Hey guys. Okay so I've been looking through the Ice Age archives and realized something. Most of the stories are romance stuff, along with other gonres. But you never really see any parodies. I've read some sbout 'The Lion King' and decided to do one about Ice Age. Don't criticize me for the way I write this. Ice Age is one of my favorite movies. I just wanna do a parody. Okay enjoy Ice Age 1 Parody. Sorry if some scenes aren't in here. I was following the book more then the movie.
The opening scene starts with a saber-tooth squirrel running around, trying to find a place to burry his acorn because he was too stupid and didn't burry it in the spring like his mama told him to. He finds some grass that just so happens to be there in temperatures that should've destroyed the grass a long time ago. He comes out if the grass and starts digging around. You'd think he know what ice is. He finally gets frustrated and starts jamming his acorn into the ice. After standing and jumping on the acorn for several minutes, a crack forms in the ice. I don't know how a tiny squrall could cause this much damage to the Ivey surrounding around him. So he runs, and runs, and runs until he is trapped between two walls of ice. He pops out some how managing to stay alive. He falls OT the ground that seems to be millions of feet down. And he's still alive. A buntch of random animals come out of no where and stomp on him. And yes, he's still alive, and screaming. The camera goes off to face two dopy looking animals with trunks on their faces.
Animal 1: Why did we audits ion for this movie? We could've done some other movie, like Frozen, or an episode of Nature?
Aminal 2: Because. Of all. The producers?!
The first animal just stands there, looking stupid.
Animal 1: I was just saying.
The camera turns to a bunch of waited looking creatures that are draining in some black tar. They are all screaming 'help'. As it turns out, they were playing a game. Their father comes on to the scene.
Father: C'mon kids. Stop playing. We've gotta get outta' here. God I hate this migration crap.
Kid 1: But, but Dad.
Father: No buts. You can go play dead later.
The kids get out of the pool of tar and start to walk off
Kid 1: Dad said 'butt'.
The other kids laugh. The Caremark goes to two female turtle-like creatures.
Female 1: Hey, where's Frank?
Female 2: He said something about suicide.
In the background, you can see a third turtle-like creature jumping from a cliff.
Creature: Goodbye cruel world.
He falls to the ground with a sickening thud. The two females continue walking.
Female 1: Really.
The animals all soon start to complain and move out of the way of a huge mammoth. One of the creatures from before decide to be stupidly brave and stands up to the mammoth.
Creature: Hey! You're the one with no family! Do us aff a favor! Get your fat ass of the road!
The mammoth looks at the creature in the eyes.
Manny: Look, if my mouth were that large, I wouldn't be drawing attention to myself pal.
Creature: C'mon. Give us a break. We've gatta' keep walking for hours.
Manny looks at the creatures family.
Manny: Oh go ahead. I'll be much happier when you're gone.
The father looks at the mammoth.
Creature: Ah c'mon. If he wants to die lonely, let him.
The family walks off. The scene changes to a lone sloth sleeping in a tree. He's woken up by all the shaking from other animals walking by.
Sid: I'm up. I'm up!
Sid almost falls off the tree, but somehow manages to catch himself.
Sid: I say. Has my family left me again?
He says in a heavily British accent. He starts looking around for his family.
Sid: Mum? Father? Marchal? Uncle Fungus?
Sid climbs down the tree.
Sid: My family has the audacity to leave one of their kind behind? They seem to do this every year. But...why? Doesn't there seem to be anybody that enjoys the companionship of a sloth such as myself?
Sid looks around. Then pauses.
Sid: Oh, never mind them. I knew the way.
Sid starts to walk, but he steps in some animal crap.
Sid: Oh, man. Hey wait buddy! Perhaps you could be so generous as to warn somebody next time!
Sid shouts. He stars to wipe his feet on the ground and get the crap off them. Nearby, two rhinos were starting to enjoy a freshly made salad.
Carl: Frest wild greens? Frank, where did you ever.
Frank: Go ahead, dig in.
Carl notices something in the salad.
Carl: *Gasps* A strange wold flower I don't know the name of. I through the frost wiped out all flower kind?
Frank: All but a few.
The two are interrupted by Sid coming by and wiping his feet in their food.
"Sid: Oh, my word. What a mess. This has defoliant sly not been my day.
Sid looked at the two rhinos as he held on to Carl's horns.
Sid: You know, scientist have learned the size of the prehistoric rhinoceroses brain is really tiny. It's a fact, no affected.
The two rhinos look at him as they brawl.
Sid: You probably don't even know what I'm walking about. Oh well. What a shame.
Sid then realized the flower in the center of the salad.
Sid: Oh yum. What a want earful find. A dandelion? Must be the last one of the season. Perhaps we should study it's peddles.
The two rhinos got angry and started advancing on the poor sloth. Sid starts to back away from the two rhinos.
Sid: Oh, wait, perhaps we could settle this dispute in a more...civil manner?
Sid tripped over and route and landed on his bottom.
Sid: No? Well perhaps I could fix this another way?
He looked behind him, and found a pinecone.
Sid: Oh look! A pinecone. Perhaps I could study that instead?
The two rhinos look at him and growl. Sid notices this and looks at them fearfully.
Sid: Well perhaps you would like to study this specimen?
Sid put the pinecone in front of the two rhinos.
Sid: Enjoy.
The two rhinos look at Sid, then each other.
Frank: Now?
Carl: Now.
The two behind to chage right at Sid.
Sid: Well, there's only one way to get out of this predicament. AAAAHHHH!
Sid began running for his life. Until he ran right into a mammoth's backside. He looks up and realizes what he did.
Sid: Oh how undignified. Par den. I was simply trying to get away from two brutes. I do wish to live you know.
Manny: Get the f*ck off me.
Manny kicks Sid off him.
Frank: Man. I wanna kill. Not be killed.
Carl: Don't warty Frank. We'll have some fun with them.
Sid gasped and hid behind Manny's leg as he turned to face the two rhinos.
Sid: Please! Don't let them impale me! I graduated from Duke Unoversety! I can't die!
Manny: I said get the f*ck off me!
Manny shoves Sid to the ground. Sid gets up snd hides behind Manny desperately.
Carl: C'mon! You're looking like idiots!
Frank: We'll just take our punching bag, and go if you don't mind.
The two rhinos say to the mammoth. Manny turns his head to Sid.
Manny: If you don't die today, you'll just die some other day.
Sid: Well, I don't think I want to die today, thank you very much.
Carl: Look, we're gonna crush your skull so you don't witness a thing. How's that.
Manny looks at the two rhinos.
Manny: wait, I thought rhinos weren't that sadistic.
Carl looks at the two.
Sid: I quite agree with that.
Manny: Shut the f*ck up.
Carl: Who says we're not gonna mutilate him after we kill him?
Manny looked at the rhinos angrily.
Manny: I hate animals that try and kill me.
Carl: Save it, for a bitch who cares!
Sid: I'm far from a female dog. But surely I must care.
The tree look at the sloth. Manny turns to the two.
Manny: Okay. You two come over here and stop acting like the little bitches you are, you get the kill.
Sid stepped out from behind Manny.
Sid: That's right you incompetent beasts! You take one step, and you're dead
Sid threw a puny looking stone at the two, and the My Little Pony theme song came on from out of no where.
Rhinos: GET 'EM!
They shouted and start to charge at the two. Manny moves out of the way and the two fall off the cliff. Sid starts to cheer.
Sid: We did it! We did it!
Sid jumps on Manny's face, and the two start to fall down the same cliff.
Sid: You have the most interesting looking eyes.
Sid says to Manny.
Manny: Get your fat ass off my face.
Sid slides off Manny's face.
Sid: Oh, my. How can I thank you for saving me? Oh, I know. Perhaps you would like the companionship of a sloth during you travels to the south, hmm?
Manny: Ya know what? That sounds peachy. Hop up on my back and relax the who way.
Sid looks at Manny shocked.
Sid: No no. I couldn't. But if you're offering yourself up to science, then-
Manny: No!
Manny starts going off in another direction.
Sid: Wait. Aren't you going south? The instincts if a wooly mammoth? Does that ring any bells?
Manny: Guess not. Bye bitch.
Sid: Well, I never. Fine, I'll just traval south.
Sid looks up to see the two rhinos looking at him
Carl: Hey bitch! Get up here so we can burden ya!
Did turns around and runs after Manny.
Sid: On the other hand, maybe we don't have to travel south this migration season? Oh, what great finds we can discover.
Manny: No. You just want a bodyguard so you don't become somebody bitch.
Sid: You know you're a very muddy guy for your age. How about a nice nap? A back rub? Hmm?
Manny chases Sid up a tree.
Manny: Stop bitchin' to me.
Manny let's go of the tree and Sid splines down.
Sid: Fine. You won't even know I'm here. I'll just be over here, trying to find a cure for death.
The carera goes over to the falls. Humans are doing random stuff. A mother staggers out of a tent with a baby in her arms. The father walks over and gives the baby his first taste of marijuana. Two sabers are standing at the top of the falls.
Soro: Aww. Look at the cute, little, basterd Diego. Isn't it nice that he'll be joining the pack soon? Ever since his pack raped half our pack. And where're are the females to produce cubs. A life for a life Diego. Don't you think?
Diego: Let's show that human what happens when he takes our females.
Soto: Alert the others. We take their females a dawn.
Diego turns away.
Soto: And Diego, bring that baby to me, alive. If the other's gonna watch his child get molested, I want the kid screaming.
Diego nodded and the two walked off. The carera goes back to where Manny and Sid are. Manny is holding some longs, while Sid is holding some tools.
Manny: That's your shelter?
Sid: Hey you're a big guy, you got lots of wood. I'm a little guy.
Manny: You have nothing but tools.
Sid: Ah yes. But with my tools, and my highly evolved brepain, I will build a house.
Sid stats to build.
Manny: Whatever.
Manny starts building his shelter.
Hours later:
Sid is putting up the first wall to his bedroom. But lightning strikes and the whole thing comes crashing down.
Sid: Perhaps building a house isn't the smartest thing? Mind if I squeeze in with you?
Manny: Aww! Isn't there someone else you could annoy? Like Justin Bieber?
Sid: Oh, his sings are repulsing. I prefure the sweet sounds of Mozart,
When Manny heard sid's choice in music, he dumped Sid right out side in the pouring rain.
Sid: How do you enjoy Motzart, hmm?
Manny turns away and goes to sleep.
Sid: Goodnight old pal.
Sid huddles up to Manny and goes to sleep.
In the morning
The sabers invade the humans' camp sight. Diego runs to a tent where a mother and child are sleeping
Diego: (in his thoughts) Time for the molestation.
But before Diego could do anything, the mother hits Diego over the head. She grabs her baby and runs.
Mother: (in her thoughts) I knew I would get raped one day.
The mother continues running. The mother and Diego soon make it to the edge of a waterfall. The mother jumps off like the idiot she is. Diego looked over the falls
Diego: Damn. BITCH!
He shouted and ran off. As soon as he was at the battle scene, Soto spotted him.
Soto: There's Diego. Fall back.
Diego arrived at the saber pack.
Soto: Where's the wench and her basterd?
Diego: Jumped over the falls.
Soto: WHAT?!
Gunshots were heard and the sabers start running off.
Soto: I want that bitch Diego.
Diego: Alright. I'll get her.
Soto: You'd better. Unless you wanna offer yourself up as a replacement.
The other sabers and Diego look at Soto.
Soto: You got a problem with me being bi? There's no one but males in this pack! Diego, meet us there. They'd better be alive.
Oscar: Can we trust you with this Diego.
Diego growls,
Soto: Let's move it ladies!
The saber pack left Diego behind. The camera goes off to the other two.
Sid: .?.And she tells me to not talk all nerdy. She says 'if I'm gonna pick a mate, at least pick a mate with the same interests.
Manny: Look, if you find a mate you should be thankful. Or in your case, more opened minded.
Sid: Well I think mating because of the same interests is stupid. There's plenty of scientific facts to go around.
Sid bumps into Manny's backside.
Sid: My word. Manny? Manny?
Sid goes under Manny. He sees what Manny is looking at. It's a baby and a woman.
Sid: They seem to have survived.
Sid looks up, only to see the mother gone.
Sid: She parishes...
Manny starts to walk away.
Sid: Msnfred, aren't you forgetting something?
Manny: I'm still trying to get rid of you.
Sid carefully picks up the baby in his arms. He sees smoke in the distance.
Sid: Look! There's smoke. That seems to be his home dwelling, we should return him.
Manny pauses.
Manny: We're not returning him.
Sid: It's not far.
Manny: I'M NOT GOING!
Sid: I say. Well then. Perhaps I shall return the little tyke.
Sid starts to walk away and talks baby-talk.
Sid: We'll get you in the best schools. Then you can go to the same collage I went to. We don't need the brunette of a mammoth, now do we? No we don't.
Sid starts climbing up a cliff. After realizing that he couldn't climb the cliff, he pulled out a rope and chisel. He typed the chisel to one end of the rope and threw that end up to the top of the cliff and starts pulling himself and the baby up.
Manny: You're an abomination to the baby. Do ya know they?
Sud: Don't be ridiculous! I'm sound just fine!
Sid was I fact, climbing up the cliff just fine. Until the baby starts to slip from his grip.
Sid: MANNY!
Sid was now holding the baby by its pants.
Rohan: What the keck sloth! You trying to kill me! And stop givin' me a weggie!
Sid: He talks:
Sid drops Roshan. Manny is too shocked to catch him. Diego jumps out and catches him. Skittles fly from behind him. The mammoth and sloth look at him. They growl at each other.
Diego: Ehem, that's my baby.
Sid climbs down from the cliff.
Sid: Actually, this rare human specimen is ours. We're studying it.
Diego: I see. You guys are gays and you want to adopt.
Manny: There is no us!
Sid: Yes. So sorry to interrupt you mutual action, but we're got to get back to the lab.
Diego: The baby! I was returning him to where he came from.
Sid: Nice try Skittle Butt!
Diego: You callin' me fruity?
Sid: I didn't say such a thing.
Diego: you were thinkin' it.
Sid: I don't like this cat. He seems to have possessed the ability to read minds.
Diego: Name's Diego mate.
Manny: Manfred. And I'm not your mate. There will be no mating.
Diego: Fine Manfred. If you ever feel the need to mate you can always join my pack.
Manny looked at the tiger, horrified.
Manny: Alright. I'll help you bring it to the humans. Just promise me I'll never have to go to the saber's pack.
Sid: Oh most certainly.
The two begin to walk off. They found a place where they could drop the kid off.
Manny: What're you doing? Just leave it there.
Sid perhaps we should make sure it's parents found it?
Manny: Good idea.
Manny threw Sid on the ledge.
Sid: Oh my stars. Oh dear. There seems to be a predicament.
Manny got to the top.
Manny: Now what? Aww that just dandy.
Sid starts walking through the camp sight.
Sid: (in his thoughts) Oh, what magnificent finds. We can study them all. Oh what fun!
Sid is distracted and is hit in the face by a stick.
Sid: Oh, my word.
Diego appears.
Diego: I told you. They all just...famished...
Manny: Don't you ever say 'hi'?
Sid: They couldn't have gone far. Perhaps they went...this way? Or maybe this way.
Diego: You don't know the first thing about humans.
Sid: I beg you parden?! I'm a world renown scientist! I use science. That's my tracking.
Diego: I see pixie dust. They left an hour ago.
Roshan: What the frack! I want my mommy!
Rushan starts crying
Diego: give me the little tyke. I've got mothers instincts.
Manny: And you're just a child molester.
Diego: I just know what babies need.
Manny: Love and care.
Diego: Well unless you know how to care for a baby. You're not gonna be able to handle it's crying. Witch should be like...a few hours? So you can give the baby to me, or got get lost somewhere with a hungry baby. It's your choice.
Manny hands the baby to Sid.
Manny: there's the punk ass bitch. We're returning him back to where ever the hell he came from.
Sid: Oh, we'll. perhaps you can joins us again on our next expedition. Darotal Falls.
Manny: Sid, the gay ass tiger's gonna lead the way. And we're not going to Derotal Falls.
Sid: Can I talk to you for a second?
Manny: No. The sooner he get outta' here, the sooner I can get rid of you basterds.
Diego starts circling Sid.
Diego: I suggest you watch the baby. You won't always have Fatty around to protect you. And when that day come, I'll be molesting him.
Manny: Hey child molester! Up front where you can't play any tricks.
Diego walks away, skittles following after him
Sid: Oh. My. Word?
Hours later
The baby is screaming his head off.
Manny: You've gotta make it stop! I can't take it anymore!
Diego: I've molested children that didn't cry this much!
The two looked at him.
Diego: I mean... Never mind. Just put the kid down.
Sid puts the baby down. Diego looks at the baby.
Diego: It's nose is dry. Someone should lick him, just to be safe.
Sid: Pergaps something's wrong with it? Maybe I can find some water, hmm?
Sid starts to walk off.
Manny: Wait! Wes wearing one of those adult diapers!
Sid: Your point being?
Manny: If he takes a shit, where does it go?
Sid: Humans are must undignified.
Manny: Okay you, check for shit.
Sid: Why me? Perhaps the tiger who things he's a female should? Seems quite reasonable?
Manny: because he's you friend, because you're old enough to get us a six pack, and because I'll kick your ass if you don't!
Sid: Are there any other reasons?
Manny: NOW, SID!
Sid starts changing the baby's diaper.
Sid: Oh, my word. How repulsing! I mean, my stars. Okay look out. Passing through.
Manny: Watch out!
Diego: Stop waving that shit around!
Sid kicks the diaper in the air, and it lands on Manny.
Manny: Ah shut.
Sid: It's sanitized. I pulled a prank on you. Ha ha!
Manny hits Sid in the crotch, and Sid dibbles over in pain.
Diego: Hey do that again. The little tyke likes it.
Manny hits Sid in the crotch again.
Manny: It's making me feel better too.
Sid inks the baby to the tiger.
Sid: Here. Perhaps you would like to hold it?
Diego hits Sid in the crotch again. The baby tries to hit Sid. But Sid grabs Roshan's tiny hand.
Diego: Give hit to me!
Diego starts rocking the baby to sleep, but suddenly, Entin John's Can You Feel The Love Tonight starts to play from out if no where, and the baby cries dramatically. The others groan.
Manny: Stop it! That sing's annoying. That's why everybody fast forwards it on The Lion King.
The baby's tummy growls.
Sid: Perhaos he's hungry?
Diego: How about some milk
Sid: Ah yes. Milk. A good sorce of calcium.
Diego: Not for learning, for drinking.
Sid: I can't produce any. Perhaps you have some?!
Diego: You'd better put a muzzle on that mouth of your, or I'll show you how he handle disrespect down in Texas.
Diego pulls out a 9 MM handgun.
Manny: SHUT UP!
A plate of food appears from out if no where.
All 3: Food!
A bunch of ninja worrier fighting chickens come out from everywhere and start firing their pistoles at them.
Dodo 1: Attection!
Dodo 2: Line formation!
Diego: I've heard of this Army Base.
Dodo 1: Intruders!
The bird rund to a group of his friends.
Dodo 3: Don't stand near the barrow. If you do-
Dodo: Intruders! Intrud-AAAHHH!
The G-4 tank explodes in the panicking dodo's face.
Dodo 3: Someone should tell his wife and kids.
Dodo 4: Yeah. Someone should.
Manny: Uhh, Junior's starving, and-
Dodo 2: No way! We beef this stuff to feed our soldiers. There's a huge war with another Army Base called the United States Army. It's the begining of World War I.
Manny: So you're the Germans?
Dodo 2: If you weren't smart enough to join the war, then dome on you.
Other dodos: Doom on you. Doom on you.
Manny: Get the f*ck away from me.
A plate of food slides over to Roshan.
Roshan: (in his thoughts) Finally!
Dodo 2: Oh no! Get the food back! It's time for mission 47: Stealing from a Baby.
The dodos start getting their guns ready. But before they can begin shooting at the trio, Sid starts playing the same Elton John love song as before on his boom box. The dodos are annoyed and start pointing their guns at themselves.
Diego: Ah Sid! Now we're gonna lave to get laid!
Rushan starts eating, while the dodos shoot themselves in the head.
Manny: hey look at that. A murder scene right before bed.
Hours later
Sid: And now to concoct a meal for a world renown scientist.
Sid starts setting up test tubes and all sorts of chemicals. But the same squirrel comes from outta' no where and messes up Sid's lad. Sid fights back with some mean karate moves. The squirrel runs off. Sid collects his things and walks back to the others.
Sid: The audasity. Never in my years of work...
Sid turns to the baby
Sid: How about a scientist lession from a scientist, first hand.
Manny: Shh. He's in limbo.
Sid: Perhaps you would like to hear one?
No answer.
Sid: find then. Perhaps some other time.
Middle of the night
Diego gets up and walks over to the baby. He starts molesting the child until he hears a noise. He walks over and pounces on the sorce of the sound. It was another tiger.
Diego: What the-
Zeke: Go ahead rape me. It'll be the last thing you ever do.
Diego: I'm molesting a child here you waste of fur.
Another tiger steps out.
Oscar: Tracking down pixie dust again Diego?
Diego: What're you two doing here?
Oscar: Soto's getting horny.
Zeke: Yeah, yeah. He said, 'come back with the wench's baby, or don't come back at all!' Hahaha!
Diego: Well I have a message for Soto. Tell him, I'm bringing the basterd. And...I'm bringing some music.
Zeke: Music.
Oscar: Music haven't been invented yet.
Diego: Well this type has.
Diego shows his friends a boom box.
Zeke: Oh, let's sing to it!
Diego: Not yet. We need the while precut fo the chorus. Get everyone ready...now bitches.
The two tigers run off.
Morning
Manny woke up. Roshan was gone. He rsn over to Diego.
Manny: Where's the boom box.
Diego: Don't you mean where's the baby?
The both look around.
Both: SID
with Sid
Sid is sitting at a table with a mottle of the female sloth reproductive systom. Around him are eat felame sloths. Roshan was on his lap.
Sid: And that's how the egg is fertilized.
The two females weren't paying him any attention. They were cooing at Roshan.
Female 1: Aww look at him.
Female 2: He's so cute.
Sid: Excuse me?
Rushan starts hitting Sid in the face.
Sid: Kids. That what this lession's about.
Manny's trunk comes out of no where abd she starts using it as a pointer.
Sid: And here's where the fetus forms...
Manny: Oh god Sid. You're teaching a baby about loosing his verginity? What's the matter with you?!
Manny grabs Rushan and walks off.
Sid: Manny! Hold of fir a minute ladies.
Sid gets out and runs after Manny.
Sid: Manny wait! You don't understand. It's better they learn it at a young age. Kids these days. One day they leave the house, the next, they're bringing home their pregnant girlfriends.
Manny: A smart guy like you teaching him. Man the other scientists don't stand a chance.
Sid: Do you truly mean that?
Manny: Oh yes. Those girls seem to be learning a lot from you. Pinky will be the smartest in the class.
Did: Oh thank you.
Sis walks iff with Rushan in his arms.
Manny: Without Pikachu.
Sid: Oh fine.
Sid walks off to his students. But instead, he finds two rhinos at the table.
Sid: Alright you two. Next lession about the female reproductive systom
Frank: Carl
Carl: Easy Frank.
Sid: My word!
Sid starts running.
With Manny.
Manny: Thinks he soooo smart, just because his parents could afford for him to go to collage. And that tiger. Bet his father molested him.
The baby laughs.
Manny: Oh you thinks that funny?!
He sits the baby on a tree branch.
Manny: You know you're a brave little punk. I'll give you that. Let's see. No Yu-Gi-Oh cards, no Pokémon cards. How will you ever learn to play these games.
Manny stops talking as Roshan starts hugging his trunk. Roshan pulls a tiny switchblade.
Manny: Do I look like a huggable person.
Roshan cuts Manny.
Manny: AAHH! That's it! I'm disowning you!
Manny puts Roshan way up in a tree.
With Sid
Carl: He went this way!
Sid keep running until he's stopped by Diego standing in the way.
Sid: Oh, thank my lucky stars.
Diego: Where's the boom box.
Sid: Manny has it along with the baby. Just do something.
Diego: Get away from me.
Diego starts to walk away as the rhinos turn the corner. Sid frantically thinks of a way. He swiftly turns and kicks Diego in the crotch. Diego turns around and pins Sid to the ground just in time.
Frank: Oh god. The saber beat us to him.
They turn away and walj off. Diego still has Sid pinned.
Frank: Oh why do bi tigers get to have all the fun.
Carl: Don't worry. We'll beat him up in the video game when it comes out.
Sid: Um... Not what I had in mind. But thanks.
Diego is still holding him down, but with a lustful look in his eyes.
Sid: Okay. You can let me up now. Manny! Manny!
Diego lay into of Sid. For a long moment he just lay there. Until Manny came walking by.
Manny: Guys, I thought we were in a hurry. And Diego don't rape the scientist. You don't know what he does at night.
Diego frantically got up.
Sid: Gee, I thought you were going to digest me.
Diego: I don't eat crap like you.
Sid sighs in relief and the three start walking. We see them walking for an unknown amount of time. Eventually, Diego comes upon a shortcut.
Diego: Guys! I found a shortcut!
Roshan is climbing all over Manny, digging hit tiny baby claws in the mammoth's fur.
Manny: Ow! What the hell are you talking about?
Diego: I mean faster then the long way around.
Manny: I JNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
Diego: Look. We could go through there and see the ice museum, or we could take the long way, and miss a whole day of freedom.
Manne: Lrts see the museum.
Diego: This time tomorrow, you could be in a relaxing.
Sid: Hey guys? If I mix this vinegar, with the backing soda, it produces a chemical reaction.
Suddenly said, holding up some fore test tube.
Manny: Sid the child molester found a shortcut.
Sid looks at the shortcut.
Sid: No thanks. I choose to keep my verginity.
Diego: Then I suggest you take the shortcut.
Sid: Is that a threat?
Diego: MOVE!
The ice starts to collapse.
Sid: Way to go, tiger.
Manny: Inside!
They get inside and look up. Only to see a bunch of crayons, hanging from the ceiling. The three scatter around for a few minutes, then stop.
Manny: Okay, I vote shortcut.
The three begin walking.
Hours later
Diego: Okay guys. Stick together. You can easily get gang raped in here.
As they walk, Sid is looking at a bunch of paintings. He soon gets distracted by a painting of Cleaapatra. He reluctantly pulls himself away and looks around.
Sid: Conpaions? Where did you venture off to.
He looks around and finds them.
Manny: Keep up. It's hard enough to keep the baby's innocents.
The baby slides down and ice slide. The others scream and jump down the slide. Sid reaches the baby.
Sid: Got ya little guy. Oh what fun. AAHH!
Sid falls down another slide. They all slide out into individual sliding lanes. The baby flew up in the air. Diego and Sid went right through an ice wall. Manny caught the baby, and he too, went through the ice wall. They all just sat there, in a pile of snow. Diego pops out from no where, surprising everyone, and skittles flying everywhere.
Diego: Yeah! Who's pu to getting laid!
They all just looked at him.
Diego: Oh, um, sorry. Tell Pikachu to be more careful.
The squirrel that I don't think really has a part in this movie, comes out and slams his head on the ice walls. The tre get up and continue walking. They soon make it into another tunnel. They start looking at some old pain dings.
Sid: Oh joy. Tigers.
He shows the baby, who starts to whimper.
Sid: Oh, don't be scared little one. The tigers are just playing with their fellow land dwellers. With their teeth.
Diego: C'mon Sid. Let's play. You're it.
Sid chuckles.
Sid: Hahaha. Now where are the ground sloths? You never see then on these things. You guys noticed. Oh, what a grand discovery! Mammoths! See Manny? That's your problem. You don't need a mate and child to be succeccful. Look how I turned out.
Diego : Sid...
Sid: I'm my own person.
Diego: Sid... Shut up.
Sid turns to see .manny staring at a picture of another mammoth and calf that looked a little like him.
Manny: Shit. The humans were spying on us. Leyden go.
Manny leads the group away from the painting.
With the humans
The dogs looked around , confused. They smelled nothing but skittles. The human chief sighed and looked at his men. They weren't even paying attention. They were on their new cell phones. One finally figured out how to snap a picture. He turned around and states to walk back home.
With the herd
Manny: Well, would you look at that. The child molester actually did it. There's the Messed Up Rock. Next stop, Fairy Land. How did I ever trust you.
Sid: You hear that Junior Scientist. You're almost home.
Sid pauses.
Sid: Guys. My feet seem to be burning up. How is this possible?
Diego: Do we have to be informed whenever you feel the need to annoy us?
Sid: No! This is facts. My feet are really burning up. Ow, ow, ow.
The three stop when they hear rumbling from under them
Manny: Please tell me that was your stomach.
Sid: I'm quite sure there's an explanation for this-
Diego: Shh!
Sid: Noise!
The ground explodes from behind them.
All 3: RUN!
They all begin running.
Sid: Come now! Keep up with me!
Manny: I would if you were moving!
Diego leaps to the other side of the ledge safely.
Sid: Wow. Perhaps I could jump like that?
Manny: Wish granted.
Manny frung she'd over to the other side of the ledge to safety.
Diego: C'mon! Move your fat ass.
Manny: Have you noticed the flaming river of death?
Manny looks down and sees the baby do warding in his trunk. With a deep breath, Manny jumps and makes it to where Sid is. Diego jumps, but barely makes it. Manne sees this.
Manny: Holdikachu!
He throws Roshan in Sid's arms. Then he helps Diego. The throws Diego to safety. Diego flows gently to the ground. Manny is falling into the lava. Be he meraculously survives when a geyser shoots him fifty feet in the air. He falls to the ground.
Sid: Manny, talk to me. Are you hurt?
Manny: Get the f*ck off my trunk.
Sid gets off Manny's trunk and Manny starts breathing in fresh air.
Sid: Splended!
Diego: Why did you do that. You could've just let me die?
Manny: That's what you do. You make sure carma doesn't come back to ya.
Diego: Well... Thanks.
Sid: Well, I say. We're the must unique group of collabrative team I've ever seen.
Hours later
Manny: Guys! We gotta get this kid outta the heat.
The other two look at himas if he were crazy.
Manny: How much farther?!
Diego: Three minutes.
Manny: That's it. I'm gonna be lazy for the night.
They hear scraping on the walls and turn to see Sid drawing sonething with a crayon.
Diego: What're you doing?
Sid: Putting sloths on the map.
They all look at the drawn sloth.
Manny: Why don't you draw him not so realistic? Like him lying down.
Diego: And make him rounder.
Manny takes the crayon and draws over the sloth.
Sid: haha. I forgot how to laugh.
He takes out a lighter and lights it onto the drawing. But the sparks catch a few leaves on fire.
Sid: Told you. World renown scientist.
Later
Sid For now on, you shall refer to me as Einstein II.
Manny: Hey Einstein, your tail's on fire.
Sid looked back and saw that his tail was on fire.
Sid: Oh my.
He starts rolling on the ground. Did ho pulls him into a soft patch of snow.
Sid: Thank you. For now one, I shall call you by your given name.
Diego: You touch me, and I molest you.
Sid gasps.
Diego: Nah I'm just playin' with ya.
Diego gives Sid a nuggy.
Manny: Hey gay guys, check this out.
The two turn to see Roshan playing Gran Theft Auto.
Sid: Look at that! Our little guy's growing up. Come on littl guy. You can win. You can win.
Roshan gives the controls to Diego.
Diego: I'm, okay. Thanks kid.
Roshan starts to yawn and rub his eyes sleepily.
Manny: Okay. Sleep time Pikachu.
Manny puts Roshan to bed and pouts the X-Box away. Sid gets ready for bed.
Sid: Look at that. He's a big pushover.
Durho: Manhu's.. Manny's a good guy.
Sid: As you know, I don't have many friends. So I never had a friend that would risk his life to save me.
Drink says nothing.
Snd: Alright. Goodnight.
Dudh I watches the flames of the fire die out.
In the morning
Diego: Naybe we shouldn't return him.
Sid: Why's that?
Diego: a What if there isn't a reward?
Sid: And what if there us?i
Diego: Oh yeah? Well maybe he'll grow up and give us $55,000!
Manny: What's your problem?
Diego: Nothing! I'm just getting horny.
The three continue walking. A few minutes later, they realize Diego is still standing there.
Manny: Hey Diego. You frozen back there?
Diego : Get down!
Sid: Pardon?
Diego: Shh. Get down and follow me.
Sid: What seems to be the problem?
Diego: At the bottom of Messed Up Rick. There's a gang. Waiting for you.
Sid: I beg your pardon?!
Manny: You betrayed us! You set us up.
Diego: It was my job. I was suppose to get the baby. But then-
Manny: You brought us home, for molestation!
Diego: I'm sorry.
Manny holds up Roshan's tiny switchblade up to Diego's throat.
Manny: No you're not. Not yet.
Diego: Look. I can help you-
Manny: Stay close science boy. We can think our way out.
Diego: You can't. The gang has weapons. You gave to trust me.
Manny: trust you? Why the hell would we trust you?
Diego: Because I know the pack like the back of my paw.
Minutes later
Diego walks inti his pack's home.
Diego: Hola mi chicas.
Soto: Diego, I was beginning to think you went straight.
Diego: No need to just a few minutes, you're be doing what the humans did to your mate.
Soto: Excellent, apilutly excellent.
Zeke: I see the sloth! And he's got the boom box.
Soto: Don't take off your discusses until you see the baby. He's the one we want to molest.
Zeke starts going all crazy.
Diego: You wanna rape something, don't you Zeke?
Zeke: I wanna rape.
Diego: Then what're you waiting for? Go.
All the tigers jump out if their hiding and run after the sloth with the boom box. Sid sees them and starts to run. After a few seconds. He starts to do some crosscuntry skiing.
Sid: Yes! This is the way to traval on snow.
One of the skis power rockets away, and Sid finds himself snowboarding. Surfing music is playing from the boom box. Sid drops the boombox as he falls off the snowboard. The tigers look at it. Dost presses play. The same Elton John song comes on.
Sid: Sorry fellas. Must've mixed up the tape.
Soto kicks the boom box away.
So to: Get the basterd.
Oscar and Lenny run after the sloth. But when they turn the corner, they find Manny holding a semi automatic rifle.
Manny: Surprise!
He starts shooting madly around the area.
Meanwhile
Sid is looking for Roshan. He finds him in a hole.
Sid: Junior Genius! There you are.
Roshan: Yo bitch. There a giant ass tiger behind you! How do you not scents that?!
Sid pulls Roshan out if the hole just as Zeke was about to jump in.
Sid: Perhaos you would learn next time?
Sid says to the stuck saber.
Soft: You won't get me that easily.
Meanwhile
The three tigers had cornered Manny to a wall.
Diego: C'mon Diego. Let's molest this mammoth now.
Diego stepped in front of them.
Soto: What the hell are you doing?!
Diego: Leave the mammoth alone.
Sito: Gine. I'll just rape you first.
All three advance on due ho. But Sid come from abound the corner and shoots a handgun. Oscar and Lenny drop dead. Soto is distracted. As is Diego. Manny hits Soto, but Soto slashes Diego on the side. Soto falls under really pointy crayons. The crayons fall and stab Soto to death. Diego lies on the ground.
Sid: Oh my stars. We did it.
Sid and Manny walk over to Diego's dying form.
Manny: Diego.
Diego: hey. We were...some group, huh?
Sid: Perhaos he can remain that way?
Diego: I'm sorry I set you up.
Sid: Oh it's not a problem.
Sid puts Roshan next to Diego.
Diego: Hey, nock it off squirt. You're not a Jedi. But the forces are amount you, young Skywalker.
Sid: C'mon Diego. You're a tiger. Perhaps I can find a cure for your ailment!
Diego: You guys have to leave me here. If those fairies leave for the fairy convention, you'll never catch them.
Manny: You didn't have to say that.
Diego: Well, I felt like it.
The three mourned for the death of their friend.
Next morning
Sid and Manny found the humans, who had never even disappeared in the first place. They were just wearing invisablility cloaks. They handed the baby to his father, but just as they were about to leave, durho made it just in sims to see Roshan leave. Diego wrote the words 'can you feel the love tonight' snd Roshan nodded. Sid was looking at the humans with a wondering look on his face.
Diego: C'mon Sid. You know humans can't be apart of the force.
Sid turned around and ran over to Diego with amagnifying glassy do starts studying him.
Sid: But how can this be...?
Diego: Nine lives, bitch.
Sid starts jotting down notes.
Manny: Welcome back. So you're gonna star in the WalkingDead?
Diego: No thanks. I've gotta save whatever dignity I have left.
Sid: Well if it's dignity you want, just talk to me.
The trio start walking off.
Manny: Yes Sid, come and study me.
Sid: Really? Wow, thanks. Perhaps we shall change the name to global worming, hmm?
Diego Yes Sid. Sounds interesting.
Did: You now, my name's really Sidwell? It means wise.
Diego: Fasonating...
The three friends walk off into the horizon, on their next adventure.
20,000 years later
The squirrel floats in a block of ice to the Bahamas. The block of ice rests on the shore, and slowly starts to melt. And I still don't know how that thkng's alive after all this time. But hey. It's not made to make very much sense. The squirrel busts out of the ice block and runs to ram his head into a coconut tree. A coconut falls to the ground and... Ah fuck it. I think we all know what happens from here...
THE END
Hey guys. Hoped you liked it. This was not to aff end anyone. This was just for fun. If you do find this aff endive somehow, send in your complaint in a review or PM. I don't mind. But if you want me to do an Ice Age 2 Parody. Let me know. This is Money100 Signing off. BOOP.