betaed by batofgoodintent (ao3)/ timdrakeothy (tumblr)
It was an accident, honest. He wouldn't do it again. Tim had surprised him, the gentle pat on the ass as he walked by. That was all it was, a pat, and yet Kon had jumped out of his skin. When Tim had asked him what was up he'd lied, he'd made jokes and innuendos (which made his skin crawl to imagine happening) and he'd laughed it off. He couldn't help himself from freezing up; psyching himself up to even kiss his partner was hard enough, but sudden shows of affection made him just…
He tried, he really did. But every time someone touched him like that, no matter who, no matter how much he loved them, he felt revulsion. His skin crawled, his mind screamed for him to get away, he sometimes even felt bile rise.
He was sure it was his clone conception, it had to be. Everyone else liked it. Wanted it. Craved it. So sometimes he over compensated, he knew that. The flirting, the innuendos… How else was he supposed to show he was like everyone else? How else could he be normal?
It happened again. They were having sex this time. Which… wasn't Kon's favorite thing in the world. But his partner always liked it, and happy significant other happy life, right?
Tim hadn't done anything wrong, in fact Kon was sure that it was his fault. After all, everyone else seemed to like it. But Kon had froze, stomach twisting in on itself, and Tim had noticed. Tim had noticed and his eyes had widened. No. No no no no no no no, Kon squeezed his eyes shut, ready for yelling, ready for anger, ready for anything. Well, anything but Tim's soft "oh."
Oh? What did 'oh' mean?
Kon's heart was pounding and it wasn't because of how close Tim was (well, not completely).
Why wasn't Tim angry?
"Are you okay, Kon?" Tim asked. His blue eyes searched through Kon's.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because you look terrified."
"I-I'm not terrified." Kon argued. He had to get back into his mindset before, distract Tim. Kon grinned at Tim and bent over, kissing his jaw. "I'm good." He hummed. "Tell me, what do you want?"
Tim smiled at Kon, pushing him back against the mattress of the bed they were on. "No, tell me what you want?"
Nothing, but how did you tell your partner that sex was literally the last thing that you wanted to do, and that's saying something since you've fought Darkseid before. Kon hesitated one second too long, "I want what you want." Kon insisted, but Tim was no longer interested in sex it seemed, because he had his Case Work face on.
Tim sat back on his heels, eyes searching Kon's face. "What?" Kon asked nervously.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Tim-"
"Yeah, nice lying. What's wrong, Kon?" Tim asked.
"I'm not lying-" Tim moved a hand towards Kon's arm but he flinched and Tim's eyes widened. He retracted his hand slowly.
Kon had fucked up again. Oh god, Kon had fucked up again. Why-why wasn't Tim getting angry? Shouldn't he be getting angry?
"Would you be more comfortable if I was dressed?" Tim asked cautiously.
"Tim, what-"
"I'll get dressed." Tim decided. He bent over the bed they were on and scrounged around for a shirt. He pulled on the cartoon Batman t-shirt. "Are you afraid?" Tim asked him.
"No! I'm not afraid!"
"Do you want this? Because if not, we can stop-"
"No! I want this! I want to be with you!"
"But not sex."
"Who said I didn't want sex?"
"No one, but they didn't have to, Kon. I'm your boyfriend, and a detective. I can tell when you're uncomfortable. Why didn't you tell me you didn't want to do this?"
Because I never want to do any of it. "I..." Tim waited for Kon to speak but he said nothing else.
"You can talk to me, Kon."
"It's nothing, Tim. We can… you know do whatever if you want."
"Kon the point of this conversation is to know what you want. Kon, you're… amazing in bed, to be honest. But that's mainly because you're so attentive. Kon, you've never ever seemed to be interested in anything done to you. And I'm trying to understand how I can help."
"Help?" Kon echoed.
"Yeah. Help. I love you Kon, I want to help you, keep you comfortable. A relationship isn't a relationship if only one person's needs are being taken care of."
"Tim?" Kon said softly. "Don't get mad."
"Why would I get mad?"
"Because I-I don't want to."
"Don't want to… have sex? Okay, let's not have sex." Tim said.
"Ever."
"Oh." Tim frowned.
Oh god, he was mad, he would be mad forever. "I guess it's a clone thing or something, it's just every time someone tries with me I want to throw up and-" Kon was sure he'd never spoken that fast, hell he could beat Bart out for fastest speaker right now.
Tim's eyes lit up. He wasn't getting angry. Kon was confused. "Oh! That actually makes a lot of sense."
"What makes sense? Other clones are like this? Wait, you know other clones?"
"No-Kon this isn't a clone thing, this is a thing thing."
"What?"
"Kon, how much do you know about sexuality?"
"Uh, you mean like being gay?"
"Sure, for example. Okay, so just like some people are straight or gay or bi, some people are asexual."
"Like a plant?"
"No, that's a different type of asexuality. This type of asexual means that you don't crave sex, unlike almost every other type of sexuality."
"I'm confused. I'm-I'm not the only one. I'm not different." I'm not broken?
"No, Kon. This is actually pretty normal. There are different types of asexuality. Some asexuals are fine with sex, they just don't need it like allosexuals. Allosexuals are the people like me, people who do crave sex. Are you with me?"
"I think so."
"Okay, some asexuals, like you seem to be, are sex-repulsed. Do you know what that means?"
"That they hate sex?"
"Uh, I guess. From what I hear sex-repulsion can also manifest in physical revulsion. But I mean, I'm not a sex-repulsed asexual, I can only tell you what Jason tells me,"
"Jason is asexual?"
Tim grinned. "Most of my siblings are, this is why I know so much about the subject. Only allos are me, Barbara, and Steph."
"Not Dick?"
"He's a panromantic demisexual." Tim explained. "He only feels sexual desire when he already has a deep emotional connection with the person."
"So, no one night stands."
"Exactly. Anyway, my point is I think you're a sex-repulsed asexual. And that's okay. Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, Kon. I'm not with you because of the amazing sex, I'm with you because I love you."
Kon stared at Tim. The shirt he wore was draped over him, hanging on his skinny yet (strangely) muscular body like a sheet on a hangar. His eyes were wide and alert, like they always were, but moreover they were sincere, and Kon loved when he was being sincere.
"Kon, say something?" Tim asked.
"I'm not… wrong. Not a glitch."
Tim smiled. "You never could be. Can I hug you?" He asked. Kon nodded numbly and Tim hugged him tightly. "I love you." Tim said.
"I love you too."
"Now that we're not having sex, seems we have some time on our hands. Want to play the new Wendy video game?" Tim asked with a grin.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do." Kon said.
"Awesome," Tim got off the bed and searched around under the bed-frame for the controllers, "'cause I'm totally gonna kick your ass."
Kon snorted. "I'd like to see you try."