A/N: I finally got an idea for a Boris parody! :DDD This makes me feel so much better :3 Haha. Anyway, here's this one. Please love it? :P
Summary: Boris loses his magic goggles. I think they were red. Or purple… well, I'm going with red. How does that change him? Naiveté to the extreme lol xD Does he get them back?
Dedications: Ok, Boris people, this is for you. Also, this is for anyone who reads/reviews xD Especially for AquilaTempestas. I think I really like dedicating fics to you. More power to you.
Warnings: Oh gee, tons of OOCness, swearing I think, all the normal randomness I usually have… I hope. Unfortunately, it might be too rambly. Trying to make this funny :P
Disclaimer: I own it not! What a joke. Hahahaha. And the whole gnomes idea I get from Aquila as well. But they are a little different here… hehehehe.
I woke up to a beautiful morning. It was a sight that always delighted me. With this thought in mind, I bounced out of bed and got ready for the day. An uneventful, but precise routine as usual. Looking in the mirror, I notice that I look stunning like always. My stylist was right about the purple hair. It has intrigue.
The only accessory left to put on is the red goggles that everyone fears. I don't really understand why. Well, they ARE a little tacky, but no one here is that fashion sensitive.
I reach for them, in their special place, but they're not there. The tacky goggles are not where I put them! How will I go on today? How? Nobody knows this, but without those glasses, I can't be the so called "ruthless" guy that I am. I tear my room apart looking for them, but they're nowhere to be found. Looks like I can't ban dessert until I find them. I'm such a softie. No one can see me until I find them.
This means that I am to lock myself in this room until my super duper secret agents find them. I sure hope the others don't notice my absence. They probably won't because I'm just that guy with the tacky goggles… that appears ruthless. Ok, so I give them all vegetables instead of candy. Does that really make me a bad guy? I just want them to eat right and all that. Plus the exercise regimen is something my personal trainer swears by. Have you seen my physique? My trainer is on to something. And, the others are not fat at all, so nobody can make fun of them. We wouldn't want that, would we?
I think I will use my secret agents to retrieve them. I'll just tell them the situation, and keep track of them and their progress. Also, I want to make sure they don't talk about me behind my back. It would be much better if they told me any problems they have to my face. No matter how sensitive I really am.
The only person that knows about my secret agents is Voltaire. For some reason, he laughed at me and told me that those "secret agents" (he used air quotes) wouldn't be talking about me behind my back. When I asked him why, he said because they were inanimate objects. Excuse me, but gnomes have feelings too! It just takes the right type of people to understand them… like me.
Hooking up my headset, I inform my secret agents of what they need to accomplish: find my goggles. No games. It's serious business.
My sixth sense told me that they understood, even though they didn't respond. So they're not social butterflies… that doesn't mean that they can't do the job. I just hope they do it soon.
(Switch POV)
Out on the lawn, the biggest gnome of all lit up in wonderful patterns. To the human eye, that's all it was: wonderful. It was meaningless outside of the beauty. Even Boris himself couldn't translate the pretty lights fully, but insists that he gets the general idea.
What a fool. He thinks he can understand us? I guess he thinks that the old base burning down was a fluke then.
This gnome sensed one counterpart lying wounded on the grass, and knew it was because one of those fools kicked him around like a soccer ball. That one with the grayish/bluish hair who thinks he's all that.
They're all fools! However, my team will find his goggles.
In a matter of twenty minutes, a pair of goggles was revealed in Ian's backpack. How it got there, no one cares. They matched Boris's, so mission accomplished.
The inconspicuous bushes exited the dining hall.
(Boris POV)
I wonder where my trusty agents are with my goggles. Perhaps the tacky things were sucked into an alternate universe? No, scratch that. There are no alternate universe openings on this side of Russia. Maybe they flew out my window and fell in the river, flowing to their doom? No, that's not it either… my goggles aren't suicidal. So where are they?
He contacted the agents again. "Where are my goggles? Have you found them yet?"
No answer. But he suspects that the gnomes are too busy to reply. He checked outside his bedroom window to see if any secret activity is occurring out there.
There they were, all 150 gnomes, face-down in the grass. He gasped. Oh no! My precious gnomes are unable to find them! So they're telling me the red goggles are gone? Forever?
Boris put his face in his hands, mortified. He was down on his knees in an instant.
"NOOOooo…!" he cried dramatically.
*Bonus Scene*
(In the dining hall)
All chatter stopped instantly upon hearing his voice. He sounded like he was in pain, or like someone dyed his hair again.
The 5 boys at the corner table smiled cheekily. Ian pulled out the goggles he swiped from Tala who stole them from Spencer who took them from Kai who "borrowed" them from Bryan.
Ian put them on. Possessed, he chanted, "No dessert for a year… no dessert for a year…" over and over.
Tala and Kai hid behind Spencer. Boy was Ian ever scary. Bryan just rolled his eyes and took the goggles off Ian. "You two are just a bunch of babies." He put them on.
Possessed as well, he chanted, "You will eat only cabbage… you will eat only cabbage…" over and over.
Tala had enough. He took off running away from scary possessed Bryan.
This time, Kai was not afraid, for he ate cabbage. He forcefully removed the goggles from Bryan's face. "Ok, that's enough. Bryan, go bring Tala back in here."
Kai stared at the red tacky goggles in his hands. Boris is nothing without these. So he knows what this means…
"ATTENTION EVERYONE! IF YOU ALL LINE UP SINGLE FILE YOU GET AS MUCH DESSERT AS YOU WANT! FREE DESS-"
Poor Kai and the rest of them were trampled by dessert lovers.
A/N: It took me long enough to finish this one. Hopefully AquilaTempestas is happy about that… lol. And I sincerely hope you ALL found something funny xD
If not… I know those gnomes. Hahahahahahahahahahaha jk :D
Reviews? ^-^
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