title: ...and Hades laughed...
author: Moi
fandom: X-Files/BSG (I love these whackadoodle xovers)
rated: eh, harmless in the lack of sex and expletives . Well, our kind anyway.
note: first xf in years. first DSR in longer. Well, it's implied anyway. don't ask how i got this one, I have no clue. it was just...there and I got it out so I can finish other things that it was hanging up.

"...and Hades laughed..."
by M.
-----
The silence of the ship is deafening.

After the chaotic events surrounding the President's arrest, Adama's shooting, and the frakked up mess which Tigh created in it's wake, the hush that's fallen over the fleet is enough to drive a man mad.

Sometimes, John thinks that would be better than this life. A life that's more slow march into oblivion. They've escaped the colonies, they may even escape the Cylons, but he knows death is another story. Hades is a patient god. For all the prayers uttered to the other Lords, it is he who awaits the faithful in the end. He who decides their fate. The days John thinks on their existence like this, he thinks Hades is laughing. Condemned to rule the afterlife as he was, Hades is fast becoming ruler of all mankind.

Then there are the moments where he thinks madness would not be better. Those are the times he thinks he's already mad. Locked in a hospital on Caprica with his superiors from the Bureau clucking in dismay. A stellar career gone terribly awry.

In his moments of weakness, he wishes it were true. Were he mad, his delusions would be infinitely more satisfying. He would be home and his son would be alive.

His moments of weakness come more frequently these days.

Dana's breathing changes, enough to draw his attention, and he looks to her with concerned eyes. She's still asleep, exhaustion coming more quickly in these last days of her pregnancy, and all seems well. Her time will be soon, he can see that easily, and he stands watch each night. Sleep is an illusive beast that refuses to be caught or tamed and thus he lies awake, awaiting that moment.

She is his responsibility now, though he imagines he is not carrying it in the fashion Mulder had quite imagined, and he is not about to fail her.

The Cylon invasion had been unstoppable despite their attempts to the contrary and more and more these days, he blames himself. It is an irrational belief but he cannot stop the wondering. If he had truly believed what Mulder, Monica, and even Dana had been trying to tell him, maybe he would have been able to stop it. Maybe they wouldn't be here, a desperate, ragtag caravan across the stars. Their fates trapped in the hands of religious zealots, scheming politicians, and a military force on the brink of collapse.

It's a futile thought but that seems to be all he has now. Futile thoughts and failed dreams. Just like everyone else in the fleet. The life he's scrounging together for himself, for Dana, and the child soon to be born is a shadow of a life. Just as fleeting and as insubstantial as any shadow could be. The other inhabitants of the ship on which they live are excited about the baby, it's a small bright spot in the darkness, but he doesn't quite share their feeling. He's somehow become captain of this vessel, the others naturally deferring to his military past and the presence he exudes now. With that in mind, John keeps himself a step removed. He must think about the things they're trying so desperately hard to avoid. Like the fact that this child probably won't live to see it's first birthday and neither will they.

If the Cylons truly have infiltrated the fleet, and John's known that was an inevitability from the moment the news broke that they had evolved their forms. He's been preparing for it as best he can. He and Dana alike. Supposedly the Vice President's been working on a way to detect the infiltrators but John's learned wariness when related to any politician and Baltar chief among them. Mulder had run into the man during his investigations and his comments had not been glowing. Scathing and scornful more like.

John would rather trust Dana's methods than anyone else. Considerably less well equipped and hampered by her pregnancy, she hasn't accomplished much. It doesn't matter. It gives her something to focus on, a goal, and that keeps her going. He's found that the appearance is far more useful than the reality.

Sometimes, he think that's probably what their leaders believe. He can't imagine they truly believe the fallacy they've been claiming, that there is an Earth waiting for them at the end of this journey. It's been a long time since John Doggett has believed in the prophecies of their faith. In his cynical moments he believes they're nothing more than another plaything of the gods. Meant to keep mankind dancing for their pleasure. Jesters for their court as they've always been.

He no longer believes in the prophecies but he has not lost his belief entirely.

John believes in the gods just enough to hate them. He knows that when the march is over and he looks Hades in the eye, the god of death will look back and laugh.

finis