Ghost of You
Word Count: 627
Notes: Set somewhere in the year that Yuki lived in the underground house. Inspired by the song 'Ghost of You' by Selena Gomez.
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The day I walked into my old home, I didn't turn around and run back out of that door. I left my back to it, and fooled myself to believe that it was all going to be so much better now. There was no more that Yuki Cross could do, so I wanted to disappear. There was nothing for me to lose.
I've tried to forget you, but it's impossible. I hear your voice in the air on the days that I close my eyes and try to remember the days at the school. I remembered being happier there. Your voice is always there, somewhere inside of me. I guess that's how much of an impression that you've made on me. I hear your voice, and I wish that I was able to see your face.
Though it doesn't matter, does it? I'll never be the same, and you hate me for that. I'm not the same person that you remembered. I'm not the same person that I thought I was.
What would you do if you realized the whole life you'd led was a lie?
You still remain a part of me, but it's slightly out of focus, and I have a hard time remembering your face now. It's grown dark and fuzzy. It's like a place that you had gone to in your childhood, but the memories had faded. You remember it as being pleasant, but in the end it really wasn't, and you never want to go back.
But I do.
Except you wouldn't want me back, 'cause I'll never be the Yuki I used to be. But I am still the person you met that day you first came into our adopted father's house. Can you not see it?
I wear the memory of you like a stain - that's the mark you made on my heart. A stain that's impossible to remove, but soon it becomes so normal that you stop seeing it. I can't numb the dull pain that'll accompany thoughts of you. It'll forever stay with me, as long as the stain is there.
Sometimes when I wake up, I can't remember where I am. I can't remember if I'm at the school dorm bed, or if I'm at my bed at home. Or maybe I fell asleep on the couch again? If I fell asleep on the couch, then you would come and be waking me up, telling to get into my real bed.
But it isn't you I see when I open my eyes – it's Kaname. He's the only thing in this place that can make me forget about you. If Kaname's here, I'm all right. If Kaname's here, I remember why I came here and why I left you.
Although, when he's not here, when I'm all alone in my thoughts, is when I pray to myself that someday when I think of you, there'll be no pain. Whenever I do that, I have to cover my eyes and try to omit the feelings of being so tired and confused. I tell myself that there's a reason I can't let you go yet, but it also terrifies me that you'll never leave my heart. I don't know if you ever can.
I count my breaths. In and out. I concentrate on my breath and it allows me to forget about everything else. There's nothing to say to you even if I was to see you again. There are no words. If I think about breathing, I don't have to try to figure out anything, I don't have to doubt anything.
But I know - I always knew - that I'd never break through the ghost of you. You'll forever haunt me, until the day I die.