Chapter 1-Haven

I feel…

Like I've been robbed. Like I'm left at the starting

Line, while everyone is racing towards the finish line.

And I'm still putting my heart back together. The crowd

Is cheering, for the cheater. The one who got everything and couldn't

Leave it at that. Who gained my trust and cut off my legs so she could

Ensure that I never won.

She will cross the finish line and be adorned with flowers and showered

With confetti. And this will not be enough for her. She will come back

And cut off my arms, so that I cannot even crawl to the finish. She

Will leave me on the ground, helpless. Then she will take my

Sorry body and put me in a box, so that no one will come to me.

The thing is, though, no one will come to me. Because Ever just has to be

So goddamn perfect.

I unbutton my blouse and let it fall to the ground in a heap of

Silk. And feel the blankets and mattress absorb me. What's worse? Having

Someone ignore you for your best friend? Or having your best friend take away

The one person who didn't ignore you. Perhaps, it's worse to be ignored. Because

Ever was just a sad little puppy and Damen chose her. Sure, she had physical

Advances and whatnot. But isn't Damen 'different than the other guys,'

Per say? At least, that was what Ever told me.

Who knows; she lied to me once, twice, three times… the list is probably endless.

The saddest part is…

That I let her in.

When I found her, and Jude, all I saw was a little pile of dust dressed in some

Designer clothes. It didn't take long at all to realize how wrong that was. What made it Impossibly worse was that she was holding his shirt. And that something in her eyes, make it

Insanity, or adrenaline, or pride… I snatched that shirt out of her eyes. Vowed to kill her. Rip her

Perfect little world from right under her. Like pulling a rug from underneath a kitten.

It wouldn't just be her dead body (or in her case, pile of dust) that I would be prancing on.

Oh, no. Because when you take down Bonnie, you gotta kill Clyde, too.

Misa and Marco come over. I tell them about what happened. The thing that bothers

Me, is not that they didn't mourn. Not that they didn't comfort me. What bothered me was

That they were only interested in having a share in the remaining elixir. Because they

Were running out. And didn't know the recipe.

Rafe found me alone in my/his room, trying to strangle myself with the sheets. Not because

I thought I could meet up with Roman by doing so. I did it because Roman would sometimes

Lock his fingers around my throat as we slept together.

Rafe told me he sensed something was wrong, found me. After I told him, I unleashed my Depression. He… 'comforted' me. It was ok, I guess. My pain subsided for a while.

Once we finished, he held me and stroked my arms. "You have no idea how much I've

Waited for this." That hit me in a way I never would've expected. "Really, I'm not

Torn up on what happened to him. Didn't treat you like I could've…"

One day, Misa asked me if I'd seen Rafe. Told me that he hadn't been around for months,

And she was really worrying about him.

I told her that I didn't know. Then she complimented me on my new vase, the one

On the mantel of the fireplace. I thanked her, and did not tell her what (or who) was in that vase.

Every night, I would lie in bed. And play different scenes in my head, smiling harder and harder As they became more brutal. Feeling goose bumps prickle on my bare skin as I saw myself

Pinning Ever down, murmuring horrible things to her, then killing Jude right before her.

Holding him up by his dreads and slicing his face. The plot changed as I dug a knife into Jude's

Eyes. Then, more and more horrible images poured into my mind. However horrid and

Tortuous the fantasies would become, it didn't seem like enough. Just physical pain will

Obviously never be enough to fulfill my revenge of Roman's death.

Then, I realized that it's not always about finding your enemy's dirty secrets.

It's about digging deep on those around your enemy.

That means… Damen.

If I have to be honest, Roman was a hoarder with a capital H. he kept everything. I would Sometimes roam around the house, I found piles of notes, journals, or just loose sheets

Of paper. When I addressed it to him, he would murmur something angrily and ask me to

Go do something with Ever of Miles. After I came back, the papers would be missing.

Once, I tried to clean the house out. He got so mad, the he locked himself in the room with

All the elixir and didn't come out for three days. When he did, he left for a week. Told me

He was going to make a new brew.

My point is that I was so numb after he died, I forgot about all of his notes. I'd never tried

Reading them, or even begun to imagine what was so important that he couldn't bear to

Throw it out.

Maybe the key to what I was looking for… was in those notes.

Today, I will find every inch of notes that he left behind.

I stand in the middle of the living room and tap my chin, looking around the house and

Thinking hard. If I were Roman… where would I hide my secrets?

First, I have to think where he originally put them. Under the bed, on the shelves in the

Closet, in the spare cabinets that we didn't stash elixir in. Now, where would he

Have hidden it again?

A better question yet: where could he have hidden it?

I pad across the floor, pinpointing every corner, every object that could susceptible to having Some out-of-the-box place that could hide his, Damen's, the Immortals' darkest secrets.

I wander around the house, slowly stepping to see if I can spot some place Roman might've

Liked enough.

After taking one more step, warmth blossoms on my foot, and energy surges through my

Veins. Words, which seem to arrange into a recipe, flow into my mind. I look down at the

Floors. My advanced eyesight narrows in, and see a small split in the wood.

Of course. Under the floor boards. He hid his notes under the floor.

This entire time I was walking over what I needed most!

I look around, trying to find something that can help me get under the wood. Nothing.

I'll just have to use my hands.

I have found it. I have found what I was looking for.

Turns out Damen was much older than he let on. It would be logical to say that there's

Thousands of papers. They're in no kind of order, and it could take ages to read it

All. Luckily for me, I'm better than that. I don't really have to read.

As of now…

Ever, I am the worst enemy that you could never even begin to imagine.