Disclaimer: TMNT are still not mine, dammit!

Warnings; This is Slash baby! Parings, Well, Everyone/Leo, but will become just Don/Leo. This is the Sequel to Dark side of the Sun. Really should read that first or this probably won't make sense.

Also posted on the Turtlecest Live Journal!

Shattered Spirit, Conquered Soul

Chapter 1: Two weeks before the events in Dark side of the Sun

"Connect the blue wire to the red wire…then the black to the green….gah!" Donatello jumped as his efforts were rewarded with an electrical shock. Cradling his hand to his chest, he frowned at the gadget he had been tinkering with and the mess of wires that seemed to be mocking his inability to connect them correctly.

"Think you can beat me, huh?" he muttered. "Well, think again. You've just made a powerful enemy, my friend. Just wait till I'm through with you."

Picking up a tool, he moved to attack the offending gizmo, pausing as a sound reached his ears. He sat still and listened, quickly identifying the sound as the punching bag in the Dojo. Looking at the clock, his eyes widened. Three-thirty in the morning! Was it really that late?

'Wonder why Raph is up at this time of night,' he thought, his gaze returning to his project. He sighed, knowing he had to quit for the night and go to bed. Master Splinter would not be pleased if he wasn't fully alert for morning practice. Neither would Leo for that matter. Giving the wires one last, longing glare, Donny turned off the light and left his lab.

As he was passing the Dojo on his way to his room, he glanced in, expecting to see Raphael making all the noise. He stopped in surprise when he found it was not his ill tempered brother, but Leonardo attempting to gut a bag with his bare fists.

As Leo had not yet noticed his audience, Donny observed him silently. He was surprised by the level of aggression Leo was displaying. Usually, his eldest brother was the very picture of calm serenity, even when training. Well… when he wasn't fighting with Raphael anyway. He usually didn't work with the bag, which was more Raph's style when trying to work out aggression. Most of the time, Leo attacked invisible enemies or meditated or something….

He wondered what had Leo so worked up and almost called out to him when Leo suddenly stopped his furious pounding. Gripping the bag, he rested his forehead against it. Such an intense expression of sorrow crossed his face, that Donny took an alarmed step forward.

"Leo?"

The elder turtle jumped and looked up, startled, which caused Donny to frown in concern and take another step forward. "Leo? You okay?"

Leo's face quickly shifted to his normal, neutral, if not tired, expression. Turning away, he murmured, "I'm fine, Donny. Go back to bed, sorry I woke you."

"You didn't," Don replied. "I was in my lab and suddenly realized the time after I heard someone in here. I was actually expecting Raph." He paused, then asked, "So, what's up?"

With his gaze focused on the bag, his fingers lightly touching it, Leo answered, "Nothing. Couldn't sleep is all."

Donny raised an eye ridge as he leaned against the wall, arms folded. "Right. You always beat the stuffing out of the bag when you can't sleep."

Leo shot him an annoyed look which only fueled Don's sense of curiosity and concern. "What does it matter, Don? Go to bed. Practice is in a few hours and you know how Master Splinter gets when we're not alert."

Donny shook his head. He wasn't going to be run off that easily. "Playing the Master Splinter card might have worked if I had come in earlier or later and hadn't seen that look on your face."

"What look?" Leo asked, the annoyance creeping into his voice.

"Sorrow," Donny answered solemnly. "Like you had just lost something you loved very deeply or something." He pushed away from the wall and moved to his brother's side, putting a hand on Leo's arm and taking note of how the other tensed at the contact.

"Talk to me, Leo. What's going on? And don't say 'nothing.' I'm not blind."

When Leo didn't answer, Don sighed and decided to try a 'Mikey.' Putting on his best, worried younger brother look, he pleaded in a soft, almost wounded tone, "Please Leo. I worry about you. The way you keep everything bottled up, you're either going to have a heart attack or a major break down. Please…"

From the look that crossed Leo's face, Donny knew he had won. Some battles were best fought with words, after all. He kept his elation to himself and patiently waited for his brother to speak.

"It's not as bad as you think it is, Don," Leo finally said with a sigh. "Just…bad dreams."

When he went no further, Don raised an eye ridge and said, "Well? What were they about?" He knew perfectly well it had to be a lot more than bad dreams. That look that had been on Leo's face had said it all. It was much deeper than dreams.

Leo gazed blankly at a spot on the floor and when he finally answered, he sounded a million miles away. "About the past….the present. Reminding me that I'm not a good person….reminding me of my penance."

Don blinked, Leo's words having caught him completely by surprise. "What?" he asked and Leo looked up, startled, as if he had forgotten Donny was there. "Huh?"

"Leo…you're not a bad person. What are you talking about?"

A little smile that almost seemed patronizing slipped passed Leo's lips. "No, Donny. I'm not a good person." He patted Don's arm and started to move past him as he added, "But that's not something you need to worry about. Goodnight, Don."

Donny blinked again, turning quickly with an exclamation of, "Hey!" He reached out and snatched his brother's arm, spinning him back. "Hold on just a minute here, Leo! You can't just tell me that you're a bad person like you're telling me the time and then just walk away!"

Seeing the brush off coming, Donny grabbed Leo's wrist almost painfully tight and pulled his brother from the Dojo and back down the hall to his lab, ignoring Leo's protests. Once in his lab, he released Leo, closing and locking the door.

Spinning around, keeping himself between Leo and the door, he said, "You're not leaving this room until you talk to me, Leo! What's this nonsense about not being a good person?" He paused, then added warningly, "Don't make me hogtie you."

Leo stared at Donny in mild surprise before giving him a stern look. "Don't play games, Donny. I'm going to bed and you should too."

He started to move, but Donny wasn't going to be denied. It was time that Leo stopped drowning himself and took a helping hand. Making himself look as though he was stepping aside to let Leo pass, Donny waited until the perfect moment before grabbing Leo's arm and twisting. He pressed a nerve on the back of Leo's neck, causing the other to gasp and fall to his knees.

"Last warning, Leo," he said quietly. "Don't think I won't do it. Your bandana will suit the purpose perfectly, you know."

Leo tried to fight, growling, "Donny…." before he stopped and seemed to surrender. "All right," he breathed. "Fine."

Donny released him and Leo stood, turning away. Donny watched him carefully, just in case Leo decided to bolt or something. After a couple of minutes, though, Leo said quietly, "Do you know why I meditate and train so much, Don?"

The question caught Donny off guard, but Leo didn't seem to be expecting an answer as he continued. "It's not because I'm trying to be the perfect son…the perfect leader." He turned and Donny felt a chill slip down his spine as they looked at each other. There was something in his brother's eyes….

"It's to control my dark side," the elder murmured, a haunted note in his voice. "To keep it quiet." He looked like he was going to say more, but instead went quiet, his eyes far away as he watched something that only he could see.

Confused, Donny said, "Leo, I don't understand. You're talking and acting like someone who's done terrible things. Like someone who's never truly known peace. But that can't be right. I've never seen you do anything that would make you a bad person."

Leo laughed softly, humorously. "You're not with me twenty-four seven, Donatello. You don't really know me. You don't know what I've done, none of you do."

"Then tell me!" Donny replied in exasperation. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. I mean, come on, this is you we're talking about! The turtle who has more honor than most humans!"

"I've betrayed you all," Leo stated in a hallow tone. "Numerous time."

Donny shot him a disbelieving look. "You've betrayed us," he repeated, folding his arms. "How? When?"

Leo opened his mouth, then closed it again and gave his brother a strangely fearful, desperate look. "Nothing leaves this room, right? It's just between us?"

Donny nodded, watching Leo carefully. "Of course. You have my word, Leo."

Leo closed his eyes and swallowed. When a full minute passed and he didn't say anything, Donny reached out and put a comforting, supportive hand on his brother's shoulder. He frowned when Leo, once again, tensed at the touch.

"Come on, Leo," he murmured gently, guiding the other to a chair. "Let's sit down." He grabbed another chair and said, giving his brother a calming look. "It's okay, Leo. It's just me."

Leo didn't seem to be too reassured by that statement and Donny wasn't sure whether or not he should hurt by that. Did Leo really think so little of them…of him, that he had to fear talking to them?

It was another moment before Leo began speaking quietly. "Do you remember when we first met the Shredder? How he managed to fool me so easily…so smoothly?"

Donny nodded, a funny feeling taking route in the pit of his stomach. There was a note in Leo's voice that he didn't like….something foreign…something he couldn't identify.

"Despite what Master Splinter told us," Leo continued, "Despite that first battle with him and knowing he was evil…I had many…encounters with him."

"Encounters?" Donny questioned, his voice barely a whisper.

Leo didn't appear to have heard him. His eyes were far away, trapped in the past. "He was…obsessed with me. And…and I with him, though I hated him…feared him. I didn't know my dark side until he introduced me…taught me things…showed me what darkness was."

He closed his eyes, a soft whimper escaping him. "So seductive, Donny," he breathed, self-hatred and sorrow in his voice. "So seductive and thrilling and…and absolutely terrifying."

A soft, chilly laughed slipped from his lips. "You all thought Raph was dark…he had no idea. None of you did. He was just an angry child who hadn't even come close to tapping into the true darkness of his soul." A half laugh half sob escaped his lips. "He's much better at it now…."

Before Donny could ask what that meant, Leo continued. "I was so relieved when we thought Splinter had killed Shredder. I was free of his influence…able to close the door he had opened and silence the whispers…the desires. For a while anyway."

He stopped and silence descended. Donny was completely staggered by Leo's story, but apparently, his brother wasn't finished yet.

"The night he came back," Leo began again, "he told me that he had spent his time in hiding thinking of nothing but me. Of how alike we were…kindred spirits…soul-mates even. It made me sick and excited at the same time despite the beating I had suffered at the hands of his Elite."

A bitter laugh escaped him. "He was actually disappointed that I had… 'allowed' his Elite to get that far with me. He actually reprimanded me for allowing my dark side to be locked away. For not…doing what I was born to do. He wanted me to go with him. Said it was time to stop playing games and for me to devote myself to him completely."

Leo closed his eyes against the tears that had begun to fill them. "I nearly said yes, Donny," he whispered. "The freedom he offered…but I couldn't. I denied him and he nearly killed me. Nearly killed all of you."

Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks down and his voice was filled with torment and self-loathing as he added, "All because I let him seduce me in the first place. Because I liked what he made me feel."

Donny, deeply shaken by what Leo had told him, felt renewed anger and hatred toward the Shredder. Even in exile, the bastard still managed to inflict pain upon Don's family.

"Leo," he whispered, leaning forward and gripping his brother's hand. "Leo, you aren't a bad person. You were only fifteen when you met him. Just a kid with very little experience with humans…or Utroms as it turned out. The point is, he was a master manipulator and he took advantage of something he saw in you. That's how darkness operates and the fact that you never fully gave in means that you are good. Look at all the people we've helped…all the good things we've done with you as our leader. If you weren't good, then we would have lost you to the Shredder a long time ago. We wouldn't be sitting here, having this conversation."

Leo suddenly came to his feet, startling Donny. He watched his brother move away, wiping at his eyes and shaking his head in agitation. "Stop telling me I'm good, Donny!" he hissed. "If I were good, I wouldn't have let him do that to me. I wouldn't have done all the things I did and later, I wouldn't have let my dark side overtake me to the point of hurting Master Splinter! If I were good, my own brother wouldn't be…"

He stopped and Donny felt that chill run down his spine again. What had Leo been about to reveal before catching himself?

"Leo?" he questioned softly, slowly standing, afraid of spooking his brother. "Leo, what's going on? What wouldn't your brother be doing? Which of us are you talking about?"

Leo, however, shook his head and Donny watched Leo's face close up, knowing it was over, much to his frustration. He'd get nothing more out of his brother. Not tonight at least.

"I'm done, Don," Leo murmured, proving Don correct. "I've answered your question, now I'm leaving."

He moved for the door and Donny quickly moved in front of him. "Leo, wait!"

Leo made a threatening noise, but Donny stood his ground. "Leo, listen to me. You have some deep, psychological issues that need to be worked out. I'm afraid of what might happen if you don't." He hesitated a few seconds, then added, "I think you should talk to father."

Leo's eyes widened at the suggestion and he grabbed Donny's arm so tight that Donny winced in pain. "No! Donny, you promised that nothing said would leave this room!"

Donatello worked his way out of Leo's grip and said, "And I intend to honor that, but Leo, you can't go on like this. Your mind can only take so much before it snaps. Please Leo…"

Leo closed his eyes and turned his head away and Donny silently cursed him for his stubborn nature. After a moment, Donny sighed in defeat and said, "All right, look, promise me something?"

He waited until Leo was looking at him again before saying, "If you won't talk to father, then promise you'll talk to me. When you have nights like tonight, I don't care what time it is, come see me. We don't even have to talk. We can just sit together….meditate or something." He looked at Leo intensely. "Please?"

They stared at each other for a moment and Donny feared that Leo would deny him when his brother finally sighed and nodded. "All right," the elder breathed. "I promise."

Donny relaxed, confident in the knowledge that Leo would keep his word. On a sudden impulse, he pulled Leo into a tight hug. "I love you, bro," he whispered, feeling strangely elated when Leo hugged him back. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah," Leo murmured back, a note of comfort in his voice that Donny found bizarre, given the situation. "Yeah, I know, Don. I love you, too."

He pulled away, giving Don's arm and gentle squeeze before moving around him and leaving the room.

Alone, Donny moved over to his chair and sank down into it, resting his head in his hands. Leo had truly thrown him for a loop. He hadn't realized just how tormented his eldest brother was. None of them had. He was very good at hiding….too good perhaps. Donny wondered just how far Leo's… 'relationship' with the Shredder had gone and felt a shiver of fear work its way through him. Somehow, he needed to convince his brother to talk to Splinter, convince him that he needed help before some kind of disaster struck.

Something else that worried him was the slip Leo had made in regards to one of them doing something. 'If I were good, my own brother wouldn't be…' Wouldn't be what? Donny couldn't fathom the idea that one of them was intentionally hurting their eldest brother. So what could it be? Could one of them be involved in something that Leo couldn't stop?

Donny sighed, wanting very much to talk to Splinter. However, he didn't know how to without betraying Leo's trust. But then, if Leo's mental stability was at risk, wouldn't it be worth the betrayal? Yes, it would. Donny would rather have his eldest brother hate him forever than watch him destroy himself. No, he would wait. Give Leo a chance to see reason before he betrayed him.

Rubbing his eyes wearily, Donny considered the root cause for his brother's despair. "Damn you, Shredder," he muttered. "Will you never leave us in peace?"