I'm Sorry, by DrGemini86 (DrGemini24)
Summary: Missing scene for Bad Guys, Daniel's sorry. Lyrics featured are John Denver's I'm Sorry. Fluffy one-shot
Pairing: SamDaniel (established relationship)
Rating: T
Genres: Angst, Drama, Episode-related, Romance-focussed
Category: Established relationship
A/N: I was considering using this in the Jackson Junior series but I couldn't find a way to make it fit... yet, so I've done a standalone with it in. Here, Sam's absence in Bad Guys is explained away
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Standing next to the Stargate on the planet, after Cam and Teal'c had gone to scout, leaving Vala with the Archaeologist, Daniel began to muse about Sam. He sighed softly, thinking how she would run her fingers through his hair during a quiet moment, how she would sneak up behind him to plant a soft kiss at the base of his neck during a particularly stressful moment.
Now they had been split up on missions. Sam was supposed to have come on this mission, but Landry thought better of it after Sam had personally requested to go to Washington D.C. in person to report to the President about her time in the alternate universe, rather than just send a report as both Jack and Landry had suggested.
"It's
cold here in the city
It always seems that way
And I've been
thinking about you almost everyday
Thinking about the good
times
Thinking about the rain
Thinking about how bad it feels
to be alone again..."
As Vala talked about seemingly random things, Daniel thought of how much he missed his ex-girlfriend, how he wished that he hadn't played around, made so many mistakes, and taken her for granted. She had taken a lot more than other women would have, a lot that she shouldn't have had to take.
Landry had told them both that if they couldn't get past the blazing rows, one of which he had happened hear which led to Sam's request, that they both couldn't stay on the team, that, with regret, they would have to be split up from then, onwards. Daniel blamed himself totally.
"I'm
sorry for the way things are in China
I'm sorry things ain't
what they used to be
But more than anything else
I'm sorry
for myself
'Cause you're not here with me..."
She should have been there with him, with the team, instead of in a relatively dull meeting with a President who couldn't get past the fact that, in that other universe, he wasn't the President.
He was sorry. He chastised himself for not apologising before, for not telling her how much she meant to him, how much he really did care. Instead, his stupid stubbornness won out and he had lost her for good. There was no way she was going to love him again, not after the way he had treated her. She deserved a lot better than him – she always had, but she had told him once, during happier times, that she saw something in him, something that he couldn't see in himself.
"Our
friends all ask about you
I say you're doing fine
And I
expect to hear from you almost anytime
But they all know I'm
crying
I can't sleep at night
They all know I'm dying down
deep inside..."
Vala asked, watching Daniel with a little worry in her eyes, "Daniel, what's wrong?"
Daniel looked at her for a moment and replied quietly, looking tired and weary, "Nothing."
She placed a hand on his arm and said gently, still looking worried, "That isn't nothing. I might not understand, but I know that you're in a lot of pain right now. What you need to do is tell her that you're sorry."
He pinched the bridge of his nose and replied with a sigh, "I don't think sorry's going to cut it this time."
"Well, you could try actually meaning it this time as opposed to in the heat of the moment, highly laced with sarcasm."
He looked at her in disbelief, and she shrugged with a small smile, readjusting her P-90 slung over her front, "Oh, the entire mountain heard that fiery altercation you and Samantha had last week. How is she? Have you seen her since then?"
He shook his head and replied in a whisper, "Only in passing. She won't even look at me."
Vala watched him for a moment and then went back to looking at things on the wall, giving him some time to rein in his emotions.
"I'm
sorry for all the lies I told you
I'm sorry for the things I
didn't say
But more than anything else
I'm sorry for
myself
I can't believe you went away..."
Daniel closed his eyes and released a shuddering breath as he remembered the lies he had told Sam, how he had lied about work, scared of the things he was feeling for her, and instead went to distant bars to get drunk and ended up waking up in various beds all around the state. She wouldn't have caught him if his last hadn't answered his mobile when Sam had called.
Dammit, he was a mess. He should have just told her that he was scared, that she was the first person to love him, the first person that he had loved, since Sha're had passed away. Instead, he ran away from his fears, being an idiot, and promptly lost her.
"I'm
sorry if I took some things for granted
I'm sorry for the chains
I put on you
But more than anything else
I'm sorry for
myself
For living without you..."
She had moved her things out his house within the space of a week, smashing many of his things in anger. He had always taken her for granted. He had always thought that she would be there through thick and thin like they had been together on the team, but a romantic relationship was a lot different to the relationships on a team... just as deep at times, but very, very different.
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After returning from the failed mission, the team having briefed Landry on what had happened, Cam asked Daniel, both men dressed in civvies, as they walked to the lifts that would take them topside, "Hey, you gonna make amends?"
Daniel replied tiredly, "It's too late. She hates me."
"Jackson, I'm not losing my band. You're gonna apologise otherwise, so help me God, I'll make you very sorry. This isn't just about a combat team. This is about SG-1. We need each other. And then there's the whole personal aspect. Get down on your knees and go eat some Humble Pie. I still can't believe you went sowing your wild oats all over like that... think of the paternity suits... and then there's the whole thing about the occasional lunatic."
"Occasional lunatic?"
"Yeah, the one that gets too attached. Hoo boy, you don't want one of them."
Daniel frowned at him as they reached the doors, and Cam said, "You know, she's coming back to the base... how about if I forget to tell her that you're going to be waiting in her lab?"
"Yeah, like that'll work. She'll kill me."
"And that would be your cue to use some of that Jackson Diplomacy..."
"While I'm dead?"
"Sure, why not? You've done it before."
Daniel glared at the Colonel as said Colonel entered the lift, saying, "Go on, do it now otherwise I'll tell T."
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Sam, tired from the long journey from D.C. as well as the meeting, and of course, the situation with Daniel, returned to the base, changing out of her dress blues and showering. Changing into civilian clothes, with the intention of going to her lab to check her mail before going home for a long bath and a much longer rest, she sighed, knowing that Daniel would have gone home by now.
She still couldn't believe what Daniel had done, and what was worse, considering their degrading relationship especially, was that she had some news. She wasn't sure of what to do, having only discovered that morning and having a good long cry. She hadn't told anyone yet, and thankfully she had requested to be left out of the day's mission anyway otherwise Carolyn would definitely have found out.
She wandered to the Commissary for some coffee and then walked to her lab, feeling a mixture of emotions – anger, hurt, confusion, sadness, heartbreak, uncertainty. She paused mid-thought as she looked at the coffee, realising what she was drinking. She grimaced and placed it on top of a fire hose reel, feeling highly guilty, before resuming the trek to her lab.
Eventually reaching it, she opened the door with a heavy sigh, switching on her computer, not feeling like putting the light on. Now completely alone, or so she thought, she propped her head up in her hands and began to cry, letting everything out that she had kept bottled up for an entire day.
A sound to her left startled her and she dried her eyes quickly, asking as she looked around the dark lab, asking, her voice sounding emotional, "Hello?"
A figure stepped forward and she quickly backed away from her desk, in fear, an eye on the door. She was about to defend herself when the figure spoke.
"It's me."
Closing her eyes in partial relief, and partial surprise, she asked, putting her hands down and switching her desktop lamp on, "Daniel? What the hell are you doing sneaking around my lab?"
He, now illuminated by the light of the lamp, asked with a shrug, "How was D.C.?"
She replied with a sigh, running her fingers through her hair nervously, "It was ok. I just told the President what had happened, and we discussed possible scenarios should the Stargate's existence be declassified."
He nodded, and then asked, his eyes earnest, "How are you?"
"I'm fine, Daniel. What's going on?"
He replied softly, "Just sit down."
She raised an eyebrow at him and he made a gesture with his hand for her to go along with it. She rolled her eyes a little and then sat down, asking,
"So, what...?"
She trailed off when Daniel kneeled on the floor in front of her, holding her hands, and he said, looking up at her, that same earnestness in his eyes, "I'm so sorry Sam. I should have told you long before now. I'm sorry."
She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly as tears pricked her eyes, and he continued, rubbing her hands gently with his thumbs, "I mean it this time. You mean so much to me and I was too much of a damned fool to tell you. Fear isn't really an excuse but to tell the truth, I was scared. Obviously, I could have handled it better... like actually telling you, but I'm just a stupid guy. I'm sorry, Sam. I've just been scared by how much I feel for you. It's overwhelming... You always said the three words to me, but I never told you them whilst meaning it."
She sighed and gazed down at him and he continued, "I love you, Sam. I love you with all my heart and soul, and, if you'll take me back, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. You deserve so much better, so much better than I ever gave you."
She pressed her lips together and then asked, "What if you do it again? It... it killed me inside when I found out. I can't keep going through this with you, Daniel. I don't want to be one of many. I want to be your only one."
He reached up to smooth her cheek, pushing her hair gently from her face, "You are my only one, Sam. My one and only. For the first time, I'm not afraid to tell you that I love you, that I'm in love with you, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It doesn't scare me any more. I promise you that I won't mess up this time, I promise."
She watched him for a long, long moment, their eyes meeting, and she said softly, "It's going to take me a while to get over what you've done. "
She sniffed and continued, "I miss having you around."
He got to his knees and hugged her as she buried her face in his shoulder, both of them crying in the embrace. He whispered, his voice breaking as he ran his fingers through her hair and down her back,
"I've missed you too. I haven't slept in our bed since you went. I just couldn't. The house feels so empty without you, my heart too. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Their lips found each other's, their fingers running through each other's hair, both of them still crying, and he asked when they had finished, gazing at each other in wonder, "Will you move back in with me again?"
She smiled as her heart melted, and she replied as she touched his jaw, "Definitely."
He helped her to her feet and they left the lab together, the computer forgotten, and she leaned into his embrace when he slipped an arm around her, her own going around his waist, both feeling utterly at peace. The news could wait. They were going to have to have a long, long talk, amongst other things.
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Thanks for reading: )
