/blah/ - thoughts
Yellow Bunnies In The Grass
/I've lost my mind./ Ken rocked back on his heels and looked up at the mostly hidden moon. He kept very still. The grass was dew covered, and the air was chill and he had no desire to risk a cold by getting wet. A small shiver ran through his frame and he stood up reluctantly, rubbing his hands briskly up and down his arms. /You can hardly see out here, he mused, I'm never gonna' find that barrette./
He stood for a few more minutes, letting the cool spring air wash over him, drying the moisture at the bottom on his jeans and coaxing a shiver from the otherwise oblivious young man. It was early morning, sometime between 2 and 3 am. Having given up on sleep some hours before, Ken had tried various distractions before arriving at this one. Exercise had been his first choice, but he couldn't concentrate and kept losing count while lifting the hand weights he kept in his room. Next was cleaning; that had been a joke. He had managed to make a bigger mess (if that was possible) than had been present originally, before simply throwing up his hands in surrender. Next had been pacing, but that had not only not worked, but had actually made things worse.
He would make a circuit of the house: kitchen, living room, entryway, bathroom, his room and then back to the kitchen again. But no matter how hard he tried, somehow he always found himself standing in front of Yoji's door. Just standing there, as though he was waiting for something. Or contemplating knocking. At that point Ken would forcibly remove himself from the spot because he was most certainly not going to Yoji for advice because that would lead to implications he wasn't ready to accept. Because Yoji's situation with Asuka was nothing like his with Kase. Because he and Kase had been nothing more than friends.
"K'so, " he mumbled softly. He'd gone over this a million times. When all was said and done, Ken was left with some serious doubts about himself….. It had been so long ago…had he really meant it? Or had he just been afraid to admit something so terrifying…? Is that why it hurt so much? /Kase……../
Ken was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't hear the sound of a car slowing to a stop, then parking. He didn't hear the footsteps behind him, or the quiet voice speaking his name. So it wasn't much surprise when the brunette jumped at the light touch on his shoulder.
"Oi…..It's just me!" Ken's startled gaze sought and found the owner of the bemused voice. He smiled ruefully, rubbing embarrassedly at the back of his neck. "Maa, Yoji…..don't sneak up on a guy like that!"
"Sneak up?" Yoji allowed his sunglasses to slip down the bridge of his nose as he glanced disbelievingly at his companion. "I only said your name four times….."
"Oh." Ken lowered his eyes, a light blush spreading across his cheeks. There was silence between them for a moment. Ever since Kase's death followed by their confrontation over Ken's initial decision to leave Japan with Yuriko, things had been somewhat strained between the two men.
It was the chilly breeze and Yoji's totally inappropriate state of dress that finally forced the taller man to speak. Rubbing his hands up and down his arms briskly (his thin black tank top was not built for traipsing about soccer fields on a chill spring morning!) Yoji stepped closer to his friend, leaning down slightly to glance at Ken's lowered face.
"So……what'cha doin' Kenken?" Ken glanced up at Yoji then, eyebrows drawn together in annoyance at the nickname.
"Don't call me that, " he mumbled, turning to look out over the field. "I was looking for…um….a….a barrette. Amiko chan lost it yesterday during soccer practice so……" Ken stared stubbornly at the wet grass, determined not to give in to the teasing he knew was coming. But there was no comment from Yoji, save for a noncommittal, "Hn."
A bird in a nearby tree began chirping loudly, disturbing the hush that had descended across the field. Far away, the sound of a car engine revving played strange accompaniment. The silence stretched, and grew uncomfortable. It weighed on the two men, and each waited anxiously for the other to speak.
"Soooooo……you want some help, or something?" It was the last thing Ken had expected from his lanky companion, and was surprising enough to jerk brown eyes up to meet jade. He thought about it for a moment, and then decided not to question.
"Eh…sure, " he replied. The two set about searching through the damp grass in the pre-dawn light. Ken crouched down in an absurd position, walking almost gorilla-like in his attempts to find the elusive barrette. Yoji, meanwhile, bent at the waist, his hands occupied by holding up the bottom of his flare-legged black jeans, trying to avoid being any more wet than necessary. The overall result was humorous at best, absurd at worst.
They worked in silence for at least a half an hour before both stood upright, admitting defeat. Yoji groaned and rubbed at his lower back. "Ite…..my back is killing me!, " he grumbled.
"Hn," was Ken's only reply as he looked down sadly at the now soaked knees of his jeans. Now that they weren't busy, he was embarrassed again. He felt foolish accepting help from Yoji, who had obviously been out clubbing. But he was also irritated with himself for his persistent urge to ask the older man for advice. /It isn't as though he's that much older! It - - it just seems like the kind of thing he'd know a lot about./ Ken strongly suspected the other man was bi-sexual…/.so..so maybe he could explain what it felt like to…to love a man…./
Ken blushed at the mere thought. Yoji noticed and raised an eyebrow questioningly, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. He made to move closer when a flash of yellow caught his attention.
Ken stiffened when he felt Yoji's hand on his shoulder. The touch was unexpected and warm, and only the second time (if you counted earlier that same evening) that the two had been in physical contact since the evening months ago outside the Koneko.
The muscular brunette held very still, hyper awareness of that touch searing through him, followed closely by a deep confusion as to why exactly he was so severely affected by it…..
Yoji's hand slid slowly to rest on the curve where neck met shoulder, and he bent slowly, pulling Ken with him. "Look, " Yoji murmured amusedly, pointing to a spot in the grass. "What?" Ken whispered back, squinting his eyes.
With a soft chuckle, Yoji took one of Ken's hands and reached out, parting the grass before them with their joined hands to reveal a small bit of molded yellow plastic with the shape of a bunny in the center. Ken picked it up gently, a smile forming on his lips. "The barrette!"
Yoji's hand tightened over the soccer player's, fingers sliding to cover the others gently. His other hand slid into Ken's hair, smoothly turning his surprised companion's face to meet his own.
Ken felt his breath catch slightly at the look in Yoji's eyes. They almost glowed a deep, green color. There was something in them…..something that Ken had only seen once before. The night outside the shop, when they had danced together. A peculiar feeling grew in the pit of his stomach, spreading through his chest and limbs, making him feel incredibly aware and yet weak all at once.
Yoji's thumb stroked gently across Ken's scalp, sending shivers racing through the brunette's body. /So close! We're so close……..I can feel his breath…./ Ken's thoughts wandered aimlessly while his friend's fingers slid slowly out of his hair to stroke across his cheek gently and almost, though not quite, trace his lower lip. "See Ken? Sometimes, what you're looking for is right under your nose."
There was a moment, an unending second, in which Ken was absolutely certain that something was going to happen. Something new and frightening and possibly wonderful. Then Yoji closed his eyes, and the moment was gone.
A deep breath, then, "You wanna' ride home Kenken? I was on my way back from a club when I saw you, so I have my car." Ken blinked, slowly, and took a breath, trying to steady himself. "Yeah, sure. Thanks Yoji."
The drive home was silent, except for the soft blues music that hummed out of the speakers. Yoji's mood was impossible to determine. He finished a cigarette quickly, then tapped out another, singing softly to himself as he did. Ken couldn't stop watching him. He was fascinated first by the easy way the cigarette sat between his lips, then by the smooth tap-tapping of slender fingers on the steering wheel, and finally by the deep, husky sound of Yoji's voice as he sang.
As the car pulled up to the apartments, Ken realized that he had gone out that morning in an attempt to avoid his questions about his past with Kase, and had instead returned with more questions. /Regardless of what I might have felt for Kase in the past, it's in the past. But now…../ Ken remembered the tingling feel of Yoji's fingers on his skin. /I feel something for Yoji, something more than casual friendship…/ Ken realized, quietly shocked. /What the hell am I gonna' do?/
Yellow Bunnies In The Grass
/I've lost my mind./ Ken rocked back on his heels and looked up at the mostly hidden moon. He kept very still. The grass was dew covered, and the air was chill and he had no desire to risk a cold by getting wet. A small shiver ran through his frame and he stood up reluctantly, rubbing his hands briskly up and down his arms. /You can hardly see out here, he mused, I'm never gonna' find that barrette./
He stood for a few more minutes, letting the cool spring air wash over him, drying the moisture at the bottom on his jeans and coaxing a shiver from the otherwise oblivious young man. It was early morning, sometime between 2 and 3 am. Having given up on sleep some hours before, Ken had tried various distractions before arriving at this one. Exercise had been his first choice, but he couldn't concentrate and kept losing count while lifting the hand weights he kept in his room. Next was cleaning; that had been a joke. He had managed to make a bigger mess (if that was possible) than had been present originally, before simply throwing up his hands in surrender. Next had been pacing, but that had not only not worked, but had actually made things worse.
He would make a circuit of the house: kitchen, living room, entryway, bathroom, his room and then back to the kitchen again. But no matter how hard he tried, somehow he always found himself standing in front of Yoji's door. Just standing there, as though he was waiting for something. Or contemplating knocking. At that point Ken would forcibly remove himself from the spot because he was most certainly not going to Yoji for advice because that would lead to implications he wasn't ready to accept. Because Yoji's situation with Asuka was nothing like his with Kase. Because he and Kase had been nothing more than friends.
"K'so, " he mumbled softly. He'd gone over this a million times. When all was said and done, Ken was left with some serious doubts about himself….. It had been so long ago…had he really meant it? Or had he just been afraid to admit something so terrifying…? Is that why it hurt so much? /Kase……../
Ken was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't hear the sound of a car slowing to a stop, then parking. He didn't hear the footsteps behind him, or the quiet voice speaking his name. So it wasn't much surprise when the brunette jumped at the light touch on his shoulder.
"Oi…..It's just me!" Ken's startled gaze sought and found the owner of the bemused voice. He smiled ruefully, rubbing embarrassedly at the back of his neck. "Maa, Yoji…..don't sneak up on a guy like that!"
"Sneak up?" Yoji allowed his sunglasses to slip down the bridge of his nose as he glanced disbelievingly at his companion. "I only said your name four times….."
"Oh." Ken lowered his eyes, a light blush spreading across his cheeks. There was silence between them for a moment. Ever since Kase's death followed by their confrontation over Ken's initial decision to leave Japan with Yuriko, things had been somewhat strained between the two men.
It was the chilly breeze and Yoji's totally inappropriate state of dress that finally forced the taller man to speak. Rubbing his hands up and down his arms briskly (his thin black tank top was not built for traipsing about soccer fields on a chill spring morning!) Yoji stepped closer to his friend, leaning down slightly to glance at Ken's lowered face.
"So……what'cha doin' Kenken?" Ken glanced up at Yoji then, eyebrows drawn together in annoyance at the nickname.
"Don't call me that, " he mumbled, turning to look out over the field. "I was looking for…um….a….a barrette. Amiko chan lost it yesterday during soccer practice so……" Ken stared stubbornly at the wet grass, determined not to give in to the teasing he knew was coming. But there was no comment from Yoji, save for a noncommittal, "Hn."
A bird in a nearby tree began chirping loudly, disturbing the hush that had descended across the field. Far away, the sound of a car engine revving played strange accompaniment. The silence stretched, and grew uncomfortable. It weighed on the two men, and each waited anxiously for the other to speak.
"Soooooo……you want some help, or something?" It was the last thing Ken had expected from his lanky companion, and was surprising enough to jerk brown eyes up to meet jade. He thought about it for a moment, and then decided not to question.
"Eh…sure, " he replied. The two set about searching through the damp grass in the pre-dawn light. Ken crouched down in an absurd position, walking almost gorilla-like in his attempts to find the elusive barrette. Yoji, meanwhile, bent at the waist, his hands occupied by holding up the bottom of his flare-legged black jeans, trying to avoid being any more wet than necessary. The overall result was humorous at best, absurd at worst.
They worked in silence for at least a half an hour before both stood upright, admitting defeat. Yoji groaned and rubbed at his lower back. "Ite…..my back is killing me!, " he grumbled.
"Hn," was Ken's only reply as he looked down sadly at the now soaked knees of his jeans. Now that they weren't busy, he was embarrassed again. He felt foolish accepting help from Yoji, who had obviously been out clubbing. But he was also irritated with himself for his persistent urge to ask the older man for advice. /It isn't as though he's that much older! It - - it just seems like the kind of thing he'd know a lot about./ Ken strongly suspected the other man was bi-sexual…/.so..so maybe he could explain what it felt like to…to love a man…./
Ken blushed at the mere thought. Yoji noticed and raised an eyebrow questioningly, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. He made to move closer when a flash of yellow caught his attention.
Ken stiffened when he felt Yoji's hand on his shoulder. The touch was unexpected and warm, and only the second time (if you counted earlier that same evening) that the two had been in physical contact since the evening months ago outside the Koneko.
The muscular brunette held very still, hyper awareness of that touch searing through him, followed closely by a deep confusion as to why exactly he was so severely affected by it…..
Yoji's hand slid slowly to rest on the curve where neck met shoulder, and he bent slowly, pulling Ken with him. "Look, " Yoji murmured amusedly, pointing to a spot in the grass. "What?" Ken whispered back, squinting his eyes.
With a soft chuckle, Yoji took one of Ken's hands and reached out, parting the grass before them with their joined hands to reveal a small bit of molded yellow plastic with the shape of a bunny in the center. Ken picked it up gently, a smile forming on his lips. "The barrette!"
Yoji's hand tightened over the soccer player's, fingers sliding to cover the others gently. His other hand slid into Ken's hair, smoothly turning his surprised companion's face to meet his own.
Ken felt his breath catch slightly at the look in Yoji's eyes. They almost glowed a deep, green color. There was something in them…..something that Ken had only seen once before. The night outside the shop, when they had danced together. A peculiar feeling grew in the pit of his stomach, spreading through his chest and limbs, making him feel incredibly aware and yet weak all at once.
Yoji's thumb stroked gently across Ken's scalp, sending shivers racing through the brunette's body. /So close! We're so close……..I can feel his breath…./ Ken's thoughts wandered aimlessly while his friend's fingers slid slowly out of his hair to stroke across his cheek gently and almost, though not quite, trace his lower lip. "See Ken? Sometimes, what you're looking for is right under your nose."
There was a moment, an unending second, in which Ken was absolutely certain that something was going to happen. Something new and frightening and possibly wonderful. Then Yoji closed his eyes, and the moment was gone.
A deep breath, then, "You wanna' ride home Kenken? I was on my way back from a club when I saw you, so I have my car." Ken blinked, slowly, and took a breath, trying to steady himself. "Yeah, sure. Thanks Yoji."
The drive home was silent, except for the soft blues music that hummed out of the speakers. Yoji's mood was impossible to determine. He finished a cigarette quickly, then tapped out another, singing softly to himself as he did. Ken couldn't stop watching him. He was fascinated first by the easy way the cigarette sat between his lips, then by the smooth tap-tapping of slender fingers on the steering wheel, and finally by the deep, husky sound of Yoji's voice as he sang.
As the car pulled up to the apartments, Ken realized that he had gone out that morning in an attempt to avoid his questions about his past with Kase, and had instead returned with more questions. /Regardless of what I might have felt for Kase in the past, it's in the past. But now…../ Ken remembered the tingling feel of Yoji's fingers on his skin. /I feel something for Yoji, something more than casual friendship…/ Ken realized, quietly shocked. /What the hell am I gonna' do?/