NOTE X 2: "Unibang" is what Trowa's
hair is.
Heero hops out
onto the screen, dressed in a blue dog costume.
"Bow, wow." He
says, before hopping off.
"AH!" Duo looks
out the window of his small house. "Have you guys seen my dog, HEERO?"
Everyone shouts,
Yes Duo! He went THAT way!
"Oh my." Says
Duo. "Which way?" He points the wrong way. "This way? Ah! Heero is such
a bad dog! STUPID Heero!"
Heero comes back
onto the screen and jumps into Duo's arms.
"Bow, wow." Says
Heero unenthusiastically. Duo does a little dance of glee.
"YAY! Heero has
come home!"
And he pulls
his head in the window.
Inside, Duo waves
at everyone, Heero clinging around his middle.
"HI! I'm DUO!
This is my doggy HEERO! Can you say that?"
Everyone says,
HEERO! HEERO!!
"GREAT!" Duo
grins. "This is a really special day. Can you guess what day it is?"
Silence. Duo
frowns.
"Oh, you stupid
basterds! Today is Heero's birthday! AH!"
Duo is slapped
with the big black censor's glove and topples onto his back.
"Ah, shit, Duo!"
Heero yelps. "Er - bow wow. OWCH!"
Heero is also
hit, and smacks into the wall.
"As I was saying
before the *beep beep* people hit - HEY! What the *beep*!" Duo does a dance
of rage as his naughty words are censored.
"Bow wow," snickers
Heero.
"Anyways..."
Duo grumbles, "Today is Heero's birthday. So we've invited over all our
friends."
The doorbell
rings, and Duo beams. "AH! Here is one of our friends now!"
He opens the
door, and Quatre walks in carrying a large present. "Hi, Duo! Whoa, weird
house."
"THANKS!" Duo
grins. He points to Quatre. "This is QUATRE RABERBA WINNER! Can you say
that?"
Everyone tries
to say this name but end up crying and screaming.
"Er..." Duo sweatdrops.
"Well, we can call him Herb for today." Duo grabs Quatre's hand an drags
him into the living room.
Quatre looks
around. "This is odd...hey, where's Heero?"
"AAAH!" Says
Duo. "Which was has Heero gone? Did you see, Herb?"
"Noooo..." Says
Quatre slowly.
Everyone who
isn't still crying screams, that way, that way, Duo!
"Okay!" Duo does
a dancing walk in the direction everyone pointed and finds Heero chewing
on a gun!!
"Ah, HEERO! STUPID
DOGGY!" Duo baps Heero on the head, and snatches the gun.
"BOW...WOW!"
Heero struggles to say angrily.
"Heero, this
is VERY VERY BAD!" Duo yelps. "Guns are NOT for doggies! Or for children!"
He turns to everyone.
"Remember, guns are bad, harmful and wrong. The same goes for drugs and
smoking! Only LOSERS do that! And guns are also for LOSERS!" Duo laughs,
but it sounds very fake. Heero looks sick.
"Bow," he comments.
"Hey, Duo?" Quatre
whines from the living room. "Something is weird about this drawer!"
"Oh, shut up,
Herb!" Duo mutters. Heero stalks out of the room and Duo follows. Quatre
is quivering in the corner.
"Duo, that drawer
talked to me! And why do you call me Herb?"
"You're real
name makes the audience cry," says Duo, and he smiles at the drawer. "Hi,
Talking Side Drawer Friend! What's up?"
"I got some termites
up my wooden *beep*, that's what. Why don't you and your dog go *beep*
some more, Mr. High and Mighty!"
Duo sweatdrops.
"Er, Drawer Friend-"
"Yah! Big Talking
Bed Friend told me ALL about you and that dog! You sick *beep*er!"
Duo kicks the
drawer friend and it yelps in pain. "Drawer friend must be talking about
all the cards we made for homeless children of the world on Bed Friend.
Right, Heero?"
Heero nods. "Bow
wow."
Quatre opens
his mouth to comment, but the doorbell rings.
"OH! It's another
guest for Heero's party!" Duo skips to the door, opens it, and in walks
Wufei.
"Hi." Wufei looks
around. "Er..."
"Hi! WUFEI! Everyone,
this is WUFEI CHANG! Can you say that?" Duo grins at the audience.
Everyone says,
Oh-fay! Oh-fay!
Wufei scowls.
"No, it's WUFEI, like this: Woo-fay - you weaklings."
The audience
cries and Wufei is attacked by the black censor glove.
"AH!" Duo gaps.
"Something is wrong!"
Heero nods.
"Someone is missing!"
Duo cries. "Who is missing!"
Quatre looks
around. "Trowa hasn't got-"
"AH!" Duo slaps
Quatre. "Shut up, Herb! Heero, do you know who's missing?"
"Bow, wow." Heero
nods and Quatre whimpers, rubbing his cheek. Wufei is fighting the censors.
"Who is missing,
Heero?" Duo looks totally stumped.
"BOW BOW WOW!"
Heero hops forward and draws a big blue paw print on the screen. Duo hollers.
"AH! THAT'S A
GREAT IDEA! Let's play - HEERO'S CLUES - to find out who's missing!"
"It's Trowa,
you mother *beep*er." Wufei grumbles.
"Yah. Trowa is-ACK!"
Quatre gets kicked across the room by Duo.
"Shut up, Herb!
Now come on, let's sing the song!"
Duo waves his
hands around and kicks Heero to join in.
"Oh, we are gonna
play Heero's clues, we are gonna play Heero's clues, we are gonna play
Heero's clues, coz it is just so much fun! YAH!" Duo shakes his hips and
wags his arms around and Heero bites his ankle to make him stop.
"OWCH!"
"Grrrrf." Mumbles
Heero, with a mouthful of Duo ankle.
"Lemmego, Heero!"
Duo yanks his leg out of Heero's mouth and growls. "Ok, so let's play!
Herb, Ohfay, you guys wanna play?"
"NO." Quatre
and Wufei chorus.
"Fine. You're
gonna miss all the fun." Duo sticks his tongue out at Quatre, then hears
the doorbell ring.
"AH! Heero -
go outside and ATTACK!" Duo yelps.
"Bow." Heero
runs out the backdoor. Soon, there is shouting, yells of pain and scraping,
and then the sound of something being dragged away.
"TROWA!" Quatre
whimpers. "Duo, he's killed Trowa!"
"No, he didn't."
Duo shakes his hand at Quatre. "You're such a worrywart, Herb."
There is the
sound of the backdoor opening, and Heero trots back in, dropping a clown
mask on the carpet. It is red with blood and blue with...
A CLUE! A CLUE!
everyone shouts, pointing at the mask.
"OH God, BLOOD!"
Quatre whimpers. He clings to Wufei, for the sake of lack-of-Trowa-to-cling.
"Where's the
clue?!" Duo hops around, and sees the mask. "AH! IT'S A CLUE!"
"Bow wow," Says
Heero.
"We need the
Super-Dooper sketchpad!" Duo hops over to Talking Side Drawer Friend, reaching
for the knob.
"GET YOUR GAY
HANDS OFF ME, SICKO!" The drawer opens up. "Take out you damn super thing
and get outta my face!"
"Eeep," Duo whimpers,
and he snatches the pad and flips it open. "Our first clue is, a clown
mask. I'll use DUO'S SPECIAL CRAYON to draw it!" Duo holds up the oversized
crayon labeled "Duo's Special Crayon", and doodles a mask.
"Hmmm." Duo ponders.
"Now who could be missing that wears a clown mask?"
There is a strangled
yell from the kitchen, where Heero has slipped off to again. Quatre whimpers.
"T-Trowa!"
"Well, looks
like we need two more clues, because I have NO idea!" Duo shouts over the
sounds from the kitchen. He looks around. "Oh my - Heero is gone again!"
Everyone shouts,
go that way, that way Duo! And they point to the kitchen.
"Thanks!" Duo
does a dancing walk into the kitchen, but it's empty except for some bloodstains
on the floor. "Hn. Heero's not in here. But LOOK! It's our friends, Mr.
Macaroni and Mrs. Cheese!" Duo stares at the bowl where the macaroni and
cheese is steaming.
"Oh...boy...why
is Mrs. Cheese all over Mr. Macaroni like that? Oh boy..." Duo giggled.
"That just makes me so horn-WHOA!" He dodges the censor glove and skips
out to the living room just as Quatre starts yelping like a maniac.
"What's wrong,
Herb?" Duo peers at what is going on. Quatre's eyes are wide, his hands
are buried between his legs. Wufei looks terrified and Heero is snickering.
"Herb. What's
wrong?"
"HE...HE...ACK!"
"What is it,
Herb?"
"HE DREW ON ME!"
Quatre whimpers.
"Really?!" Duo
looks shocked.
A CLUUUUUE! screams
everyone.
"A CLUE! WHERE!"
"Heero came in,
wrenched Quatre's legs apart, and draw all over his crotch." Wufei states.
The audience starts screaming at the sound of that name and Wufei is slapped
silly by the censor glove.
"I think it's
a clue," Quatre meeps. Heero nods.
"A CLUE! YAY!"
Duo dances. "We just found ANOTHER, we just found ANOTHER!" he sings.
"He's ruined
my best pants!" Quatre pouts.
Duo doesn't care.
He is flipping open his Super-Dooper sketchpad. "So our second clue is
Qua-er...Herb's *beep*." Duo ponders for a while if he should draw this
clue and get knocked around by the censor. Finally, he draws a big happy
smile on the paper and pockets the sketchpad.
"So, we have
two clues! Our first one is a clown mask and our second one is Herb's *beep*!
We only need ONE MORE!"
"Hey, Quatre,"
Wufei mutters. "How come your dick is a clue and the answer is Trowa?"
Quatre doesn't
say anything. Wufei's eyes widen as he realizes and his nose spurts blood
all over the place. Quatre grins sheepishly, but soon both of them are
knocked around by the censor.
Duo is dancing
in a circle with Heero. "Only one more clue, one more clue! Heero's clues
is so fun!"
"Bow wow," Heero
says monotonously, and runs away. Duo stops dancing. "ACH! Where has my
doggy gone?"
That way that
way! Everyone shrieks.
"Duo, we KNOW
the answer is Trowa!" Quatre cries. "Let my Trowa go!"
Wufei is dripping
blood all over the carpet. "Ugh...gay weaklings..."
Heero comes back
in, dragging a big thing under a sheet. There is something sticking out
- a unibang with a CLUE on it!
"AAH! TROWA!"
Quatre yells, and throws himself forward, hugging the thing under the sheet
and sobbing. Whatever was under there [Trowa] was very unconscious and
not moving. But, his hair was sticking out, and it was a clue.
Duo yanks out
the Super-Dooper sketchpad and scribbles a unibang on it. Then gasps. "OH!
WE HAVE ALL THREE CLUES!"
"Bow, wow." Heero
nods.
"This means it's
time for the SMART COUCH!" Duo hops onto the couch and giggles. He looks
at his three clues: A clown mask, Quatre's *beep*, and a unibang.
"Hm...does anyone
know what the answer to our question is?!" Duo wonders.
TROWA! TROWA!
Everyone shouts. Duo looks around. "Trowa! Where?!"
Heero rolls his
eyes.
Quatre yanks
the blanket off Trowa, who has a bunch of cuts and bruises. He cries, hugging
his love.
