Right Answer, Wrong Reason
This is a oneshot, originally just a few drabbley bits, and then it turned into a whole lot of drabbley bits. Somehow it was all inspired by me learning what "rawr" actually stood for, which kind of explains the title. I didn't intend to write it, but I hope you enjoy it anyways ^_^
Drake remembered the day when Josh had first made him nervous. It was cool and rainy and nearing the end of April. Drake wasn't used to being scared; not like this. He wasn't used to the clammy-handed feeling of being hot and cold at the same time and with the sensation that he had just swallowed a cup of ice. He had no idea how to react to it. No girl had ever made him feel this way. He wasn't really sure of what it was he was experiencing.
He remembered staring at Josh for just an instant too long, feeling rather than seeing Josh's eyes rake over him curiously. He didn't have any idea how to put everything back where it was supposed to be, when nothing had really been misplaced.
oOoOoOo
Josh remembered the day Drake had stared at him for just that extra instant, the one where Josh knew things had changed between them almost imperceptibly. He had known that there was an extra level added to them now, to their definition of "us". He didn't panic about it. There was hardly anything to panic about, anyways. A shared look? A lingering of eyes that was too long to be friendly? The way just the very tips of Drake's ears had turned red? Josh wasn't sure of what to feel, but for awhile he didn't have to worry. It was nothing. Nothing at all.
oOoOoOo
Nothing at all stayed nothing at all for months. As far as Drake was concerned, there was hardly anything going on. Sure, they shared those looks sometimes, the ones that made his heart pound and his lips form wide smiles without his consent, but it was nothing. They were stepbrothers. And they were best friends, after all. It was a friendly love, he told himself. But Drake didn't object to an extra hug or two, or the way Josh's knee brushed his under the table. Why object when he wasn't objecting to anything?
oOoOoOo
Josh lived for those moments, the sweet ones where Drake would throw him his special smile, the one that was free of cunning or shameless flirting. It was just open and loving and sweet, and it was something he'd never seen Drake give to anyone else before. He'd lived for other moments too; the ones where Drake's knee would just gently rub his under the dinner table, or the few instants he could feel Drake's arms around him and imagine the possibilities of them. They were endless, limitless. But they were only possibilities.
oOoOoOo
Nothing and everything changed one night. It was just another October day, another day of blue skies and high floating clouds and a crisp feel to the air. Drake was sitting on their couch, his feet propped up on the table, staring rather aimlessly at the television. He flipped through the channels, pausing here or there if something caught his eye. He heard the squeak of the door as he settled on the weather channel for a few minutes, his eyes out of focus as he pretended to concentrate on the animated weather map on the screen. He felt the couch dip as Josh sat down. He snuck glances at him out of the corner of his eye.
oOoOoOo
Josh had watched Drake carefully, noting how his eyes kept flicking to his left where Josh was. He'd shifted himself around a bit, so that Drake was closer.
"Hey."
"'Sup?"
"What're you watching?"
"Weather." Drake had gestured aimlessly to the screen.
Josh had pretended to watch for a few minutes too, until he blurted, "Got a date for that Halloween party yet?" He clenched his fists together tightly, biting his lip. He didn't know why he wanted to know.
"Nah."
"Why not? It's only a few weeks away."
"Can't really focus on that right now."
"Oh." He'd paused, looking at the animated weatherman describing coastal flooding in rural New England. "Why?"
Drake had shrugged. "There's something – someone - that's distracting me." He said it casually, but Josh recognized the uncertain look in his eyes.
oOoOoOo
Drake wanted to tell Josh something so badly. But he wasn't exactly sure of what it was. All he knew was that Josh was sitting there, warmth radiating off of him, and affecting Drake in a way no girl ever had. He didn't know what it was. He had known for months that something was there, but he still wasn't sure of what to call it. He felt an odd longing to reach out and touch Josh, to hold him, a longing just for Josh in general. He didn't have a clue as to why. But he knew that his words about someone distracting him hadn't slipped out of his mouth for no reason at all.
oOoOoOo
Josh hadn't really known what Drake was talking about. There was always someone distracting him. Girls of all kinds. Drake loved girls. Girls were Drake's distraction. There was nothing unusual about that. But there'd been something unusual in his words. Josh wanted to know. He'd needed to know.
"Who?" He'd watched as Drake's ears turned pink as he fiddled with the hem of his jacket.
"I don't know. I don't know why I just said that."
"Oh."
Several moments of silence passed. "Get me a soda?" Drake had said at least, nudging Josh with his toe teasingly. Josh had obligingly rolled his eyes and gotten up, feeling the tension that had been building between them break.
oOoOoOo
Lying in bed that night, Drake listened to Josh's unsteady breathing and his tossing and turning, knowing he wasn't asleep. Josh never had a hard time falling asleep unless something important was on his mind.
"Josh?"
"Mmm?"
"I…you know that person I was talking about earlier?"
"Yeah."
"What if…what if it was someone weird?" He stared at the Josh-sized lump in the bed a few feet away from his.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know…" Drake gritted his teeth together. It was true. He didn't know. These feelings were so new to him. He still had no idea what they were.
oOoOoOo
Josh had waited tensely for Drake to explain himself, to explain why he was going on about nothing in the dark, because Josh needed to know.
"I'm sorry," Drake muttered. "I still don't know what I'm talking about, Josh. I'm just gonna try to sleep."
"Okay, Drake. Night."
"Night."
Drake's breathing had slowly become steady and even and deep, leaving Josh alone with his thoughts. He, unlike Drake, finally knew exactly what was wrong. It was what he had known all along and had been too stupid to recognize. It had hit him twenty minutes into shifting around in his bed, causing him to pause momentarily. For whatever reason, there was something more than friendly love or even brotherly love. He'd felt it every time he laughed with Drake, or hugged with him.
He, Josh Nichols, was in love with Drake Parker. And that was not a good thing.
oOoOoOo
Drake woke earlier than usual the next morning, noticing when he felt the sunlight spilling differently onto his face and the sheets next to him. He raised himself up on his elbow, looking over at Josh. He noticed how the sheets were all twisted, leaving a good deal of Josh exposed. His tee shirt had ridden up over his belly button, and Drake's eyes slowly traveled up and down the small line of hair leading from his belly button down. He started when he realized what he was doing. Swearing under his breath, he pulled himself out of bed and stumbled in the general direction of the bathroom.
oOoOoOo
Josh had woken up that morning with a heavy sense of knowledge. He'd struggled as his brain woke up, slowly letting him remember his discovery the night before. But then, there, in the bright, sunny morning, the idea seemed ludicrous. In love? With his stepbrother? Josh cracked a smile. He wasn't even gay. He knew that. The smile had frozen on his face when Drake strutted back into the room, white towel slung low over his hipbones. Water dripped off of him, over his collarbones, down his chest, and under the edge of the towel. Josh had choked, and buried his head in the pillow again. He'd known then that he hadn't been wrong.
oOoOoOo
Drake fiddled with his guitar all that afternoon, singing stupid lyrics he made up on the spot. He was surprised when he saw Josh's outline in the door frame. That was why his stomach must have lurched, he told himself. Surprise. He was simply surprised. Josh came into the room, settling down on the couch next to him the way he'd done so many times before.
"What if I'm gay?" Josh blurted out suddenly.
Drake started. He felt something twinge inside of him somewhere. He had no idea what it meant. He still couldn't figure out the way he felt about Josh.
"Um," he managed intelligently, fingers frozen over the strings.
oOoOoOo
Josh had known it was a bad idea. He'd known it from the moment he'd walked into that room. "Never mind," he'd muttered darkly.
"No! I mean, Josh…It's okay, dude."
Josh had let his head fall into his waiting hands, pressing his palms roughly against his eyelids.
"Really, it's okay. It's no big deal. It's not like we all didn't know anyways," Drake had teased.
Josh raised his head a few inches. "Oh." He'd taken a deep breath. "Okay." He took another breath. "It's not going to change anything? Is it?"
Drake had drawn in a sharp breath. "Did you want it to?"
oOoOoOo
Josh met his eyes suddenly. "I…I…no."
Drake felt the wave of warmth in his stomach. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"There's someone…" Drake trailed off.
"Same someone from the other night?"
"Yeah. That someone. I don't know. It's probably nothing."
Josh made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat.
"But the way I feel around them, it's... I feel weird and I get all…I don't know. It's stupid." He turned away, feeling slightly embarrassed. "Never mind."
"Do you like them or something?" Josh asked lightly. Drake felt slightly dizzy at hearing those words.
"No! I mean, not like that."
"Oh. I don't know then."
oOoOoOo
"Is that all you've got to offer?" Drake had asked. Josh nodded. He didn't know what Drake had expected of him. He'd confessed something huge to him, and Drake was worrying about someone else. Some girl. Josh had felt hurt, even though he knew he shouldn't have. Liking your stepbrother wasn't usually the most normal thing for any teenage boy. Even one who'd just admitted to liking other boys.
"So," Josh had said, fiddling with his pant leg. "Do you like anyone?"
Drake had laughed. "I should be asking," he teased. But then he'd turned serious. "Maybe. I don't know. I think if I do, it'd be the first time I'd ever really liked anyone."
oOoOoOo
Drake had no idea what he was confessing to. The words leaving his lips didn't belong to him.
But his eyes met Josh's again, and that same shiver ran through him.
"What do you mean?" Josh breathed. Drake shrugged. "I…" He couldn't find the words anymore. He shook his head helplessly. He watched as Josh slowly blew his breath out.
He turned and grabbed his guitar again, but he couldn't focus on playing. Nothing sounded right. With a sigh, he got up and flopped down in his bed, aimlessly rubbing the familiar strings underneath the sensitive pads of his fingertips.
oOoOoOo
Their first kiss had been two weeks after Josh had admitted he was gay. If anything was off between him and Drake during that time, neither boy had mentioned it. But to his surprise, no, to his absolute shock, it was Drake who'd kissed him. Josh had wandered into their room one night, in search of clothes, wearing nothing but a towel after his shower. Drake had stared at him with such an odd expression that Josh had found himself staring back, almost defensively. That was before he'd found himself with an armful of determined Drake, struggling to hold his towel on even as his lips crashed into his stepbrother's.
oOoOoOo
Drake didn't have it figured out when Josh came into their room that night, wearing that towel, but suddenly, the urge to get to Josh was stronger than anything. He had no idea that he was going to kiss Josh when he did. But he pressed his lips into Josh's, roughly, demanding more and more. Josh pushed back just as hard, but Drake still had him stumbling into the wall with his force. He didn't know what this was. He didn't know what the hell he was doing. But he loved it. Loved it.
oOoOoOo
"I like you," Drake had blurted when Josh finally felt their lips part. Both of them had been panting, hot and wanting in that moment.
"Oh, wow, Drake. I couldn't have figured it out," Josh had muttered sarcastically, even as every molecule within him shrieked with giddiness and lust.
"I mean it, Josh. It's you – I've been thinking about – and – and talking about. And everything. You."
Josh had grinned from ear to ear, and leaned in to peck Drake on the lips one final time before gathering his clothes and stalking off back to the bathroom, keeping his body carefully angled away from Drake's. It was far too easy to tell exactly how he felt with nothing but a thin towel to disguise him.
oOoOoOo
Drake remembered every moment of them. He remembered the second kiss, sloppy and sweet and hurried, stolen in the kitchen when the rest of the family was gathered around the TV in the living room. He remembered every touch of Josh's leg to his under the table, or in the car, or in the desk next to his. It was definitely deliberate now. He remembered the way Josh's arm brushed his, the way his breath tickled Drake's neck, the secret looks and smiles they'd shared. Every moment of it was special in its own way to him.
oOoOoOo
"Are you sure?" Drake had gasped out, lying on top of Josh, half naked and illuminated only by the moonlight. Josh had never been more sure of anything in his life. He'd grinned and slowly reached a hand down to the button of Drake's jeans, sliding them over his hips and pausing to gently massage the bulge in the front of Drake's boxers. Drake's moan had been breathy and needy, causing an incredible mixture of pain and pleasure to radiate from Josh's groin, where he'd been hard and wanting. Wanting Drake.
oOoOoOo
It couldn't have been more right to Drake. He ran his hands over every inch of Josh, feeling the silky glide of their skin moving together. He let his tongue tease Josh's, let his lips travel down his neck and collarbone, nipping lightly. It felt right to be having sex with his stepbrother, out here behind the bushes of their backyard, sometime after midnight and before one. He felt them move as one, gasping out together, felt himself come in the instant before Josh, reaching down to sloppily kiss him even as he felt Josh shudder below him.
oOoOoOo
It couldn't have been more right to Josh to lose his virginity to Drake, out there on that cool March night, barely fifty degrees, neither of them feeling it until they crawled back to the house to huddle under Drake's blankets together. They'd been outside for the night, talking about nothing, holding each other. Drake had been so beautiful in the moonlight. It had seemed more natural than going inside. The truth was, they probably wouldn't have made it inside. Josh smiled at the thought. Love. This could only be love. However wrong it may have been, it was love.
oOoOoOo
Love, Drake thought. That's what this had to be. Cradled in Josh's arms, smelling his sweet hair, slowly strumming his guitar, looking forward to a summer full of Josh. His voice rang out, sweet and deep, resounding in their ears. There would be messes to clean up, and consequences to deal with. Someone would eventually have to find out. They would eventually have to move away from each other and face the real world of college and work. But for now, it was perfect just like this, Josh's chest fitting perfectly into the curve of Drake's back, just the two of them. Perfect. Drake strummed the final chords of his song, the sappy love one he'd written for them, leaning into Josh for a kiss, closing his eyes and enjoying the sensation of their lips sliding together.
oOoOoOo
"I love you," Josh mumbles into Drake's lips. He feels them turn upward into a smile. "I love you too," Drake murmurs back, and every bit of Josh melts into happiness. They'd come full circle since last spring, a circle full of hope and uncertainty and wanting and love. They had found the right answer – each other. Maybe it was for all of the wrong reasons, but Josh didn't care. They had just this summer – one final summer, and Josh intended to make every moment worth it.
So yes, maybe it was a bit choppy, but hey. It's 2:20 AM right now and I just had to finish this. Let me know if you liked it or not? (: