:30. I knew that if i ran i would just get there in time because the gate was at the other end of the airport. I looked round at the other signs and i knew where to go. I ran through doors and security scans. I just followed the signs all the way. I ran into the gate where Darren was meant to departure from. I ran to see lots of people waiting in a line to get to the aeroplane. I ran to the window, people where walking to the aeroplane down below. I looked in the line, Darren wasn't in it. I looked back out of the window and there he was, he was walking to the aeroplane, there was no way i could see him now.
I started banging on the window.
"DARREN!" I started shouting.
"DARREN!" Everyone started looking at me but i didn't care. Darren stopped and looked around.
"DARREN!" I shouted one more time. Darren turned round and see me through the window. I stopped shouting and left my hands on the window. Darren whipped his eyes, as he was tearing up. He turned back round and started walking up the steps to the plane.
"DARREN... No..." I screamed at him, but he could no longer hear me. I banged on the window again. Hoping he would hear me. But he couldn't. The last few people got on the plane. People pulled the steps away and the plane started moving. I stay frozen at the window. Crying. I stood there and watched the plane take off. He was gone.
I sat down on one of the seats. With my head in my hands. Knowing that I'm never going to see him again. I was crying so much that tears where flooding my hands and falling onto the floor. I needed to leave but i just couldn't go. Finally i got myself up and i looked out of the window one more time. He was defiantly gone. I dragged myself back across the airport and got back in my car. I sat there and slammed my hands on the wheel several times.
"No Darren... No.. Darren." I started talking to myself, thinking Darren could here me. I composed myself and took a long drive home.
I parked the car and then walked up the stairs to my apartment. I put the key in the the door and then turned it. I tried to open the door but it was locked. So i didn't lock the door when i went to the airport, i was in too much if a rush. I unlocked the door and walked in. My face dropped. There was flower petals on the floor, they trailed into my bedroom. So i followed them. I come to my bedroom door and the trail stopped. There was a note on my bed. It read:
I will wait for you forever if i had too. Forget Darren, he never meant anything to you, you love me and i know you do! Come in Chris... Oliver xxxx p.s ring me!
I picked up the note and ripped it to shreds and chucked it out the window and watched the little pieces of paper float away in the wind. I said to myself
"Why cant he leave me alone! He doesn't know anything. I love Darren Criss." I picked up all of the petals and chucked them in the bin. I didn't ring Oliver instead i text saying to leave me alone. He never replied.
A few weeks passed. I got my phone fixed but haven't hear anything from Darren or Oliver. I still loved Darren and i always will. I have been crying myself to sleep every night just thinking about Darren. It was saturday morning and i didn't have to go to work. I had nothing to do. Me and Darren would normally go out together but he's not here. So i sat down on my sofa just looking at my phone wanting a message to pop up saying Darren on it but i knew that wasn't going to happen.
I turned on the tv. Darren was on it. I lent forward on the sofa. My eyes glued to the tv. Darren was doing an interview for some sort of tv program. It had been going on for a while, i turned up the tv. Another man was sat next to Darren:
Interviewer: So Darren, who is this handsome man beside you, together...?
Darren: haha, well... We have been seeing each other yeah...
Interviewer: Hear that everyone, we have a new celebrating couple in the distance!
My heart broke in two. Darren had found someone else. He had forgotten me. I will still sat here by myself. Pondering about Darren and there he is living his life to the full, with his new 'boyfriend'. He looked perfect on tv.
I didn't no what to do. I had to text Darren:
Hey, just see you on tv... :) Chris x
I didn't no what else to put. A couple hours later he replied.
Darren: Hey Chris, sorry you see that. We are not really a couple i promise, it was just for publicity x
When i see that i was so happy.
Me: it wouldn't matter anyway would it? Chris x
I wanted to get my point across that he was the one that ended it.
Darren: yeah i guess it doesn't matter, so how have you been? Darren x
I couldn't tell him the truth and say that i have cried myself to sleep every night thinking about him.
Me: yeah iv been good works going well, hows the new job? Chris x
I played it cool and we just had a normal conversation. I wanted to see him so much. I wanted to feel his warmth around me again. Feel his lips on mine. But i couldn't tell him that. He would think i was crazy. We finished the conversation. I was thinking that i need to move on, i couldn't keep living in this Darren world. I needed to get in my head that he has moved on.
I rang Oliver and asked told him i was sorry and that i wanted to have dinner with him some time. I didn't no if this was the right thing to do but it felt right at that moment. He said that he was sorry for what he said about Darren. He said he was going to take me to the restaurant in the high street and pick me up at 7.
I got ready a couple if days later, i hadn't really thought about Darren much, which i think was a good sign. I hadn't text him since. I got ready and waited for Oliver. I had a funny feeling in my stomach. But i kept going with it, i knew i could do this. There was a knock at the door. I opened it.
"Hey... You look amazing" Oliver said looking me up and down.
"Thank you, so do you" i replied. He smiled and we walked to the restaurant.
We got into the restaurant and got seated. Oliver pulled my chair out for me. Darren used to do that all the time but i couldn't think about him right now. We ordered the starters and we talked for a while. I kept daydreaming and kept nodding at what Oliver was saying.
The night went on and on didn't think it was going to end. Oliver just kept talking. I couldn't stop thinking about Darren. I know thats a bad thing but i just had this feeling that... I don't no. We finally payed the bill and Oliver walked me home, we got to my door.
"I had a great time tonight" Oliver was looking into my eyes.
"Yeah... So did i" i was avoiding eye contact. Only then i realised that this was a stupid thing to do. I still loved Darren. Of corse i did. Oliver smiled at me and then grabbed my waste.
"You are amazing" Oliver smiled when he said it. I tilted my head down. I didn't want anything to happen. Oliver lifted my chin up and lent in.
"No Oliver" i backed away, pushing his hands of of me.
"Look I'm really sorry, but this just cant happen" i said backing away.
"Why did you ask me to come to dinner then? You know i like you?" Oliver was confused.
"Yes i no, and I'm sorry if i lead you on, but you made me realise that the only man i will ever love is Darren, I'm really sorry" i opened the door to my apartment, then closed it behind me without even looking at Oliver. I gave out a sigh and sat down.
I sat there just, thinking about things and what the future hold for me now. Then i got bored of thinking and turned on the tv, but i put the music channel on for a little while then went to bed.
In the morning i thought to myself that i need to do something with my life, so i looked through the papers to find any other jobs that may be available. There wasn't much on offer. But i remembered that Darren told me something about this place called NYADA, its a performing arts academy. I love to sing and so did Darren but we never went for an interview or audition. So i thought to myself, lets do it, i will do it for Darren.
So a couple of days later i went for an audition and i sung 'i wanna hold your hand'. I love that song so much, it gives me chills every time i sing it. I got a letter in the mail a few days later and... I got it! They said my performance was inspiring and flawless. I cried when i see the letter. I didn't no whether to tell Darren or not, i wondered if he would really want to know...
I never did tell Darren. I have been there a couple if times now and its great. There are some amazing people there too! I hadn't text Darren since, i was worried that if i told him, he would get mad or something. I haven't seen Oliver since either.
I went and picked me phone up off the side. I have 2 messages and 3 missed phone calls. All o then was from Oliver. So i rang him back.
Oliver: Hello?
Me: Whats up, i have lots of missed calls from you?
Oliver: Yeah you need to come here quick, i have been robbed, all of my stuff has gone.
Me: Okay, i will be there in 5 minutes.
I got my stuff and got straight in the car and drove to Oliver's.
When i got there, there was no police cars or anything. But i still i ran to the front door. I banged hard on the door. Oliver opened it. He was wearing a suit and there was music playing in the background.
"Oliver, what are you doing" i took a step back, he had gone mental.
"I haven't been robbed as you can see, but that was the only way i could get you down here!" Oliver replied in a rush.
"Well have you thought of away to stop me leaving!?" I was so angry with him. He knew that i didn't like him. He knew.
"Maybe this..." Oliver opened the door wide, there was pillows and duvets on the floor, with loads of candles.
"Oliver, what are you doing!?" This man had taken crazy pills.
"You don't love Darren" Oliver grabbed my hand, but i yanked it away.
"Oliver, i like you no more than a friend, and yeah i do love Darren, i love Darren more than anything, even though he's not here right now. I still know for sure that i love him!" Before Oliver could say any more, i got in my car and left.
I parked the car, and went into my apartment, i has nothing to do so i turned on the tv. Darren was on the red carpet with his new 'boyfriend', they had both just come over to an interview lady. Darren and this man where both linking arms, i was about to change the channel when:
Interviewer: So Darren how is things with your new man?
Darren: yeah its going well, very well.
Darren and the man looked at at other and then smiled. If he was only doing this for publicity, he is doing a very good job at acting!
Interviewer: So Darren, you never told us how you two first met...?
Darren: Well when i first looked into Chris's eyes...
Darren stopped, everybody went silent. I don't think Chris was Darren's 'boyfriends' name.
I sat there with my mouth open.
Interviewer: So Darren who is this Chris? Some other mystery man?
Darren unlinked his arm with the man.
Darren: I'm sorry, we don't have a thing going on.
Darren looked at the man.
Darren: The truth is that, i don't like him, just a publicity stunt. The real man i love is back in New York. His names Chris. And he made a mistake and i didn't forgive him... But he is the only man i will ever love. Im sorry Chris.
Darren looked into the camera. It was like he was looking straight at me. Darren walked off of the screen, i started talking to myself.
"Wait, he said my name. California and several hours ahead of us. That must mean this was filmed last night... So where would Darren be now...?"
"Im here" A voice came from in the doorway.
I heard a bag drop down behind me. I didn't want to turn round incase i was dreaming. I heard footsteps come up behind me, my back still faces him. I suddenly feel a warmth. He put his hands slowly around my waste. A tingle went through me. He started kissing my neck.
"Im sorry..." He started kissing me again.
"I love you so much Chris... Please forgive me..." I put my hands on his and slowly turned round.
It was Darren. I stared into his eyes. He was so gorgeous. I cant believe this was happening. I still didn't say anything. Our hands where locked together.
"I meant what i said on the red carpet Chris, I'm so sorry, you are the only one I'm ever going too..." I pushed my finger onto his lips and he let out a moan. I removed my finger.
"You don't need to apologies Darren. Im the one that needs to apologies. I am so sorry Darren, I'm never going to love anyone else..." I finished Darren was tearing up.
"Im sorry what happened at the airport, i just could come back to see you, i was afraid of breaking down."
"Its fine, i didn't think you was going to come back..." I replied.
"I just couldn't leave you Chris, I'm always going to love you, and thats never going to change... I love you Chris." Darren said in a soft voice. His voice ran straight through my body.
"I love you too" i whispered. We moved closer and our lips touched. He was biting my bottom lip and we was both groaning. His hands moved up my body and where now round my neck.
"Come on... We have some catching up to do..." Darren whispered and pulled me into my bedroom.