Web Of Discovery
By Coral
Disclaimer: Star Trek is Paramount's.. bet they don't want this.
Dedication: For those who see TuNa - Becci and Lissa.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You've hated me. From the first day I ever set foot on Voyager, you've hated me!" Neelix was shaking with barely contained rage as he continued, "You never tried to get to know me; you considered me beneath you. Well, let me tell you this, Mr Vulcan," he said, throwing down his ladle and leaning forward, eyes narrowed and voice rising, "I never liked you either! And I am *sick* of your Vulcan superiority! Be superior! But don't be around me whilst you're being superior anymore!" Drawing himself up to his full - though admittedly short - height, he yelled, "Now, get OUT!"
Around them, the mess hall had fallen silent, leaving Neelix's last words hanging in the air like a challenge between them. No one dared move for fear of saying or doing something wrong, or drawing attention to themselves. They all expected Tuvok to keep his cool, and continue as if nothing had happened, or maybe to put in a biting comment, then leave. What they didn't expect was what actually happened.
Bowing his head once, Tuvok turned and left quietly. Not a parting word or glance.
The tense moment of silence lingered on after his departure. No one knew quite what to say at this unusual turn of events; they had never seen Neelix this angry before. He was an amiable character, rarely heard to even raise his voice.
Eventually, it was Neelix himself who broke the moment. Removing his apron and folding it neatly , he asked, "Ayala, would you take over here? I think I need some time alone." His voice quivered slightly and nearly broke on the last few words. Without even waiting for a reply from Ayala, he hurried out of the mess hall with as much dignity as he could muster, leaving a confused group of crew members behind him.
~~~
Out in the corridor, away from the prying eyes of the crew, Neelix broke into a run towards his quarters. He could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes as he went, desperate to get somewhere alone where he could pull himself together, and think. Tuvok had always managed to get under Neelix's skin in a way no other crew member had. If he were to be honest with himself, he was just as mad at himself, for letting the Vulcan get to him like this.
With a sigh of frustration, Neelix keyed in his door code a little harder than was necessary. Striding in, he tugged off his jacket and flopped onto the sofa to try and calm down.
His eyes strayed, almost inevitably, to the picture of his favourite sister Alixia. How he wished he still had someone like Alixia to talk to. Since Kes's departure from the ship some three years ago, Neelix had been very much alone. Whilst he was a friend to everyone, there was no one he would really call a close friend and confidant. He was close to B'Elanna, but he was normally helping her, rather than the other way round. He was close to the Captain, but their relationship was one of mutual respect, admiration and gratitude rather than one of shared confidences and hot caco-cacy drink - and besides, the Captain preferred coffee.
No, on Voyager, there was no one Neelix could truly confide in and share his feelings with. And that's why, more often that not, he ended up in his quarters pouring his heart out to a picture of his long-dead sister.
"...and I suppose I lost my temper, Alixia." He paused, almost as if he were listening to her answer and carrying on a normal conversation. "I know, getting angry is rarely a solution. Patience is the road to peace, Father used to say. But - I couldn't help it, Alixia. I got mad, and I lost control. I've never been so angry before." While he 'listened' to her advice, he stood up and walked over to the replicator and dialled up a cup of crackow tea. "I don't think so," he said, turning back to the picture as the cup materialised. "He's not really any more superior than Vorik acts or, indeed, some of the other crew members are or used to be. And I was almost as angry with myself as with him... annoyed that I let him get to me. But why?" Picking up the cup, he walked back to the sofa and sat down. "It's a mystery, Alixia," he said with a sigh. "A mystery..."
~~~
He didn't realise he'd dozed off on the sofa until the chime of the door jerked him rudely awake again. Running a hand over his suit to try and make himself look more presentable and a little less crumpled, he called out, "Who is it?"
"Commander Tuvok."
Neelix stiffened. "Come," he called, trying to keep himself under control as Tuvok stepped into the light and airy room, casting what Neelix considered to be a judgmental eye over the furnishings.
"Is there a logical reason for this visit?" the Talaxian asked, perhaps a little more bitterly than he had intended to.
"I am... uncertain," Tuvok admitted. "Firstly, I wish to apologise." Standing ramrod straight, he looked almost as uncomfortable as Neelix felt. "If I ever led you to believe that I did not value you as a crew member, I am sorry. I did not intend to convey that opinion."
Neelix regarded him coolly. "That's easy enough to say, Commander, but can you prove that?"
"I am not certain I can. You will have to take my word for it."
"And a Vulcan never lies, right? Well I'm sorry, Mr Vulcan, but I'm not sure I can believe that right now."
"Mr Neelix - I have only one way to prove what I am saying to you." The Vulcan turned away from Neelix, turning to look out of the window with his hands clasped behind his back. He looked at the reflection of Neelix in the transparent aluminium and had to clasp his hands together a little tighter to maintain emotional control. His Vulcan reserves were strained to the limit.
"And what's that?" Neelix asked after a long silence he could no longer stand.
He had to strain to hear Tuvok's reply. "A mind meld."
"A mind meld?!" Neelix squeaked.
"Yes."
Silence fell, with each man buried in their own thoughts. The moment seemed to drag on into eternity. Tuvok focused on the sound of his breathing and the counterpoint provided to it by Neelix's own. The steady ins and outs helped Tuvok to concentrate and regain his composure. He wondered if Neelix were finding any such relief in the silence of the moment.
"How do I know your intentions are good? Can't you use mind melds to find out personal.. things.. or to hurt someone.. or even to... to kill?" Neelix asked, worried.
"You can," Tuvok admitted flatly. "You will simply have to trust me not to."
~~~
"What do I have to.. do, exactly? Just sit here?" Neelix fidgeted in his seat somehow, trying to remember why he'd agreed to this. He was sure the argument he'd had a few minutes ago, that had led him to accepting Tuvok's offer of a mind meld, had actually been a good one. It probably still was in fact. If only he could actually remember what it was...
"Remain still. Try to clear your mind if you can. This mind meld will be almost completely one way, unless you chose to change that."
"How will I know...?"
"You will know."
Neelix looked at Tuvok curiously as the Vulcan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He started to spread his hands, and Neelix closed his own eyes as delicate, yet strong, fingers probed for the pressure points that would make the merging of the two different minds possibly. Quietly, Tuvok started to say the ritual chant as he found the Talaxian's points, and started the mind meld.
~~~
Neelix felt himself falling... falling... falling....
~~~
Tumbling...
~~~
Dropping...
~~~
Falling...
~~~
He landed with a jolt, his eyes opening wide as he crashed to a halt. He tried looking around, thinking at first that he'd been brought out of the mind meld, but all that he could see around him were shapes and colours. He reached his hand out in front of him, wondering if this had any substance, or whether it was just the product of Tuvok's mind.
That it was something related to Tuvok, there was no doubt. Every atom of the atmosphere seemed charged with an energy that seemed to call 'Tuvok' to Neelix. Even if he closed his eyes, that sense was still there; the feeling that he was surrounded by Tuvok.
No - not surrounded by.
In Tuvok.
His hand went through a circle, and he felt an overwhelming sense of peace as his body made contact with the wispy shape. He tried repeating the action, paying greater attention to what his was feeling this time, and got the same result, along with a sense of belief in something greater than himself. It was very similar to the calming sensation that thinking about the Guiding Tree used to bring to him. The circle seemed to almost smell of infinity... though how such a thing was possible, Neelix did not know.
The Talaxian turned around, wondering what would happen if he put his hands through the other shapes. Stretching out, he brushed his fingertips against a triangle and received an overwhelming sense of loyalty. He stuck his fingers in a little further, and got a sense of purpose, loyalty... an image of Kathryn Janeway; a fainter image of a building that he didn't recognise, with a sort of Starfleet insignia on the outside.
Getting up, Neelix started wandering around, pushing fingers into this shape or that, discovering various strange things, until he realised with a start that he was supposed to be finding out Tuvok's feelings towards him, not intruding elsewhere.
How would he find those attitudes towards him?
Trusting Tuvok to guide him, Neelix just walked. Trying not to touch anything if he could help it, he instead took the time to admire the swirling colours and strange, mystical shapes. Eventually, he found himself walking into what could have been interpreted as a cove. Again, the shapes prevailed, but there were a larger variety here, and the colours were brighter, more vibrant. Shiny, wispy smoke-like strands of what could have been spider silk were strung between the shapes, not quite binding them together, but definitely connecting them. Neelix could almost sense his spirit being here, and was certain this was the right place.
Choosing a shape at random, he plunged his hand into a shape that looked like a disfigured leola root. He reeled back as images of various dishes of his creation overwhelmed him, along with a sense of disgust. He could taste them each on his tongue somehow.
As the sensation started to subside, he chose another shape. This one filled him with irritation... he could hear constant babbling in his head, but couldn't quite make out all the words. Those words he did understand made little sense; they were like a fly buzzing around his head.
Another shape bumped into him; a small figure of eight. It went through his shoulder, providing a mild sense of frustration as it did so.
Disgust... irritation... frustration... were there no good feelings there? He was actually starting to feel rather discouraged about this whole thing; it looked like he'd been right after all. Ducking a piece of the cobwebby stuff, he put his hand into a pile of annoyance, and accidentally fell over into a puddle of grudging respect.
Oh, well. It was a start, anyway...
~~~
Neelix couldn't judge how time was passing inside this mind meld. For all he could tell, it could have been seconds or years since he had first felt himself falling. In all that time, Neelix had found very few positive feelings towards him; and even those few were grudging ones. There was a small hint of understanding from the time that the two had been the single entity of Tuvix. But it was small... tiny... barely there.
With a frustrated sigh, Neelix turned to leave, wondering how he could pull out of this meld. So engrossed in this problem was he that he wasn't watching where he was going, and tripped over a lump of logic, falling through the white cobwebby strands on his way down.
All at once, a sense of peace, comfort, warmth, and... love? ... surrounded him like a gentle caress. As he lay there, staring around the 'cavern', it all started to fall into place. The feelings.. the less positive ones.. taken alone, they were just that - negative. But, there was something more - the white wisps - that connected them, held them together...
Love.
Was that what this was? Lying on the floor in a world that existed only in someone's head, yet felt strangely real, if somewhat other-worldly, Neelix couldn't help but wonder what kind of crazy mess he'd managed to get himself into now. He'd always known there was something different about the way he reacted to Tuvok, but he'd been in love with Kes until she had left Voyager, and even after that, Tuvok was quite possibly the last person he would have looked to.
~~~
Rising...
~~~
Lifting...
~~~
Floating...
~~~
Neelix's eyes flew open as he started, snapping out of the meld with a sudden jerk. He stared at the Vulcan opposite him as if seeing him with new eyes for the first time - trying to reconcile what he had just learnt with the man sitting in front of him.
Tuvok opened his own eyes slowly, searching for Neelix's gaze. For a moment, the Talaxian thought that the other man looked almost afraid; maybe scared of Neelix's reaction to the very personal side of himself that he'd shown him. He could sympathise completely. Not sure what else to do, he met Tuvok's gaze reassuringly - only to be stunned, almost literally, by the force and power as their eyes met.
Neelix felt hypnotised - pulled in. He barely noticed the feather light touch as Tuvok's hands once more found the pressure points, and they dived into a mind meld once more.
~~~
Falling...
~~~
Floating...
~~~
Safe, together.
END
By Coral
Disclaimer: Star Trek is Paramount's.. bet they don't want this.
Dedication: For those who see TuNa - Becci and Lissa.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You've hated me. From the first day I ever set foot on Voyager, you've hated me!" Neelix was shaking with barely contained rage as he continued, "You never tried to get to know me; you considered me beneath you. Well, let me tell you this, Mr Vulcan," he said, throwing down his ladle and leaning forward, eyes narrowed and voice rising, "I never liked you either! And I am *sick* of your Vulcan superiority! Be superior! But don't be around me whilst you're being superior anymore!" Drawing himself up to his full - though admittedly short - height, he yelled, "Now, get OUT!"
Around them, the mess hall had fallen silent, leaving Neelix's last words hanging in the air like a challenge between them. No one dared move for fear of saying or doing something wrong, or drawing attention to themselves. They all expected Tuvok to keep his cool, and continue as if nothing had happened, or maybe to put in a biting comment, then leave. What they didn't expect was what actually happened.
Bowing his head once, Tuvok turned and left quietly. Not a parting word or glance.
The tense moment of silence lingered on after his departure. No one knew quite what to say at this unusual turn of events; they had never seen Neelix this angry before. He was an amiable character, rarely heard to even raise his voice.
Eventually, it was Neelix himself who broke the moment. Removing his apron and folding it neatly , he asked, "Ayala, would you take over here? I think I need some time alone." His voice quivered slightly and nearly broke on the last few words. Without even waiting for a reply from Ayala, he hurried out of the mess hall with as much dignity as he could muster, leaving a confused group of crew members behind him.
~~~
Out in the corridor, away from the prying eyes of the crew, Neelix broke into a run towards his quarters. He could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes as he went, desperate to get somewhere alone where he could pull himself together, and think. Tuvok had always managed to get under Neelix's skin in a way no other crew member had. If he were to be honest with himself, he was just as mad at himself, for letting the Vulcan get to him like this.
With a sigh of frustration, Neelix keyed in his door code a little harder than was necessary. Striding in, he tugged off his jacket and flopped onto the sofa to try and calm down.
His eyes strayed, almost inevitably, to the picture of his favourite sister Alixia. How he wished he still had someone like Alixia to talk to. Since Kes's departure from the ship some three years ago, Neelix had been very much alone. Whilst he was a friend to everyone, there was no one he would really call a close friend and confidant. He was close to B'Elanna, but he was normally helping her, rather than the other way round. He was close to the Captain, but their relationship was one of mutual respect, admiration and gratitude rather than one of shared confidences and hot caco-cacy drink - and besides, the Captain preferred coffee.
No, on Voyager, there was no one Neelix could truly confide in and share his feelings with. And that's why, more often that not, he ended up in his quarters pouring his heart out to a picture of his long-dead sister.
"...and I suppose I lost my temper, Alixia." He paused, almost as if he were listening to her answer and carrying on a normal conversation. "I know, getting angry is rarely a solution. Patience is the road to peace, Father used to say. But - I couldn't help it, Alixia. I got mad, and I lost control. I've never been so angry before." While he 'listened' to her advice, he stood up and walked over to the replicator and dialled up a cup of crackow tea. "I don't think so," he said, turning back to the picture as the cup materialised. "He's not really any more superior than Vorik acts or, indeed, some of the other crew members are or used to be. And I was almost as angry with myself as with him... annoyed that I let him get to me. But why?" Picking up the cup, he walked back to the sofa and sat down. "It's a mystery, Alixia," he said with a sigh. "A mystery..."
~~~
He didn't realise he'd dozed off on the sofa until the chime of the door jerked him rudely awake again. Running a hand over his suit to try and make himself look more presentable and a little less crumpled, he called out, "Who is it?"
"Commander Tuvok."
Neelix stiffened. "Come," he called, trying to keep himself under control as Tuvok stepped into the light and airy room, casting what Neelix considered to be a judgmental eye over the furnishings.
"Is there a logical reason for this visit?" the Talaxian asked, perhaps a little more bitterly than he had intended to.
"I am... uncertain," Tuvok admitted. "Firstly, I wish to apologise." Standing ramrod straight, he looked almost as uncomfortable as Neelix felt. "If I ever led you to believe that I did not value you as a crew member, I am sorry. I did not intend to convey that opinion."
Neelix regarded him coolly. "That's easy enough to say, Commander, but can you prove that?"
"I am not certain I can. You will have to take my word for it."
"And a Vulcan never lies, right? Well I'm sorry, Mr Vulcan, but I'm not sure I can believe that right now."
"Mr Neelix - I have only one way to prove what I am saying to you." The Vulcan turned away from Neelix, turning to look out of the window with his hands clasped behind his back. He looked at the reflection of Neelix in the transparent aluminium and had to clasp his hands together a little tighter to maintain emotional control. His Vulcan reserves were strained to the limit.
"And what's that?" Neelix asked after a long silence he could no longer stand.
He had to strain to hear Tuvok's reply. "A mind meld."
"A mind meld?!" Neelix squeaked.
"Yes."
Silence fell, with each man buried in their own thoughts. The moment seemed to drag on into eternity. Tuvok focused on the sound of his breathing and the counterpoint provided to it by Neelix's own. The steady ins and outs helped Tuvok to concentrate and regain his composure. He wondered if Neelix were finding any such relief in the silence of the moment.
"How do I know your intentions are good? Can't you use mind melds to find out personal.. things.. or to hurt someone.. or even to... to kill?" Neelix asked, worried.
"You can," Tuvok admitted flatly. "You will simply have to trust me not to."
~~~
"What do I have to.. do, exactly? Just sit here?" Neelix fidgeted in his seat somehow, trying to remember why he'd agreed to this. He was sure the argument he'd had a few minutes ago, that had led him to accepting Tuvok's offer of a mind meld, had actually been a good one. It probably still was in fact. If only he could actually remember what it was...
"Remain still. Try to clear your mind if you can. This mind meld will be almost completely one way, unless you chose to change that."
"How will I know...?"
"You will know."
Neelix looked at Tuvok curiously as the Vulcan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He started to spread his hands, and Neelix closed his own eyes as delicate, yet strong, fingers probed for the pressure points that would make the merging of the two different minds possibly. Quietly, Tuvok started to say the ritual chant as he found the Talaxian's points, and started the mind meld.
~~~
Neelix felt himself falling... falling... falling....
~~~
Tumbling...
~~~
Dropping...
~~~
Falling...
~~~
He landed with a jolt, his eyes opening wide as he crashed to a halt. He tried looking around, thinking at first that he'd been brought out of the mind meld, but all that he could see around him were shapes and colours. He reached his hand out in front of him, wondering if this had any substance, or whether it was just the product of Tuvok's mind.
That it was something related to Tuvok, there was no doubt. Every atom of the atmosphere seemed charged with an energy that seemed to call 'Tuvok' to Neelix. Even if he closed his eyes, that sense was still there; the feeling that he was surrounded by Tuvok.
No - not surrounded by.
In Tuvok.
His hand went through a circle, and he felt an overwhelming sense of peace as his body made contact with the wispy shape. He tried repeating the action, paying greater attention to what his was feeling this time, and got the same result, along with a sense of belief in something greater than himself. It was very similar to the calming sensation that thinking about the Guiding Tree used to bring to him. The circle seemed to almost smell of infinity... though how such a thing was possible, Neelix did not know.
The Talaxian turned around, wondering what would happen if he put his hands through the other shapes. Stretching out, he brushed his fingertips against a triangle and received an overwhelming sense of loyalty. He stuck his fingers in a little further, and got a sense of purpose, loyalty... an image of Kathryn Janeway; a fainter image of a building that he didn't recognise, with a sort of Starfleet insignia on the outside.
Getting up, Neelix started wandering around, pushing fingers into this shape or that, discovering various strange things, until he realised with a start that he was supposed to be finding out Tuvok's feelings towards him, not intruding elsewhere.
How would he find those attitudes towards him?
Trusting Tuvok to guide him, Neelix just walked. Trying not to touch anything if he could help it, he instead took the time to admire the swirling colours and strange, mystical shapes. Eventually, he found himself walking into what could have been interpreted as a cove. Again, the shapes prevailed, but there were a larger variety here, and the colours were brighter, more vibrant. Shiny, wispy smoke-like strands of what could have been spider silk were strung between the shapes, not quite binding them together, but definitely connecting them. Neelix could almost sense his spirit being here, and was certain this was the right place.
Choosing a shape at random, he plunged his hand into a shape that looked like a disfigured leola root. He reeled back as images of various dishes of his creation overwhelmed him, along with a sense of disgust. He could taste them each on his tongue somehow.
As the sensation started to subside, he chose another shape. This one filled him with irritation... he could hear constant babbling in his head, but couldn't quite make out all the words. Those words he did understand made little sense; they were like a fly buzzing around his head.
Another shape bumped into him; a small figure of eight. It went through his shoulder, providing a mild sense of frustration as it did so.
Disgust... irritation... frustration... were there no good feelings there? He was actually starting to feel rather discouraged about this whole thing; it looked like he'd been right after all. Ducking a piece of the cobwebby stuff, he put his hand into a pile of annoyance, and accidentally fell over into a puddle of grudging respect.
Oh, well. It was a start, anyway...
~~~
Neelix couldn't judge how time was passing inside this mind meld. For all he could tell, it could have been seconds or years since he had first felt himself falling. In all that time, Neelix had found very few positive feelings towards him; and even those few were grudging ones. There was a small hint of understanding from the time that the two had been the single entity of Tuvix. But it was small... tiny... barely there.
With a frustrated sigh, Neelix turned to leave, wondering how he could pull out of this meld. So engrossed in this problem was he that he wasn't watching where he was going, and tripped over a lump of logic, falling through the white cobwebby strands on his way down.
All at once, a sense of peace, comfort, warmth, and... love? ... surrounded him like a gentle caress. As he lay there, staring around the 'cavern', it all started to fall into place. The feelings.. the less positive ones.. taken alone, they were just that - negative. But, there was something more - the white wisps - that connected them, held them together...
Love.
Was that what this was? Lying on the floor in a world that existed only in someone's head, yet felt strangely real, if somewhat other-worldly, Neelix couldn't help but wonder what kind of crazy mess he'd managed to get himself into now. He'd always known there was something different about the way he reacted to Tuvok, but he'd been in love with Kes until she had left Voyager, and even after that, Tuvok was quite possibly the last person he would have looked to.
~~~
Rising...
~~~
Lifting...
~~~
Floating...
~~~
Neelix's eyes flew open as he started, snapping out of the meld with a sudden jerk. He stared at the Vulcan opposite him as if seeing him with new eyes for the first time - trying to reconcile what he had just learnt with the man sitting in front of him.
Tuvok opened his own eyes slowly, searching for Neelix's gaze. For a moment, the Talaxian thought that the other man looked almost afraid; maybe scared of Neelix's reaction to the very personal side of himself that he'd shown him. He could sympathise completely. Not sure what else to do, he met Tuvok's gaze reassuringly - only to be stunned, almost literally, by the force and power as their eyes met.
Neelix felt hypnotised - pulled in. He barely noticed the feather light touch as Tuvok's hands once more found the pressure points, and they dived into a mind meld once more.
~~~
Falling...
~~~
Floating...
~~~
Safe, together.
END