Green Eggs and Spam
A Sailormoon / Ronin Warrior Crossover
Humorous Fan Fic. PG for mild violence.
Dedicated to My Best Friend: Jenny (please forgive me for writing this story) for her endless patience in trying to teach me about Anime.
Chapter 1: Big
Fat
Happy Family
"I love the woods don't you?" Ryo inhaled deeply, catching the scent of wild flowers and pine. "Ah. . .Ahhhh. . .ACHOOOO!"
Sage smiled and pushed his blond hair out of his eyes. "Gotta love it."
"I'm so hungry you guys, I cold care less about the woods." Kento looked pitiful, sunburned and mosquito bitten.
"Who packed the food? Cye?" He swung his head around to Cye, who was looking pretty pitiful himself. Not to mention, guilty.
"Well, uh, you see. . .I had the food." He laughed nervously and eased the dark blue pack off his shoulders. The temperature was only 70 degrees, but beads of perspiration had formed on his forehead. Patches of quickly disappearing sunlight caught the beads as they trickled slowly down his face..
Sage groaned, stopping mid step. "You did bring the food. Right?"
"Well, I had it in my pack, but as I was walking that last mile, it got kind of heavy." He slowly un zipped the bag. "And I had to choose between food and comic books. . .So, comic books won." With the last sentence, his voice had become deflated and flat. "We can always go back and get the food."
Kento looked on in disbelief as the words finally sunk in. "This is someone's idea of a sick joke, am I right? I mean, this is just some nightmare that I will magically wake up from, right?"
Ryo rushed to the plump backpack and sifted through it's contents. "X-Men? You chose X-Men over marshmallows and hot dogs?" He ruffled through more of the debris. "An autograph book? I can't eat this!" He shrieked wildly. "Who were you planning to get an autograph from? Yogi Bear?!"
"I was thinking more along the lines of the Little Mermaid."
"Little Mermaid?" Ryo's eyes narrowed. "I'll give you the Little Mermaid." He hissed.
Before he could lunge (and hurt himself) Sage stepped into the middle of the death glares. "I'll get the food." So with a sigh and a crick in his neck, Sage set off.
The sun was sinking rapidly behind the tall pines, reminding Sage how smart he was, volunteering for this job and having absolutely no clue as to where the food was. The rocks and twigs crunched under his feet. The trees looked different now the dusk had fallen. Now what scene does this remind me of? Oh yeah, Jurassic Park. When they were running from that evil tyranna--Oh yes this is such a good thing to be
thinking.
Alone. Deep in the woods. Lost.
"Obviously if you looked around, you would have noticed you weren't alone."
Sage jumped at the voice, not realizing he had said that aloud.
The silhouette laughed. A happy laugh. As it stepped closer, he realized it was a girl. A very pretty girl none the less.
Turning on the flirtatious charm he remarked," So what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"
She rolled her washed out blue eyes and shoved a bag in his hands, grinning. "Save it. I'm assuming this is your food. If you turn around and go left at the giant boulder, you will find your camp pretty easily." And she was gone.
Sage closed his eyes, hoping to remember her. Shoulder length chocolate brown hair, long tan legs and a bright smile. Her eyes were a dull washed out blue. They made her look sad, yet she had the mischievous twinkle of a young child. They were serious eyes, with smile lines in the corners. They were worried but calm. Weird. . . .
Mahree smiled, as she walked into a clearing. Standing before her was a man in a funny hat and a long beard.
"So that was him? He's a Rodent Warrior?"
"Ronin Warrior, you mean? Yes."
"So what's your name?" She asked pointedly. He smiled at her boldness. "You can call me, The Ancient One." He brought his wrinkled hands out of kimono sleeves and pointed
down the path. "You must follow him."
"Isn't that stalking?"
"Yes."
"Isn't stalking illegal?"
"Yes."
"This will be so much fun! See you later!" She raced down the trail, her youthful body dodging around trees and over fallen stumps, until she caught up with the Rodent, who was talking to himself.
"What are your chances of running into someone in the middle of the forest anyway? Who cares! She was cute."
Mahree stifled a laugh and continued walking behind him, slowly. Cautiously. Obviously not cautious enough. She stumbled over a rock and landed a foot away from the boy. He screamed, and whirled around.
"Where is she?" Serena yelled frustratedly. She paced back and forth.
"Serena, you've been walking back and forth so much you are beginning to dig a hole." Amy called from her place over the beans and hotdogs.
"Yeah take it easy Serena." Lita added. "She could be lost. She could be murdered. Or maybe," She added with mock horror," She was abducted by aliens."
"Lita."Amy hissed. "Serena is starting to hyperventilate."
"Maybe she's. . .uh. . .at the -- store! Yeah that's it."
"Yeah, she must need a new pair of. . .uh, what does she need again, Lita?'
"Socks?"
"Yeah!"
Serena, fists clenched at her sides and breathing heavily, began screaming at the top of her lungs," SOCKS?! SHE'S BUYING SOCKS?!?!"
Kento's head shot up from the comforting fires' heat. "Did you guys hear that?" He looked around warily, into the dark forest. Rowin gulped and also searched precariously. "Do you think it was a rabid dog?" Ryo whispered.
"BOO!!!"
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"A number of male voices pierced the air, at un unseemly high octave.
Dais laughed, a deep rumbling laugh. "You should have seen--" Guffaw. "Yourselves!" Chuckle, chuckle. " You screamed like girls!" Gasp for air. "Again!" Laugh, wheeze, knee slap.
Anubis rolled his eyes. "It was probably just Dais. AGAIN."
"Where's Sage?" Cye complained, trying to contain his growling stomach.
"It must be fate." Sage mumbled under his breath.
That prompted a groan from the girl. "I think I'm dead." Sage, finding that funny, laughed. As he walked forward to help her up, she stuck her leg out and tripped him.
"Now who's laughing?" She teased.
"You are." Sage moaned in pain. "Who are you anyway?"
"Mahree."
"A beautiful name to match your beautiful face. Are you single, Babe?"
"Didn't we already dance this number?"
"Did you just hear someone say boo?" Serena asked in a tiny voice.
"Yeah."
"Do you think it was a werewolf?"
"No. "
"So you don't think werewolves are real?"
"No, I think werewolves are real, I just don't think werewolves can say 'boo.'"
Serena stopped pacing and grabbed a frying pan.
"What in the world are you doing?"
"Protecting myself."
"What are you going to do? Make him some pot roast and pray he's to hungry for a second course?"
"In a word, yes."
"We must be close to your camp by now. Mine isn't that far away." Mahree said. Sage nodded, but he was obviously deep in thought.
"What are you thinking about?"
"You really want to know? Why were you in the woods? Why were you following me?
How did you find my p -- Oh no. I left the food back where you fell." He smacked his forehead.
"Shhhhh. . .Do you hear something?"
"Do you guys hear something?" Cye cocked his head to the side before picking up a fire log. He headed out into the woods, followed by the other Ronins''' and Warlords who had armed themselves with various items, ranging from a golf club (don't ask), to a tent stake.
Serena and Lita were arguing about whether the werewolf would even eat Serena's pot roast, when their was a 'snap' in the woods behind them. "Did you hear that Lita? It's the werewolf." Serena whispered wildly. She picked the frying pan up into her shaky hand and was followed into the woods by the other girls who armed themselves with curling irons and panty hose.
Disclaimer by ME: (haha) I do not own Sailor Moon or Ronin Warriors.(Except Sailor Earth and the Villian I haven't yet created.) I don't know Anime, screen play writers, or etc. etc. . .Blah Blah Blah yadda yadda. Enjoy!
