A Sweet Reunion, A La Sick and Twisted
Co-brainstormed by Angel of the Night Watchers, c. 2003-ish
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It was a bright, sunny day. The rolling waves in the Atlantic Sea, the majestic Colorado Rockies, the rolling green hills of Ireland, and the very stones in Mordor… all were singing with joy. It was indeed a joyous day, for somewhere deep in the African Congo Basin, an endangered species of monkey produced quintuplets.
They were the pride of the jungle, a prime example of nature's care for it's own.
Before the proud parents could announce their triumph to the world, however, loggers felled their home, tragically killing the family of seven.
This is not their story.
This is, however, the story of those singing stones in Mordor.
It began one day, late in the day, as Gollum crawled from the very pits of Orodruin. He made his way, tired, dragging his bruised and broken ego, to the White City.
He hoped to find his fiancé there. He wished to settle down, adopt a hobbit-lass, and live a comfortable life.
The only problem was that he despised rednecks. Their stupid little immobile cars, their stupid little mobile homes, their stupid little spittoons and beers, and that ridiculous notion of… country music…
He shuddered at the very thought.
But he smiled at the though of his love. For all he hated rednecks, he was almost glad that his love was resurrected as one. Denethor just wouldn't be Denethor if he didn't wear his strapless dresses with bras that did have straps.
Also, they wouldn't have met if Denethor hadn't parked his house right in the middle of Mordor.
How they met, and when, precisely, is a story that defies explanation, and thus I will save that tale for a time when I have the Heart of Gold's Improbability Drive to assist me.
In any case, the point was that the mice has delivered a message to Gollum from Denethor that was inviting him to dinner. Gollum, on his way to the White City, picked up some of the singing stones. They were pretty, and since they didn't get the news of the terrible tree felling, they still were singing beautifully.
Gollum hoped they were having Spaghetti. He loved spaghetti. He missed having spaghetti. It's hard to make spaghetti when water evaporates in seconds in your environment…
After many days trek, during which Gollum walked, crawled a little, walked some more, slept a bit, walked, ate a few worms, walked, found somewhere to sleep, and walked, he reached the White City's gates.
Waiting for him, in resplendent urple robes, stood Denethor. In a classic slow-mo-running-through-fields-of-flowers moment(accompanied by the still singing Rocks of Mordor with their Number One hit, 'The Monkeys Are Born'), the two were reunited.
With a passionate kiss, the screen blacks out rather rapidly and most of the audience runs for the bathrooms. Naturally, with so few exits and so many puking people… It's a mess… Shame, really. They just had those carpets steam-cleaned.