A/N: Hi everyone, so it has been a long time since I have last been on Fanfiction, so it feels pretty weird to be back. But thanks for tuning into the newly improved story of 'Should I Love Him or Not'. The plot of the story has been changed a lot as my creativity and way of thinking has changed a lot over these past years, so I hope that you guys enjoy the story.
Chapter 1: A New Beginning
"AMU-CHAN! AMU-CHAN! AMU-CHAN! BRITAIN LOVES YOU! AMU-CHAN!" The screams of my fans bellowed.
I sat on the chair cross-legged, with my face tilted upwards while closing my eyes as my makeup artist Michelle quickly put the finishing touches of eyeliner onto my face for the grand finale of my concert. The screams of my fans tore across the stadium causing the ground to shake as if there was an earthquake.
"Hinamori-san, please get to your position, you are on in less than 30 seconds" called the backstage manager. I quickly hopped off my high chair and gave a slight nod of thanks to Michelle, a petit brunette with bright blue eyes. I walked up the stairs towards the stage and stood in my spot while holding my pose, staring lifelessly at the dark blue curtain in front of me that was about to rise up to show the world something entirely fake.
I came into this 'world of showbiz' purely due to the fact that singing was the only thing that I had where I felt like myself when I was doing it. I left my family 4 years ago and went to London; it was not like anyone really cared, since my parents adored my older brother and little sister, it didn't matter if the middle child was gone at all. It wasn't like he cared for me either, since he was the first one to leave me after all. From singing in bars and cafes for 2 years, I was finally scouted and this is where I am today. Amu Hinamori, the 20-year-old pop sensation that became famous throughout the world after wowing the audience with her stunning beauty and voice. But all of that is wrong, I am nothing like what they describe me as, all I am is a fake and emotionless doll that does whatever she is ordered to do. The real me is something that the world cannot accept, it is disgusting and not something to be loved.
The curtains rise and I plaster a fake smile onto my face as the lights blare onto my skin and I start to sing:
"Fuckin' Perfect"
By: PINK
Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
I felt a tear roll down my face; I quickly used my sleeve to wipe it off. Dolls do not have emotions they are not supposed to cry. Crying only means being weak, I can't be weak, I have to stay strong, after all this is the path that I have chosen myself and I need to show them that I am better off without them. Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel You're so mean (so mean) when you talk (when you talk)
Miss 'No way, it's all good'
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I'm still around
Like you're less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices (change the voices) in your head (in your head)
Make them like you instead.
While I am singing, I listen carefully to the lyrics coming out of my mouth. Wow, how ironic, these lyrics are totally the opposite of how I am now. I wrote this song before all of this, before I became this person, before all of my emotions disappeared, and before he left me. The blaring lights, the loud thumping music, why am I even here?
So complicated, Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It's enough, I've done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same
(Oh oh)
Like you're less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
As I reached the climax of the song, I felt my head starting to ache and throb painfully. I pushed the pain aside and continued on to finish the song. The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear (Yeah! Oh!) Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard
And it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?
Oh, pretty, pretty, pretty
Like you're less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
(You're perfect, you're perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me.
Ah, I sang the last part of the song and smiled another fake smile at my fans before walking off the stage. Before I was even able to walk down past the middle of the stage, I felt the pain in my head ache and the last thing I saw was darkness before falling onto the ground.
Ugh, my head, I opened my eyes and was met with white, where am I? I slowly lifted my numb body into a sitting position. I felt my head throb painfully and a slight ache in my arm, I looked down, an IV needle was in my arm. Oh, I guess I am in the hospital. Before I was able to figure out what happened, the door slide open and in came my manager Nicole along with Michelle.
"Amu-chan! You are awake? Are you alright? I was so scared when you fainted!" said a frantic Michelle. I slowly nodded my head and looked down at my hands that were tightly clenched to the point that my hands became white.
"What happened? How long was I out?" I said softly trying to gather my mind together to remember the situation.
"You fainted onstage right after you finished your last song. The doctor said that it was due to not eating and stress. The press is having a field day; they have been camping outside the hospital for two days already, and articles saying that you are anorexic are being published. Didn't I tell you to not embarrass yourself? You are a celebrity, not a random girl on the street, you have to act properly and if you are going to faint at least faint offstage where the general public can't see." Snapped Nicole sharply. My hands clenched harder, I can feel my fingernails digging into my palms leaving red marks.
"Nicole, don't you think you are being too rou-"
"Shut up Michelle, you too didn't I tell you to put a darker shade of foundation on Amu's face? The press has been saying that her skin looks pale and sickly!" shouted Nicole breaking Michelle off. Michelle sighed and looked down at her feet. I sat there in the hospital bed glaring at my lap.
'Ring, ring, rin- '
"Nicole Evans speaking… Director Martin! Yes, I am here with her right now, the doctor said that all she needs is some rest, yes she can be released, ok; I will bring her there as soon as I can. Okay, bye bye." I looked at Nicole wondering what is going on.
"Amu, get dressed, I need to take you to the Director, he wants to see you. Michelle, go fill out the hospital forms and meet us in the underground parking lot in 15 minutes." Nicole demanded as she threw a bag of clothes and makeup into my lap and prepared to walk out of the door.
"Oh and Amu, make sure to fix your face, so it actually looks alive, I don't want to run the press office again to fix your stupid health problems" snapped Nicole as she slammed the door and left. I looked down at my hands again, and blood trickling down on my palm, heh guess I need to cut my nails. I slowly pulled the IV needle out of my arm and got out of the hospital bed. I limped slowly to the washroom and prepared to wash my face with icy cold water. I looked into the mirror and was met a something hideous: my eyes were swollen with purple eyebags as if I haven't slept for weeks. Ugh, I slowly rummaged through the purple 'Chanel' makeup bag and grabbed a foundation three shades darker than my original skin tone and rubbed it onto my face and neck. I grabbed some eyeliner and lined my eyes, and lightly dusted some blush onto my cheeks so I looked more alive, and finally applied some coral lipstick onto my lips. Finally, my mask is on. I walked out of the washroom and quickly got dressed into my clothes, che, black, such a perfect colour for my 'perfect' mood. After brushing my hair and cleaning up my bags and I slide the door open and walked out.
"Tch that took some time." I saw Nicole outside the door waiting for me. I glared and walked past her towards the door that led the underground parking lot. I quickly got into the dark coloured Mercedes SUV before anyone could see me.
"Ok, so I calmed down the press and general public by releasing that you were mourning over a death of a friend so it caused you to not eat and sleep. Got it?" said Nicole as she got into the front seat and motioned the driver to start.
"Yes" I said. Che, friends, what are they? I don't even have any, and mourning for one? I looked out of the window to the streets of London. Three girls around the age of 17 were walking down the street laughing brightly with large smiles on their face, children playing tag on the streets, and couples holding hands. My heart clenched, Tadase…, I shook my head violently. No! I can't, why am I thinking of him! We are over! I looked back down.
"We are here, get out of the car." Nicole snapped sharply. I looked up and saw the company building and got out of the car. I walked towards the massive 35 story building and was met with flashing lights and a large crowd of people.
"Amu, are you really anorexic?" shouted a female reporter who was stuffing her microphone towards my face.
"Is it really true that you are mourning for your friend's death? How did she die? What was she to you?" yelled a tall male reporter from London Weekly.
I breathed and prepared to put my mask on. I faked a small sad smile, and shed a small fake tear.
"Yes, my best friend recently died from a car crash. I am deeply sorry for causing a lot of worry for all of you; I will make sure that I get back on track soon." I said. I saw the reporters starting to rapidly jot notes down on their little notebooks about their next headline story. I looked for Nicole in the distance; she had a small smirk on her face as she can practically see the reporters pitying my situation.
"As you guys have heard the truth, let's allow Amu to have some rest now. Thank you very much for all of your understanding." As Nicole grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the group of reporters to walk inside the company.
"Good job on the lying. Go up to the Director's office, I have matters to attend to." Said Nicole and she led me to the elevator and pressed the 35th floor button for me and left the elevator. Once I arrived at the 35th floor I swiftly got out of the elevator and went towards Director Martin's office. I didn't bother to knock as he knows I will be here anyways.
"Ah. Amu-chan, you are here" stated the Director with a small smile. The tall man had blonde hair and olive green eyes. I nodded and sat down on the couch.
"Why did you call me here?" I said slowly breaking down my barriers a little bit since after all, he did help me when I was in rough times but then again he did bring me into this world.
"Your mother called me." He spoke slowly turning around from the window to look at me in the eye.
"Wha- What?" I said with a slight of anger in my voice. Why now? After all the shit that she has put me through she calls me? What use does she have for me?
"She saw you fainting at the concert, she ordered me to make you go back to Japan." he stated slowly letting me grasp the situation correctly. My pupils dilated, and my body froze. Back... back to that disgusting place? The place that changed me into this horrendous emotionless monster, I can't accept this!
"NO, NEVER." I shouted angrily. I stood up and looked him straight in the eye. I worked hard to escape, I worked hard to become like this, no matter how tiring my job, I cannot go back.
"I am sorry, Amu-chan, but you have to, and honestly it won't be too bad, you can expand more of your fame in Japan and go back to your original roots. Your plane ticket has been bought already and your new manager has been chosen and when you arrive, you will be picked up by a man from the Japan branch. I have already talked to Director Tsukasa from the Japan branch and he is more than happy to see you there, as your fame in Japan is also pretty popular." He said as he started to walk towards me. He smiled but I knew what that smile meant, it was a demand and something that I must do. I looked down at my lap as my hands clenched into fists.
"Yes sir." I whispered.
"Good, Nicole has already packed your bags and will send you to the airport immediately." He said as he sat down in his chair. "You may go now, good luck in Japan, and I hope to see you again someday." He stated again. I quickly got up and walked towards the door. My bangs covered my eyes and I slowly walked towards the elevator. I felt tears starting to trickle down my cheeks, no I can't, I must hold my emotions in but, I couldn't do it, my barriers broke down as my tears start to slide down my cheeks and I broke down in the elevator. As the elevator reached the lobby, I quickly got up and wiped my tears and dashed out of the elevator to find the nearest washroom. I washed my face and quickly fixed my makeup and went back to find Nicole. I found her outside of the door smirking.
"Guess you have a leave now, it was a 'fun' time working with you. The car is ready and your stuff are all in the trunk Here is your ticket and passport." She said with a smirk. I began to walk towards the car. "Oh and don't make your new manager hate you as much as I do." She said coyly before walking back into the company building. I glared at her back and walked towards the car. The car ride towards the airport was about 20 minutes; I looked outside the window soaking up the scenery of London since I don't know when I would come back.
As we neared the airport, I got out of the car and got my stuff and walked into the airport. I looked down at my ticket, che private plane, not surprised. I walked to the private planes gate and was greeted by a tall red haired stewardess taking all of my stuff and escorting me to the plane. I got in and went to find a spot to sit, the interior of the plane was black and white with red leather seats. My mind was becoming a mess; I don't know what to think anymore. Everything was moving in a blur, I don't know what to do anymore. Japan, my mother, my father, Ami, Reiji, and… him, what will their reaction be like when they see me? What will my reaction be like? My eyesight was slowly becoming hazy and blurred, and before I knew it I fell into a deep slumber.
A/N: Ok, so I know I changed it a lot and it became more angst, but it will get less as the story goes on. So I hope you guys enjoyed the story and don't be afraid to give me a review. (I accept flames, as I do want to know how to improve)
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