A/N: I kinda got super emotional over writing Emma's journey as a Saviour, as a woman, as a mother, as a daughter, as a partner, as a friend. Ideas of what could be part of Emma's happy ending, some parts inspired in Jen's words and Jafar's s6 teaser, flowed natural (there's so much to write about Emma jfc) so I hope to have done it justice.
It's ticklish that thing. Saviors never live happily ever after. And still, perhaps is the reason her life is such a scary mess.
Because no matter how hard she tried, things keep sliding through her fingers. Because it's not meant to be. Because she's damned, and life had given her a lesson of it already.
She always wanted to be a part of something, to know why families kept rejecting her, why she wasn't enough for them, why she hadn't been enough for her own parents. Ingrid came. Ingrid was a proof that, even when happiness is at the reach of your hand, you can't dream too far.
She loved Neal; she lost him and got into a mess of a situation inside jail – she loved that baby, her baby; she wasn't meant to be a mother. The boy found her; he already had a mother, one that seemed to know what she was doing, one that could give Henry everything he needed. She cared for Graham – even could have gotten to love him with the time, – Graham died in her arms. She learned she was a Savior, a daughter of a family who loved her but had to leave her to give her – and their kingdom – their best chance; even when she didn't want to, she ended embracing that role – people needed her.
She found Neal, brought him back home; he died, twice, and she couldn't prevent it, he died before she could tell him all the things that were left to say. She fell in love with Killian, the pirate who is too stubborn to live her for the sake of his own life, the one – as Henry – who never abandoned her; and you see how life is invested in taking him from her side. She gets him, she loses a friend – because full happiness is not possible for Saviors. Because she's damned, and she'll eventually lose everything.
It's just her fate to give up happiness to put the best of herself into fighting for others' happy endings. It's her fate to be blamed if others lose that happiness while she gets her – that's not her work, you see, to enjoy quiet moments.
It's the fate of Saviors. You give, and give, and give… You pick the fruits, you cut the branches and all what's left is a shaky stump… To wither, and die.
.
Emma blames herself for not seeing it coming.
Can't she learn? Magic always comes with a price, she should have told Mary Margaret and Regina this was a bad idea at the moment of the slip-queens thing. Now they have a soulless sociopath in the town – the thing about soulless sociopaths is that, well, Regina crushed the Evil Queen's heart, and now she doesn't have a single bit of kindness.
And she is behind her parents, again. She is behind Regina, that's something new; at least she's willing to take care of her doppelganger, but it's Emma's duty as the Savior to help her – they make quite a good team taking down threads, but there're a lot of things going on and Emma doesn't know if she'll be capable of holding that weight on her shoulders again.
It's enough with the whole Aladdin and Jafar thing and all those words she can't get out of her head. She also has to protect Henry, because that's what she'll always do, Savior's role or not. She has to protect Killian of someone who is taking her anger against them for something they couldn't prevent.
It's not fair, but that was the fate of Saviors. And maybe the Evil Queen is there to make her fate come true.
.
All her life she's been cataloging herself: a little girl who doesn't matter and never will, an orphan, a lost girl, nothing… A girl without home…
When she found a lost boy, like her, she believed in him – she believed Tallahassee was possible. And then, in a blink of an eye, she was nothing again. Dreams were not for her, wouldn't take her anywhere. So it's not a surprise that once she assumed her role as the Savior, meant to return the happy endings, is fate the one to tell her she's not enough for one of her own.
But fate can be damned.
She learned. She's not nothing. She was never nothing, and she isn't a lost girl anymore. She can find Tallahassee. Her Tallahassee is at the reach of her hand daily – in front of her every morning when she wakes up and sees the blue eyes of whom resisted to leave her alone; is there when she comes into Granny and finds herself surrounded by arms; every time her young man calls her "mom"; every kiss on her forehead and being told she's daddy's girls as she cracks-up at that; every motherly advice given to her; every time she holds her brother in her arms; every time she uses magic… Yes, even that.
There's some adrenaline in taking monsters down, in feeling powerful and useful, in making people's lives easier, safer.
She couldn't ignore their call even if she wants. She sees herself in them every time a problem surges; she can feel their sorrow, their need, sometimes their hopelessness – oh, does she know about that…
…You give, and give, and give, and what for?
For helping, maybe. You see their smiles at night when they're enjoying their meal at Granny's, you see the children playing safe at parks… even some little girls who come at you to said all giggling they want to be like you when they grow up… Emma hopes they can be free instead, Emma wants for them a happy life. Is what Storybrooke deserves, she thinks, to be happy – to have their happy ending back and someone who helps them to keep it.
And if fate tells her she can't get that happiness herself, fate she'll fight. Because she's no amateur, she's the Savior, and she's a hero – heroes always get happy ending in Henry's book, the ones she brought back to them. And Emma is stubborn like that.
She stopped punishing herself with masochistic thoughts; she matters, she always did, she's not a lost girl, nor an orphan. She deserves a taste of the happiness she helps other to achieve. She deserves to keep the happiness she got.
She's stubborn like that.
And after all, an Evil Queen was not enough to take her and her family down. They're all stronger than that.
.
.
They're nice like that, the voyages aboard the Jolly Roger along Henry and Killian (the pirate dorks), they're useful to take a break once in a while from her Savior duties – even when sometimes she wanted to take Henry's phone and throw it to the sea to stop him from playing Pokémon Go because for heaven's sake.
(She wouldn't. She plays it herself. And both of them taught Killian about it; he became a – predictable – water-type trainer.)
(You'd be surprised at how well that thing works inside a Fairytale Land – do they even have Wi-Fi service in there or what? But who was she to complain?)
As much as she likes the Enchanted Forest – Misthaven, she corrects to herself, – the palace is not place for her.
They were nice and well-deserved holidays and all (she can't help being delighted with the balls and the princess stuff, re-learning to dance from her parents, seeing her little brother grow as a prince as well as Henry, playing the princess and the pirate with Killian), but she's not the only one rooting for coming back. Henry misses home, he still has his dream of becoming a published author; Violet wants to go with him, and Emma does too.
So is heartbreaking to drop the news at her parents, who were already making plans to crown her Queen of Misthaven.
And it's tempting, she can't deny it. To inspire people to be good, to give an example, to inspire younger girls with stories similar to hers to believe and have hope – ugh, she even sounds like her mom (and the worst is that she doesn't mind). But the thing is, as much as she accepts a life of Savior, the life of a Queen is not for her – not as long as she can find a place where she still has so much to give. So many plans to achieve…
Queen Snow White and Prince Charming – ugh, again, it's worse than the first times I called them mom and dad – want to go with her. And Emma can't say it's not a surprise, a nice surprise. Not so a fair one, Misthaven's people need them, they need the Royal Family to put it together and deal with the mess the kingdom if after so many years of commotion. Emma is even tempted to assume her role as a Queen (who wouldn't be?).
But that's not her work. And as much as it warms her heart her parents fight her to let them come with her (insisting that Abigail would be an excellent queen for people's needs), she would never keep them away from their home. She couldn't be that selfish with the kingdom. One day, maybe it'll be Leo's place to succeed their parents, or perhaps he chooses the Land Without Magic as Emma does and it'll be the place of her little sister on the way: Her Royal Highness, Princess Eva of Misthaven.
(Yeah, her parents are baby-maker machines, is a little traumatic but she learned to be cool with it when Killian doesn't make jokes about it.)
As Emma… she still has a world to explore in the Land Without Magic, and she has an idea next to whom she wants to do it… Her Savior's role isn't over, and she has an idea what's up to her back in there.
.
Savior's duties are never over in Storybrooke, but it's nice to see the town can keep the order without its so called heroes from time to time. And Regina is doing cool as a mayor with Abigail's assistance.
(Of course Regina was not going to stay in a land without Henry, so Emma can't blame her, but she's also glad to see Abigail and her partner taking a role in the towns' politics – they're really good rulers, no question how her parents want them to take their place in Misthaven.)
And Mal established herself in Regina's mansion, what it means Lily is staying in Storybrooke, what it means great Friday nights with her and August and Ruby (and with her Dorothy and Mulan, of course). Killian often joins them, but he prefers nights at the docks along other sailors (or sometimes alone) and Emma encourages him to spend time on his own.
After all they left behind the times where they felt threatened by other people like Tink, or August, or Lily now she settled in town. He once confessed her he has been jealous of Elsa and how well she and Emma get along, but then he grew fond of the queen and he couldn't resent her, not when he feels sorry for her.
Emma understands the feeling. She loves Elsa and, if things would've played different, they could have gotten there, as it happened with Lily once. Emma feels sorry for her too. But neither of them wants to lose the other as a friend, so they could go on.
"Grilled cheese with onion rings, as you like, love," are probably her favorite words, she never gets tired of them in his mouth. Killian is so versatile with words that hearing him with such mundane ones is always heart-warming.
But grilled cheese, Granny's, the Rabbit Hole, and her duties at the Sheriff Station are part of her life in Storybrooke along the people that come with it, and she can't complain.
.
Emma went to Tallahassee once. It was a special occasion: things were going easy in town (she shouldn't get used, but well,) and she was set up for a few free days, it served as kind of a psychological trip for her, a way of dealing with some open wounds.
It was better than she actually expected, to also work with other emotional garbage as her own abandonment issues. She could see how thinking about her as an orphan didn't feel right anymore, she doesn't feel as one anymore, not even when her parents are not on the same land than her – they still manage to communicate with her through mirrors and portals every day, it's crazy.
(She does miss them, as she misses her uncles – who would have say she grew fond of Sneezy? Ugh – but it doesn't hurt. They're with her, every day, and they always will.)
And so she saw it was the time to return home.
Her home, her place in the world, she finally found it. And now, her new job is to keep it safe from prying eyes – that means to keep Storybrooke in the dark.
.
She is welcome home with hugs, kisses and Granny's. It's nice to have all that, even when they should be taking care of town business to prevent it from being discovered. Good thing the Savior has her assistants always willing to help…
…And perhaps, they won't get to keep their town hidden for much longer.
Perhaps, they should focus on bringing people to believe, to accept, to know.
She likes it that way better.
She realizes one day, to keep hidden in their little cage it's not enough anymore.
.
Henry is older, he wants to travel the world and explore other lands (countries), to discover new stories to tell, to study. And Violet is willing to go with him, and find her own place in this Land Without Magic.
Emma has to let him go, that's not what she's worried about.
They're not even her desires to explore the world. Killian and she travel all the time, often by plane – to Killian's never-ending skepticism and Emma's amusement – and, in crazy occasions, they turn the Jolly in a flying – and invisible, of course – ship (which makes Emma's geeky, Disney-lover heart giggle with feels, but she never tells Killian why, and his face is priceless) to go across the skies, both Land Without Magic's and Fairytale Lands' ones.
But as they grow older (her son is even legal, for heaven's sake), she knows those travels won't be enough anymore. She always knew it was something she wanted to do and, she thinks, she's in a good moment to make it real.
She looks at Killian with a smile on her face, sees the same glow reflected on his eyes.
.
She's a bail bondsperson, she's a lawyer (finally!). I'm capable, Emma repeats herself every time she thinks she's crazy for starting something out of her reach.
It's what Killian always tells her at nights – and days, and every time she needs his support.
But anyway, they have a big house. Now she had her memories back, she remembers how good it felt when Ingrid took her in; she knows she want to prevent children from living the same she lived, make a little change in the world – it seems something a so-called Savior must be able to do. Killian, as a lost boy himself, understands the feeling.
Henry was so delighted with her project he took his time to come back to town, for both Regina and Emma's joy, to check on the foster home his mother is creating, to give her support. Her parents took a few days to check on her and what she's constructing with Killian.
Their own story makes for a really teary weekend. Leo seems a little lost on what's happening, but he's a little boy (at the sight of her baby brother all grown-up, Emma can't help but crying a little more), they'll explain him one day.
It's not an easy beginning, taking care of children while still dealing with Storybrooke's boundaries respect the "real world" – especially when Emma never went through that experience on her own, to raise those tiny little creatures who require all her attention; teenager can look after themselves, but she knows – oh, how she knows – they're the one who carry the worst emotional garbage.
But she likes to refuge them, they're the ones people usually don't want, and while she's not giving them false hopes, she likes to take the job of preparing them for the big, cruel world without frightening them for a lifetime.
Two siblings fall in their care, a girl and a boy, Jane and Danny… and Henry's street dog, Tramp – her son is funny that way.
And it's a hard time, having under your charge a preteen who clearly doesn't want to be there and is always looking for a change to take her little brother and run away. Emma does know the feeling, and it's not the first time they have to deal with misunderstood adolescents, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
"Maybe it is karma," she says on Killian's chest as he holds her in his arms, in their bed at night, "life is giving me a taste of my own medicine. Heaven knows the times I've done these things with my foster families."
Jane's tried to escape again, this time she was almost successful – she and her brother were reaching to the town's line when Danny released himself from her grip and began to run back to town, where the Sheriff's patrol found him, and his sister by the way, who went back for him.
"No matter what, I will never love you," words cut through Emma like daggers. Killian and she took the siblings back home for dinner, and then took them to sleep. Emma's crying since they turned the lights off.
Karma is a bitch.
"Bollocks, Swan," he says, stroking her back. "You have nothing to be karma-ed for. In any case, life is the one who owes you."
"Life is a bitch," she mumbles and takes a tighter hold of his t-shirt.
He laughs. "Watch your language, Your Highness. There're two impressionable minors in the house."
Impressionable, sure. But wouldn't they want surprise inspections, would they?
The thing is, even with Killian reassuring her at nights with sweet gestures and words, she can't keep Jane's eyes out of her mind. She knows those eyes better than what she'd like, the wariness of someone who is constantly expecting to be left behind, the wariness of someone who prefers to give the first punch before receiving it.
Her heart breaks for the two kinds, so young and still so badly beaten by life.
She isn't wrong. As she once hears – accidently, mind you, she does not nose around or anything – the siblings arguing at the park. Killian is at the docks and she took the day off, it seems for just to listen at Danny accusing Jane of ruining everything with all their families; meanwhile, Tramp barks.
"We're our family, Danny," Jane says, taken aback, almost shy – so uncharacteristic in her, "the only one we have, the only that matters. We have to stay together, otherwise… we'll be forever alone because everybody… always leaves."
"They didn't leave. If you were just –"
"C'mon, Daniel, wake up!" she screams, and Emma takes the hint to intervene. "They'll leave as adults always do, as mom and dad did. Is time for you to learn dreams never –" Jane shuts at the sight of Emma, but her eyes are still defiant, an open challenge to Emma to dare to fight her.
Jane really shuts – frozen, panicked – at the sight of her little brother crying because of her words. So Emma doesn't lose time and takes Danny in her arms, back inside to assure him; she doesn't look back at Jane, but the girl's words echo inside her the whole day.
Do I know…
She does know there's nothing like a voyage aboard the Jolly to keep kids entertained, make them believe while they still think magic is real, even if they later deny it as adults. They always deny it as they grow, I do know.
And they have another little girl by the time, Lilo, who seems to be getting along with Danny and both of them are enjoying the expedition without question of how the hell is possible for a naval ship to fly across the – very small – cities. Not as Jane, who is at the verge of the vessel about to throw out.
Emma gives a pointed look to Killian; he calls the kids (already very entertained with Henry and Violet, but just in case) to teach them how to steer the helm, and she seized the opportunity to approach Jane.
"Is hard to believe the first time, isn't it? Even when it's just in front of your eyes, you have the urge to deny it… Is okay, I went through it too."
"You're all crazy people," Jane attempted to said collected, but she had to close her mouth to hold the heave back. "I'll take my brother away from you, I swear…" There's another choke.
Emma feels bad for her, people in the Land Without Magic wouldn't believe her anyway, that's something she learned recently – people don't want to do so, and will deny it even when it's right in front of their eyes. "You and I, we're so alike, Jane. I see you and it's like a journey to the past – so young, so scared, so angry and hopeless." She so relieved Henry never inherited her worst qualities, but she can't blame Jane for carrying them herself, even when they're not related. There're an awful lot of orphans carrying what adults left them. "So broken, wondering 'why, why they did it'… A woman named Ingrid was my foster mother, I loved her to hell, she was going to adopt me, but I ran away from her because I thought she was batshit crazy. I mean, magic?! What the hell, you know… But I found them later… I was grown up and still carried all those issues, the issues from being a lost girl. It got better with the time, they're with me, they're always with me and they love me, but you never lose that look in your eyes."
"I don't have any look – you don't know what you're talking about. You have no right to talk to me like you were my – you were my…"
"Mother? I wouldn't dare, I know how fastidious the feeling of someone forcing in you when you're still not ready can be, but… It comes the day when you are, and you want to stop running. Especially when you have a little, delicate creature in your care, you want to stay wherever the best for him is… Open book," she shrugs when Jane opens her mouth to say something. "I told you, we're very alike… I would say, when we arrive home I give you the choice to stay or leave, but – I know you want what's the best for your brother. Even when you don't want Killian and I to be your family, I think is fair to give you and your brother the chance to find one, someday."
As it happens, Jane comes back very quiet that day. You can argue it was a long and extenuating day, and all of them drops dead in bed as night came (well, not Killian, is that this man never is nothing but excited to put the things he loves the most together – his family and the Jolly Roger). Henry and Violet are staying for a couple of days, and Danny and Lilo already gave evidence of how much they like them, so that means a less busy weekend for Emma and Killian.
Jane remains quiet the whole visit. Emma doesn't push it, she's just glad at least Lilo and Danny are having a good time, and they can stay calm and in peace once in a while.
It happens when she wakes in the middle of a night for a glass of water. Henry and Violet left that evening, promising to come visit soon again – they grew fond of the kids – but Jane didn't show up for the goodbye.
She finds her in the living room, hidden behind a couch with Tramp, but Emma is careful enough not to be heard. It seems such an intimate moment, she doesn't want to be seen and interrupt Jane's hushed words to Henry's dog, her struggles.
A little girl's fears, a little girl's memories. Morning breakfasts, rides to school, plays with their dog, Peter Pan's movies, occasional games… why, why, why. Why they never came back? Why they left them with a big – not really – house and false promises behind? Why does she still have the charge to play the perfect daughter? Why doesn't she learn that dreams won't take them anywhere, that they are just stories for children and she had to grow up?
But she still wants it – a home, a family – and she still believes. For a day, aboard the Jolly, she believed and she wants to keep it. She does not hate Emma, not really (Emma smiles at that), she's good and clever and she maybe owes her an apology, and Killian is also fine – though presumptuous – rather handsome and caring. They're good with Danny, the most important thing, and their family is loving.
(Emma assumes she refers not only Henry and Violet but also the many visits of friends and the royal Charming clan.)
"However, Danny is right. I screw up with them, it seems I'm not meant to be for a family," Jane says and stands up (Emma hides behind a wall) after a little pat on Tramp's head to go back to her room.
And Emma also knows what's up to her.
.
Is always hard, the farewell. You always grow fond of them, you love them as yours, but you know is not forever.
She's glad Lilo found her sister (who happens to be named Nani, because Emma's life can't be a normal, not-fairytale-like one for the sake of it), someone who loves her, who was desperately looking for her and can't wait to take her home. She's glad, but… it hurts anyway. She's lucky Killian doesn't make she's squeezing his hand so tight, because she doesn't know if she would have overcome the goodbye hugs without crying.
They make promises with Danny about Lilo calling him and coming to visit. It's really endearing, a pity Henry isn't there to share that moment with them. Meanwhile, Jane didn't want to come down and remained hidden.
Emma recognizes those sings too. The sorrow, seeing them all leave, being adopted (or found, in this case) while you stay because people don't want grown-ups. You're a constant as more kids come into the home, as they all leave but nobody comes for you.
And Emma and Killian do wait for it, for their parents to appear, for an older sister maybe, for someone willing to take two kids (one of them not so) in; but months go by, kids come in, some others leave, no parents for Jane and Danny appear.
Emma and Killian, they know what's up to them.
.
.
It's a beautiful sunset, Killian admires. To be fair, everything seems beautiful aboard the Jolly – or more beautiful, in Emma's case (you wouldn't believe that's even possible).
The laughs, the motions, the happiness. He will never forget that day, probably. He's sure he wants Emma not to forget it, that's been the point of the trip in the first place, for her to enjoy her birthday.
Her sixtieth birthday, an occasion.
(By the matter, they stopped counting his, because… yes.)
He can't complain about seeing the Jolly full of people, people Emma loves, people they love, to celebrate a life of happiness; mostly, of course, nothing is perfect, but they don't need perfect, they need real, and loving, and being surrounded by the people who didn't leave them alone.
Being surrounded by family, something he and Emma got used to. Who would have thought that was possible for two lost kids? Who would have thought it was possible for two lost kids to come together and put up the pieces together again?
And there were (are) fights sometimes, of course. Sometimes they differ about the best way of running their home with all those children and teenagers; but he dares to say they've done a good job through the years. They're a good team – no wonder why they're called 'captains of the ship', and that's not referred to the Jolly Roger.
They like it, anyway, bringing the kids aboard, make them believe, make them appreciate the wonders of life (even if they deny it later as adults), make them feel loved and surrounded by family. And until the moment, they haven't known any child who is not thrilled to travel across the seas or fly through the skies – except one, the one who was at the verge of the ship about to throw up and accusing them of crazy people… and there she is now.
Killian looks at Emma talking with Her Majesty and Jane, the little lads running around them, as they happily comply with their games. He is delighted to see how loved she is by every kid they shelter, how she manages to handle situations of frightened orphans who only want to run from them, but there they are.
Killian looks at Emma playing with the children along her mother and their daughter. It turns out that adopting Jane and Danny was probably the best decision they could have done, and they just fitted natural in their lives. But he always knew it was just matter of time, it is impossible to hate Emma Swan after all.
He sees Henry at the helm with his daughter and nephew, teaching them how to steer the ship. It makes Killian's proud go right to the clouds, but he doesn't say a word; David is already there to play the weepy grandfather.
"A drink, captain?"
He is taken aback as her arm encircles his waist, and she hands him his flask.
"Is rum your solution to everything, Your Highness?" he asks as he takes it. Her green eyes are glowing, she seems happy – is all he wanted to achieve.
"It certainly doesn't hurt." Emma hugs him and he can't help but squeeze her in his arms to hear her giggling, as the dwarves and her brother pretend to gag around them. Killian doesn't give a single damn, it just makes him kiss her deeper. "Killian," she says as she takes distance, "we did it."
At first, is hard to understand what is she talking about, but it just takes him a single look around.
Royal families, dwarves, werewolves, warriors, grannies, mayors, truest believers, lost (or not so) kids, even dragons… all of them aboard a pirate ship celebrating the Savior's birthday, all them letting their differences behind to come together as a family.
For the woman he loves, he thinks, she is the one who made all that possible. Emma made the impossible come true, brought all of them together. And she now deserves to be loved and cherished, after a life of fighting for others to get their happiness.
She got her happiness, which makes him to be happy.
"No, love. You did it."
Emma nudges him cheerily and looks back at the life they built together. So Killian knows she's thinking the same he is, all they went through – monsters, evil sorcerers, darkness, hell – everything was worth it.
Jafar's words can be damned, because this Savior can live happily ever after.