1

Meredith was shocked. Paralyzed. Neither able to think nor to breathe. In this moment, the only thing that worked in her entire body were her legs. She walked, no, she nearly ran down the corridor, unconsciously targeting the stairs, trying to put as much distance between them as quickly as possible. She wasn't exactly aware of where her legs were carrying her, but as soon as they stopped moving she found herself in front of the ladies' bathroom on the first floor. Still not thinking about what she was doing, she opened the door and walked inside. She placed both hands on the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. When she closed her eyes, a picture flickered in her head.

His face. The passionate, loving look in his eyes. Those eyes…

I love you.

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe, Meredith.

Overwhelmed by a million different feelings that hit her ever since the words came out of his mouth, having caught her off guard, Meredith placed her right hand on her sternum, took another deep breath and slowly let the air flow out, trying to lower her heart rate.

Did that really just happen?

All she knew in this moment was that this was the very last thing she expected him to say.

Instead, what she had expected was… a fight. She had prepared herself for a heated discussion- a literal storm- before she entered the room Andrew DeLuca was probably still standing in right now- the exact way she left him: confused, dazed, heartbroken? Did she just hurt his feelings? Meredith felt a wave of guilt wash over her for leaving him like this, but she knew there just had not been anything else she could have said or done.

I love you.

Throughout the whole day, since the moment she offered the little girl's dad to do the surgery anyway, illegally treating her, Meredith had been so sure that she knew what was going on in Andrew's head. That his only thoughts were questions like: How can you do this? Are you insane? Out of your mind? Are you even capable of making appropriate choices? Why am I even in this OR, scrubbing in on an illegal surgery? Do I want to be with someone this reckless and rash? Why do I support you, knowing this is just not right? That was how she had interpreted the looks Andrew had given her- judging, mad, because she made him do something against his will.

But she was wrong. She had been so wrong about it all. Instead of raising his voice at her, judging her and expressing his anger, he completely took her by surprise by doing the exact opposite. Why? Why did she get him all wrong? How could she be so wrong about it?

Then it came to her mind, and suddenly it was all pretty clear to her.

Derek.

As soon as this thought came up in her head, she immediately punished herself for it. She just couldn't make that comparison now. It just was not right. Still- she could not deny that the reaction Meredith expected from Andrew was the reaction she used to get from Derek. The fights. The never ending discussions. The storm. Defending herself. Explaining why she did what she did because he never seemed to understand it. He could only ever see things in black and white and he didn't understand that in some situations, there was not simply a right and a wrong way.

But that's not Andrew.

Andrew was different. He understood her. He didn't only understand it, but he was "in awe" of what she did.

He told her that he loved her.

The three words that probably carried the most weight out of all words in existence, echoed in her head. Until today she had not been sure if she would ever hear them again, not to mention from a man that wasn't Derek. And most importantly, she didn't think that the sound of them coming from another man would make her feel this way.

That it would make her feel… flustered. Understood. Respected. Appreciated. Desired.

For a short moment, just a split second after the words were out, Meredith had felt the burning desire to kiss him. It was the combination of the innocent look in his eyes and his incredibly tender voice that were like a soft melody to her ears.

For a split second, she'd felt a wave of happiness wash over her at the sound of the three words, a wave of pure joy.

It had just been a split second, but it had been there. Before the fear had taken over and tore at her, begged her to escape the situation as fast as she possibly could.

Meredith's breathing started to become heavier once again. She leaned against the cold wall before lowering herself to the ground, burying her face between her knees, arms wrapped around her legs. She sat like this for what felt like an eternity, still trying to process what has happened, when someone suddenly opened the door. Before she could see who it was, Meredith rose from the floor and was on her feet again. She really didn't want anyone to see her like this.

"Mer?" Amelia. Great.

"I'm fine", Meredith breathed out, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Don't worry about me. I was just leaving." Amelia did not buy it, of course.

"But you look like you've seen a ghost." She raised an eyebrow at her. Without saying another word, Meredith went around her and made her way out of the room. She heard Amelia's voice from a distance. "Wait, you can talk to me!"

Meredith did not turn around and she did not answer. All she knew was that she wanted to get out of here. She couldn't deal with that right now. Hell, she might lose her job soon and that was what she should be worrying about.

What she needed right now was space. More distance.

Maybe she needed a minute now.

Andrew slumped down on the patient bed he had been sitting on before Meredith entered the room about 15 minutes ago. He let his head and shoulders drop and stared at his hands in his lap. There was a huge lump in his throat and he felt a stinging pain in his chest.

She just left. He scared her away.

After seeing her reaction- the way she just stared at him, eyes wide open, and he could swear he had seen her eyes well up a bit- he suddenly wasn't sure anymore if he didn't completely mess it up. With this look in her eyes, during the few seconds she simply stared at him, it was like she had told him a million things at once. The most dominant part of those feelings was fear. Fear and surprise. There was sorrow and there was pain. She was struggling with herself, fighting a battle in her head.

Right now, the only thing he wanted to do was to recall what he just did.

Wait, no.

Actually, he did not want to take it back. He needed her to know. Because it was true.

Because it was out of question that he did love her with every cell of his body, and he has not realized this only that day- he had known it for months. Andrew was sure that he has never had such strong and deep feelings for anyone or anything else in his whole life. Literally nothing could make him feel the way Meredith Grey made him feel.

He loved her so much that it scared him. He was scared he might lose her. Was she going to run away from him now? Was it way too soon for her to hear it? Or did she just need some time to process it?

And… did she love him, too?

Andrew had to think of the times- moments they shared- in which he was almost a hundred percent sure that if he'd say it right in that moment, if he'd let the words slip, she would have smiled and said it back to him without even thinking twice about it.

It was in those moments where she just stared at him, genuinely smiling, as if she couldn't believe it herself how happy she was around him- and how comfortable she was having him close to her. Or in the way she touched him. In the way she caressed him when they shared a long, passionate kiss that left them both breathless and with pounding hearts: one hand entangled in his hair, the other gently touching his chest, his arms or his neck. In the way she smiled while kissing him, giggling and shaking her head when he said something to tease her. In the way she talked to him- when the pitch of her voice was slightly higher than usual. In the way she showed him her respect and gratitude in every action. In the way she listened. She paid attention, always.

It was in those moments that he was sure she felt the same. In those moments, he had been so confident about it that he'd almost said the three words out loud. Almost.

And now… Now that he really did tell her, that confidence was suddenly gone.

Not completely- the confident part of him thought that she just needed some time. That it was about time she hears it. The confident part told him that she will say it back to him soon, as soon as she sorted through her thoughts. That it was obvious that she felt the same way about him.

On the other hand, the not-so- confident part of him, which was slowly getting louder in his head, told him that he'd been a fool for saying it- especially in a situation like this. Didn't he realize that she had more important stuff to worry about today? That she might lose her job? That he should be there for her during that time, but instead she will now be scared to face him again because she knew that he expected an answer?

Andrew had no idea what he was supposed to do now. Text her? Tell her he's sorry? With every passing second he felt more and more insecure. The insecure voice in his head talked him more and more into believing he was a complete fool.

Nevertheless, he decided that he simply couldn't leave it like this. He looked up at the ceiling and inhaled sharply before he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened their chat. When he saw the last text Meredith sent him, his heart started aching again. It was from last night.

"You better get some sleep now. You're on my service tomorrow, I need you focused ;)"

Andrew pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. Was it really possible that he ruined everything between them with only three little words?

His heart started to beat faster and his hands were briefly shaking as he started typing.

"Mer…"

He deleted it.

"Look, I completely understand why..."

Deleted.

"I hope you're okay. I know you had a rough day. I understand if you need some time now…I did not plan on telling you this. I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry."

No way. He deleted the whole thing again. Andrew's thoughts were all over the place and suddenly it became clear to him that this definitely wasn't something he wanted to tell her in a text.

He closed his eyes and all of a sudden felt the desperate need to just hold her in his arms again, the way he did the night before at his apartment. The memory of it was so clear that he could literally feel the warmth of her body against his, breathing in the intoxicating smell of her hair, her smell, which he had tried to savor and capture for another night he had to spend without her. When he had unwillingly released her out of his embrace, she'd taken his hand and just smiled at him for a while, eyes locked with his. She'd whispered "bye" softly before she'd raised herself on tiptoes and kissed him.

Andrew stared at his phone for another ten seconds before he closed the chat, rose from the patient bed and left the room.

Maybe Meredith was the one who needed a minute now. Andrew decided to give her as much time as she needed. However long it took.