Title: Never Easy
Rating: M overall
Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest
Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0
Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?
Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*
Author's Note: Alrighty, I wanted to write a really long fic. Normally, I can't stand reading chapter fics, I just have no tolerance for them. But I thought, maybe if I write one, I'll enjoy it more. So here is my attempt. I'm not sure how many chapters it's going to be… but I've got some crazy plot points I need to cover, so it might be a quite a bit. Oh, and it's going to be full of angst =D. *side note* I used a quote by Stephen King. I just loved it when I read it, so I had to use it. Props to him. I hope you enjoy the story.
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Things are never easy. I learned that when my mother died when I was still just a little child. My younger brother and I decided that we would bring her back. I loved my mom and brother with all my heart. So when I was about to lose everything that ever was important to me, I gave up what little I had left. Using my right arm as material, I bound my brother's soul to a suit of armor after a transmutation gone horribly wrong. Now, without a left leg and right arm, I laid dying on the hard cement floor of the basement in our house. My body was screaming in pain, but even then I could feel that starting to slip away too as my flesh began to pale and grow colder. The only thing that I remember after that was Al's new, heavy, metal arms picking me up off the ground. I knew that I had managed to save him; although "saving" might not be the best word after what I had done to him in the first place. It was my fault that the suit of armor that held me was empty. It was my fault that the creature shrieking and gurgling in the center of the room was created. We had failed to bring our mother back; and lost so much more than we had ever imagined possible. But then again, as they say, God always punishes us for what we can't imagine.
I don't remember anything after that. I don't remember Al rushing me to Aunt Pinako's house in the pouring rain. I don't remember hearing him begging her to save me; that I was dying. I don't remember crying out in my sleep that I was sorry, that I never meant to hurt him, that I would do anything to make things right for my brother.
It was easy for me to decide on the automail. I knew what I had to do. I knew that whatever it took, I had to fix the horrendous mess that I had made. I knew that until Al was back in his body, I would never forgive myself; if I ever did at all. And there was no way I would have been able to do that lugging around a couple of stumps. Thinking back on that night, I often ask myself whether I would do it all over again. Of course, my mind immediately says no, for Al's sake. It would have been better for us to deal with our grief, instead of adding so much more on to that pile. But then, that evil part inside of me asks, "But then Al wouldn't need you. You probably wouldn't be this close. All those years of travelling together never would have happened. Maybe the death of your mother and the hatred for your father would have driven you two apart. What would you do without him?" I would never, ever tell Al these thoughts, but I couldn't help but listen to that voice inside my head. The selfishness inside my heart always left me loathing my actions. Like I said, things are never easy. Why should my hypotheticals be any different?
"Are you ready Brother?" Al asks. I can hear his voice shake a bit as it echoes inside of that metal container. I snap out of my thoughts and realize that I had been crying. I wipe the tear that had betrayed me and slipped pass my defenses. I had built this wall ever since that night, and I wasn't about to let Al see me with it down now. Not today. Not when everything we ever worked for was right in front of us. Thankfully my back had been turned to the door that he had just walked through. I turned around, my head still bowed because I was too worried that my eyes would give away the fear wrecking my body. Sure that my voice would betray me as well, I simply nodded and lead us out of the room that we had been sharing the past five months in the military dorms, and down the hall.
The walk seemed to take forever, but that might have been because every time my heart pumped in my chest, I thought it was going to be the last time. I don't even remember telling my legs to move me, but they did, and soon we reached a set of double doors with Roy Mustang standing in front of them. He nodded quickly when he saw us and pushed the doors open for us. We walked inside. The room was one of the military's ballrooms. It was empty of decorations, music, and food now, and the silence seemed to shake even though there was a gaggle of people inside. I saw Hawkeye near the center of the room with Havoc standing a few paces behind her. Against one of the walls were about five nurses from the hospital down the block. Mustang had hand-picked them himself, reassuring me that they could be trusted. I didn't really see all these things though. What I noticed was the giant transmutation circle that I had asked Roy to draw on the floor in the middle of the room. It looked perfect. I felt my stomach lurch.
Roy took a step closer to me. "Edw- Fullmetal, can I speak to you alone for a second?" he asked, turning his head towards Al. Al simply bowed and walked over to the nurses, running over the plan with them for the millionth time. His metal feet created resounding clangs that seem to reverberate continuously in the huge room. I watched him quietly talk to the women. I didn't want to pull my eyes off of him, but Mustang grabbed me by the shoulder and jerked my attention back to him.
"Edward, everything's ready. The transmutation circle, the nurses, the medical equipment; it's all perfect. Are you ready?" he whispered to me. Al's same question resonated in my head. My throat choked up, so instead I nodded. His eyes seemed to soften as he looked into mine. He ran his hand down the side of my face. It was supposed to calm me down, but I wish he hadn't done it. Not with Al just a few feet away.
"Please…" I whispered as I took a step away from him. I saw his face harden, putting up his own defenses again. I was one of the few people he ever let see him without it up. The thought made my stomach lurch again. I didn't need this right now. I had to concentrate.
He straightened up and I heard him sigh. "Anytime you're ready, Fullmetal," he said, gesturing towards the circle. He took his place a few steps from the outside of the array with Hawkeye and Havoc. All of their faces looked the same; serious, focused, and yet sorrowful at the same time. I turned around as I heard Al walk over to me. The nurses had moved to the outside of the array as well, this time on the opposite side as the others. Great, an audience. Al took my hand with his and walked us over to the edge as well. My hand was so small compared to his gloved one. Even though I had grown a lot over the years, I still had to crane my neck to look up at his steel face.
"Are you ready Al?" it was my turn to ask. Everyone kept asking those three words, but no matter how many times they were said, I don't think any of us could have been completely ready. But Al nodded his head. He knelt down and hugged me. It was a little too hard, but I didn't say anything to him about it. He finally let go and stood up. He started to make his way to the center of the transmutation circle.
"Al—"I interrupted. He stopped, and turned around to face me. "You know… you know I love you right?" I asked. My voice had wavered horribly, making me sound like I was 6 again. But I didn't care, I had to know.
He chuckled softly, and the sound warmed my heart, shaking away just a little bit of the terror. "Of course I do Brother." That's all he said and then laid down in the middle of the array.
I adjusted my feet so that they were lined up right at the edge of the design, shoulder length apart. My arms were by my sides, feeling like they weighed a hundred pounds each. I closed my eyes and emptied my mind of all extraneous thoughts. The Philosopher's Stone inside of my brother's suit of armor, connected to his soul, the array, compositions, alchemic formulas…the Gate, all flowed continuously in my mind. I exhaled deeply and raised my arms to chest height. Still focusing, I clapped my hands together; one made of steel, bolts, and electrical cables; the other made of skin, bones, and veins. The differences between them didn't matter though. The energy inside my body started to flow. With one more thought, I bent down and placed my opposing hands on the array.
"Al."
A bright blue light filled the room. It was so intense, more vivid than any other light from any other transmutation I had done. I thought that it was going to blind me, even through my closed eyelids. With all my heart and mind, I focused on Al's body. On pulling it back from the Gate. I could feel the energy being sapped from me ridiculously fast, but I kept pushing; harder and harder than ever. I could feel my heart beating throughout my whole body, but soon I realized that it was actually two hearts beating simultaneously. Before I knew what happened, the light began to fade. The natural glow from the setting sun outside crept back into the room. I opened my eyes, but everything was blurry. I could hear people started to rush around. The nurses were ushering commands to one another. I couldn't figure out what was happening though. I was vaguely aware as my knees smacked against the floor, followed by my flesh shoulder. Arms picked me up off the floor and onto someone's lap.
"Edward….Ed?" someone asked. The voice was somewhat frantic. They started to tap the side of my face lightly. I couldn't see anything though; my eyes had rolled into the back of my head. I was begging my lungs to expand, to let some oxygen into my burning veins, to push away the dizziness in my head. My heart beat was shallow, barely there. My muscles tried to twitch, fighting off death.
"Alphonse…" I gasped, using what little air I had left in my lungs. That was all I said before I passed out in Roy Mustang's lap, oblivious to the chaos surrounding us as the nurses carried a body out on a stretcher to the hospital.
Things are never easy.
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Author's Note: LE GASP! What's going to happened? Yeah, that's a little too dramatic. Anywhoozer…I'm going to do that horribly selfish thingy when I'm only going to post the next chapter after so many reviews. *gets on knees and begs* Please? I just want 2. *makes puppy dog eyes* Cookies to anyone that does :D Peace.