Hey! So, I recently got a few new perfumes and I've really been enjoying them. How does that relate to this story, you ask? Well, let's just say after I tried one of the fragrances on, I was thinking of Sandy and then a few ideas popped into my head, leading to the birth of… well, whatever this is, lol. This is just going to be a simple, two-chapter story that I hope you will find somewhat funny/amusing. Anyways, here we go.
Disclaimer: I do not own SpongeBob SquarePants or any of its characters.
The Aroma Elixir
Ah, nothing like a carefree Friday morning. The sky blue, the water clear, and the friendly, calm aura of Bikini Bottom.
Arguably the most intelligent creature in the whole city, Sandy Cheeks, was enjoying this peaceful alone time as she strolled her way to Undersea Beauty, the largest beauty hangout for both teenagers and young adults.
She inhaled deeply, allowing the precious oxygen within her tiny space of a helmet to fill her lungs. "Ah. Yes, Siree, there ain't nothin' like the fresh mornin' dew," she spoke aloud, then examining her own words.
"Or… maybe I'm just really sweaty?" her nose twitched at the overheated odor within her own space. Well, it wasn't like anyone was going to notice, right? After all, she was wearing her suit. Besides, even if they could smell it, there was nothing wrong with the scent of a little perspiration and acorn.
Sandy approached the large building that was shaped like the town shopping mall – just a smaller version of it. On the wide front of the structure were white painted daisies surrounding big, bold purple letters that read, "Undersea Beauty, the place where all the true ladyfish shop."
As she entered through the shiny glass doors, her senses were luckily blocked by the shield of her helmet. The room was drenched in the fresh scents of newly displayed cosmetics, skin care which, quite honestly, just smelled like plain fish, and most pungent of them all were the hundreds of different fragrances displayed on a long stretch of a glass counter.
Sandy looked around in awe, just imagining the astronomical prices of all these extravagant products. She was in luck though because she came to this place for one reason and one reason only; to buy a new bottle of her favorite fur conditioner.
She made her way down the hair care aisle and began combing through each row of products. She was, although disgusted by the even higher price range, still quite impressed that this store could stay in business.
Sandy stood up straight, rubbing the back of her helmet. "Gee, I guess these teens will do anything for a can of that stinky hairspray stuff," she said, catching the attention of a male fish and his wife.
The two gave the unsuspecting squirrel what could only be described as "The side eye."
"Well, lookie there honey, can't believe they still let people in Halloween costumes shop in here," the man whispered out of the side of his mouth.
"I know, you'd think they'd get a clue as to how bad it was to let those teens come in here last year…" his wife replied, finally catching the attention of Sandy's ears.
She turned around to look at the people who were presumably talking smack about her. "I mean, they stole $250 worth of merchandise, for Neptune's sake," she said snottily.
"What-I ain't stealin' nothin'!" the young squirrel fired back. The two immediately began power-walking away from her, as they had heard stories of her temper and just what she was capable of in terms of dealing with people who dared to fire shots at her. We're talking nuclear explosions, lots of em'.
She took in another deep breath, allowing the snide remarks to roll off her shoulders. She continued her search for the magic fur conditioner, but with no luck in finding it.
"Gosh-darn it! What does a lady gotta do to get some stinkin' conditioner around here?"
"A lady wouldn't reek of sweaty walnuts and old pickle jars," said a young woman, cackling along with her snotty entourage. Her condescending tone along with her expensive looking jewelry was enough to take the scientist down a few notches in her confidence.
Sandy huffed, furrowing her brows. "First of all, I don't even like pickles. Second, they're acorns, not walnuts." She corrected sternly.
The snobbish ladyfish rolled her eyes. "Whatevs. Walnuts, acorns, same thing…" an evil smug grin crossed her lips. "They're both bigger than your brain." The entire group of girls cackled like the witches that they were and walked away.
Sandy stood there, anger threatening to explode out of her. She swallowed hard, attempting to rise above the cattiness. What would getting angry accomplish? Except for, you know, getting kicked out?
Just then, a teenage girl and her mother entered the aisle, both pinching their noses. "Ew, mom, I smell dirt and nematodes," said the girl.
"Well, that's what you get when you allow a pest into the store. Come on, dearie, let's go elsewhere for our beauty needs," said the mother, giving Sandy a dirty look.
Sandy pursed her lips to the side and lifted her arm inside of her suit. "How's this possible? The smell can't be that strong, can it?" she wondered, sniffing her underarm.
Two attractive male fish walked past her. They smiled… until they caught a whiff of her. "Ugh, dude! Who let the Ferret shop in here?" the boy with the slicked back hair asked his friend. They pinched their noses and ran as fast as they could.
Sandy was speechless. Perhaps the smell was indeed stronger than she had realized. Well, she was in a beauty and fragrance store; now was her chance to stop getting made fun of! Also, her chance to stop attractive men from running from her, she already had dealt with that enough in Texas when she had beat every cowboy at his own game when it came to arm wrestling.
She stepped towards the long glass counter and closely examined every fragrance, and there were lots.
"Hmmm…" she was filled with curiosity at the little round blue bottle with a pearly white cap.
She picked it up, looked all around herself to make sure the coast was clear and stuck it inside her suit to spritz herself.
"AGH, AGH, AGH!" she coughed loudly, catching the attention of practically every person in the whole store. She looked around, embarrassed. "Heh, heh… just a little dry throat is all," she spoke nervously.
Putting the fragrance down, she realized the scent was actually quite pleasant. She was considering giving it a good try… until she saw the price tag.
"JUMPIN' PIG SNOUTS! Y'ALL ARE- " she had once again used her outdoor voice. She cleared her throat. "Ahem, crazy."
$275 is how much that lousy toilet water cost! And Sandy soon found that the rest of the fragrances weren't much better.
"Excuse me," a fragile old lady asked an employee.
The young woman turned around. "Yes, how may I help you, ma'am?"
"Would you be so kind as to direct me to the nearest fragrance store?" asked the old woman, her voice shaky yet sweet.
"We have plenty of lovely fragrances to choose from right here, ma'am," the young employee said with a smile.
"Coral bits!" the old woman cursed, catching both the employee and Sandy by surprise. "Your prices are much too high, especially for a delicate little creature such as me,"
Sandy rolled her eyes. That sounded like an argument that Plankton would come up with. "Well, I'm sorry ma'am, but- "
"Aw, fish-paste. Forget you; I'm makin' my own perfume at home." The old woman waddled her way out with her cane.
The young employee sighed. "Well, another customer lost," she said glumly.
"I told you not to wear that bubblegum perfume," said a woman as she passed by. The employee rolled her eyes, muttering to herself, "I hate bring your mother to work day."
Wait just a minute.
That old lady was onto something. The prices were indeed way too high for the average person, which is basically what Sandra Cheeks was, aside from her intelligence.
She was a scientist for corn's sake! Why hadn't she thought of this before? If she could figure out a formula for a fragrance to hide her earthy smell, she'd stop getting all the negative attention! Brilliant.
Sandy put down the fragrance she was holding and marched her way toward the exit, then turning around and shaking an angry fist in the air. "Y'all will see! I don't need your dang Eau De Toilet!" she proclaimed, making all the employees physically cringe at her pronunciation of "Toilette".
She stomped her way down the road back towards the Tree dome. Along the way, she passed Patrick, who was just as bubbly and clueless as ever.
"Ahahahaha!" he laughed to himself as he skipped merrily past her. "Hey, Sandy! Whatcha doing?" he asked, watching as she walked away.
"On my way to makin' the perfect toilet water!" she replied.
The water was silent for a few moments.
Patrick stared into space. "Okay. Let me know if you need to borrow some of mine."
A/N: And here was chapter one! The conclusion will be coming soon.