Muppets & Puppets
Chapter 1
Of course after every show you would find Kermit the Frog getting stoned in his prestigious porcelain white dressing room. The smoke aroused him. But not sexually, though. His need for a drive was daring, needing, and futile. In case you don't know what futile means, it means, it ain't going to happen anytime soon. Anyways, perplexed and confused Ms. Piggy comes in, in awe.
'What the HELL are you doing?' she asked. He wondered why they made this fat lard-ass wannabe-animal his "girlfriend", "wife" whatever. All he knew was that he wasn't in the ready mood to deal with her ass. So he replied angrily,
'Waiting for you to lose some weight that's what I'm waiting for!' he exclaimed
Ms. Piggy wasn't amused for shit. So she got angry the way Muppets do, shrink down, squeezing their jaw, and shaking. Then, BAM! Ms. Piggy dropped his ass right there.
After the beating Ms. Piggy left saying, 'You better get your ass to that fucking show or I'll rib bit you're fucking head off!' and with that she left, stomping raging with rage, closing the door dropping the gold star imprinted with Kermit's name. Kermit looked up lifting his head seeing how badly the room was destroyed. Kermit realized how terrible his life was at the moment and looked at the room again.
The floor somehow was missing tiles, his mirror was shattered into pieces strewn across the floor, and his drawers were all nothing but splinters on the floor as well, all besides 1. His writing drawer, he got up wearily, took out his typewriter, an envelope, a stamp, and started writing to his puppet friend, Mr. Hand Up Me.
LETTER 1
LETTER FROM KERMIT THE FROG TO MR. HAND UP ME
Dear Mr. Hand up Me,
How have you been? Well I've been terrible. Ms. Piggy just beat the fuck out of me. I think she broke my "webbed" feet. Anyways I'm stuck entertaining fat, ugly, retarded, kids. While you entertain the cool, funny, adults or teenagers, with front row seats to where ever. I'm here doing shitty jokes about education, while you do gold about serious shit.
But I would like to tell you a hello, and like some say, 'What is Gucci my nigga?'
Best wishes,
Kermit
Kermit didn't understand why puppets had it better than Muppets. In fact, he didn't even know what the hell the difference was besides the damn "m"
Tired and aching for sleep, somehow, Kermit drove to his apartment at a hotel called, "Where to put your things." A large name he had noticed but didn't mind. In his apartment was pretty basic stuff, a TV, couch, food, bed, etc. He remembered that Ms. Piggy had told him to be at the afternoon show. But he ignored it and drifted into sleep. (Though technically since he can't make his eyelids, he had his open, looking like a freaking weirdo, or dead even, it's pretty awkward.)
In his dream, he has Bella Swan's body and hair, except he still had his face. And he was in Volterra, dressed in the same shirt and pants. Except that the people in the ropes had a baby-barf color and they all looked like that garbage guy from Sesame Street except with chicken legs. He was running towards something shinny while some English girl was reciting a line from Shakespeare. The shinny thing ended up being "Edward" same body, hair, except the face belonged to Mr. Hand up Me. Kermit screamed while running, 'Edward! A.K.A. Mr. Hand up Me!'
But running like a dog towards him was Ms. Piggy in a black suit, sunglasses, actual ruby eyes, and tusks. She looked mad yelling out, 'NO BITCH!' in a terribly demonic voice. Before Ms. Piggy slit his throat off, he woke up to the sound of a screaming mouth full of food.