Does anyone know what it's like to constantly push people away from them, to constantly say no to people? I do, I do it all the time to the people I care about, or should I say the people I claim to care about, why you might ask. Why push someone away when all they want it to be around you? I have to admit it seems so stupid but I do it why because I'm afraid. I'm always afraid that if I let them in my life they'll make things better. They'll alleviate the pain my Yami has bestowed upon me they'll make me happy again. You all must think I'm crazy why would I want to stop something like that? Why would I not want to be happy? Well I'll tell you why, I fear being happy I'm afraid to finally care for myself to be truly happy. Stupid huh?

Hedonophobia: the fear of feeling pleasure

LOTSHA: sorry I was looking up phobias cause I was bored and this little rant came into my head GOMEN NASAIbows embarrassedly