Chicago Fire
Season 7 Episode 6
All The Proof
As Casey, Severide and Boden walked out of the firehouse they couldn't help but smile when they saw Gorsch trying to figure out how to get his car out of its parking space, having been sandwiched in between Casey's truck and another large truck. The three nodded at each other before splitting in three separate directions to their prospective vehicles for their twenty four hours off.
Kelly drove from the firehouse to the diner where he was suppose to meet Benny...he was the one who picked the place and after having breakfast and three cups of coffee Kelly was ready to give up. "Can I get you anything else?" The waitress asked him.
"My old man." Kelly mumbled.
"What was that?"
"Just the check, thanks." He said without looking up.
Rather than handing him the check she wrote him a note saying it was on the house and thanking him for his work at the CFD before sneaking off to the kitchen, not giving him a chance to argue. He left a $20 on the counter anyway and walked out, once again trying to call Benny before he made his way to his car.
When he got in he dialed another number. "Halstead." His friend answered.
"Going up to the cabin to fish." Kelly said, hoping that Jay would pick up without him having to ask.
"Gimme an hour?"
"21?"
"Sounds good." Jay said before hanging up the phone. The two hadn't spent a lot of time together but they occasionally shared a beer at Molly's and talked some after Erin left for New York and he had helped Jay out a few weeks ago when he needed it. Kelly stopped by his apartment and grabbed a fresh set of clothes before heading over to CPD. "You want to talk about it?" Jay asked as he climbed into Kelly's mustang, throwing his bag into the back.
"Benny flaked."
"Ah." Jay nodded. It made more sense why he called him now, Daddy issues were another common thread the two shared.
A short while later the two were sipping beers sitting on the small dock a few steps from the cabin, "How are you and Will doing?" Kelly asked. He didn't know their dad but was at Molly's and made sure Jay got home safe the first few nights after he passed.
"I don't know how he does it...he is all about Nat and Owen...like losing Dad is nothing to him...or at least that is how he acts around me...but I am sure that is because he doesn't want me to worry anymore about him than I already am with the case..."
"What case?"
"Had to turn him into an informant after the feds saw him make a damn house call to their suspect...that's whose hall they are using for the wedding..."
"He okay with that?"
"He hasn't told Nat."
"Fucked up week. Gorsch is making 51 Hell for all of us."
"You asked Benny to talk to Grissom."
"He was suppose to meet me for breakfast this morning...his idea...and he didn't even show. Same old Benny...if we lose Boden because of all this shit...I just...I cant lose anyone else." Kelly said as he held his bottle.
After a few minutes of sitting in silence Kelly whispered, "Even after all this time the first person I wanted to call...that I tried to call..was Shay..." Kelly told him, looking up with tears in his eyes, "Then I wanted to call Erin...I didn't even think to call Stella until after I talked to you...and I just sent her a text telling her I would see her on shift tomorrow...how fucked up is that?"
"Slightly less fucked up than me getting myself shot a couple weeks ago and you had my back then...that's what friends are for right? To save your ass when you are going off the deep end?"
"Sometimes I don't know...if I lose anyone else...I cant take it...it is so hard sometimes to hold it all together...and at the house I have everyone counting on me and I...Stella is one of the ones counting on me..."
"Anyone ever tell you that dating a coworker is a bad idea." Jay snickered, thinking of Erin, "You know I have your back."
The two talked as their bobbers bobbed along the shoreline as the day passed and the sun went down. When they finally went into the cabin they silently prepared a canned dinner before laying down on the bed shoulder to shoulder. When Jay heard Kelly take a ragged breath in he reached across and tugged his hand on the back of Kelly's neck. Touch. The one thing that Shay and Erin always used to calm them...and it worked. "I've got you." Jay said, barely a whisper in the dark as Kelly rolled over and put his head on Jay's chest. Kelly had done the same for him after dragging his drunk ass home from the bar after his Erin left, and again after his father had died.
"I just cant lose anyone else." Kelly mumbled, "You know?" As much as he was pissed at Benny for flaking he was more worried about losing the Chief, the one constant in his life since he had been a teen...and Jay knew the feeling all too well.
"Yeah Bud...I know...I got you." Jay said tightening his hold around his friends shoulder. "Try and get some sleep, I got you." Jay said before closing his own eyes, counting Kelly's breaths to relax himself, something he used to do as a child with Will on the rough nights.
The next morning Kelly dropped Jay off back at CPD before heading to 51 and going straight into his office. "Hear from Benny?" Stella asked as she stuck her head in the door. Kelly shook his head without looking up, "I'm sorry." She told him as she sat down on his bed.
"Ah. Its typical." Kelly said taking a slow breath in, he really didn't want to talk about it.
"Yeah, but don't beat yourself up...I mean, you were trying to help the firehouse...you did the right thing." She tried to sooth him.
"Did I?" He asked...already beating himself up, asking his father for something was just going to build his hope only to have it crushed again...typically Benny.
"Okay...you know what? I am just going to get out of your hair..." Stella said as she backed away from her very tense boyfriend before walking out the door leaving him alone.
"Stella..." He said looking towards the door, half of him wanting her to come back...pissed at himself for being like Benny and pushing away her love.
A few minutes later his phone rang, "Severide." He said without looking at the caller id.
"Kelly." Jay said softly..."I'm at med...its Benny."
"What did he do now?" Kelly almost yelled into the phone.
"He had a stroke man. Will said to get here as soon as you can."
"Fuck."
"I will be here."
"I will be right there." Kelly said before hanging up the phone. He ran into Casey on his way out, "Tell Boden I had to go to med."
"Why?"
"Benny had a stroke." Kelly said, not stopping to talk and texting Stella as he walked.
Jay saw Kelly arrive from where he stood with Will in the ED and saw Ava walk over, pulling Kelly aside. "I'm sorry...we did everything we could...your father passed away ten minutes ago."
"What?" Kelly asked, feeling like the floor had disappeared.
"I'm so sorry." Ava told him.
Jay was at Kelly's side in an instant as he saw him sink into the wall and he just knew... "He cant...Benny is...fuck Jay..." He mumbled in shock. "Last thing I told him was Boden was a better father than he was...and when I thought he flaked he was really having a stroke...who found him?"
"The housekeeper called 911." Maggie answered as Jay put his hand on the man's shoulder.
"Can I see him?"
"They are getting him cleaned up now. I can come get you when he is ready." Maggie told him.
"We will be in the waiting area." Jay said, leading Kelly out the double doors. "Need to tell Stella, Casey and Boden." Jay told him after they sat down in the first row of seats and Kelly handed him his phone, leaning back in the chair in shock...his dad...Benny couldn't be dead.
"Boden." The Chief answered.
"This is Jay Halstead, Benny didn't make it." He told the Chief and Kelly choked back a sob next to him, Jay quickly pulled him into his side.
"We will be there shortly."
"Thanks Chief." Jay said hanging up, Stella calling at the same time, "Halstead."
"Where's Kelly?"
"Benny didn't make it...we are in the waiting area of the ED."
"Didn't make it? You mean...?"
"He needs his family right now." Jay said squeezing the back of Kelly's neck. "We will see you in a couple minutes." He said hanging up the phone.
Stella walked in to see Kelly leaning into the Detective and sat down on the other side of Kelly and rubbed his back as he leaned into Jay, her wishing she could be enough for Kelly but glad that Jay had been here. "I should have been there." Kelly finally said wiping his eyes on Jay's shoulder before he leaned forward on his knees, staring at his hands.
"Kelly you didn't know." Stella said rubbing his back and he picked up his head and looked at her unsure of what to say.
"I will go see if we can get your back there yet." Jay said, "Okay?" He asked, trying to give Stella a chance to get through to him but doubting he would let her.
"Thanks Jay." Kelly said looking over to his friend, his friend who always seemed to understand...hell, he had just lost his own father and the two had talked about it only yesterday.
Stella kept her arm around him as he sat staring at his hands until Casey and the crew from 51 walked in, "What happened?" Casey asked Kelly, coming to a stop in front of his friend.
"The cleaning lady at his place came in he had been alone for..." Kelly trailed off.
"Kelly, Can you come with me please?" Maggie asked, interrupting his thoughts. Kelly quickly stood up and followed her through the doors, Casey squeezing his shoulder as he walked by.
Jay was standing with Will outside of the room as Maggie led him back and Kelly reached out for Jay's shoulder, "Go in when you are ready, take as much time as you need." Will said before leaving Kelly with the his brother and Maggie.
"You don't have to do this alone." Jay said, squeezing Kelly's shoulder.
"Will you?" Kelly asked him and Jay nodded before pulling the door open and leading Jay inside where Benny was covered with a fresh white sheet.
Jay looked at Kelly and when he nodded he pulled the sheet down from Benny's face and tucked the sheet around his arm so that Kelly could hold his fathers hand, touch his face if he wanted. Kelly stared at his father for a few minutes before putting his hand over his fathers, "I was so pissed at you...I...you are my Dad...were my dad...fuck...why?" Kelly whispered.
Stella walked in and came up behind her boyfriend, not surprised to find Jay in there with him and put her hand on his shoulder, rubbing the hair on the back of his neck as he held Benny's cold hand. When Kelly finally pulled his hand back Jay stepped forward and covered Benny with the sheet as Stella ran her hand through Kelly's hair. "Take your time."
"Kelly, where do you want them to take him?" Maggie asked him.
"Uh...I don't...Jay what did...just do what Jay did..."
"Take him to..." Jay said clapping Kelly on the shoulder and leading Maggie out of the room answering for Kelly.
"What do you want me to do?" Stella asked Kelly.
"Tell them not to wait around...take it back to Herrmann's. I have to..." Kelly trailed off, staring at the sheet.
"How can I help?" Stella asked, Kelly just shrugging in response. "I love you." She whispered before kissing Kelly's cheek in goodbye. When Stella walked by Jay she reached out her hand and squeezed, "I don't know how to help him." She admitted.
"Don't let him push you away." Jay told her before nodding at Kelly and walking into the room. "Told Maggie to take Benny to the same place we took my old man."
"Thanks." Kelly said, looking up at Jay with tears in his eyes, "I don't...what I said last night...I never thought it would be Benny..."
"Why don't we go over to the Chapel...let them take Benny and..."
"Will you stay?" Kelly asked him, "I...I could use someone who..."
"Told you last night Bud, I've got you." Jay told him, "Give me your cell and I will let the Chief know where to find you." Kelly stood up and handed Jay his phone, "Don't think Stella is going anywhere anytime soon either."
"I always went to Shay...I don't know how to..." Kelly said, putting his hand on top of the sheet one last touch. "Can we go?"
"Yeah Bud." Jay said with a sad smile leading him through the ED to the Chapel, texting Boden and Stella where they would be.
Kelly sat down on the pew, his hands clasped together he put his head in his hands. Jay sat next to him without saying anything but wishing he could take his friends pain away. When the Chief walked in he nodded to the man and traded places with him going to the back of the Chapel and sitting down next to Stella and putting his arm around her.
"The last thing I said to him...was that you were a better father to me than he ever was...and then...then he does nothing...I ask him for one thing...despite...every alarm bell in my head telling me not to...its the same old Benny...he never..."
"You don't know." The Chief cut him off, making Jay and Stella look up at the two.
"I don't know what?" Kelly asked his father figure.
"Your Father stepped in Kelly." Boden told him. "He stepped up, with Grissom. I've just spoken with the Commissioner. He met with him personally, talked about the situation at 51...about how it not only affected me, but the whole house...how it affected you. Every bit of goodwill, every piece of political capital, every favor he was ever owed...he put it on the line to appeal to the Commissioner to back off 51. And it worked...Gorsch is gone...your father told Grissom...that I am the type of leader...who molds good men into great ones...and that you, Kelly...you're all the proof he needs to know that that's true...those were the exact words that your father..." Boden said, choking on his words.
As Kelly bent his head down to his hands, tears flowing freely from his eyes, allowing a sob to escape his throat Boden put his hand on the young Lieutenant's back. The harder the tears fell the more he leaned into his Chief until the Chief pulled him into his chest. "I can't do this." Kelly said, just barely loud enough for Stella and Jay to hear and they jumped forward, rushing up and surrounding Kelly.
"Jay?" Kelly asked, reaching for his friend.
"Right here Bud." Jay said as Kelly turned from the Chief to him, burying his head into his neck. Stella and the Chief both had tears in their eyes and they watched Kelly melt into his Detective friend.
"You were with Kelly last night?" Stella asked.
When Jay nodded the Chief asked, "What was last night?"
"Benny didn't show up for their breakfast at the Palace..." Stella said.
"We went up to the cabin." Jay said holding tighter to his friend, he knew Kelly was blaming himself for Benny having been alone...and found by a housekeeper instead of himself.
"It isn't your fault." The Chief said sternly. "You didn't know."
"I could have gone to..."
"To yell at him?" The Chief questioned.
"I would have found him at least..."
"Do not...no what if's." Boden told Kelly. "Benny was a pain in my ass for over two decades...two things I know about him...one...he loved you Kelly...as horrible as he was at showing it...he loved you...and two he cared about CFD and the men who served this city."
"His other family does not know yet...my sister...my mom...I need to tell them before they see on the news or something..." Kelly said sitting up and wiping his eyes.
"I can call..."Jay told his friend who nodded and handed him his phone.
"I need to call Katie." He said before telling him what number for his fathers ex-wife.
Jay held Kelly's head into his shoulder as he spoke with Benny's ex-wives, promising to let them know when the funeral would be, surprised that the women did not ask how but only asked how Kelly was and if there was anything that they could do for him. "I don't know how to tell Katie or my mom." Kelly whispered when Jay handed back the phone.
"When is the last time you talked to Katie?" Stella asked.
"Last week." Kelly answered sitting up, Jay kept his arm on his back. Tears fell from his eyes as he dialed his half sisters phone number. "Hey Katie." He said when she answered.
"What's wrong?" Was the first thing she asked hearing the tone of his voice, "Kelly?...Are you okay?"
"Benny...uh...Dad...he died." Kelly said, his voice breaking.
"I am coming...I can stay at my moms." Katie said and they could hear her shuffling the phone, "Are you alone? Tell me you are not alone!" she practically yelled into the phone.
"Not alone." He said choking back a sob as he leaned heavily into Jay's shoulder, "Can you...?"
Jay took the phone from his friend and held his head into his shoulder, "Hey Katie. This is Jay. Do you want me to book you a flight or..?"
"Take care of Kelly." She ordered, obvious she was crying as well. "I already have one booked...Alaska. Will get in tonight and will have my mom get me."
"Call Kelly's phone if you need anything." Jay said before hanging up. "Kelly do you want me to call your mom?"
Kelly shook his head and took the phone, dialing his mom's number. "Hi Baby, Surprised to hear from you." She answered.
"Benny's dead." Kelly said with a very shaky voice.
"I will pack a bag and fly up tonight. Kelly I am sorry." She said and Kelly nodded, not actually answering and allowing the phone to drop from his ear.
Jay reached out and took the phone, "This is Jay, let us know when you land and we will meet you at the airport." Jay told her.
"Jay?" Jenny asked, "How?"
"He had a stroke...Kelly got to Med a few minutes after he passed."
"Tell him not to blame himself and that Benny was a stubborn asshole and wouldn't have asked for help even if he knew he was dying." She said loud enough the four heard and Kelly nodded into Jay's shoulder.
"We've already told him."
"Do not let my son be alone...after Anna...he...please don't leave him alone."
"I promise I will keep him safe, see you in a few hours." Jay said before getting off the phone, Stella and Boden both looking at Jay questioningly as Kelly clung to him.
"I knew you had a hard time but..." Boden said reaching over and squeezing Kelly's shoulder.
"Kelly do you want to head over to Herrmann's?" Stella asked gently.
"You go...I need...I need to sign the papers and Jay will take me over to the funeral home to do that stuff...you two...go to Herrmann's...we will go there when we are done." Kelly said taking a deep breath and sitting up.
"Are you sure? I can stay with..." Stella tried to say but was interrupted by the Chief.
"Severide is in good hands. Lets move out."
As Boden stood up so did Kelly, wrapping his arms around his Chief's shoulders and burying his head for a minute as the man who was like his father held him tight. "Love you, Son." He whispered into Kelly's ear as he kissed the side of his head as Kelly nodded, squeezing the man tight before letting go and turning to Stella.
"Have patience with me." Kelly whispered as he hugged her.
"I'm not going anywhere Kelly." She said before taking his face in her hands, "I love you, you pain in the ass." She smiled before kissing him on the lips.
"We will be at Herrmann's soon, will finally get to drive his car." Jay smirked at his friend who fished in his pocket and handed over the keys.
Jay squeezed Kelly's shoulder after he pocketed the keys and led him back to the ED where he spotted his brother, "Paperwork is on the table in the break room." Will nodded to the door at the end of the hall.
It didn't take long to fill it out everything and the two were soon at the funeral home that Jay had used when his father died. Jay led him in and to the front desk, "Hi Callie...Benny Severide is..."
"He is here, already had everything pre-arranged, just need to update a few things and then we will need whatever outfit you want him buried in and we will do all the paperwork then."
"I will bring his uniform in tomorrow."
"I will make sure everything else is ready to go tomorrow then." She told him with a sad smile.
"Thank you Callie." Kelly said reaching out to shake her hand. "Thank you for taking care of Benny." he said, voice cracking again.
"Come on Bud." Jay said leading his friend out and back to the car. Jay gave him a minute to compose himself before turning to him, "Herrmann's or to see Shay?" Kelly leaning forward with his head in his hands was all the answer Jay needed, "Shay it is." he said backing out onto the road and heading towards the cemetery.
The two sat in the car at the cemetery for almost a half hour before Kelly finally got out, walking over to her gravestone and clearing the fallen leaves from her name. Jay gave him his space and when Kelly was ready he walked back to the car and nodded to Jay before closing his eyes and leaning back in the seat. Jay drove over to Hermann's and parked in the driveway and looked to his friend, "You want me to go with you or..."
"Stay...please." Kelly said, opening his eyes and turning to look at Jay.
"You got it." He said as he opened his door, "Lets go then. You have about three hours before we are going to pick up your Mom."
Jay followed Kelly into the house and went over to stand by Casey, Herrmann and Boden as Kelly sat down next to Stella who was trying to get him to eat something. "How's he doing?" Casey and Herrmann asked in unison.
"He is Severide." Jay said shrugging, "Doesn't like the attention on him."
"Why are you so worried about him?" Boden asked.
"His reaction to Anna...and Shay..." Jay said looking over at Kelly.
"And Andy..." Casey mumbled.
"We went by the cemetery on our way here." Jay told them.
"He can stay at my place." Casey said, "Wouldn't be the first time."
"We are going to pick up his mom in a couple hours. He will be fine at his own."
"Thank you." Herrmann said, "he needs an eye on him."
"The last few weeks he has been here for me...now it is my turn." Jay said to Herrmann who knew all too well before meeting eyes with Kelly across the room, it was usually Molly's that Kelly had dragged Jay home from.
As a few of the guys told stories around the living room about their memories of Benny more and more people from the CFD started to show up at the house, some retired, some stationed at other firehouses across Chicago. Seemed that everyone knew Benny...and everyone made sure to point out just how much the man loved his son. It bothered Kelly though and eventually he stood up, "Hey uhhh...can I get everyone's attention? I know you all know me...but Benny has other kids. Benny uhhh...he wasn't the greatest family man but they love their Dad...try not to forget about them with everything...just...Benny wasn't perfect...he was..."
"He was human." Jay said walking over and putting a hand on Kelly's arm. "To Benny!" Jay said, raising his can of root beer. Kelly looked over at Jay ready to snap but seeing only love and compassion on his friends face his eyes instead filled with tears. "Lets go outside for a minute." Jay whispered to him before leading Kelly out the back door to the patio.
"Fucking Benny...as much shit as he has put me through...to hear stories about how amazing he was...fuck Jay...I cant fucking do this." Kelly said a little too loud.
"You know how these old guys can get." Casey said coming out and putting his arm around Kelly's shoulder, "He did just get Gorsch off of our backs though so..."
"That is what he wanted to tell me at breakfast...he could have been in there alone for..."
"I talked to Will and he said the kind of stroke it was...Kelly even if you would have found him it wouldn't have changed..."
"I could have said goodbye." Kelly said, "I could have told him I loved him." He spit out as Casey leaned into his shoulder. Jay reached over and put his hand on his back for strength.
"He knew Sev...your old man knew." Casey told him and Kelly turned to bury his face in Casey's arm.
After a couple minutes Kelly picked up his head and pulled back, "Sorry." He whispered.
"Don't do that." Casey said, pulling his brother back into him, "Do not shut me out. Through everything...you are my family."
"I...Shay...she...I need..." Kelly disjointedly choked out.
"Severide." Jay said quietly, "What would she tell you to do right now?"
"I...its...I...fuck..." Kelly tried to answer.
"It is okay to not be okay." Jay and Casey said at the same time. Kelly nodding as tears slid from his eyes.
"You just lost your Dad." Jay continued, "If you weren't upset we would be really worried."
"Fuck you both." Kelly said with a small smile knowing they were right.
"Love you Brother." Casey said.
"We got you Bud." Jay reminded him.
"Hey Severide...you..." Herrmann stuck his head out before stopping mid-sentence and walking over and wrapping his arms around the young Lieutenant. "Cindy just wanted to know if you wanted to eat anything before she put the food away."
"Thank you." Kelly said to his friend, "for letting us take over your home...I just..."
"That is what family is for." He said before letting go of Kelly.
"You up for making a lap before we head to the airport?" Jay asked.
"Will you..."
"Stick close?" Jay finished, "I think the three of us can rotate around and cover you."
"Casey?" Kelly turned to look at his brother.
"Yeah Sev...I got you."
The next hour passed quickly and Jay knew that it was exhausting Kelly to plaster a smile on his face and laugh and joke around with all the brass from CFD. Before leaving Kelly pulled Stella aside and went into her apartment next to Herrmann's home and plopped down on the couch. "This sucks." Kelly said as Stella hovered over him.
"You want me to stay with you tonight?" Stella asked, "I don't want you to be alone."
"Jay is taking me to pick up my mom at the airport."
"I can do it."
"Yeah..I know, I just...uhhh...he...we.."
"You have each others back...I get it. I know he just lost his dad...I just...I have your back too."
"Sev?" Jay asked, sticking his head in the open door. "Time to head." He told them before going back out.
"I have to go get my mom." Kelly said pulling back from Stella. "Please just...I am not good at this stuff...you know that...I just...I don't have to worry about hurting Jay's feelings or doing something wrong and with you...I just...I don't want to screw up."
"Kelly..." Stella said after he stood up, "You aren't your old man. No one thinks you are." She said as she stood up and walked up and got in his face. "What he did for the firehouse...that is great...but what he did as a father...you love him...he just didn't know how to love you."
"Don't." Kelly said feeling his eyes well up with tears. "Benny was..."
"He was your Dad." She said as she pulled his face down so she could kiss him. "And you love him." When Kelly took a deep breath and nodded she pulled him in for a hug, "You call me, I will be there." She said as she let go and walked him out to where Jay was waiting with Casey, Herrmann and Boden who all took their turns hugging Kelly before the two made their escape and got into the car.
"We have a little over an hour until her plane is scheduled to land. Try to relax." Jay said as he pulled onto the road. He turned the radio on low as he drove to O'Hare, looking over at Kelly every couple minutes as he stared out the window wondering how long he would be able to hold it together.
"She can see right through me." Kelly said, looking over at Jay.
"She is your mom." Jay said, glancing over at Kelly.
"I do not want her to know that I have thought about suicide." He said. There it was. The S word. The word that no one wants to talk about...the thing that very nearly killed an entire hotel full of innocent people less than a day before. "Shay knew...Erin knew...how do I..." Kelly said, his voice breaking, "I don't want to have those thoughts again but I..."
"You cant help the thoughts...trust me...but you can help how you react to them. Telling me...saying it out loud... fuck Sev...you are not the only one...I promise you...you are not alone."
"All I learned from Benny was what not to do...to run when things get hard...to push everyone away who gets close...and I have lost everyone I have gotten close to."
"Are you scared to be alone?"
"Yes."
"Then I won't leave you alone."
"What about her?" Kelly asked, running his hand over his face, "I don't want her to worry about me."
"You lost your Dad."
"That doesn't matter."
"No. Whatever you are worried about...she loves you. Her first question was if you were okay...you know what she told me after I told her how Benny died?" Jay asked, "She told me to take care of you...to not leave you alone...she already knows Severide...she knows you suck at losing people you care about...and she loves you anyway."
"I don't know how..." He said, his voice cracking.
"The way you grew up...you didn't have people looking out for you...you went into a job where your co-workers are family and you eat sleep and work together relying on each other to stay alive...but you have been in a position of leadership since you were what...23? You let Shay in...let her protect you and she was killed...you haven't allowed anyone else to protect you...am I wrong?"
"Erin."
"Erin didn't protect you...not like Shay did...Erin made sure you got home safe after getting drunk with you...you didn't talk to her...she said you were too scared to talk."
"I talk to you." Kelly said, more of a question.
"Yeah Bud...you do."
"And you have..."
"I have your back."
"What I said at the cabin...I never even thought it would be losing Benny."
"You were afraid of Boden retiring...I know."
"Benny was invincible...untouchable...and now he is dead."
"And you are not alone."
"Feels like I am." Kelly said as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. "Severide." He answered.
"I am landed. Kelly are you here?" Jay overheard his mom ask.
"Pulling up now. Alaska hub." Jay said as he parked along the curb.
"I am coming." She said sounding like she was running and Kelly and Jay both got out of the car, opening up the back so she would have somewhere to sit once she came out.
Two minutes later she came running out, carrying only a small duffel bag that she dropped as she reached her son, jumping into his waiting arms. When Kelly put her down she had tears streaming down her face and Jay wrapper her into a hug, "You ready to go home?" he asked her, looking over her shoulder at Kelly who looked like he was ready to pass out.
"Can we order a pizza? We should have food and I know Kelly doesn't keep any in his apartment." Jenny smiled, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"We can definitely order a pizza." Jay smiled, letting go of his friends mom and tossing her bag in the back before she climbed into the backseat. Jay and Kelly taking their places in the front.
"How are you doing Kel?" She asked, reaching her hand over and putting it on his shoulder.
Kelly looked over at Jay who was looking at him, "I've been better."
"Are you thinking about doing anything that will..."
"I don't want to be." Kelly answered honestly, leaning his head back in the seat and closing his eyes.
"Is there anything we have to do for the funeral?"
"Need to get Benny's uniform delivered to the funeral home. I have it handled." Kelly answered her.
"Jay do you think we can go by Benny's apartment tonight so we can drop the uniform off to be cleaned and we can drop it at the funeral home tomorrow?"
"Kelly?"
"I...just stay close." He answered after a minute.
"To Benny's." Jay said heading towards their dads apartment.
Up to that point Kelly never questioned why Jay was at Med or how he knew what had happened to Benny but when he pulled into the parking lot for the apartment he turned to his friend and raised his brow. "The case I was telling you about...same block...was at Med when Benny came in and heard them say his name."
"How bad was he when he came in?"
"Unresponsive."
"Okay." Kelly said as the three climbed out of the car. When they got to the door Kelly pulled out a key and let them in. He led them into the living room, the only thing that was out of place was the placement of the recliner that had been moved to make room for the stretcher.
"Kelly where did the housekeeper find him?"
"I didn't ask."
"Kitchen." Jay answered.
"Was he in pain?" She asked, making Kelly drop down onto the couch, he hadn't thought of that until now.
"From what my brother said, no...the stroke was caused by a clot in his brain and basically the animal instinct took over and focused on powering his heart and lungs...only that part of his brain was still working...so no speech...not able to move...and not able to think. He was clinically brain dead the second that he had the stroke. When the housekeeper found him he barely had a pulse and was taking a breath only a couple times a minute." Jay said going over and sitting down next to Kelly.
"He wasn't in pain?"
"Nope."
"Why didn't you say anything before?"
"You didn't ask." Jay shrugged, "She did."
"Last time I was here I..."
"I know Bud." Jay said putting his hand on Kelly's shoulder, "He knew you loved him." Jay told him.
Jenny squeezed her sons shoulder as she walked by heading into the bedroom and pulling his uniform from the closet. "What pins does he need?" they heard her ask a few minutes later, Kelly didn't respond and as Jay was getting ready to he heard a "Never mind...found them." She came out a few minutes later holding a couple picture frames.
"You find everything?" Jay asked when she walked out.
"Yeah." She said, tears in her eyes looking at her son and holding the frames out. One had his step brothers and the other had a photo of Kelly, maybe five years old sitting in a fire truck and one of Katie and Kelly laughing in the kitchen of the firehouse. "How old were you Kell?" Jenny asked putting the photo in front of Kelly's face but it was like he was looking right through it. "Jay?" She said looking to her sons friend.
"Severide?" Jay asked, making sure he was touching the skin on the back of his neck and Kelly started to hyperventilate. Jay pulled him into him and he crumpled into him, he cradled the mans head in his neck and held it into him. "Breathe with me." Jay soothed, "In...out...in...out...I got you...keep going...in...out..." It didn't take long for him to calm down and Jay felt the tears soak into his shirt.
"Kelly?" His mom asked as she sat down on the arm rest of the couch, "Lets go back to your house so you can get some sleep."
"You have the uniform?" Jay asked.
"Uniform and photos." She answered.
"Come on Sev." Jay said quietly to his friend.
Jay took the keys from Kelly and locked the apartment behind them and followed them down to the car, stopping for pizza on the way back to Kelly's loft. When they got back to the apartment Jay unlocked the door and let them in and Jenny set the pizza on the kitchen counter. Jay set Jenny's duffel next to the couch before following Kelly into his bedroom where he sat down on the bed. "I don't know how to do this?" Kelly mumbled.
"One minute at a time." Jay said sitting down next to him. "And know it is normal for every fucking minute to suck."
"Feels like a bad dream or something."
"It gets worse before it gets better...going through all of your Dad's stuff...stuff he never thought anyone would see...feels like you are invading his privacy but he cant do any of the stuff for himself...deciding what to keep and what to get rid of... picking out different things for the funeral..."
"At least you had Will to help you with stuff."
"Your Mom is here and Katie will be here...you have me and Stella and the rest of 51 you can have help too."
"Will you...Jay I...will you keep me from totally losing my shit?"
"Same as you helped me Bud."
"Come and get some pizza before it gets cold." Jenny called from the kitchen.
"Thanks for coming up here Mom." Kelly said, walking in and hugging his mother.
"Anything for you Baby." She said kissing him on the cheek. "Where is Stella?" She asked.
"She was at Herrmann's. She is going to meet me at Benny's tomorrow to help start go through things...I want to try and find that medal of his and need to figure out what he had in his will and finalize the funeral stuff."
"You don't have to do everything all at once." Jay said, taking a bite of the pie.
"Mom you can go ahead and take my room...I don't think I am going to get much sleep."
"No. You are going to sleep in your own bed."
"Okay." He said looking down at his hands.
Jay put his hand on his friends shoulder, "Sev?"
"Will you?" Kelly asked.
"What do you need Baby?" Jenny asked.
"Told Kelly I would stay here."
"Jay how did you and Kelly meet each other?"
"I work for CPD...our paths cross on occasion for work...started to spend time together after Erin moved to New York."
"Fishing and going to Molly's mostly." Kelly said shrugging.
"Fishing buddies huh...you could have just said he was your best friend Kelly." Jenny smiled at Jay.
"I lost my Old Man last month and Kelly...he helped me get through." Jay told her.
"Now you are going to help My Kelly."
"Jay was at Med...he saw Benny and called me."
"And you have been with My Kelly all day?"
"Stella was too until we left Herrmann's to pick you up." Jay answered.
"You are not Benny." Jenny told her son who looked like he wanted to throw up.
"Hey." Jay said, trying to get Kelly's attention, "You need to sleep." When Kelly shook his head Jay got a little closer and whispered, "Scared?" A nod. "I got you." Jay promised his friend leading him into his bedroom.
"It should be my girlfriend here." Kelly shook his head, frustrated with himself.
"You can call her and she will be here."
"Don't want her to see..."
"You think the nightmares are going to come back?"
"I am in a nightmare." Kelly said as he kicked off his shoes, "Told you last fucking night that I couldn't lose anyone else and this morning I lost my fucking old man."
Jay took off his shoes and laid down on top of the comforter and setting his gun and his phone on the side table. "You need to sleep."
"That's just it though...I don't know how." Kelly said sitting down next to his friend.
"Helps if you lay down."
"Ass." Kelly said laying down next to Jay.
"Come here." Jay said, reaching his arm out and Kelly who rolled into him and put his head on his chest.
Jay put his arm around Kelly's shoulder and held him into him. Almost instantly Kelly relaxed into him and was asleep. Jenny stuck her head in a few minutes later and took a throw blanket out and covered the two young men. "Thank you for being here for my Kelly." She whispered as she sat down behind Kelly and ran her fingers up and down his back making her son hold tighter to Jay and whimper.
"I got you Bud." Jay said, leaning his cheek against Kelly's head, "You are safe."
"Don't want to be Benny." Kelly mumbled sleepily into Jay's chest.
"I know Buddy." Jay whispered to his friend who had already fallen back to sleep.
"He spent most of his childhood taking care of me...Benny couldn't handle my mental illness and left when he was so young...not too long later I heard he got someone pregnant...Katie...Kelly didn't know about her until just a few years ago...I never knew who she was...Benny was in and out...and I loved him...or thought I did...anyway when he would break up with the flavor of the month he would always come back to Kelly and I...he loved Kelly...was so proud of him...he just...he wouldn't grow up."
"We will get him through this." Jay told her.
"He will try and do everything on his own...he clearly has an attachment to you...keep checking in on him?"
"I intend to."
"Thank you Jay." She said as she stood up, tucking the blanket around her son. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." Jay said to her as she shut off the lights in her son's bedroom.