Author's Note: Is it bad that whenever I read anything about chocolate, I immediately think of Mello? Anyway, I was reading an article on Cracked, and the whole time I was thinking about Mello's reactions. So I decided to write a fic about them. Sorry I can't put a dot com after Cracked, it wouldn't let me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, or Cracked.

I was bored. Matt was out buying video games, so I was left at home in our apartment, munching on a bar of chocolate as I half-heartedly searched the web for something to grab my attention.

Cracked. I remembered the website; it gave humorous but true articles on various topics, and had more sarcasm then a day of me arguing with Near. I clicked the link.

I went to the main articles section, and one caught my eye.

5 Bitter Truths About Chocolate.

Stopping mid-chew to look at the chocolate in my hand, I considered what the article would hold for me. Could it somehow ruin my love of chocolate forever? I laughed.

Never.

Clicking on the article, I read the first reason.

Eat Lead!

Apparently chocolate had an incredibly high lead content. The shells of cocoa beans absorbed lead from the air, and since Nigeria, where most cocoa comes from, used lead gasoline, chocolate ended up being listed 4th highest for lead content in food.

Psssh. That was nothing. I probably got more lead in my system from getting shot at on a regular basis. I took another bite of chocolate.

Destroying Rainforests and Dealing with Dictators

So the plantations used slave labor and the ingredient palm oil could only be produced by clearing vast amounts of rainforest. I was in the mafia. I wasn't going to let moral issues stop me from my precious chocolate.

Ridiculous Lies About Health Benefits

Noooooooo! They weren't lies! Chocolate did prevent tooth decay and help you lose weight! Look at me for example. I ate chocolate all the time, and you couldn't find someone hotter in a thousand mile radius from here! And I wholeheartedly supported the lawsuit to classify chocolate as food instead of candy. Then Matt would stop bugging me to "actually eat real food."

The Mars Family is Insane

Like I cared what went on in the messed up Mars family ownership. They made a good product, and that's all I cared about. Besides, I was really more of a Godiva person.

Chocolate Plays Dirty

Top secret patents and technology? Spying on and sabotaging their competitors? This was supposed to be some sort of "bitter truth"? It only made chocolate more awesome! And once again, none of it applied to Godiva.

I closed the tab, and reclined in the computer chair, licking my lips from the chocolate bar that the article hadn't prevented me from eating while reading it. If that was the worst they could throw at me, I figured that I could continue eating my true love (please don't tell Matt) for a long, long time.