War
A/N: Hey everyone! This story is inspired by Jay Sean's amazing song called War from his new album. I understand that he's not everyone's cup of tea but please give this fic a chance...Pwetty Pwease? The moment I heard it I just fell in love with it and I'd recommend it to anyone out there!
Anyway this oneshot is based around my interpretation of the lyrics in the song. I hope you like it and please review!!!
Anyway; Happy Reading!!!
It was a cold November night. A strong Northern wind was slowly picking up speed and the temperature had reached just below freezing; the coldest winter England had seen in a long while. It was ironic really, how just after the darkest wizard of all time had met his much delayed death, the coldest winter of all time set in. The loss of so many hung heavily in the air like thick smog that seemed to encase everything in its presence, making it hard to function.
Draco Malfoy let his eyes linger over every inch of the field he was in; taking in each and every detail. It was the same as how it had been a year ago before when he was last here, the only things missing being the dead bodies and frantic air of desperation and death. As his eyes wandered over the empty surroundings he felt as though he could see the events of that night unfolding in front of him as though his eyes were closed. It was like a movie being played inside his head, and there was no way to stop it. It didn't alarm him though; he'd experienced this every night in his sleep for the past twelve weeks.
He let out a breath and pulled his simple black cloak around his cold body. He knew what he had to do. For the first time in three months, Draco Malfoy stepped onto the battlefield; but this time he was fighting for a different cause.
He began to walk across the muddy ground, taking care not to slip. He looked down as he walked, knowing that not long ago the same surface had been soaked with something other than rain. He swallowed hard and continued to walk, knowing exactly where he was going even though his gaze was directed downwards.
Finally he came to his destination and allowed himself a moment to familiarise himself with it. To anyone that hadn't been involved in the war it would seem like just a particularly horrible part of a field; the only things left being the corpse-resembling trees and deeply dug trenches, but to Draco it was where he'd seen death take place, but initiated it as well. He'd fought for the dark side, he'd killed for the dark side and he'd lost his soul to the dark side. He didn't deny it and he didn't want to deny it either; he wasn't ashamed of it. He'd done what he had to do at the time, and he'd do it again if he had to. True there were things he could have done better. He knew that too many people had died un-necessarily, and he also knew that he could have stopped this from happening, if he really wanted to. But at the time, his one and only aim was to keep her alive. No one else mattered, just so long as she'd gotten out alive. If he'd have been saving others he'd have neglected to save her.
He looked down at the trenches that had been dug out by Crabbe and Goyle. They were deep enough to hide a man of over six-feet tall, but were narrow and had smooth edges which made getting out a problem; especially in the rain. If one didn't know they were there it would be easy for them to fall and become unconscious. This was where he'd seen many of his fellow death eaters die; not only at the hands of others, but of their beloved master as well. It was a sight that had once unnerved him, but now seemed to just pass over him as though it held no real significance to him.
He carefully jumped down into the trench, and laid down amongst the wet mud. Putting his hand in his trouser pocket, he took out a small picture, the edges frayed due to the lack of care in looking after it. It was of the one girl he'd only ever loved, and it had kept him strong for so long. But now, with the knowledge of her marriage to another man the following day, strength was the last thing it brought him.
I would march across the desert, to defeat my enemy
And I would lie here in the trenches, with your picture next to me
And when I told you it's forever, then that's how it's gonna be
Don't, won't let him just take the place of me... no
Draco closed his eyes and remembered the day that he'd told Hermione Granger that he loved her. It was January the tenth at precisely eight o'clock in the evening last year. He'd followed her out to the lake and they'd argued about Draco turning Ron into an elephant earlier that day for reasons which he refused to discuss.
Draco had watched silently as she'd insulted him repeatedly, words like 'egotistical, evil, bastard' spilling from her normally 'clean' and composed mouth, all coated thickly with malice. He'd stood painfully still as she hit him time and time again, venting her anger and frustration in the only way that she felt comfortable with. He knew that this anger wasn't down to him. It was the frustration that she'd kept hidden deep inside of her for so many months coming to a head. He recognised that a big part of this frustration was because she was scared – terrified even – of what was to come. He knew that she needed to let it all out, and he wasn't about to begrudge her that.
It was only when she screamed at him to tell her why, why the world was as cruel as it is, demanded an answer from him that would cause her pain to go away that he simply said "I love you."
He could still remember the mixture of pain, shock and curiosity etched onto her pretty features as the reality of his words sank in. He knew that she'd needed him to be malicious to her. Call her a filthy Mudblood, tell her that the world was cruel because of filth like her; make her feel lower than low, because it was the one bit of normality left in her life. Everything seemed to be changing at break-neck speed, and Draco's feelings of hatred towards her were the only concrete thing left for her to fall back on.
And just like everything else, he'd taken that away from her...
"W-what did you just say?" she asked softly, her amber eyes searching for a trace of deception in his grey ones.
"I said I love you Granger." He said quietly, not flinching in the least under her intense stare. "And I'm not joking."
Hermione, at a loss of what to do, nodded weakly and the two lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.
"So what now?" she'd asked him flatly, looking anywhere but at him. Draco realised that she was feeling incredibly vulnerable seeing as every trace of normality had been snatched away from her.
"Well, I know that you feel something for me too," he said, raising a hand to stop her from interrupting him. "And I know that it's hard for you to admit it right now..."
"Not hard Malfoy, it's just pointless," she said firmly. Draco quirked an eyebrow at her and she took it as a gesture for her to continue.
"Even if I did admit that I do, which I don't! What kind of relationship would we have? You don't even like me, yet you love me! And then there's the war; we're on opposite sides Malfoy! We're fighting against each other! We believe in different things and...What would your father say? God, what would Harry and Ron say? It's too messy to even consider and as for..."
"Firstly," Draco said loudly, interrupting her rant. "No one would have to know. What goes on between us stays between us. I may love you Granger but I'm not an idiot. I know how risky this is but I can't fight my feelings anymore. Secondly, it doesn't matter what side we're on as long as we're fighting for the same cause, right? We both believe in justice, honesty and logic; from where I'm standing I'd say that we held the same beliefs..."
"Things aren't that black and white Malf..."
"And, out of interest, who told you that I don't like you?" Draco said loudly, yet again stopping Hermione from continuing yet another rant.
Hermione sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Because I don't like you one little bit and yet, yet I know that I feel something for you too."
Draco looked at the girl in front of him and watched as she battled with her emotions; weighing up her guilt with her need to be happy. He knew that she needed some sort of reassurance; some sort of sign that made her feel safe.
"Granger," he said softly, taking her hands in his. "I don't know how this war is going to turn out. I don't know what is going to happen and therefore can't make you any promises concerning it. But I can promise you one thing; I will protect you and keep you safe, even if it means that I die because of it. And, if we both get out of this alive, I will continue to protect you for the rest of my life. I can't make all of your pain go away Hermione, but I can do what I can to make sure that you don't have to carry as much of it as you are now."
That was the promise he'd made to her, and he'd stuck by it ever since. He'd gotten as much information as possible about Voldermort's plans for muggleborns so that she knew first hand and could therefore be protected. He'd ensured that she and her family were kept safe during the lead up to the war when there had been a series of vicious attacks in muggle London. And during the battle he'd risked his life by killing any death eater that launched themselves towards her. In short, he had gone to whatever lengths he deemed necessary in order to ensure her safety.
So where was she now?
In the arms of Weasley he thought bitterly.
Does he really know you like I know you
All the little things?
Does he really love you like I love you
How can he compete?
If he makes me fight for you, die for you
Would he do the same?
Baby this is turning into way more than a game
Straight after the war had ended Draco had met with the news of his father's demise. His time after that had been occupied with taking over the family business, rebuilding the prestigious Malfoy name and consoling his mother who had not only lost her husband, but her sister as well.
He had heard, through word of mouth, of Hermione's relationship with Ronald Weasley. But honestly, he refused to let it bother him. Hermione and he had been through a lot in the short time that they'd been together, and he felt safe knowing that she wouldn't throw that away. She was with Weasley because she felt alone and needed to feel safe and loved. It wasn't possible for them to be together at the time because the war was still fresh in the minds of everyone and the Malfoy's weren't exactly favoured amongst the magical world. She knew this and he knew that she understood it.
However as the weeks went by Draco began to doubt this. Why hadn't she dumped Weasel yet? Where they getting serious? Was there a reason for him to worry?
But Weasley didn't know her; not really. He was as thick as an encyclopaedia and didn't know the first thing about anything. Sure he might know Hermione's favourite colour, or when her birthday was, but what about the little things that made her who she was? For example; did he know that it took Hermione approximately 3 seconds to recover from a sneeze? Or that she liked her coffee with a smidgeon of milk and one and a half teaspoons of sugar? Did he know that, when nervous, Hermione recited the first paragraph from chapter five of Hogwarts: A History to calm herself down? Did he?
Of course not. He was the only one who knew those things because he was the only one who knew her inside out. He was the one who loved her with every fibre of his body. And he would be damned if Ronald Weasley was going to take her away from him.
Now it feels like soldiers in a war
And none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battle ground
Cos he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna fight this kind of war
Draco opened his eyes and, after a few moments, hauled himself out of the trench. He began to walk across the field, neglecting to wipe the mud off his robes. He looked at the photograph of Hermione and took in her smile; her genuine smile. It wasn't the same one that was on her face the day that she'd announced her engagement to Weasley in the Daily Profit. She'd been standing next to him, smiling modestly at the photographers. Her eyes weren't shining, her face looked tired, and skin had been paler than usual.
He'd noticed all of this from his first glance at the picture, yet that blubbering idiot standing next to her was too engrossed in his own himself to even think about the woman standing next to him.
He remembered throwing the paper into the fireplace and watching as the pages curled and burned in the flames; his hatred for Ron increasing with every passing second. That red-headed fool didn't care about Hermione - he didn't even love her. He was only with her because Lavender Brown, the girl whom he really loved, had left him for someone else...
You know he's not the man you think he is
He's hiding all his flaws
So tell me what's the point in fighting
Because we'll all end up with scars?
At the start of the battle, everyone had lined up on their opposite sides to fight. Draco had been keeping an eye on Hermione, making sure he knew where she was, when he realised that Ron wasn't there. He wasn't standing in the line with the rest of the Order to fight.
He remembered some of the other Death Eaters laughing about it and asked them where Ron had gone. They'd told him that they'd seen him with some blonde girl a while ago, and that they seemed quite...busy. Of all the times to get laid Weasley would choose the beginning of the second biggest war in history.
He'd left his two best friends and his family to fight whilst he went off to have sex with his girlfriend. Where was his famous Gryffindor loyalty now, hmm?
He'd heard that after the war, Lavender had gone to stay with her mother to recover from the emotional scars that she'd gained during the war. Whilst she was there she met someone else and broke up with the youngest Weasley son. He didn't know whether Potter or anyone else knew of what Ron had done. But he knew that if Hermione knew the truth, this wedding would not be happening. The question was; why hadn't he told her?
He knew that there were no excuses. If he'd really wanted to tell her he could have easily done so. But the truth was that he was scared. Scared of her not believing him, scared of her not caring, scared of her deciding to stay with Weasley anyway.
But girl if that's what I must go through,
Then I'm not prepared to lose
Cos I've already bled so much for you
Draco stopped walking and took a moment to take in his surroundings. He'd subconsciously managed to walk right into the middle of the field. It wasn't long ago that he'd stood here alongside his now dead father and other family members, staring at his past professors and classmates, ready to fight, ready to kill.
His grey eyes scanned the landscape looking for nothing in particular. Suddenly, a figure apparated on to the field; the noise immediately gaining his attention and causing him to reach for his wand in alarm.
"Who's there?" he asked firmly, quickly pocketing the picture of Hermione.
When there was no reply Draco took a step forward.
"Show yourself!"
He heard a fait gasp before...
"Draco?"
Even though the voice was muffled and barely audible he knew exactly who it was as soon as his name had spilled from her lips.
"Hermione?"
By saying her name in return her suspicions were confirmed and she visibly relaxed, but only for a second. Draco slowly began to walk up to her, each footstep bringing him closer to the girl that he loved, the girl that was soon to be someone else's.
When he finally reached her he noticed that her eyes were downcast. Typical Granger he thought flatly. He gently raised his hand to touch her hood, and in one swift movement, took it off.
He stared at her, slowly taking in every detail. She was thinner; her cheeks had gone in slightly and her body seemed smaller somehow. Her hair had settled down into soft curls rather than the frizzy mess that he remembered. Even though he couldn't see her eyes the bags underneath them were clear. She probably hadn't slept in days.
"What are you doing here?" he asked her softly.
"Fancied a walk," she said; her voice thickly devoid of any emotion.
"A walk? But it's almost midnight..."
"I know!" she snapped angrily.
Draco blinked at her, noting the fact that her eyes were still fixated on the ground. He let his eyes burn into her; daring her to look up at him. She shifted uneasily, still refusing to look up, and sighed.
"And what are you doing here?"
"Fancied a walk," he said in a tone that was meant to mimic hers. He knew would irritate her, and that was why he did it. A negative reaction towards him was better than no reaction at all. True to form the brunette scoffed at his reply, and had her eyes been open, he was sure she would've rolled her eyes. She stuffed her hands into her pockets and allowed her hair to fall around her face, but still said nothing. She stayed like that for a few long moments until Draco could no longer take the silence.
"I've missed you," he said softly; his eyes fixed on her eyelids.
"Don't," she said sharply; her head snapping up and her eyes meeting his for the first time that night.
Draco stared at the unrecognisable face of Hermione Granger with a look of pure shock. Her eyes had lost their shine, the colour had left her cheeks and she just seemed so tired. She looked so unhealthy; so weak. Hermione Granger was a lot of things; but weak wasn't one of them.
"What happened to you Granger?" he said softly.
Hermione furrowed her eyebrows at his words yet remained silent. What did he mean by that?
He lowered his gaze to her left hand and saw that there was a small diamond ring on her wedding finger. It was simple, but not elegant. He diamond didn't have any sparkle; it was flat and life-less – a little like glass. He rolled his eyes arrogantly; stupid Weasley couldn't even pick out a decent diamond for her.
She followed his gaze and sighed softly. The time had come to confront the issue she'd wanted to hide from, but always knew would have to face.
"I suppose you've heard," she asked, a new found confidence in her voice.
"About what? Oh, your marriage to the Weasel? Yeah I heard." Draco answered coldly.
There was another pause.
"Why are you marrying him?" Draco asked quietly, no longer able to hold it in.
Hermione sighed weakly. This was not how she wanted to do this. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and the cold would not help either of them to think rationally.
"Not now Draco, please..."
"Yes now! I've waited months to hear the answer to this question and I think that I of all people deserve to know! So I'll ask you again Granger; why are you marrying him?"
"I- I..."
"You what?"
"I..."
"You..."
"I...I HAD NO CHOICE DRACO!" she yelled, the intensity of his stare adding to the pressure she already felt. She knew she couldn't lie to him. Anyone else yes, but not him. Even the most convincing lie concocted in history wouldn't have been believed if said from her lips.
"THERE'S ALWAYS A CHOICE HERMIONE!" he yelled back, not quite satisfied with her 'explanation'.
"FOR ME THERE WASN'T!" Hermione screamed angrily. Draco took a small step back, knowing that tone in her voice meant that she was serious. She closed her eyes and sighed before looking up at him again.
"After the war, things were so... difficult. I was around people, people who were like family to me, and yet I felt like I didn't belong there. I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there, that I was supposed to be with you.
'The Weasley's were so good to me; they looked after me and helped me through things. My parents tried their best considering that they don't understand anything. I was amongst people who cared about me, and who I cared for, but the one person that I cared about more than anything else wasn't there..."
"You knew that it was damn near impossible for me to leave the Manor! My father had just died Granger; I was the sole heir! I had to step up straight away and reclaim the Malfoy name..."
"Do you think I don't know that Draco? You're forgetting that I didn't receive word of you being alive until four days after the war had ended. I spent ninety-six bloody hours in turmoil thinking that you were dead! I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep; I couldn't do anything! Do you know how that feels Draco?"
Draco swallowed heavily; annoyed at himself for not taking this into account.
"Once I knew you were ok I realised that you would be busy. I promised myself that I would wait for you; however long it took. I had complete faith in this promise Draco and you have to believe that, but then...then Ron and I started to get closer. I was missing you so much, and I guess at the time I thought of Ron as a sort of substitute for you. I knew it was wrong; it felt wrong. I knew that to start something with someone I didn't even like in that way would only cause a big mess..."
"Why did you do it then?" Draco asked. Hermione looked up at him with a sad smile.
"I don't know. I still don't know, and I hate it! I tried so hard to somehow change my love for you into love for him, but it never worked. You were the only person who knew me, understood me. Ron tried, bless him, but he's not you, and no one understands me like you. I've known this all along. "
Does he really know you like I know you
All the little things?
Does he really love you like I love you
How can he compete?
Draco looked into her eyes and saw her watery ones looking back at him.
"So then why in Merlin's name are you marrying him?" he asked her, exasperated.
"I,I guess I began to give up hope of you coming back. I thought you'd moved on and decided to do the same. Ron proposed and I said yes automatically..."
"Moved on? Hermione I made you a promise! I swore that I would protect you for the rest of my life. You're the only girl that I've ever loved! I fought for you; every person I killed on this very battlefield was for you, every bloody house elf I've set free since my father died has been for you! Whatever I do is for you! And what get me is that you know that! You've always known it and you still said yes to him..." Draco exclaimed as he pulled her towards him. He kept his hands on her arms and lowered his head so that their noses touched.
"That night that we started going out, when I turned Weasley into an elephant? It was because he made a pass at you earlier in the Great Hall. I despised him for touching you; he wasn't worthy enough to touch you. He didn't deserve you. I've been fighting Weasley for you since the age of sixteen, Granger. Don't think for one second that I'm about to stop now."
If he makes me fight for you
I'd die for you
Would he do the same
Baby this is turning into way more than a game
And with that, Draco closed the remaining distance between them by kissing her passionately on the lips. If Hermione was shocked she didn't show it because she kissed him back with fervour equal to his. She felt his tongue lick her lips and automatically allowed him entry to her mouth. It had been so long since they'd been this close to each other, yet they both seemed to slip back into their own rhythm. They kissed quickly, roughly, but with an air of sweetness around them. They were kissing with raw hunger and need; need for each other.
Just as quickly as it began, it ended, and Hermione pulled back firmly.
"Draco, we can't, Ron..." she panted. "I'm marrying Ron tomorrow Draco..."
Draco scowled and pulled away from her, anger surrounding his facial features. Why did bloody Weasleby always manage to ruin the moment?
Now it feels like soldiers in a war
And none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battle ground
Cos he don't wanna leave, And I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna fight this kinda war
"I can't do this Granger," Draco said gruffly, his head starting to hurt.
"What?" she asked.
"This! Pulling away from you because of someone else, having to let go of you so that you can walk away from me. I love you Granger, so much that it hurts. But I'm sick and tired of pining after you. I'll always keep my promise to protect you, but I can do that from wherever I am. In the end it was always going to come down to this; you need to make the decision. Me or Weasley; it's your choice."
I'm getting kinda sick of this battle
Wish I could take it back to when I had you
I'm almost thinking that he can have you
Just let him have you
Hermione swallowed hard and felt tears begin to prick her eyes. She'd been choosing between her love for Draco and her love for her friends for so long that his statement didn't shock her. She'd known that it was inevitable from the moment she'd started to have feelings for the blond haired man. However there was a massive difference between the decision she made now and the decisions she'd made in the past. This decision would impact her for the rest of her life, and would ultimately decide which man she spent the rest of her life with.
When she'd agreed to go out with Draco she'd made a conscience decision to go against her friends. Whilst it had been horrible to lie to them and sneak around day in day out, she'd had Draco. He'd been her rock; drying her tears and listening intently as she voiced her fears. He'd eased her mind by reassuring her, and she'd always felt safe and loved, regardless of the fact that he was a death eater. All in all, although she felt awful for lying to Harry and Ron, she'd experienced happiness that she never thought was possible during such a grim time.
But when she'd accepted Ron's proposal she'd made yet another conscience decision, this time to go against Draco. Whilst her relationship had been easier with Ron due mostly to the fact that it wasn't a secret and that it was accepted by everyone; she couldn't deny the fact that she hadn't been happy. She'd always wanted to marry a man who understood her feelings without her having to voice them. Who was intelligent and had a kind heart, but most importantly, who loved her unconditionally. There was no denying that whilst Ron loved her, he wasn't that man. Draco was.
But to be with Draco would mean giving up everything and everyone that she loved. She would be disgraced; Harry, Ron and Ginny would never speak to her again. The truth would come out and no one would understand.
It's getting kinda hard to convince you
After all the shit that we been through
You got a choice to make it stop
It's already gone too far girl
Draco, seeing the battle of emotions in Hermione's eyes, decided it was time she knew the truth.
"Hermione, before you make your decision you should know the truth about your fiancé..."
And so he told her the truth about where Ron had been at the start of the war, who he had been with, and why he'd been so eager to start a relationship with her. He knew it was a dirty thing to do; a Slytherin thing to do. But why should he lose the girl he loved to someone who hadn't been honest with her? If he was going to go down in this battle he was damn well going to take that idiot Weasley down with him.
By the end of it to say Hermione was shocked or hurt would be an understatement. She blinked a few times at Draco, her eyes delving deep into his; desperately searching for a trace of a lie. She didn't find any, and wasn't sure whether this was a good or bad thing. She felt betrayed; she'd stood on that battlefield with Harry and the rest of the Weasley's, worried sick when Ron never came. She'd consoled Mrs Weasley and told her repeatedly that nothing had happened to Ron, all the while trying to ignore the sickening feeling in her gut.
Ron had told her that he'd needed some time to himself before he joined them to fight. He'd gone for a walk to clear his head and had lost track of time. She'd believed every word because she had no reason to doubt him. But now... now she didn't know who Ron was anymore. The fact that he'd lied so effortlessly for the past few months. To her, to Harry, to his family. What sort of person did that?
But to be mad at Ron would make her a hypocrite. After all, all the time she'd been going out with Draco she'd easily lied to her friends. She'd sacrificed time helping Harry for time with Draco. But she'd never have left him on the battlefield; not consciously anyway. She thought about how awful she'd have felt if she'd have been with Draco whilst something happened to Harry. Surely Ron felt guilty for his mistake; regardless of what he'd done he still had a conscience.
But this meant that she was in a relationship where both she and her partner were settling for second best. Did she really want to live her life like that?
Cos we're soldiers in a war and none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battle ground
Hermione looked up at Draco; the man who she knew she'd always love. She'd cried so many tears for him, spent so many nights pining for him. He had killed people, watched innocent people die, insulted her friends and become a death eater; but he had also killed for her, protected her, fought for her and kept her safe. He'd proven himself to her in so many ways before.
Cos he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
She averted her gaze to her engagement ring and thought of her fiancé. Things were slowly beginning to make sense; their rushed relationship, the hasty engagement, announcing it in the Daily Profit, holding the wedding just a month after getting engaged. It was all just a way of getting over Lavender. But she had responded with equal spontaneity in an attempt to get over Draco. Didn't that make them…equals?
He don't wanna leave
And I don't wanna fight this kinda war.
"Granger?" Draco said whilst snapping his fingers. She blinked and took a sharp intake of breath.
"Yes?"
"Who's it going to be?"
Cos He don't wanna leave
And I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave
And I don't wanna fight this kinda war…