Fighting with stars

It was dark out. The sun had set a long while ago. A fresh cool had taken the land, and the stars of Silverpelt shone in the sky. They seemed especially bright tonight, and the near full moon hung in the sky. The ground and air was scented with the smell of fresh rain, though there were only a few clouds left in the sky now. The night was oddly bright, touching every corner with a brilliant white light. Even the darkest of pelts would shine brilliantly now. It was the perfect setting for two cats to talk to each other about their deepest personal feelings of each other. Instead, though, a lone, tortoiseshell she cat sat on a wet rock, gazing up at the moon.

Spottedleaf day had been long and busy, barely letting her a moment off of her paws. The store of herbs and berries she use to keep so plentiful had been diminishing quickly due to fighting between clans. With rising hostilities between the clans, and leaf bare approaching once more, no cat was given a brake. And, above all, Spottedleaf had found herself more on edge with herself as of recently. Her work seemed to become distant from her, and she always felt like the whole clan had its eyes on her. Though she had been able to keep up a regular front, it still bore into her.

She had fallen in love. And that wasn't a good thing.

Fireheart, one of the two newest warriors of Thunderclan, had unwittingly plagued Spottedleaf with the it. Love had no true cure. Spottedleaf stared up at the damp night sky, looking for answers in the stars she knew she wouldn't find. She couldn't help but to wonder what her warrior ancestors thought about her, about him. Spottedleaf though she would see disappointment in them, maybe anger. She had never faltered in her commitment to Star clan, had never done anything less than her duty. But now Spottedleaf had to struggle with love It was the hardest topic of them all, especially because she was a medicine cat. She didn't know how other she cats dealt with love. It was an unspoken law that medicine cats couldn't speak of love, so she couldn't ask anyone about it. The best outside experience she had was when she had watched other cats paw around the issue for moons on end.

But, it wasn't a bad thing, either…

Spottedleaf's head dropped to her chest, and she felt a spark of happiness strike when she though of Fireheart. He was brave, strong, kind, an excellent choice for a mate. He was an ideal warrior, even with his soft roots as a kitty pet, who had proven himself time and time again, even with his own clan. Never before had she been as happy as when he would visit her in her den. The ginger tom…

She hadn't ever felt this way about any cat. It had crept up on her so subtly, so slowly. It started on a night like this one, with Riverclan defeating Thunderclan on sunning rocks. It was then that Thunderclan was given a prophecy, "Fire alone will save the clan". She had been the cat that read the prophecy as it spoke from the night sky. She hadn't understood it. How could she? Fire was one of the most feared predators of them all. It would strip all life from everything it touched, leaving only a wake of death.

But, with Bluestar's naming of Firepaw, and after watching him for moons, it became evident that he was to take Thunderclan's destiny into his paws. That is when Spottedleaf first took any interest in the apprentice. She wanted to know what kind of cat would become the protector of the clan, and what forces that Starclan would use to help mold him. She had seen his strength and fearlessness in the face of Longtail when he had first came to the clan, and his steadfast heart when he faced the clan when it mocked him. Spottedleaf had seen his bold tendencies and compassion towards all cats when he first met Yellowfang. She had been set on eating him, but, when she was defeated, instead of killing her like most other cats would, he risked his place in the clan to feed her fresh kill.

Spottedleaf exhaled, acutely aware of the warmth of her breath against her cooler fur. Light danced off of the moisture as it coated the tips of her fur. She softly laughed at herself. It was so simple to sort out in thought, but was still complicated, far more than words could explain. If love had an explanation, it wouldn't be love.

She wanted to give herself over to the tom, to throw it all away. She wanted to be able to feel the warmth of his pelt against hers now, together under the crystal night. She wanted to rest against him, letting everything fall away. She could die happy to let him know what she felt for him.

But she also wanted to stay a medicine cat, and keep what her warrior ancestors had spent life-times to make; The clan. She liked her work, and enjoyed being able to take care of the clan. She was happy when Featherwisker was finally able to present her to Starclan as a fully trained medicine cat. But…

Spottedleaf's ear flicked, breaking the cold atmosphere that had been sinking around Spottedleaf. The situation wasn't as simple as choosing between Fireheart and life as a medicine cat. What would the clan think of her? Would the kill her or drive her out for breaking the ancient law? What if Fireheart rejected her? The biggest portion of her life was devoted to others, and as such, a lot weighted on them for her. Her job was to care for them when they were weak or hurt. She saw both the best and the worst in the clan. She was there for all of the cats of the clan whenever they needed her.

But a smaller, more important part belonged to only one. Just one tom. She didn't know how, or why, or when, but Fireheart now held a piece of her that he could never return, a life and a will all to himself.

Spottedleaf looked back up at the stars. She looked at each individual star, hoping see something that wasn't there before. Her eye's eventually landed on the moon again. Its bright, thick surface nearly overshadowed the stars. It was there, watching her in her moment of weakness. With her eye's straight on the moon, its brilliant glow drawing everything together, Spottedleaf knew that everything would be okay. Somehow, just somehow, she could work it though in time.

Spottedleaf noticed that she was shaking, now realizing how cold she was. With the tempest of her heart calmed for now, she became aware how stiff her legs and tail were. She forced herself to her feet and picked her tail off of the ground. They fought her as she willed her limbs into obedience. She needed get back to camp. Everyone would be worried about her, and she had no cover story for her brooding about a forbidden love with an ex-kittypet. She had only come out to find some poppy seed heads to help null the pain from Firehearts wounds, and she had already found it.

Spottedleaf had gotten into a fight with Clawface, who was stealing kits from the nursery. Fireheart had arrived in time to take some the slashes and drive Clawface away. He had gone on ahead of the patrol after Yellowfang, and had joined the raid on Shadowclan to take the kits back and drive out their treacherous leader, Brokenstar. It seemed unfair to make him sit vigil tonight…