No longer survive but live

Chapter 1 : The dream

It was like a dream, you know one of those dreams that we do for no reason but that in one night make us think and allow us to question all our lives

Let's talk about my life….

So, I am a fourth year medical student at the Chicago Medical Centre in the emergency department because of the planned rolling in the program, a reputed hospital with a really top staff.

And there is me, Sarah Reese the student uncomfortable with people and patients, without being a street disaster

But let's just say that initially I did not see myself being a doctor who heals by interacting with patients. Actually, I am or I was more a person destined to work in a laboratory in the basement of the hospitals where you never see any patients.

My mother Victoria never wanted me to be a doctor and keeps telling me that this job is not for me. Although I have always been the first of my class in all subjects, except for PE, of course, as you surely say it by reading those lines "yes" I have always been a shy "miss-know-it-all".This role didn't bother me in any way as long as I managed to achieve my goals.

I always wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to be able to cure people to find a cure for cancer

This bloody illness that cowardly takes our loved ones without any notice. I would have liked that a miracle cure exist, it could have cured my father.

He was the only man in my life, he always encouraged me that I want to become a doctor or all my other dreams even if it was impossible to achieve them. He has always been there ... I miss him

There is a void in me since his disappearance, he was the only person in my family I was close to. I have four brothers but say that a boy remains a boy, I really like them but he overprotected me , It is partly for this reason that I left so far from home to do my internship. I wanted to be able to live my life without anyone telling me how I should live it, you know how to be the sole master of my destiny

All this is not very shining I know, but this is my life and try to handle with this, day after day

In my dream, the one I told you about, my father was present .I think this is was the result of the hard day I had the day before: I had to tell parents that their child who came for a broken arm was going to die because he had a neurodegenerative disease and no cure That there is nothing we can do to heal Parker, an extraordinary little boy who could only be loved.

I could consider, or rather consider, this moment, this day as one of the worst in my life after my father's death.

Having to announce the future death to the parents and especially to Parker was beyond my strength, but as Dr. Charles had told me:

"When people get bad news like this, they may asked you to clarify think or repeat them , they have to answer all the questions that may be asked of you so that they can accept it. but the most important thing Is that they need to see, to know that there is someone here who understands what they are going through and through they really need to feel this compassion"

The words he had uttered at that particular moment were for me like a blade crossing me through and through. The fact of not even having to imagine having to tell them to petrify me on the spot.

But as Charles had said it was my duty, my responsibility to tell them. What I did, and it was horrible in spite of the presence of Dr. Charles, I could not help but shed all the tears of my body in the toilets of the hospital.

It was as I went out that I shoved Dr. Rhodes.

Dr. Rhodes was a very seductive man in a sexy Bad Boy style, and he knew it very well and he was playing it to have that gift he needed.

He had already been very supportive during my first week in the ER, he had characterized himself as solidarity between newcomers which had made me laugh.

He had also advised me not to be content with the pathology and maybe expanded my horizons ER and surgery. What I had never considered because of the human factor that was omnipresent. We had not spoken after this discussion, and life resumed its course.

That day, seeing my eyes puffy, he approached me and gave me a simple smile, replaced one of my curls behind my ear and wiped the last tear that I had on the cheek with his hand.

I did not dare to look at him as my eyes automatically went to the floor, then he came closer and took me in these arms out of sight and told me how sorry he was for my patient by squeezing me Little stronger in these arms.

We stayed in this position a few minutes before he was picked up in the emergency room and had to leave.

I returned home after this hard day, constantly thinking of that day, that horrible and frightful day.

The only thing I had the strength to do was to put myself in my bed, or I fell asleep in one go.

I had a dream that night, a fairly simple dream that had a lot of impact on me.

My father was seated at the table in the garden of our old house, he was looking at me, smiling at me, got up, pulled the chair beside him, asking me to join him, which I did without any apprehension.

I just wanted to find it, it seemed so real, it had not changed, I approached, I took it in my arms and at that moment I felt safe again as in the day in the arms Of Dr. Rhodes. Which gave me a feeling quite strange but not unpleasant.

I had a chat with my father a very pleasant conversation even though I knew what was not really real. He told me how proud he was of me, proud that I continue in spite of his death to follow my dreams.

That I had to stop surviving and finally start living a life my life, having friends go out, make me happy, met a boy even if for him I already knew him.

I should certainly face such days as today but that for him I had found my way and that I had to continue to follow her.

Although it was difficult, and it was not going to become easier and harder, it was becoming harder and harder. I was his daughter his little daughter Sarah the strongest and most wonderful person he has ever met and that for that thanks to his I am and would be an excellent doctor.

These words, these words even - if it comes only from my imagination - makes me tremendously good.

When I woke up, my world was completely upset I did not know what to do. The only thing I was sure of was that I would be a doctor, I had no doubt about that, doctor of medicine and not pathology.

Today was a new day, today I was not going to survive but LIVE.