Resort

by anyawillis54

Resort

Emma stuffed her hands further in her pockets, blowing out her breath. The weather in Pennsylvania during the winter was something she was never going to get used to, no matter how long she lived here. The cold wind stung her eyes, making them water and blurring her vision momentarily.

"Emma!"

Blinking, Emma searched her immediate surroundings for the owner of the familiar voice calling her name. It took her only a few seconds to locate her mother, hurrying towards her through the crowd of people milling around outside the airport doors.

"Mom!" she called, grabbing the handle of her suitcase. Within the next few seconds, she found herself tightly wrapped in her mother's arms, and for a moment not even the chilly wind could dull the warmth she felt there.

"Emma, baby," her mother said, smoothing her daughter's hair. "Look at you! You look beautiful!"

Emma laughed a little. Her mother always said that, no matter how red Emma's face might be from the cold, or how despicable her hair was after a long plane ride. "It's good to see you, Mom."

"Now," Mrs. Chota said, taking her daughter by the arm, "you must be freezing to death. Ryan's waiting in the car for us."

"Ryan?"

"Yes, Ryan, Finn's boyfriend, remember?"

"Oh," said Emma, nodding. She was in her senior year at college, and had spent so many years away from Finn that she had little to no idea what her sister's love life was like. But she remembered Ryan from several breaks past - tall, stocky, and with a winning smile. "That's nice of him."

Her mother nodded, reaching for Emma's suitcase. "I can drag it, Mom," Emma started to object.

"You have your bag, and I'm empty handed," said her mother firmly. "I've got it."

Emma opened the trunk of the car, peering forward into the reflected image of Ryan's eyes in the rearview mirror. "Hey, Ryan!"

"Hey, Harvard," Ryan called back. "How's it going?"

Emma stifled a bubble of laughter. It would have been odd, standing there at the trunk of her car, to just burst out laughing all of a sudden, but she just felt so happy. "Great," she answered him, helping her mother swing the suitcase into the trunk. "I'm doing great."

000

The moment the front door swung open, Emma smelled hot chocolate and peppermint in the air and knew her father was in the kitchen. She could remember almost every single Christmas past, when he would make homemade hot chocolate - unsweetened cocoa melted in milk and then sweetened with sugar - and put a peppermint stick in it. Emma and Finn, after a long day of playing out in the cold, could always count on coming into the house to their father's favorite treat. It smelled like happy memories and like home.

"Emma," her father said, coming out of the kitchen and wrapping her in a scented hug. "How was your trip?"

"It was good," Emma said. "It smells amazing in here! Where's the chocolate?"

Her father's smile made his eyes crinkle at the corners. "Come on in and have some."

Finn was sitting in the kitchen, holding a mug in one hand and a paper in the other, but she got up when Emma came in. "Hey, Emma," she said - but Emma was ignoring her, attention fixed on the hand holding the mug.

"Finn!" she shouted. "You didn't - did you -"

Finn beamed at her, holding up her left hand so that the light reflected off the diamond. "We did," she said happily. Emma whirled around to look at Ryan, who'd just walked in with her suitcase. "No way!" she shouted, trying to hug both of them at once. "When did this happen?! Congratulations! Mom, why didn't you tell me? That whole car ride!"

Her mother was laughing. "We thought we'd let Finn tell you," she said, sliding her hand into her husband's.

Emma stood back for a moment, letting it sink in, looking from her mother and father hand-in-hand to Ryan and Finn hand-in-hand, and feeling an odd, almost unrestrainable joy bubbling up inside her for the second time that day. She almost wondered these days at how truly happy and at rest she could feel, how much enjoyment she could get from the happiness of those closest to her, how full life was when it wasn't centered all around herself, and she felt tears bite at her eyes.

"Well, don't just stand there," said her father, detaching himself from his wife and going over to the counter. "Have some hot chocolate! And let's talk."

000

Emma flipped open her journal, leaning back against her bed, and searching in her pocket for her special gel she was sick, she'd needed the journal to keep track of her food intake, but then she'd started to do more than that, to write what was going on inside her head too. As she'd been getting better, it had felt therapeutic to spill her thoughts onto paper; as silent as it was, she never felt rejected or misunderstood by it, and she could tell her story the way she wanted it to be told, could share her thoughts the way she thought them.

Now, it was just a force of habit to grab her journal whenever she felt as if she really needed to share something.

The last thing in her journal had been written this morning before she got on the plane. It read:

I'm going home today! Mom called me this morning when I was just waking up, telling me how happy she was to see me and that she had two big surprises for me. I was too tired to think about it then and I'll probably forget about it later, but I wonder what they are.

Emma smiled. She knew now what one of the two surprises was, and she could wait for the second one until her mother chose to reveal it to her. It had really been perfect to find out about Finn and Ryan's engagement with them both standing there in front of her, and she trusted her mother to gauge when the best time to tell her about the second surprise was.

Besides that, Emma loved surprises. She was not one of those people who dreaded being taken unawares; she'd found that she sometimes liked not knowing what was around the corner. It had been a shock to her when she realized that, because she'd always taken it for granted that she was a real control freak. Wanting control was, after all, what had gotten her sick.

She paged to the front of her journal, searching for Ryan's name among the pages. She couldn't remember when the first time she'd met him was, what her first impression of him had been, and she was suddenly quite keen to remember.

She finally found an entry dated almost a year ago:

Finn's back with her boyfriend Ryan. They broke up when Finn moved to college, but I guess they figured out a way to do it long distance. Good for them, I would never have stayed with Mick when I went to Harvard. Although that had more to do with Mick than with the distance, honestly.

Emma shook her head. She felt slightly embarrassed whenever she remembered Mick, her second-ever boyfriend; he had been a terrible choice, and she'd known it. But she'd stuck with him anyway, maybe because she'd been highly insecure at the time and Mick always made her feel worth it. She'd given her virginity to him, she'd made him promise bracelets, she'd done so many embarrassing things that her skin crawled even now thinking about it.

At any rate, that relationship had sort of fizzled out rather than ending, and they'd just stopped talking eventually; then Mick told her he'd slept with another girl and he was sorry, and that had been it.

Emma hadn't really had a boyfriend since then; she'd been on a few dates here and there, but her schoolwork had kept her far too busy to pursue a relationship, and anyway she wasn't sure she wanted one. She hadn't wanted to fall into the trap of needing a boyfriend to make her feel loved; she had her family for that, and they would never break up with her, and she had learned over time that they would always have her back.

She closed her journal, stretching out on her bed. She was fortunate, so fortunate, to be as well-adjusted and happy as she was right now, and she knew it. Her life could have ended at age fifteen.

But it hadn't, and instead her anorexia, once the largest problem in her life and the only thing she could ever think about, was like a destination that she'd left behind her a long time ago - far in the past, and deeply buried, like an old wound that would never trouble her again.

000

Emma received her second surprise while sitting at the breakfast table with her family that morning. As her father poured everyone coffee, her mother reached for her hand and said, "Emma, I've got a surprise for you."

Finn tapped her fork on the table, looking sideways at Emma. "You're gonna love this."

"What is it?" Emma asked. "Whatever it is, you know it can't beat yesterday's surprise."

"No," her mother agreed, "it can't. But I know how much you hate the cold weather here when you're on Christmas break, and I was thinking - it's your last year of college, your last Christmas break ever, so why not spend it somewhere you'd enjoy?"

Emma's hand paused on the way to her glass. "What do you mean?"

"We're going to a resort in California," her mother burst out.

"Are you serious?! All of us?" Emma exclaimed. "Mom, you're amazing!"

"Well, not all of us," said her mother hastily. "Your father couldn't get off work, and Finn wants to spend her break with Ryan, who couldn't make it. So it'll just be a mother-daughter trip."

"But you have work, Mom. I wouldn't want you to take off for my sake."

Her mother laughed. "I'm not all that noble, I don't like the cold anymore than you do, you know."

"When are we leaving?" Emma asked. "And how long are we staying?"

"We're leaving tonight," said her mother, "and staying two weeks, if you don't mind spending Christmas with just me."

"Of course I don't," said Emma, "especially not in California! God, I miss the winter there."

"We'll be living it up here while you're away," said Finn mildly. "Dad and I are going to have Christmas with Ryan's family. We pretty much already decided it all before you even got here, so I'm glad you said yes. It would have been pretty awkward if you hadn't."

"Why would I say no?" said Emma. "Christmas in California?! Count me all the way in."

000

The flight from Pennsylvania to California was long, almost seven hours. They encountered a major storm somewhere over Indiana or Illinois, and Emma's mother, who was a nervous flier, almost threw up in her chair. She refused to take her seatbelt off the entire flight, or eat a bite for fear of getting 'airsick.' Emma tried to convince her that being airsick wasn't a thing, but her mother claimed it was and would only drink soda water.

Emma didn't mind turbulence, and she slept through the parts of the flight where her mother wasn't clutching at her arm. Still, she felt glad when the flight was over and they were able to stretch their legs in the terminal.

The first thing they did was stop for lunch at an in-airport Chipotle. Even though Emma's mother complained about the price, she was clearly so hungry from her abstinence pre-flight that she couldn't wait until they were out of the airport.

Emma ended up being a few places behind her mother in line. She was just pulling out her phone to entertain herself with a puzzle when she heard girl behind her say loudly, "Get out of my purse, you stupid asshole!"

"I was just getting my phone," objected a male voice. "I put it in there during the flight."

"Why the hell did you do that?"

Emma turned around, staring at the couple. The girl was tall, with long blonde hair and perfectly toned legs on display in a short romper; her boyfriend was equally tall, with thick dark hair and a very handsome face. But the girl was who caught Emma's attention.

"Kara?" she said.

The girl looked up at once; her familiar blue eyes were unmistakably those of Kara Souders. She started blankly at Emma. "Do I know you?"

Emma started to speak, and then stopped. She felt a little bit thrown; she hadn't thought about Ocean Park in years, as it was all a part of her past that she would very much like to forget, or at least suppress all memories of. She liked the fact that she wasn't defined in her current life as an anorexia survivor, and she wasn't sure she wanted to go back to that.

"No," she said quickly. "I think I recognized you from a tabloid."

Kara huffed slightly. "Do you want an autograph or something?"

"Nope," Emma said, and turned away. There had been no mistaking Kara, and she wouldn't have expected anything else after only five years. Did she really look that unrecognizable herself?

000

The resort, when they arrived there, was absolutely beautiful and everything Emma could have wanted. However, after the long flight and the additional bus ride to get there, she and her mother were so tired that the only thing they could do was tumble into bed.

It was about eleven in the morning - two in the afternoon Pennsylvania time - that Emma woke up, feeling extremely thick headed but somewhat refreshed. Sunlight was streaming in through the glass wall on the left side of her room.

She got up and looked through the glass, down at the huge expanse of water that was practically sparkling in the sunlight, and smiled. This was already going to be a fantastic vacation; she could stand next to an open window, in December, and not feel absolutely frozen. What a miracle.

Her mother was in the kitchenette when Emma, freshly showered, exited the bedroom. "I miss your father's cooking," she grumbled. "We missed their breakfast. I mean, they gave us fruit, but still."

"Fruit is a perfectly good breakfast," Emma told her, hunting through the rather large fruit bowl that had been left on the counter until she found a pear. "Lunch is supposed to be the big meal."

"I'm on vacation. They can all be big meals," her mother said, prompting Emma to giggle.

"There's actually an event at this resort," said her mother, "while we're here. I'm not sure I knew that. It might start filling up pretty soon."

"Well, we should go to the beach today then," said Emma, "before it gets absolutely packed. Mom, I'm so excited!"

"You say that like you've never seen a beach before."

"After four years in Iceland, I feel like I haven't."

000

They set up camp on the beach about an hour later, with a packed lunch - which made Emma feel like she was six years old again going to the beach, a feeling she found rather fun. She still loved building sand structures and writing her name in the sand and trying to find seashells, just like she had when she was little.

Her mother stretched out with her eyes closed. "I miss sunbathing," she said dreamily. "I'm not going to go home, Emma. I'm staying here forever."

"Try telling Dad that," Emma advised her, looking out into the water. They'd chosen a spot with not many people around; there was a girl in the water close to them with her boyfriend not far away on his towel, but other than that they weren't too crowded. Emma dug her hands into the sand and began to make a mound.

"Are you really making a sand castle?" asked her mother, opening an eye."

"Yes," said Emma. "Hope you don't have any problems with that."

"I don't," her mother said with a smile. "You loved sand castles when you were little."

"I still do," Emma informed her. The girl in the water looked extremely familiar, and Emma wondered if she was yet another celebrity whose face she'd seen a few times. She was reminded, rather unpleasantly, of seeing Kara at the airport yesterday.

What was so unpleasant about having seen her, other than the fact that Emma didn't want to think about Ocean Park, was seeing Kara herself. From just those few seconds, Emma had recognized the self-absorbed, abrasive person she remembered when Kara first came to the hospital. Her last memory of Kara, when she left the hospital post-surgery, was of a Kara that was changed - still sharp-tongued, but softer around the edges, looking outside of herself more, seeing the world differently.

Of course, it was unfair to judge her from just a few seconds, but Emma could have hoped that Kara had progressed down the path to becoming less abrasive and not more so.

The girl came up out of the water and joined her boyfriend on the towel. As he sat up to look at her he shifted his legs slightly and Emma could repress a gasp. She hadn't recognized him, with all his hair and looking slightly older, but the sight of the artificial leg jogged her memory. It was Leo Roth.

Emma turned away before she even realized what she was doing. I'm not ashamed, she told herself quickly, I'm not. I just don't want a negative interaction. She and Leo had known each other at some very low moments, and nobody wanted to be reminded of those while chilling on the beach with their friends.

000

Emma and her mother ate an early dinner at a grill inside the resort. Emma, feeling distracted, found it rather hard to focus on her mother's conversation or even on the fish she was eating, which was exceptionally good. She wondered if it was a joke the universe was playing on her, that Leo and Kara could turn up in her life at the same time.

She was happy. She didn't need a reminder of the lowest point in her life right now; she was about to graduate from Harvard, her parents' relationship with her was thriving, her sister was engaged, and her life had never been better. And yet here they were, the most poignant reminders of the fact that as much as she pretended, she just wasn't that kid who'd had it easy in life.

But she couldn't let it get her down. The resort was huge; the chances that she would run into Leo again were extremely slim, and she wasn't about to spend her precious two weeks here with her mother worrying about him or his beautiful girlfriend.

Snap out if it, Emma!

"I was thinking we could visit a spa tonight or tomorrow," her mother said. "What do you think? There's a Roman theme party tonight, I believe. We could do that instead."

"Sounds great," Emma said.

"Which one?"

Emma hastily focused, picking through her mother's words in her head. "Um, the party. What's a Roman themed party?"

"As far as I know, it's just a beach party with Roman decorations. You can mingle with other visitors and all that," her mother answered.

Emma frowned. "You know, maybe we can do the spa instead," she said. "I think I'd enjoy that." She mentally slapped herself as soon as she said it. She couldn't avoid 'mingling' with the other guests forever, and so what if she ran into Leo? Maybe he wouldn't recognize her either.

"I'm going to the restroom," her mother said, getting out of her chair. "I'll be back."

Emma nodded. Her mother had only been gone for a few seconds when someone said, "Emma?"

Emma looked up. Leaning over her table was none other than Dash Hosney, with a big smile on his face.

Emma's initial reaction startled her. This was Dash, who had once been everyone's friend, everyone's counselor, the one person she regretted not keeping in touch with, and yet something in her recoiled at the sight of him. She hastily swallowed that feeling and smiled brightly.

"Hey, Dash!" she exclaimed. "What's up?"

"I thought that was you!" Dash said, reaching out to give her a hug, which she accepted. "You look different."

"So do you!" exclaimed Emma, although that wasn't really the case. He was slightly thicker, but Dash had the exact same face she remembered from five years ago.

He shook his head. "Nah, Leo says I haven't changed."

"You still talk to Leo?" asked Emma, somewhat surprised. Dash and Leo keeping in touch wasn't really something that she would have expected.

"Yeah, man. He and I are here together."

"Ah!" said Emma, feeling her spirits sink. If Dash and Leo were there together, that meant that there most likely was no way she could avoid speaking to Leo. Not that that was a total disaster, but still, if she could have avoided him it would have been wonderful.

"You hear about the fundraiser?" Dash asked her.

"What fundraiser?"

"Kara's doing a fundraiser event here this week for her foundation. Kara Souders, remember her? Isn't that crazy?"

"Kara's here? At this resort?"

"Yeah," said Dash. "We found out about it right after we got here. I couldn't believe it then, but I especially can't believe you're here. Wait until I tell Leo."

Emma couldn't help but wonder if Leo would be as ecstatic as Dash seemed to be. She doubted that she was the only one who wanted to put Ocean Park and everyone in it behind her.

"How you been?" Dash asked, leaning against the table. "I can't believe it's been four years since I talked to you."

Emma had kept in touch with Dash for a little after she left Ocean Park. The two of them had remained there the longest, after all the other Red Banders had left. Dash had been two weeks away from leaving when Emma was finally released for the last time, and she remembered suddenly how happy he'd been for her and how touched she'd been by that.

Maybe it was that memory that finally made her answer more genuine. "Good," she told him. "I've been really good, actually. How about you?"

Dash shrugged. "Healthwise, I'm decent. But lifewise, I'm doing kinda awesome. I got engaged last month."

"Congratulations!" Emma said at once. A brief vision of Mae flashed through her head, but she ignored it. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"Her name's Mandy," Dash said, "and I used to work with her. She's amazing, Emma."

"Glad to hear it," said Emma, and she really meant it.

Dash's phone buzzed, and he straightened. "Look, I gotta go," he said. "But we need to talk, okay?"

"Okay!" Emma agreed brightly, crossing her fingers under the table. "Sure!" Because why wouldn't she just love to have a commemorative chat with Kara, Leo and Dash about all the good times they'd shared? No, thanks.

000

Later that night, after she had been to the spa with her mother and was settling into bed, Emma looked through the calendar of events at the resort that week. Sure enough, Kara's fundraiser dinner for her foundation, Transplant of Hope, was on Saturday, two days from now. Kara had started the foundation as a teenager, but then it had merely been a social media campaign to raise awareness about kids with drug addiction. Now it was a full-fledged affair, hugely publicized. Emma saw it all over the place and had seen clips of Kara's interviews here and there.

Emma tossed the calendar aside and pulled her journal out of the drawer where she'd put it. She scanned over her last entry, which she'd written right before lunch; she had purposely written nothing about seeing Leo, just as she had written nothing about seeing Kara. The journal entries focused solely on the resort.

But now that Dash had seen her and talked to her, she knew she had to write about it, or else everything else she chose to write would become disingenuous, which she hated. So she pulled out her pen, and with a slight sigh, began to write:

The Red Banders are in my life again.

000

The next morning brought back with it the same sunshine and the same warm breeze the morning before it had offered, but Emma didn't feel quite the same way she had then. The first thing she remembered when her eyes opened was last night's journal entry.

When she was first starting to journal things other than her food intake, Emma had never really stopped to think about why writing out her feelings was so therapeutic for her. It had taken a year or two to realize that going through the process of physically writing what she was thinking, of seeing the words on the paper, allowed her to fully process everything she was thinking, to leave no stone unturned, to take all the time she needed. There was never a point where her journal told her, "Too much, I'm tired now," or "Your session is over, I'll see you next week." Just pages and pages of blank paper, ready and waiting for her to pour her heart out onto it.

As a result, by the time she was finished writing, Emma had often written things she didn't even know she was thinking - things that were lurking somewhere in her subconscious, pushing at her mind but never to the forefront. Over the years, it had allowed her to deal with her demons and put them to rest in a way even therapy hadn't.

Last night, Emma had found herself in one of those moods where the pen just wouldn't stop going, and by the time she was done she'd found tears standing in her eyes and was in an oddly precarious mood. She didn't really care to think about why that was, and she certainly wasn't going to re-read her journal to find out why. She was going to carry on; she just wanted to enjoy this trip with her mother without having an emotional trip down the parts of memory lane she'd never wanted to revisit.

The night before, Emma had suggested to her mother that they take a helicopter tour in the morning, which her mother had declined on account of her fear of heights. So Emma, who still wanted the tour, had decided to go anyway. Her mother had mentioned yesterday that Emma didn't have to spend all her time glued to her side, but Emma didn't mind. She enjoyed the feeling of always looking up and seeing her mother standing beside her, even though she was also fine being alone. More than anything, her relationship with her mother had become all-important to her, and she treasured it highly.

Walking to the helicopter pad, her spirits rose slightly. It was just such a beautiful morning that one couldn't help but feel happy and upbeat. The tour itself ended up being amazing, and from a height the beach and the trails looked so beautiful and inviting that Emma couldn't wait to go back to the beach or to take a hike on one of the trails. A trail was another thing she'd have to do by herself, because her mother wasn't a huge fan of hiking or nature walks.

000

"What's wrong, Emma?" her mother asked, setting her phone down and reaching for Emma's hand where it sat on the table. "You seem kinda out of it."

The two were eating a light lunch in their room by the open window, the breeze coming in and caressing their faces and making Emma's hair and her dress stir in the most satisfying way. Emma was half-reading a book, half-thinking, while her mother texted back and forth with a friend of hers.

"Sorry," Emma said. "I was just…"

"Just what?"

Emma put her book on the table. "Do you remember when I told you about...when I was in Ocean Park, and I told you about my friends there?"

Her mother straightened a little. It'd been a long time since they'd talked about Ocean Park. "I remember. You called yourselves the Red Band Group?"

"The Red Band Society," Emma corrected her. "Well, there were seven of us in the society. Four of the seven are here. Right now."

"At the resort?" her mother asked, looking astonished.

Emma nodded. "And it wasn't planned, either. Dash and Leo took a trip together, and Kara's doing an event."

"You know, I thought I saw someone that looked like her," said Mrs. Chota, sitting back against her chair. "Have you talked to them?"

"A little," Emma said. "But I don't really want to get into it with them."

"Why not?"

"They're my hospital friends, Mom. We thought the relationship we had was really important, but even though we were all very mature, we were still just kids. If we had kept in touch like we all said we would, we would have had a toxic effect on each others' lives. Always reminding each other of the things that made us the weakest."

"You could look at it that way," said her mother. "Or you could look at it as a reminder of how far you'd come."

"It doesn't work like that, Mom. It's been five years and I still look at Leo as a cancer survivor without a leg, and when I saw Kara the first thing I wondered was how her heart was doing. And I know without a doubt that that's what they were thinking when they saw me, too. They were wondering if I still eat, and if this is a healthy weight for me."

"Emma -"

"It's not something I want to go back to," Emma said firmly. "My relationship with all of them, particularly Leo, become very stunted once I got better. That's why I stopped talking to all of them, even Dash after a while, because we were only close due to our illnesses. In our new lives, we couldn't find a place for each other, and that's okay."

"Don't just brush them off," her mother said gently. "Just because you see things that way doesn't mean they do. Leo and Dash clearly see value in remaining friends."

"That doesn't mean I have to be."

Her mother nodded. "I trust you, Emma, but I think you're writing them off too soon. Your reticence towards reconnecting with them has more to do with you, I think, my dear. You just don't want to admit that you were ever sick."

"That's not true," Emma argued. "I was sick, and I've come to terms with that. But I'm not sick anymore, and I don't really want living breathing reminders of the times when I was sick. Those are my only memories with them."

"They wouldn't be if you'd kept in touch."

"Whatever," Emma said, jabbing a little too hard at her plate. Her fork clinked loudly against the porcelain and her mother's eyebrows went up just a hair. "It is what it is. I'm not opening up that part of my life again, Mom."

000

Emma would be damned if she knew how her relationship with Leo had ended. When Leo left Ocean Park, they'd sworn they were never going to break up, no matter how far the distance was between them, and they would love each other forever, and that absence would only make the heart grow fonder, etc., etc.

Maybe for some people absence did make the heart grow fonder. But these people were probably not teenagers, and in Emma and Leo's case, absence made the heart go yonder. Emma had known she was over Leo when a new kid walked into Ocean Park and made her heart go pitter-pat just the way Leo used to make it go. She had long forgotten that kid's name, but she did remember calling Leo that night and telling him they should probably break up.

At first Leo had been resistant, but after a while he stopped calling and texting Emma to try to make her change her mind. By the time she left Ocean Park - nearly a year after he had - Emma wasn't talking to him at all. Dash mentioned him a couple of times, but Emma never made the attempt to contact him. At first she was too embarrassed and didn't want things to be awkward, but eventually she just stopped thinking about him altogether; Mick came into her life, and Leo was forgotten.

000

Emma took her hike early that evening, while her mother was in the hot tub. It was cooling down, and Emma had to take a sweater with her to keep from getting too chilly.

The trail was isolated, which was fine with Emma. She stuck her earbuds in her ears and wandered along at her own pace, letting the occasional jogger and biker streak past her, letting her thoughts run away with themselves, choosing not to actively focus on anything.

She was in the middle of a rather tiresome pop song about an emotional break up when a sound made her almost jump out of her tracks. She yanked her earbuds out of her ears and stood stock still for a few moments, listening. After a moment she heard the sound again - a harsh, swift thud and the accompanying cry of pain - and another, and another, and another. Someone was taking a beating very close to her.

Emma wanted nothing more than to get away from the fight, but she was having trouble distinguishing where the noise was coming from. She'd never been good at that, and she didn't want to back up or walk forward into the brawl. She edged forward along the path, and the sound didn't seem to get closer or farther.

Emma stilled her breathing, trying not to be heard. The cries of the person taking the beating were turning to breathless grunts, and after a moment, the sounds ceased altogether. Emma, still moving forward, seemed to hear the sounds getting farther from her.

So the fight was happening behind her. Emma quickened her pace just as the noise stopped altogether, putting her earbuds back in her ears, but she'd only been walking for a few seconds when she heard footsteps behind her.

Her heart thudded into her throat, and she was faced with a sudden, fierce wish that she'd taken up her father on his offer to pay for self-defense classes for her when she was eighteen and about to go to college. This was the ad they always showed on TV for female self-defense, this was the very picture of it - a girl jogging alone in the woods and being overtaken by an attacker, who she was able to fight off. Except Emma was going to be able to fight anyone off. She couldn't even fight FINN off.

"Excuse me," said voice from behind her, and she stopped - not because she wanted to, but because her feet didn't want to seem to keep moving. A man stepped around her - a tall, dark-haired man, who looked vaguely familiar. "Sorry," he said, and kept on walking.

Emma stood very still for a second. The man's hand as he slid it into his pocket had had blood across the knuckles. That was the man who'd been beating up the other person, clearly, as he had no bruises on him.

She felt ready to sink to the ground with relief, and also a very natural aversion toward continuing on in the direction the man had walked. Besides that, she could only wonder what had happened to the other person, the one that had taken the beating; clearly the other hadn't been worried about if he was all right. She pocketed her phone and retraced her steps. "Hello?" she called.

She heard a groan in return and hurried towards the sound. A little off the path she saw him, the man who'd made the sound - dressed in black and with a bloodied face, struggling to get up. Oddly enough, there was also something slightly familiar about him.

"Are you all right?" she asked, pausing a few feet away.

He spat onto the ground, and Emma saw blood. "Can I help?" she asked, taking a step closer. "I could call the resort."

The man struggled to his feet, his face wrenched in pain. "I'm fine," he said thickly, raising his head.

Emma started to ask "Are you sure?" but the question died on her lips as she stared hard at the man. "Jordi?!"

His head jerked up, and his eyes narrowed. "Who the hell are you?"

"Emma," she said. "Emma Chota, we knew each other in -"

"I know who Emma Chota is," he said sharply. "But there's no way in hell you're her. Who are you, and how do you know my name?"

"Do you want to prove it or something?" asked Emma, rather shocked. "I really am Emma Chota."

Jordi - for, under the blood and the bruises and the buzzed head, it was clearly Jordi Palacios - scowled at her heavily. "Come on. Who are you here with? You know Donny?"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," said Emma, exasperated. "I came back here because I heard a fight and guessed you were in trouble, and you just happened to be someone I knew. It's not my fault I'm Emma and you don't think I am. I was just trying to help."

Jordi took a step, winced, rocked on his feet. "So you're not - you don't know why I'm here?"

"No, Jordi, I don't."

"You're actually Emma?"

"Of course I'm Emma."

He blew out his breath. "God, I'm sorry. I...um, I'm trying to stay away from some people."

"You clearly didn't," said Emma, gesturing to his face.

Jordi grimaced. "Well, he caught me by surprise…" he trailed off, leaned over, and retched into the sand.

Emma shifted from one foot to the other, feeling uncomfortable. "You sure you don't need any help?" Her mind was starting to go into overdrive. For some reason, the fact that it was Jordi didn't surprise her - all they needed now was for Charlie to show up somewhere, and the impromptu reunion would be complete. But something was clearly going on with him, something serious.

Besides that, if he had not been injured, he would have looked dangerous. He was taller than she remembered and his muscles had grown into his height; his jaw was sharper, his eyes harsher, his hair shorter, his demeanor altogether forbidding. He was nothing like the Jordi she remembered.

"I'm fine," Jordi said. "Just do me a favor and forget you saw me here, Emma."

"Okay, but -"

"I mean it," he said harshly. "I wasn't here."

"All right!" Emma said quickly. "You weren't here, I get it. I'll just be going now, okay?"

Jordi turned away from her, spitting into the grass again, and she took that as her cue to leave.

000

Emma didn't tell her mother every single little thing - no one did that. But she was used to confiding in her mother, and not being able to tell her about Jordi was killing her. She written about it in her journal, but this was different than chronicling her feelings and then closing her notebook. This was a person, a seriously injured person who was clearly in a lot of trouble, and she couldn't put the matter to rest in her head. Several times that day she thought of going back to see if he was still there, or asking around to see if anyone had seen him.

But he clearly wanted to keep his head down, although she wasn't sure why he would go to a high profile resort to do that. Still, it nagged at her endlessly and she had to avoid long conversations with her mother, simply because she knew her mother could tell when something was wrong.

000

That night when she decided to take a little pre-sleep stroll around the lobby, she felt almost glad when she saw Leo and Dash - along with a short, dark-haired girl she didn't recognize - lounging at a table partly hidden behind an arrangement of plants. Only this morning, she would have recoiled at the thought of walking up to them, but this afternoon's encounter had changed things.

It wasn't about opening up that part of her past anymore, the part she didn't want to revisit. That can of worms had already been opened. God or the universe or whatever was in charge of her had made sure she was smack dab in the middle of her old friends, and she couldn't just ignore the fact that one of them was in trouble.

Dash saw her first as she walked toward them. "Emma!" he called out, waving her over.

Emma reached the table. "Hey," she said.

Leo looked up. "Hey, Emma! Dash said he saw you here."

Emma nodded. "Can you believe it?"

Leo was shaking his head. "It is kind of unbelievable."

Dash nodded to the girl sitting next to him. "Emma, this is my fiance Mandy."

"Nice to meet you," Emma said, shaking hands with Mandy, who beamed. "You too!"

"Wanna sit?" Leo asked, standing to pull out a chair.

"Sure, if no one else is," said Emma, accepting the seat. "How've you guys been?"

"Pretty good, pretty good," Dash said. "I've been working, but Leo's about to be a college grad."

"Yeah?" Emma said, turning to Leo. "Are you still playing soccer?"

Leo shook his head. "I had a few chances to, but I don't know, I kinda wasn't feeling it anymore. I went to UCLA."

"What's your major?"

He made a face. "Humanities, because I never really decided what I wanted to do. We'll see what happens. And did you go to Harvard, or Yale?"

"Harvard," Emma said, unable to keep from smiling a little. "I'm graduating in June."

Leo nodded. "Of course, of course," he said.

There was a short pause, and Mandy picked up the slack swiftly. "How cool is it that you guys all ended up here at the same time?" she said conversationally. "Is this, like, the whole group of you that were friends?"

"Nah, but we just need Charlie and Jordi," said Leo, leaning back in his chair. Emma wanted to shout, Jordi is here! But instead she asked,

"Do either of you keep in touch with Jordi? Or Charlie?"

"No and no," said Dash. "I never really tried to talk to Charlie much, although there are times I wish I had, and Jordi just kind of dropped off the face of the earth."

"What do you mean?"

"He came back to Ocean Park once after you left, when I was still there, but then he went back home to Mexico and we never heard from him. Dr. McAndrew tried to make contact, but his abuela didn't know where he was and neither did anyone else."

Again, Emma wanted to say that she knew where Jordi was right now - or at least where he had been this afternoon - and again she had to bite her tongue. "Does that mean he ran away from her? Again?"

"Maybe he was looking for his mom," said Dash. "Who knows?" He spread his hands.

Or maybe he got involved with some people he shouldn't and ended up getting pounded on a public trail at a high-profile California resort, Emma thought. She clearly was not going to hear anything about Jordi from Dash and Leo, and she was beginning to regret talking to them. She had thought she might find a way to help him, maybe get a number from them and make sure he was all right, but now she was just stuck in hopeless small talk.

"So do you guys have a date?" she asked, looking across the table at Dash and Mandy.

"Not yet," said Mandy. "Dash and I are both working and I'm finishing my five-year program, so our plates are kind of full right now. But it'll be as soon as possible."

"We don't want to wait," said Dash, drumming on the back of Mandy's chair. Emma studied their faces, feeling rather warmed by their happy smiles; they mirrored the dreamy-eyed way Finn and Ryan looked at each other. A love-soaked look, her mother liked to call it. Her father called it 'twitterpated,' but that was just a phrase he'd heard in Bambi and wouldn't let go of.

"They're ridiculous," Leo grumbled. "They're all over each other, they're like two little bunnies."

"Like you and Maya aren't like that," Mandy shot back.

"Who's Maya?" asked Emma, feeling unreasonably left out.

"Maya's my girlfriend," said Leo, and Emma remembered the girl she'd seen yesterday on the beach with him.

There was a pause, and Emma wondered if she was going to have to field any uncomfortable questions about her love life. But it was again Mandy who spoke into the silence:

"So are you going to Kara's dinner tomorrow? Dash got himself and I, along with Leo and Maya, in. I'm sure he could get you in."

"I don't have anyone to go with," said Emma hastily. And she didn't want to go to one of Kara's high-profile fundraisers - she barely had anything to wear, anyway.

"There's an afterparty," Dash coaxed.

"Even worse," Emma said. "I'm not really into parties."

"Don't say we didn't try," Dash said.

No worries there, Emma thought. I wouldn't accuse you of that.

"Maya and I are going to go water-skiing tomorrow," Mandy said. "You want to come? The more the merrier. The boys aren't skiing, but they'll be there."

"I've never water-skied," Emma objected.

"Neither have they," said Dash. "So everyone's going to look like idiots together. Come on, Emma."

"I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow," said Emma vaguely.

"Well, here," said Dash, handing her his phone. "Call yourself from me so we got each other's numbers and you can just let me know."

Emma hesitated before she took the phone from him. This, giving Dash her number, meant that she was giving him access to her again, that she had let the Red Banders into her life again when only a week ago she'd been so sure she was rid of them forever. She felt very aware of how momentous that was, as she automatically entered her number, and for a split second she felt like throwing the phone down and running away.

But she didn't.

Dash took his phone back, looking satisfied. "Just text me, okay?"

"Okay," said Emma, and rose to her feet. "I will."

"Nice seeing you," Leo said.

"You too," said Emma. "I'll see you guys around."

Of course, Emma had absolutely no intention of texting Dash. Seeking Dash and Leo out in order to help Jordi was one thing, but hanging out with them of her own volition was another. She declined telling her mother that she'd had another run-in with them, which was much easier than keeping quiet about Jordi.

000

After Charlie left Ocean Park, Kara was the second of the Red Banders (third, if you counted Hunter) to leave. She returned for a check-up here and there, but for all intents and purposes she was completely gone, and Emma hadn't talked to her. A few months later, Jordi had been the next to go.

Those few months that Emma spent at Ocean Park with Dash, Leo, and Jordi had been interesting. Leo hadn't gotten back together with Emma immediately; there were a few months where they hadn't even thought about each other like that. Both of them had been fighting hard to get better, and the only thing that they offered to each other was their support.

Leo had changed during that time. He became quieter, less outspoken, less effervescent; but from the moment he decided he was going to pick himself up and keep going, despite getting cancer for the second time, he didn't stop fighting for one second. Really, Emma wasn't sure he'd ever given up in the first place; giving up was not in Leo's vocabulary. For two days he'd been in the dumps, but not even the diagnosis could completely break his spirit.

Dash, after breaking up with Mae, had started to become more cynical and less enjoyable to be around. His humor became more sarcastic and more biting, and his idealism started to fade away bit by bit. He spent more time by himself and almost become a loner, a complete flip from the way they'd all come to know him - the glue that held them all together.

The one person that Emma could trust to always be himself was Jordi. His grandmother had been with him for his entire stay at Ocean Park, and as much as she might disagree with the methods of modern medicine, she provided the support system for Jordi that he really needed, and he was happier than Emma had known him to be since she met him. If she ever needed someone to lean on, that person was Jordi, not Leo or Dash. As rough as he was around the edges, Jordi always tried his best to be there for her, and not in a selfish way, where she was expected to return his emotional support. And Emma was thankful for that, because she had no support to give him at the time.

Besides the fact that he didn't seem to need it, Emma was learning that she needed to focus her mental energy on getting better, and not on someone else getting better. If she started to invest herself in Leo's recovery, as much as she cared about Leo, she faced the risk of losing sight of her own goal, and same with Jordi. Neither of them expected anything romantic from her, and neither did they act that way.

Without the added dynamic of a romantic relationship, or even a crush - both of which, in Emma's position, were rather toxic things to have in her life - she was forced to focus on herself more, and on her demons. She truly believed that this, along with the assured knowledge that her entire family was truly behind her no matter what, was what had aided her recovery the most.

When Jordi left Ocean Park, Emma had been very upset to see him go. She had her family, and she had the staff at Ocean Park, but he was her closest and most accessible support system, and she was far closer to him than she had realized. She'd almost depended on him.

For all that, though, he'd completely refused to keep in touch with her after leaving. She'd begged him until she realized he wasn't going to say yes, then pressed him until she realized he wasn't going to tell her why. He left without clearing up the mystery, and she could only theorize.

000

Emma could tell the second she woke up that something was wrong. Like the past two mornings, she could smell the breeze coming into the room and could feel the sunlight on her face, but she felt something else she hadn't felt either of those two mornings. It took her a second of blinking before she saw what it was.

In the corner chair, Jordi Palacios lay fast asleep.

Emma's heart jumped into her throat, and she froze for a second. What was he doing there? How had he gotten there? How long had he been there? Why was he there? His face was still bruised and cut from the day before, but it was much cleaner, and Emma saw a great deal more of the young Jordi that she remembered in his face.

She eased out of her bed and started to make her way toward the door. Maybe her mother had let him in - not that Emma could imagine why. But before she was halfway there Jordi stirred and opened his eyes.

For a moment they just stared at each other. Now that he was awake, Jordi looked more guarded, less young, and a great deal more dangerous. Emma, whose heart was still pounding, wasn't sure if she was afraid or just apprehensive - or still reeling from the shock of waking up with him in her bedroom. Which was locked. She took another step toward the door, but Jordi, who was closer, immediately got up and stood in front of it.

Now Emma was rather scared. This man was clearly not the Jordi that she knew, and she didn't know how to handle that. "What do you want?" she demanded, hating the waver in her voice.

"I need a favor," Jordi said.

"Why would I do anything for you?"

His eyes narrowed slightly. "I need you to get me into that dinner tonight."

"Kara's fundraiser? I'm not even going to that," Emma said at once.

"Why are you here, then?"

"I -" Emma stopped herself. "I don't have to tell you. But I wasn't planning on going to Kara's dinner, so you'll have to go somewhere else. I'm sure Dash would love to help you."

"Who?"

"Dash," Emma repeated. "Dash Hosney."

"He's here?"

"Yes, and so is Leo," said Emma, forcing back an ironic chuckle. "We're all here, Jordi."

Jordi looked at her blankly. "I can't talk to Dash. He doesn't know I'm here."

"I could tell him," Emma suggested.

"No," Jordi said, "you can't. Look, Emma, I can pay you if you want, I just really need to be at that event, all right?"

"No, not all right! Jordi, you refused my help yesterday and that's fine, but you can't just then break into my room and demand I do something for you, without telling me why. It's not reasonable to ask that of me."

"What do you want?" Jordi asked impatiently. "I said I'd pay you."

"I don't want money! I have that. I want to know why you want to go to this dinner so badly, and why you couldn't just find me and ask me instead of sneaking into my room in the middle of the night! Or better yet, why you couldn't have mentioned it to me yesterday when you brushed me off."

Jordi sighed heavily. "Fair enough. Look, I'm sure you can guess that I'm kind of in trouble, and I...need to do something while I'm here. But I have to talk to someone at the dinner in order to do it. I'm not telling you any more than that because you're better off not knowing."

"I'm better off not knowing?!" Emma repeated. "What is this, some top secret illegal heist? Jordi, I'm not going to help you until I'm sure that what you're doing isn't bad."

"Okay then," Jordi said, "how about this: if I don't get into the dinner and don't talk to my guy, I'll probably end up six feet under in a matter of hours. Is that a good enough reason for you?"

Emma was speechless for a second. There were all sorts of terrible ideas going through her head as to what could possibly be happening with Jordi, and she didn't like any of them; and she was conflicted. For all intents and purposes, she had no idea who this man was standing in front of her; he wasn't the old Jordi she remembered. That Jordi had been honest, open, someone she could trust. But this Jordi might not be telling the truth, and if he was lying and something bad came of her helping him, she wouldn't be able to live it down.

Besides that, she was worried about him. Changed or not, he had once been her best friend, and that meant something. If she could find out what he was up to, maybe she could help, or at least ease her mind about him.

"Explain something else to me, then," she said. "How did you get in my room? I lock my bedroom door, and outside of that the suite doors are obviously locked."

Jordi closed his eyes. "I can't tell you that either."

"How am I supposed to trust you?"

"If I wanted to," said Jordi, without opening his eyes, "I could physically force you to do exactly what I needed. But I'm choosing not to do that because, believe it or not, I have no desire to hurt you. That's how you can trust me."

Emma felt a little tickle of fear. Something about the way his tone hardened when he spoke made her believe him when he said that he could hurt her - but that same conviction made it difficult for her to believe the second part of what he'd said.

"I guess I don't have much of a choice then, do I?" she said.

Jordi blew his breath out slightly, as if he was relieved she was finally giving in. "Not really."

Emma dived for the emergency button on the side of the wall. When she started, Jordi's eyes were still closed and he was leaning against the door; but the second she moved, he did too. He caught her by the arm, dragging her away, and she had to bite down on her lip not to shout in pain.

"God damn it, Emma," he growled. "I said I wouldn't hurt you. I'm asking for a fucking ticket, that's all! Would you just cut the drama already?"

Emma could feel tears stinging her eyes. "Jordi, that hurts."

Jordi blinked at her, then seemed to suddenly realize he was still gripping her tightly; he let go of her arm, and she backed away from him toward her bed. Strangely enough, she was feeling less afraid now than she had before she reached for the button; maybe it was all the adrenaline that was now coursing through her.

"Fine," she said. "Fine, I'll do it."

Jordi passed his hand over his forehead. "Finally. Was that so hard?"

"I'll do it if you tell me how you got in my room."

Jordi just looked at her.

"Look," said Emma, "it's not the cuddliest feeling in the world waking up and seeing a total stranger in my room. I want to know how it happened, because I don't want it to happen again."

"Oh, is that all?" he said. "Just rest assured that what I did, no one else would think to do. Okay?"

"No," said Emma firmly. "No explanation, no ticket." She had no idea where this sudden fit of defiance was coming from, but she was riding it as far as it would take her. She was still determined to find out what Jordi was doing. "I want to know."

Jordi sighed. "I know someone who works here. I got a card that lets me into all the rooms. It's the oldest trick in the book, Emma."

"That's not it," Emma said at once. "If that's all it is, why did you refuse to tell me about it?"

"I did what you told me to do," said Jordi. "I told you how I got in here, and it's not my fault if you don't believe me. Now do what you said you'd do and get me the damn ticket, all right?"

Emma scrambled around for a moment and found that she had one more card to deal. "How about this," she said. "If I get you into the dinner, you're going with me, as my date."

"Why in the hell would I agree to that?"

"Because," said Emma bluntly, "I can't just give you this ticket and rest easy about it. I'd be in here all night, wondering if I'd done the right thing by letting you in."

"And how is going with me going to help that?"

"I don't know," Emma admitted. "But it will."

Jordi's jaw tightened. "Fine," he said. "Fine. Any other caveats?"

"How do I find you once I've got the tickets?" she said, by way of answer.

"You don't," he said. "I'll find you." He turned away from her, opening her bedroom door just a crack and peering through it. Emma almost hoped that her mother was out in the suite, to make Jordi's getaway that much more difficult; but she wasn't. Without looking back, or saying another word, Jordi pushed Emma's door open and left.

000

Dash picked up on the first ring.

"You decide to come water-skiing?" he asked.

"Oh," said Emma. She'd forgotten all about that. "Maybe. But what I really wanted to ask you was if you could get me into Kara's dinner event."

"Thought you didn't have a date."

"I do now," Emma said. Something stopped her from telling Dash that her date was Jordi Palacios. "Is that a possibility?"

"Yeah," Dash said. "I have the extra tickets. Let's meet up someplace and I'll give them to you."

"That's not necessary," Emma said at once. "You can just leave them at the front desk for me."

"Emma," said Dash, "come on now. We want you to hang out with us, if you're not too busy. Don't blow me off, girl."

"I'm not blowing you off," Emma lied. "I just want to spend as much time as possible with my mom, you know?"

A short pause. "Yeah," Dash said. "Okay, then, sure. I'll drop them off at the desk for you."

"Thanks, Dash," Emma said. "I'll see you tomorrow night, then."

"See you then."

000

It wasn't actually hard for Emma to explain to her mother that she was going to Kara's dinner. Her mother almost seemed to have expected Emma to go - which ruffled Emma's feathers a little. She was rather annoyed that her mother hadn't taken her seriously when she said she didn't want to mix with the Red Banders anymore - the only reason she was doing it now was because of Jordi.

They spent the afternoon in the shops at the resort looking for a dress for Emma to wear, as she hadn't packed one that was formal enough. Emma found plenty of dresses that she liked, but she was a saver, not a spender, and she didn't feel like emptying her wallet for a dress she was only going to wear once. It took almost three hours before she found a dress that looked decent and wouldn't break her bank - a lace dress, with long sleeves, that was understated enough to possibly wear somewhere else and get away with it.

Shopping with her mother put her in a better mood, and they had a very enjoyable early lunch/late dinner afterwards on the balcony outside Mrs. Chota's bedroom. Up there, it was quiet and breezy, and Emma wasn't constantly looking over her shoulder to see if Dash or Mandy or Leo showed up somewhere.

000

"All right, well," Mrs. Chota said, "I think I'm going to go the spa again when you go to the dinner."

"Sounds good," Emma said. "I have no idea how long I'll be."

"You could be all night," said her mother. "Or you could be an hour. Either way, I'm not waiting up for you."

"Fine," said Emma. "I'll see you when I see you, then."

Her mother nodded. "Good night, honey."

Emma got up, stacking her plates with her mother's, and carried the tray into the kitchenette. The sun was starting to set, and the suite was dimly lit, effectively creating natural mood lighting. Emma put the tray down and went into her bedroom, where she'd laid her dress across her bed earlier that day.

Looking at it, Emma tried to remember the last time she'd gotten this dressed up. She'd never gone to prom or homecoming (except the time she visited Kara's school, which had been a disaster) and she never really went to events. It wasn't really because she didn't want to, it was just because she didn't exactly care. She didn't regret not going to those things; at the time, she'd been fairly convinced that prom was not going to add anything meaningful to her life, and she was even more convinced of that now.

She plugged in her curling iron and started to unbutton her shirt, somewhat preoccupied with what necklace she might pick to wear with the dress, when a voice from the corner said, "As entertaining as this might be, I may as well let you know you aren't alone."

Emma whirled around so that her back was to Jordi, re-buttoning her shirt in a hurry. "Jordi Palacios!"

"Sorry," he said, from the chair in the corner. She heard him stand up, and she turned around, closing the last button. "What the hell?"

He shrugged. "I could've not said anything."

Emma grabbed her dress and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She wasn't really that surprised that Jordi had snuck in again, but that didn't mean she was any less annoyed. She undressed and pulled the dress over her head as fast as she could, not wanting to think about him poking through her belongings while she was in the bathroom; she wouldn't put it past him.

She went back out into her room to find him slouched in her chair again, staring at his phone. He was wearing a tux, she noted, and looked remarkably good in it too. But this wasn't prom, and she wasn't eighteen, and she wasn't going to have her head turned by how good a guy looked in a suit, especially when that guy sneaked around and lied and had shady motives.

Ignoring him, she dug through her closet until she found a pair of shoes. The silence in the room seemed to grow and become tangible as she strapped them on, then pulled her jewelry case out of a drawer and found a necklace. Jordi didn't say a world or even make a sound, and she almost wished he would.

She approached the vanity, where she'd plugged in the curling iron, and reached for her brush. From here, she could see Jordi's reflection behind her in the mirror; he'd put his phone away and was watching her intently. Emma paused for a moment, looking back at him, but he didn't move. Throughout the whole process of brushing, curling, fluffing, pinning, he didn't once take his eyes off of her in the mirror, and although she didn't look back at him she could feel his stare almost like a physical pressure. It was all very nerve-racking and strange and...not quite unpleasant.

She finally succeeded in getting her hair into a decent style, and she put on her jewelry and unplugged the curling iron. Jordi stood up, buttoning his jacket, and their eyes met in the mirror. For a split second, Jordi's expression softened as if he might smile, or come close to one; but then his eyes hardened again and he turned away.

Emma began to transfer things into a little handbag. "Our tickets are at the front desk under my name," she told him. "We have to go down there first."

"Fine," was all he said.

They left the room, walked the hall, and rode the elevator in completely silence. As if to make up for the one little second of unguardedness, Jordi refused to speak or even look at Emma the entire way there. She tried to observe him as they went, but it was like trying to observe things about a stone wall. The only thing she could truly conclude was how much he had changed. Had she not known better, she would have been fully convinced that this person was not the Jordi she used to know.

Jordi had had a rough life. Up until he'd started living with his grandmother, he'd been neglected constantly; and then his mother had abandoned him. He had never learned how to be taken care of because he had always thought that he needed to take care of himself. As much as his grandmother loved him, she had always been more of a support system than an authority in Jordi's life, and he answered to one person and one person only: himself.

But even though he was fiercely independent and stubborn, she'd never met someone as honest and open and genuine as Jordi was. When he cared about you, he let you know. When he was angry at you, he let you know that too. Either way, he was never one to hide how he was feeling or lie about his motives. He had technically lied about his mother, but he had never seen it as a lie; to him she had truly been a dead woman, because he could almost forgive her if he believed that she had died instead of abandoned him by choice.

Emma knew these things about him; they were part of what made Jordi himself. But now that his most memorable characteristic was gone, she could not reconcile him with the Jordi she remembered. It was almost easier to think of him as two different people than to face the fact that he had changed that fundamentally.

What had happened to him to change him? What had he been through? A lot could change in five years, she was living proof of that. But she was pretty sure that her core personality hadn't changed that much; and neither had Dash or Leo's. They were both matured and yet she could still see their old selves in them. Something must have occurred in Jordi's life, she decided.

A few people in evening clothes were milling around the lobby, talking to each other, when Emma and Jordi arrived. Emma went to the front desk first and asked for her tickets, leaving Jordi standing by a pillar a few feet away. She scanned the lobby for any sight of Dash or Leo while she waited, but thankfully she didn't see either of them. Hopefully they would not run into each other tonight; she couldn't imagine trying to explain Jordi's presence to them, after pretending last night that she, like they, had no clue where he was.

"Here you are," the attendant said, startling Emma out of her thoughts. Emma examined the tickets hastily just to make sure they were legit.

"Thanks," she said.

Jordi was standing where she'd left him. "You ready?" she said, approaching him. "I have the tickets."

He nodded wordlessly. They followed the signs, and the trickle of people, making their way towards the large event room where the dinner was being held. It was a large room with several tables and a podium at the front, large enough to lose yourself in and not be seen. Jordi, leading the way, found them a seat near the left wall of the room and not too far from the door - the most inconspicuous part of the room.

"Don't you have to meet someone?" Emma asked him.

"Not immediately," he said, pulling out her chair. "Just sit down and pretend you're talking to me for now."

"I am talking to you," said Emma.

Jordi sat down next to her. A waiter appeared behind them almost instantly, asking if they wanted drinks, which both of them refused. Emma did this because she did not have the least desire to relax or be any less on her guard than she was at the moment.

Emma sat back, looking around her. The closest thing she could think of to this dinner was a high-end wedding reception; there were candles on every table, elaborate table placements, etc. Not that she should have expected anything less from an event put on by Kara Souders, one of the richest American businesswomen under 30.

She glanced over at Jordi, who looked like a restless child - he kept bouncing his leg, twitching his fingers, couldn't look too long in one place. He was clearly on edge.

"So what do you do now?" she asked him.

He shot her an annoyed look. "Can we not do this?"

"You're the one who wanted me to talk to you," she shot back at him. "And besides, I'm curious."

"I don't have an answer that you're going to like," he said tersely. "So I'm not telling you."

Now that was the Jordi she remembered. "Fine, then. You start the conversation."

Jordi blew out his breath. "Forget it, Emma. We don't have to talk."

"Jordi -"

"I said forget it."

"I'm not asking to be nosy," said Emma, "I'm asking because I really want to know. We were friends five years, ago, have you forgotten? Five years is not a lifetime."

"Why the hell do you care so much about what I'm doing?" he demanded, turning to face her. "You want to disassociate yourself from your past and from all of us as much as you possibly can; why do you care about me?"

Emma stared. "What did...what are you talking about?"

"Don't play that. I saw what you put in your journal."

"You read my journal?"

"Yeah, I did. Get over it. I don't care about most of it, anyway. But I saw what you wrote about Ocean Park and everyone in it. If you hadn't seen any of us here, you'd have tried to go through the rest of your life pretending you'd never met us, huh? Pretending you were never in the hospital to meet us, pretending you were never sick?"

"I'm not...that's not what I'm doing, Jordi," Emma protested. "I'm not pretending anything."

"You're lying to yourself," he said. "You want to forget your past, because you don't want to have to face how fucked up you were."

"Stop it, Jordi! You're wrong about all of that," Emma objected.

"Am I?" he said, looking away from her.

"Yes," she said firmly. "I'm not trying to forget Ocean Park exactly, I just don't want to be defined by who I used to be there. I'm sure you don't go around telling people you spent a year of your life inside a hospital. It's just not something people need to know about me."

"If that were it," he said, "then that would be one thing. But it's not, not even close. You don't even want to think about it. When you saw Leo and Dash and Kara, you walked the other way. You're in denial, Emma. That fucked up kid with an eating disorder that was in the hospital for years because she couldn't kick it? That's not a 'past' you, Emma. That is you, the you that's sitting here right now."

"There are so many things wrong with what you just said I can't even begin to argue with you. I did kick it, Jordi, and that's the reason I'm here right now; I'm not that kid anymore, I'm not anorexic anymore."

"Doesn't mean you never were," he said.

"My sickness doesn't define me, Jordi! It is in the past, okay? It isn't me anymore."

"You can keep saying that until the cows come home," he said, looking her in the face. "But I still see the exact same Emma I knew at Ocean Park - the one who always tried to put on a facade that she thought other people wanted to see. It's just a different facade this time, but it's just as fake."

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but a voice on her other side interrupted her. "Hey!" Leo said. "Is this seat taken?"

000

"Hey!" Emma said, a little startled. She looked at Jordi, but his face was completely blank. "Is Dash here?"

Leo looked over his shoulder. "Yeah, he and Maya and Mandy are coming in a second. I'm just here to find us seats. You look great, Emma!"

"Thanks, so do you," said Emma, truthfully enough.

"Who's your date?" Leo asked, nodding over at Jordi.

Emma stared at him for a moment. Didn't he recognize Jordi? It had taken her only a few seconds to recognize him, and he'd been bruised and bloody then.

"Hey guys," Mandy said, appearing next to Leo. Behind her was a tall, perfectly suntanned girl with thick brown hair, and Dash Hosney.

"This is my girlfriend Maya," Leo said hastily. Emma smiled, trying to fight that natural resentment that everyone feels when they see someone as stunning as Maya was.

Once everyone had said hello, Dash and Leo looked expectantly at Emma, waiting for her to introduce her date. Emma knew that Jordi most likely didn't want them to know who he was, but she was still rather angry with him for what he'd just said to her and she really didn't care what he wanted. "It's our old friend Jordi," she said briskly. "Doesn't he look different?"

"Jordi Palacios?!" said Dash. "Man, you do look different!" He reached over to shake hands with Jordi.

"Whoa," said Leo, looking shocked. "I thought you had no idea where Jordi was!"

"I didn't until yesterday," said Emma. She could feel Jordi's eyes fixed on her, but she steamrolled along anyway. "He just kind of showed up out of nowhere. I thought I'd bring him along."

Mandy's brow furrowed slightly. "Wait - yesterday? But you said -"

"I know," Emma interrupted. "I didn't tell you guys last night. But Jordi wanted me to keep it a secret for some reason, I'm not too sure why." She finally looked at Jordi, whose face had that blank look on it that he knew how to put on so well. (And he claimed she was the one with the facade). But she could see his left hand in a fist, sitting on top of his knee, his fingers clenched so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

Good, she thought to herself. Now the shoe is on the other foot.

"I wasn't sure if I was going to stay," he said smoothly. "But Emma convinced me to come."

Emma could feel her smile slip a little. So this was what happened if you played Jordi; he played you back.

"It's great to see you, man," Leo told him emphatically. "What happened to you? We haven't heard from you in years."

"I've been around," Jordi said evasively. "Not much to tell, really."

"Oh, my God," said a voice from behind them. "Maya Iannacone? What the hell are you doing here?"

Everyone turned around. Kara Souders was standing by the table, wearing an immaculate sky blue dress and looking perfectly groomed.

"Did you just come here to spite me?" Kara demanded, staring down Leo's girlfriend. "Or are you here to cause a scene?"

"I'm here because my boyfriend invited me," said Maya coldly. "I didn't think I'd actually run into you. If I had, I wouldn't have come."

"Good," said Kara. "Glad to hear it. The door's in the exact same place it was when you came in, so you shouldn't have too much trouble finding it again."

"Wait a second, Kara," Leo said. "What's going on? We're not leaving."

Kara blinked at him. "Who the hell are you?" Then she looked a little closer. "Leo Roth?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Unbelievable," she said, looking at him with new eyes. "You're dating this?" She pointed at Maya.

"Are you more surprised that I'm dating him, or that he's dating me?" demanded Maya sharply.

"Both, actually," said Kara. "But considering you're a shit model, maybe it isn't such a surprise a normal guy could get you in the sack."

"Whoa," Dash said quickly. "Let's just all -"

"Dash Hosney?" Kara said. "What is this, a reunion?" Her eyes fell on Jordi and Emma, who had been mentally praying that Kara wouldn't notice them. "Palacios?"

"Hello, Kara," said Jordi calmly. "Didn't think you'd see me here, did you?"

Kara was looking at him as if she had seen a ghost. "Did you plan this? Is this a joke? What the hell are you doing here?"

"If you're asking about them showing up," said Jordi, motioning to Emma, Dash, and Leo in one gesture, "then no, I didn't plan that."

Emma looked from Jordi to Kara. There was a familiarity here; the two of them clearly still talked to each other. She felt a rather unexpected jolt of anger; Jordi hadn't mentioned this to her at all. Not that it had come up, but he'd led her to believe that he didn't talk to any of the Red Banders. Was Kara the person he'd come to the dinner to talk to? And why did Kara look as if she was trying to recover from a bad fright at seeing him?

"Forget them," Kara said. "You need to leave, Palacios."

"No way."

"Look, I don't know why you're here and I don't care," said Kara, "but trust me when I say that the best thing for you to do is to walk out of that door right now."

"Sure," said Jordi, drawing the word out. "And you're just so trustworthy that I should believe everything you say."

"Don't get preachy on me! I did what I had to, just like you. Now walk out that fucking door and don't come back."

Dash, Leo, Emma, Mandy and Maya looked back and forth from Kara to Jordi like a tennis match. I did what I had to, just like you? What does that mean? Emma thought to herself. Did Kara know why Jordi was in trouble?

"Don't waste your breath," Jordi snapped at her.

"Don't say I didn't try," Kara shot back. She turned and walked away, weaving her way through the tables toward the podium without a second glance.

There was a dead silence at the table for a moment.

"What was that about?" Leo demanded, at the same time Dash said, "Dude, what the hell?" and Maya muttered, "What a bitch," and Mandy said, "So, what's on the menu?"

Emma was the only one who remained silent. She was even angrier at Jordi now. Yes, they'd only been sixteen and seventeen when they saw each other for the last time, but she'd been closer to him than she was to anyone else. He owed her more than he owed Kara, and yet Kara was the one he'd chosen to keep in touch with, Kara was the one who knew him now.

But why was she even offended by this? Jordi had raised a question that she hadn't really considered the answer to: why exactly did she care so much about if he was in trouble or not?

"Good evening," came a silky voice through the speakers. The chatter in the room died down as everyone turned to face the podium, where Kara was now standing. "May I have your attention?" she said, her tone and demeanor completely different than they had been not one minute ago, arguing with Jordi and insulting Maya. It was amazing how fast she could flip the switch.

"Thank you all for coming," she said. "My name is Kara Souders, and this foundation is something that is very near and dear to my heart. As a former teen drug user who's now clean, I always wondered what it would have been like if there had been an organization that was designed to be there for me before I started using, something to fully educate me where schools and parents would not or could not. There are so many rehabs, centers, programs that are there for you after you've used, but never before. So I decided to create one."

She paused, and there was a smattering of applause around the room. A waiter started to make his way around, serving salad plates to the guests.

"Before we get started with the program," Kara continued, "I'd like to introduce someone who'd like to tell his story for you. Please welcome my fiance, Jack Ryan!"

There was applause again, and a man stepped onto the stage next to Kara. Beside Emma, Jordi swore harshly under his breath and turned his head so that his face couldn't be seen from the podium.

The man was none other than Donny, the man who'd beaten Jordi up in the trees. Emma remembered him clearly; she also realized why he'd looked so familiar. He'd been with Kara in the airport, where she had called him Donny, not Jack. A possible puzzle piece clicked in her head.

"Thank you, Kara," said Donny smoothly, as Kara stepped down out of the podium. "I just want to reiterate what my fiance said - how grateful we are that everyone took the time to come tonight. We are just in awe of the amount of support that we've received from people."

Behind him, Kara bounced on her toes a little, attracting attention to herself. Emma saw that she was staring in their direction. When her eyes met Emma's, she tilted her chin upwards.

Emma glanced up, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. She looked around her, but all she saw was a waiter. She looked back at Kara, who was now making a strange gesture with her hand. She was holding it at her waist and raising it up and down as if she had an uncomfortable itch.

Emma glanced around again. The waiter leaned over her to put a plate in front of her, and then she saw it just peeking out from under his apron - the handle of a pistol.

Her blood seemed to turn to pure ice for just a second.

"If we could have a moment of silence for those who have gone," Donny was saying, "right now."

Emma's body reacted before her brain could catch up. When she saw Donny walk on the stage and heard Jordi swear, she'd assumed that Kara somehow knew that Donny was after Jordi and was trying to avoid a conflict. That meant that she was trying to protect Jordi.

So the moment that her signals had pointed Emma towards the gun, and she'd heard Donny say the word now, something clicked in her head, and she dived under the tablecloth, pulling Jordi with her. A shot rang out from just behind them where the waiter had been standing, proving to her that her instinct had not been wrong.

People began screaming, and Emma heard running footsteps. Jordi crawled to the other end of the table and darted out without a word, but Emma was far too terrified to move. The tablecloth was lifted and a face peered under, gun pointed straight at Emma's head, and she screamed, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.

When she opened them, the face and the gun were gone. "He's not there," she heard someone shout.

Emma's body began to shake all over of its own accord; she could barely think, much less move. She had never in her life felt terror like this before. She couldn't think about if anybody was okay or if the shooter was going to come back; she could only huddle under the table, clutching at herself, and pray like she'd never prayed before. All the noise faded into one loud buzz, over which she could hear like the fall of a hammer the sound of her heart, thudding in her chest.

000

It felt like years later, although it could have been just minutes or even seconds, that Emma's limbs unfroze a little, and her mind began to work the way it was supposed to - albeit in overdrive, but she was able to think a little more clearly.

Someone had just tried to kill Jordi.

She lowered her head to the floor. And to think she'd been angry at him for...for what? Not telling her everything? Accusing her of being disingenuous? What did any of that matter now - what if the shooter had succeeded? What if he'd found Jordi and he was...dead right now?

Emma crawled to the side of the table and peered out from underneath the tablecloth. She could see feet moving back and forth on the marble floor, and now that the buzzing in her ears had cleared she could hear voices talking. Shocked voices, but not scared or panicked ones; the shooter was obviously long gone.

Emma pushed aside the tablecloth and crawled out from under the table. There was no sign of Jordi, Leo, Dash, Mandy, or Maya; nor did she see the waiter with the gun or Donny. Kara was walking swiftly through the room, about the reach the door.

"Kara!" Emma called, pushing her way through the room. "Kara, wait!"

Kara quickened her pace. Emma picked up her long skirt and practically ran until she caught up with Kara. "It's me, Kara, it's Emma. I was with Jordi."

Kara stopped, turning to look at her. "You know Jordi?"

"Not really," Emma said. "I haven't seen him since Ocean Park."

Kara's eyes widened slightly. "God, I didn't recognize you. If you don't talk to him, why are you here with him?"

"I ran into him yesterday," Emma said, "after your fiance beat the hell out of him. Notice his bruises, by any chance? Now you know where they're from."

"My fiance isn't me," said Kara evasively. "I didn't make him do that."

"STOP IT!" Emma shouted at her. Kara blinked, and people turned to look. "Stop with the lying and the half-answers and the beating around the bush - I'm sick of it! Jordi almost got killed, for God's sake! I deserve to know what the hell is going on here."

"If Jordi didn't tell you," said Kara evenly, having recovered her composure, "then neither should I."

Emma resisted the urge to stomp her feet like a child. "Really, Kara?"

"I'm not doing this because I want to keep anything from you," said Kara. "If Jordi didn't tell you, it's because he didn't think it was safe, and anyway it's his business and I don't have a right to spill it."

"Since when did you become honorable and moral all of a sudden?"

"Since I grew up!" Kara snapped. "What'd you think, that I'm the exact same I was five years ago?!"

The irony of her question felt like a slap across the face. One second in an airport, and Emma had immediately assumed about Kara what she desperately wanted no one to assume about herself - that she was the same person she had been back then.

"Look, I'm sorry," she said. "But you have to understand - first i see some guy almost beat Jordi to death, then the same guy someone to try and kill him here, and then I find out that this guy is your fiance and yet you still talk to Jordi?! How am I supposed to react to that, Kara?"

"He's not trying to kill Jordi," said Kara. "He's trying to scare him. If he wanted Jordi dead, trust me, Jordi would be dead. He's safe for now. But that's all I can tell you."

"What is this?" Emma demanded, more to herself than Kara. "Some conspiracy, some heist? Is it a gang thing?"

"Look, Emma," said Kara, "the absolute best thing for you to do if you want to help Jordi and keep yourself safe is to forget about all of this. Go back to your room and go about your normal life like nothing's changed. Do not try to contact me, and if you see Jordi stay the hell away from him. I know i can't get you to promise me you'll do that, but trust me when I say it really is the best thing for everyone involved."

Before Emma could answer, Kara turned and walked away through the tables, at a pace that would have been hard to keep up with had Emma wanted to follow her. Emma stood where she was, watching Kara walk away, and wondered when exactly her life had turned into a TV show.

The gunshot had been heard outside of the banquet room, and there was no lying to her mother about the fact that there had been a shooter there. But Emma didn't mention Jordi or Kara's fiance (Donny or Jack whatever his name was), or even Dash and Leo's presence. In fact, she said as little as possible, pretending to be far more traumatized than she was, and went to her bedroom early with her mind in a whirl.

She was worried sick about Jordi, and at this point, it didn't even matter why. She could question herself for hours, trying to find out if Jordi was right, if she really was lying to herself by thinking she'd left the past behind her. But none of that would help Jordi, and anyway she wasn't sure she really wanted to investigate her thoughts.

She spent a long time alone with her journal in her room, doing a lot of thinking and writing, trying to figure out what might be going on with Jordi. She wasn't stupid; she had no intention of getting herself involved, she knew there was no way that she could possibly help. But there was no way she could not think about what was going on.

But all she could definitively decide was that Jordi and Kara were both somehow under this man's control - Donny/Jack. Kara had pretty much admitted that she knew Donny was after Jordi and that she was trying to protect the latter, even though she was engaged to the former. As for Jordi, his position was rather obvious. But the question was why?

Emma pulled out her laptop and googled Kara Souders' name. At the bottom of Kara's Google profile, Donny's face appeared. Emma clicked on it immediately and saw that the name was listed as Jack Donald Ryan. Donny was clearly short for Donald, then.

Emma closed the laptop and leaned back against the pillows. All she really wanted was for Jordi - and Kara, too - to be safe; Kara was clearly marrying a dangerous man, possibly a killer. Emma recalled how convinced Kara had been that Donny was not trying to kill Jordi - but what if he had her fooled? What if Kara was in as much danger?

"Stop," Emma told herself aloud. There was a reason Kara had told her not to even think about this - reflection could eventually lead to action, action Emma didn't need to take. With that in mind, she picked up a novel off of her nightstand and deliberately dived into a monotonous story of a young woman stuck in a hotel with her worst enemy, with whom she eventually realized she was in love.

000

The day after, Emma was on edge - she kept waiting for something to happen, for news to spread around the resort that there had been an attack or a shooting. The waiter who had had the gun had been arrested and so everyone's minds were easy about the shooter having been caught; but Emma, knowing that the waiter was working for Donny, felt nervous every time she walked around the corner, knowing that Donny was still on the loose.

She and her mother had already determined that today would be a little less relaxed. They played a long tennis game in the morning and tried jet skiing later. Emma didn't see a glimpse of anyone she knew and