A/N I have a good idea what's going to happen at Jenny's party this week on Gossip Girl, but I'm going to get there first and write how I want Chuck and Blair to be. It starts with NB but as with anything, it all revolved around CB :) (No Vanessa involved!)

Disclaimer- I don't own Gossip Girl or Katy Perrys "Thinking of you" which is the inspiration for this fic, but I would like to thank Katy Perry for finally making me write again lol.

Thinking Of You

"Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection...

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know"

Blair sat impatiently on the edge of Nate's bed, she was watching him get ready walking around his room- he had not looked at her in precisely two minutes. She had only been with Nate two weeks, she said 'with him' but they had not slept together yet, Blair excused it as waiting to make it special- just like before. But in all honesty she didn't have any desire to sleep with Nate, she just couldn't face it. And she was scared, scared she would think of, well... him.

Chuck, just the thought of him made her pulse race, he was like a drug to her now- she knew he was dangerous and would eventually lead to destruction of some kind. But she couldn't not want him, her body still physically ached for his touch, and she craved to be with him every second. She tried to fight against the feelings, tried to let him go, but deep down she knew she would never be able to.

"Blair?" Nate said interrupting her thoughts "Are you ready?"

She was shocked he had finally paid her any attention, but she instantaneously placed her old fixed smile upon her face. "Of course, I'm always ready for you"

"Are you still ok with going tonight? I know you don't like Jenny..."

"I know but I'm going more for Serena"

"What about everyone else?"

"I'm fine. I'm sure there's been new more interesting news since the downfall of Blair Waldorf" Blair had a feeling Nate was talking about Chuck being there, but she was determined not to bring him up. "Come on, lets go"

She stood up and walked towards the door. She only reached a few steps when Nate grabbed her arm to stop her, he was so gentile it was as though he didn't really want to touch her. She remembered how Chuck grabbed her arm at the Van Der Bilts mansion a few weeks ago- he was rough and hard but completely caring with it. Such a simple difference, but the implications were profound.

She turned to face Nate, his glassy clear blue eyes found hers and he stepped closer towards her. She knew what was coming now. The thought of kissing Nate should have made her heart flutter, her palms sweat and her breath catch- but none of this happens. It never happens.

This was why she was with Nate, it was easy. Easy to pretend and easy not to be scared.

He leaned in even closer now so his cool breath was on her cheek, their lips were almost touching. Blair tried to clear her mind, anything to forget. But she can't, she'll never be able to.

Chuck. Only Chuck.

Nate kissed her lips with soft caution, it was a slow and delicate kiss, never gaining intensity. His lips moved lazily against hers, she was kissing him back but she was tasting Chuck. Blair thought about how Chuck kissed her, he managed to be powerful and passionate but still kept the tenderness that made her beg for more. Nate placed his hand on her lower back and pulled her in slightly closer, he obviously thought she wanted to take this further. Blair was disgusted with herself, her logic told her that Nate cared for her and that she should be with him, but her heart was beating for someone entirely different.

Her mind raced with images of him, Chuck watching her in Victrola, his kind eyes while delivering his speech at Lily and Barts wedding, the way he looked at her after the white party, his soft kiss as he told her 'maybe in the future'... And the sad and broken boy she had held while he cried silent tears for his lost father.

With that last thought she pulled away from Nate as hard as she could, everything was wrong and she knew it.

"Hey, what was that for?" He said trying to draw her closer again.

She stepped back "Nothing. We're going to be late, come on lets go."

.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.

"How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the water's I will test"

They both stepped out of the elavators and into the Van-der-Woodsen penthouse, Nate carried the gifts she had Dorota buy for Jenny and Blair walked a little ahead to see who was already there. They had been pretty late so the party was in full swing, it actually looked a bit out of control which she found rather fitting. Nate went to put the gifts on a pile and talk to someone he knew from St Judes. Blair made her way to the bar.

A couple of drinks later and Blair found herself relaxing more, she was still bored out of her mind but at least no-one was bringing up Yale or anything else. The alcohol was definitely helping, she didn't like to admit to drinking a lot but she did have a taste for champagne.

"Left you already has he?"

The hairs on the back of Blairs neck stood on end, his whispering velvet voice ran through her and caused her to swivel round on her heels to face him.

"Chuck" She sighed as though it were a confession. She was caught in the intensity of his deep brown eyes, they pulled her in like magnets. She could never deny or admit how truly gorgeous he was.

"So... you and Nate huh?" He was trying to conceal it but the look of pain washed across his face.

"Why do you care? I'm having the time of my life" She lied bitterly, she had to make him hurt for all the times he had hurt her.

"No you're not, you look miserable Blair."

Did she? She thought she was hiding it well.

"He's not right for you"

"It's better than being with you" Of course she meant the complete opposite, Nate was nothing in comparison to him. She expected him to come back with some cruel comment, he was being far too polite- but he didn't. What he said shocked her.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything."

Blair was not used to this honesty from him, she was confused but grateful- maybe it meant he actually cared. He moved closer to her, they backed away from the main party into a more secluded corner. The heat radiating between them was like a different atmosphere entirely. He placed his hand on her waist and lightly grasped a handful of her dress, her breath caught and she involuntarily stepped closer.

The rest of the party was forgotten, as they looked into each other's eyes, hell the rest of the world was forgotten.

Chuck edged in closer tantalisingly slow, their lips were inches apart and Blairs head was swimming, she needed him holding her or she thought her knees would give way. She looked for him to make the next move but he shocked her by closing his eyes.

"Leave him" his voice quivered a little.

Blair gulped as she saw the look of sorrow and desperation upon his face, it was one she didn't see often but was imbedded within her memory.

"What?" was all she could choke out

"Leave him, leave him and be with me" he rested his forehead against hers, the simplest of movements but it left Blair dizzy with desire. "I miss this, I miss you Blair"

His words made her heart swell with joy and possibly something bigger, before she could stop herself she blurted out- "I miss you too-"

Before she could say anything else, his lips crashed against hers, raw emotion and passion burst between them as Chuck pushed Blair against the wall. He lifted his hand to wind his fingers in her hair as he intensified the kiss by tracing her bottom lip with his tongue. This caused Blair to let out a small moan into his mouth, she grasped his jacket and pulled him even harder against her. They were both lost within each others embrace...

And in one of the hardest things Blair had ever had to do- she pushed him away.

She knew she belonged with him, she knew this was right. But she had to break things off with Nate first, she owed it to him, and she owed it to Chuck. She didn't want him to think he was the second option.

"Blair?" Chuck said a little angry as rejection hit him

She took a deep breath, she needed to compose herself. Her body was still aching for him to slam her against the wall and take her there and then- no, it would have to wait she thought. "I have to go find Nate" she said quietly.

Chuck clenched his jaw and shook his head at how stupid he'd been "That's always how it's going to be isn't it?" You going back to Nate, pretending to have the perfect life"

"No, you don't understand-" Why couldn't he see she had always wanted him.

"Oh, I understand" Chuck avoided her eyes "I was willing to fight for you Blair, but I don't want to be your second choice when Nathaniel's not fulfilling your needs"

"Chuck-" he began backing away "I do want you it's just-"

"Whatever, I can't take this anymore Blair. You and Nate have your little fairytale. I never liked happy endings anyway." Chuck's eyes revealed the true pain it caused him.

And with that he gave Blair one last fleeting look before he turned to leave.

Blair couldn't move, she felt tears brimming in her eyes before they betrayed her and started to roll down her face. What had she done?

.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.

After searching through a few rooms Blair had finally found Nate, he was talking to Serena by the window as Blair walked up to them both, the quicker she could get this over with- the better. Serena noticed she had been crying first, she looked to Nate to see whether he knew anything but he hadn't noticed. "B, are you ok?"

"Uh, yeah- I'm fine" she lied.

Serena sensed she didn't want to talk about it, "Have you seen Chuck? He stormed out of here- he looked really upset, we don't know what's going on."

Blair looked down feeling extremely guilty, "Can I talk to Nate a minute, Serena?" she said ignoring her friends questioning entirely.

"Sure"

Blair turned to face Nate as Serena walked away to talk to someone else.

"Hey what's wrong?" Nate asked casually.

"Us" she didn't have the time or energy for niceties "We're wrong Nate, we always have been"

"Where did this come from"? He said not as hurt as she's expected.

"Nate we both know this is just a comfort thing, I mean are you truly over Vanessa?"

"Yes. I thought I was."

"Oh."

"Is it Chuck?" He looked a little more angry now "What is it with you two?" he said watching her reaction to his name.

"I- I..." Hell, she might as well be honest with him now, "I love him."

Nate looked confused "You still love him?"

Blair's tears were beginning to form again "I don't think I ever stopped."

Nate took a deep breath "Wow"

"I know" -she didn't quite understand how Nate was taking this yet.

"You were with me that whole time and you were just thinking of him?"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be Blair, I'm sorry I ever got in the way" he said sarcastically.

"I didn't plan any of this" she said honestly.

"I'm sure you didn't" Nate looked as though he had just been a part of her many games.

"I've got to go find him" she said after a while.

"Yeah, good luck with that" he rolled his eyes and then walked away.

It could have been worse, but Blair didn't have time to be bothered about him now. She knew he'd be on to his next girl in about 5 minutes, he was turning into the old Chuck Bass. But Blair could only think about the new Chuck Bass that she had hurt so badly. She'd guessed he had gone out to one of New York's many bars- but he would have to come home at some point. She made her way through the many people at the party, none of them were bothered about the mess she had made- but she would fix it.

She made her way to his room, she would wait for him like he had waited for her, she would wait as long as he needed.

"You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go"

A/N- Hope you liked! I loved writing it, apart from the NB-yuck. Reviews are better than Chuck dipped in chocolate :) And this is a two-shot so make sure you come back for the next part ;)

Sarah xoxo