Title: Taking the Time
Author: NativeStar
Word Count: 2213
Rating: PG
Warnings: None. Gen.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Post AHBL 2. Sam is no close to finding a way to break the deal and with the deadline drawing near he wonders if it's finally time to visit the Grand Canyon.
A/N: Beta read by gestaltrose on LJ, any remaining mistakes are mine.
Sam's been driving for miles, the hours like the tarmac beneath the car blurring together. He's not sure how far they've travelled or for how long. They don't have a hunt, not yet, nor a destination. The last hunt ended with the police being called and it had seemed like a good idea to get out of Dodge. That was last night and they're still driving as the sky lightens in preparation for sun rise. Beside him, Dean is slumped in the passenger seat, dead to the world. Dead to the world. Sam winces. He's begun to wonder if his subconscious has decided it's sole purpose in life is to remind him just how close it is to a year being up.
Dean doesn't sleep much now, trying to cram a lifetime of living into the few short months he has left. He goes for as long as possible before crashing out for a few hours. Bars and girls are a dime a dozen and while Sam disapproves of this new extreme to Dean's behaviour he goes to the bars with Dean. He doesn't want to miss anything. Just in case.
In the beginning Sam used to remind him constantly. "You don't have to live like this. We'll find a way. You're not dying." But Dean would give him this look. You don't understand…I don't expect you to. And he'd just do whatever reckless 'I'm a dying man' stunt he wanted to do anyway. Sam doesn't stop saying the words but he stops telling Dean. Instead he says the words to himself, a silent vow that he will find a way.
Sam's lost count the number of times he's woken up early only to see Dean already up, sometimes dressed and usually standing by the window looking, deep in thought. A week ago Sam had woken to an empty room and no note. Panicking, he had pulled on some clothes, forgot his shoes and ran out into the gravel parking lot only to discover Dean leaning against the car, relaxed, the first few rays of the morning sun lighting his face. Relief was masked by anger and he strode over, about to launch into a tirade. You didn't like it when I did it what gives you the right- But Dean noticed his approach and shrugged, speaking before Sam started, "Never actually took the time to watch the sun rise. Usually we're working against it, you know? Killing things before the sun rose, before we lost the opportunity." The anger vanished and silently Sam had stood by his brother and watched the sunrise.
They pass a sign for the Grand Canyon and Sam thinks back to a conversation by a river. 'I just think maybe we ought to go to the Grand Canyon'. To be honest Sam isn't sure if Dean had really meant it. If he had wanted to go see the Grand Canyon or if it had been a half hearted attempt to distract Sam from finding out the truth about his destiny. He didn't know if it had been something off the top of Dean's head that he never really expected to do and wouldn't lose sleep over. Kinda like saying you wanted to go to Hollywood, except they had actually done that…
Either way, over the past year, the Grand Canyon had become symbolic in their lives. An end point, an unspoken agreement that when all was said and done they would go. So far they've never taken the time to go there. It's their final destination and to visit was to admit it was over. Finished. They've driven past it. Many times. They would see the signposts but neither would acknowledge them nor suggested a detour.
Sam knew he was going to save Dean. But dammit, it had been ten months already. He only had two more months, of what? To find a way out? Of Dean in his life? Doubt begins to creep into Sam's thoughts. He pushes it away, there is a way, he's sure of it. Just as he's sure he'll find it. But doubt is insidious. Creeping in through the cracks in his determination as time wears on and finding handholds when yet another lead led nowhere. Tormenting him and filling his head with 'what if's like a curious young child.
What if he didn't find a way?
What if these were the last couple of months he had with his brother?
What if they never got a chance like this again?
He passes another sign for the Grand Canyon and Sam toys with the idea of going. He doesn't want Dean to have any regrets. He's getting tired of constantly pushing the doubt away, while a voice of pragmatism cynically reminds him not to worry, soon the doubt would go away. Just two more months and one way or another it would be over. But there was only one way they would both survive; Sam knew he couldn't deal with any other. It'd be over on his terms with Dean living a long life and dying a natural death. At least as long and as natural as a hunter's life could be. Sam knew no matter how much he begged and pleaded Dean giving up hunting was not going to happen. Maybe Dean's life was destined to be short? If this red eyed demon didn't take his soul to hell well, maybe a Wendigo would get him or a spirit or hell, any one of the ghosts and monsters they hunted. So if the odds were stacked against them, if their lives were to be cut short one way or another, why not go see the world now? They were here right now. They could spare a couple of hours.
Why wait?
While the Grand Canyon would always be there, they might not even make it to the deal deadline. Dean might die on their next hunt. Taken out by some vengeful spirit with a death wish (because there was no way it would survive Sam). Or one of them could die just crossing the road. Life was unpredictable enough without the Winchesters own brand of bad luck.
Decision made, Sam takes the turn.
Sam stopped the car and the cessation of the vibrations was all that was needed to wake Dean.
"Why're we stopping, Sammy?" Dean said groggily, blinking awake and barely noticing their surroundings. "You wanna switch?"
Sam was silent. Suddenly he wasn't sure it was such a good idea. What if Dean disagreed on why they were here? If he gave him another one of those looks and simply refused to get out the car.
"Wait, where the hell are we?" said Dean.
"Grand Canyon, south rim."
"And why exactly are we here?"
"We're…living life, taking a break from all the responsibility." Sam hadn't forgotten those words said by a river just outside River Grove; he'd just been more concerned about the revelation that had followed at the time.
"Smelling the flowers?" Dean asked and Sam nodded with a shrug and waited. Just as he thought Dean was going to decline and take over driving again Dean shrugged and opened the door.
Sam had never told Dean but he'd visited the Canyon before, with Jess. She'd waited until they were almost at the edge before stopping him and making him walk the rest of the way with his eyes closed. Opening his eyes to see the spectacular vista of the Canyon, dropping so far down with layer after layer of colourful rock, it had been breathtaking. He treasured the memory, thankful that it now brought a smile to his face, rather than the bitter pain of losing Jess. If they were gonna do this, if Dean was gonna do this, they were going to do it right. So Sam stopped Dean.
"Close your eyes, Dean."
"What?"
"Close your eyes, so you don't see it before we reach the edge. I'll guide you." Dean frowned and dodged around Sam.
"Sam, c'mon. That's lame."
"Just do it, Dean!" Sam said, throwing a sigh in for good measure. "I promise you, it's worth it."
"Worth me walking around like a dork with my eyes shut?"
"Yeah."
"Fine!" Throwing his arms out, Dean shut his eyes and began walking. Sam smiled, if Dean really hadn't wanted to do it there would have been much more of an argument. Maybe he had always wanted to see the Grand Canyon?
"You're gonna miss out on it." Dean pointed out.
"I've already been."
"What? When?" Dean stopped walking, opening his eyes.
"With Jess, we went one summer break. Now come on, Dean." He spun Dean back towards the canyon by his shoulders and noticed with satisfaction that Dean shut his eyes again without being instructed.
Sam remembered the project he'd once had to do for school. He'd almost forgotten all about it. The assignment had been to write about a place of natural beauty and he'd been stumped for a long while, researching all the Seven Wonders of the World, places recommended by tourist brochures and travel guides. There were just so many, it was impossible to choose, he wanted to write about them all. Eventually, he'd asked Dean for his advice, which one was most worthy? Sam remembered his answer had been immediate, "I'd do the Grand Canyon." and Sam was still young enough that all he wanted to do was be just like his big brother. He did his research (even caught Dean glancing through a couple of the books he got out from the library) and got his A, which Dean had stuck on the fridge. Surprisingly, he still remembered a few of the random facts and tidbits that had stood out to a twelve year old boy and stuck in his mind.
"Okay, Dean." Sam said and watched as Dean opened his eyes. The expression of awe on Dean's face was worth the moaning and cursing of the last five minutes as he'd led Dean to the edge. Sam grinned broadly and turned himself to look at the Grand Canyon. The huge gorge etched in the earth's skin, a long gaping scar in the rocks running for 227 miles. It was more spectacular than he had remembered it. The fiery colours of ancient layered rocks caught his eyes as he followed them down to the Colorado River running through the bottom.
"Wow," Dean said eventually.
"Yeah,"
"Another one to cross off the 'to do' list, huh, Sammy?"
"Dean-" Sam sighed.
"Lots of people have visit the Grand Canyon on a 'to do' list, Sam. Not just the dying."
"You're not dying."
"No, not yet." He flashed Sam a grin. "So how deep is the canyon anyway?"
"More than a mile, although it's not the deepest canyon in the world."
"It's not?"
"No, Hell's Canyon in Idaho is deeper, and there's another one in Northern Mexico"
Dean kept asking questions and while Sam knew it was to distract him from talking about The Deal he indulged Dean and continued to answer them. Soon however, his knowledge was expended and both men sat down. The clouds above were casting patches of moving shade across the vast expanses of rock.
"Didn't you do some kinda school thing on the Canyon? Like when you were twelve?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, I had to write about a place of natural beauty. Took me forever to decide on this."
"What made you choose the canyon in the end?"
"You. I asked you for help and you said if it was up to you, you'd do the Grand Canyon."
"And my argument swayed you."
"No, you didn't argue for it, you just said 'I'd do the Grand Canyon.'"
"Huh."
"Yeah."
A comfortable silence stretched between them as they watched in the colourful display of rock. The shadows shrank back as the rising sun caught the bronze and reds of the rocks, highlighting them, making it appear like they were changing colour.
"Don't think...This doesn't mean I'm giving up, Dean."
"It doesn't?" Sam hoped he was wrong but he swore he heard disappointment in Dean's voice.
"No!"
"Then what is it Sammy, I mean why now?"
"It's about no regrets. Enjoying life."
"Only you could make a trip to the Grand Canyon such a chick flick moments, only you Sammy." Dean shook his head fondly. The silence returned and Dean shifted, Sam thought he might be getting up, bored already but Dean settled again. Except, Sam noticed with a smile, Dean's arm was now brushing against his own.
"Sam," His eyes flicked towards Dean who gazed steadily out over the canyon, tracking the flight of a Californian Condor. "Thanks."
And in that moment, everything melted away. There was no deadline, no stress, no worry, no hunt. Just two brothers. Sam and Dean. They had each other and nothing else mattered. Sam took a deep cleansing breath and released it slowly. The air was fresh, crisp in the morning and tasting of the rain forecast to fall later.
"Don't mention it. Maybe we'll come back another time, make the trek to the bottom. They say it's good in a few months time."
"Sounds like a plan. I'll try not to miss it." And that was all that Sam could ask.
Feedback is rewarded with hugs:) I wasn't too sure how well the second part worked so concrit is especially appreciated!